Zanpakuto Truth or Dare
by Sourpatch-Devil
Summary: No one ever said the fillers with the zanpakuto spirits would end there. Day 26: Hitsugaya is a bunny. What has this world come to? Feel free to submit questions or dares! On hiatus.
1. The Beginning

Hello people!

By the name, you can obviously tell that it is a Truth or Dare story and that it uses the zanpakuto spirits from the Zanpakuto Unknown Tales Arc, a filler. This is not a script format story. I decided to use the zanpakuto spirits from a filler arc because no one pursued the idea of it, and also didn't do script format because I wanted to practice descriptions for actions and such.

Contains swearing, sarcasm, and perverted portions (Don't worry, I either vaguely describe it or censor it ;D) So, if you are sensitive to any of these, you don't necessarily have to read this story.

Enjoy!

I don't own Bleach.

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Zanpakuto Truth or Dare

The Beginning

I secured the latch on the door, hearing the small _click _with satisfaction, and tugged on the latch to make sure it was completely locked. I turned around to face all the confused zanpakuto spirits, who glowered back at me with eyes of all sorts, some peering at me through masks. Clearing my throat, I walked to the center of the large room, the zanpakuto grudgingly making way for me but still glaring murderously at me. "Do any of you know why I locked you guys in here?" I asked, maintaining an innocent look and crossing my arms.

A little second voice inside my head scoffed. _Of course they don't know, _it reprimanded. _You managed to drag all of them here when they were soundly sleeping._ _They woke up ten minutes ago, groggy and grumpy, and you already expect them to know what's going on? I don't think you even know what you brought them here. If you don't have an actual reason to give... _the voice shuddered slightly- _I don't want to think about what will happen to you. Death is a preferable torture tactic, you know._

I scowled at the annoying voice. _First off, voice inside my head, I'm letting them have a shot at guessing. Second, I wouldn't have brought them here if I had no fricking clue about what I was going to do with them, so I do have a good reason. Third, I will NOT die, because I get to choose my actions, thank you very much. _I faced the confused zanpakutos once more, awaiting an answer. "Well?" I prompted. "You guys can guess, you know. If you have a wrong answer I won't care."

No response; just frozen expressions of confusion and anger.

From that, you could conclude that they didn't like guessing games much. In my head I made a mental note: _Never play guessing games with absentminded zanpakuto. Possible consequences include being burned, frozen, anything that could result in possible death. Kids, don't try this at home. _

"C'mon, one of you should at least say something," I chided, smiling like we were all wonderful friends. I had to be blunt with myself, though...I wasn't a very good actor. I never liked acting in front of people, because I would always break down in a nervous sweat. It was pretty unsettling now, in this deathly silent room; I could feel beads of sweat rolling unpleasantly down my back. With every second that passed, the beads of sweat seemed to increase exponentially, and I swore that my whole backside was sopping wet.

Haineko, Rangiku's zanpakuto, finally spoke amid the tension. "Well, you seem to have no point in locking us here," she complained, furry pink tail curling like a question mark, leaning against the wooden wall of the large room/house/whatever you want to call it.

"Yeah," agreed Tobiume, Hinamori's zanpakuto, overlarge bells swinging slightly, sitting next to Haineko. The way her bells swished about made me think that she was going to launch a gigantic fireball any moment. _Now, _I thought grimly, _I swear I have a hole in the back of my shirt. _Trying to ignore the threats that posed in every corner, I spoke to them truthfully and honestly.

"You're partly right," I admitted.

_You're going against your philosophy, _the inner voice taunted.

_I don't have a philosophy, _I pointed out plainly.

_There you go again! You're lying! You lie all the time and that's pretty much your philosophy! _the inner voice crowed triumphantly.

_'Pretty much', eh? That technically means that I don't completely have one yet. _I shoved aside the voice's oh-so-logical retorts and continued speaking to the impatient spirits.

"I might not have much logical reasoning to it, but I decided to have some fun with you guys, which means that I'm wasting my free time to be with all of you. You guys might think I'm crazy because of this seemingly foolish idea, but I'm not doing this for nothing- I've seen a lot of stories in which people made your masters or whoever to play truth or dare, but I don't think I've seen a fanfiction in which the zanpakuto spirits play it with each other." I pivoted on my foot to get a clear look at all of them, them looking back in mute shock. Grinning, I added, "I'm sorry for the inconvenience."

"Why you…" snarled Kazeshini, his eyes narrowed until they were simply yellow slits. He charged forward quickly, blades twirling dangerously. I ducked just in time as one flew over my head and thrust out a hand, grabbing Kazeshini's arm, stopping him from doing anything else. As the blades whizzed back toward me, I jumped a little and landed on the blades, sending them skittering harmlessly across the wooden floorboards. Kazeshini met my eyes with absolute anger and growled, "You're just like Aizen, stopping blades like that..."

"I'm not," I answered, taken aback at being compared to the traitor. "First, let me tell you something: there's no way in hell I'm like Aizen. Second, this is kinda hard to explain…let's just say I don't exist in your point of view. Well, I kinda do now. Since I'm the author, I'll decide if I want to be cut down by those dangerous blades of yours and die…right now I'm too young to die, so I kinda regulate what I can do in this story. You and the rest of your zanpakuto buddies will get your freedom of actions, but that's limited once other people command you to do other stuff. I apologize if that doesn't make any sense or is too restricting!" A smile crept up on my face as I thought about various different dares they could do and all the awkward questions they could answer.

"Go ahead and apologize then," the mini Suzumebachi retorted, waving her stinger arm furiously.

I rolled my eyes and surveyed the room. "So, who is here?"

"Hey! You're now asking who's here when you haven't introduced yourself!" Saru, the monkey spirit of Zabimaru, complained.

I grinned this time, slightly embarrassed. "Oh, that's right. I always forget. Although you probably won't call me by my real name, if you want you can call me Sourpatch. No honorifics because one, I don't need any and two, you probably don't have any respect for me as of now."

"You look nothing like a Sourpatch."

"I don't give a crap. Do you even know what those are?" I queried.

"...No?" Hebi replied, scratching his head.

"Precisely."

"Are you a shinigami?" Sode no Shirayuki asked.

"I am if you think I am."

I scanned the area quickly: Chojiro Sasakibe's zanpakuto, Gonryomaru, was present, despite Sasakibe's uncommon appearances; Soifon's zanpakuto, Suzumebachi, and Omaeda's zanpakuto, Gegetsuburi, taking the form of a tiny flying girl and a shirtless obese boy were there; Kira's zanpakuto Wabisuke sat in a corner, long hair shielding his eyes, head hanging down.

How emo.

There was also Captain Unohana's zanpakuto, Minazuki, a mysterious hooded figure, and a small robot-like zanpakuto spirit, Hisagomaru, whom belonged to Hanataro Yamada. Tobiume was the only zanpakuto spirit from the Fifth Division, her brown hair falling straight down her back. Senbonzakura stood solemnly in samurai armor, his mask hiding his expression; Zabimaru, the snake and the chimp, were both grinning maniacally; the huge Tenken spewed fire from his mouth; Katen Kyokotsu, the feudal-Japan mistress and her bodyguard were there…my head started spinning when I looked around but I continued to observe who was present anyway.

Of course Kazeshini was here and trying to kill me…one off the checklist.

Hyourinmaru, with his x-shaped scar, was clearly visible; Haineko was now quarreling with Tobiume; Hozukimaru was lying on the ground lazily; Ruriiro Kujaku was sitting next to Hozukimaru, feathered arms folded; Ashisogi Jizo, being a small winged baby-like creature, creeped me out…to be honest. Finally, there was Sogyo no Kotowari, the happy identical twins, and Sode no Shirayuki, undoubtedly the most beautiful zanpakuto in Soul Society.

However, there was one spirit missing, and it was obvious.

_He needs to be in this game..._I thought slyly. _Whether he likes it or not._

Walking over to a wall, I tapped a panel, and a hidden door swung open for me. I bolted out immediately, and noticed that the all the zanpakutos were trying escape through the hidden door but stopped, dazed, when running into an invisible wall. "Sorry!" I called out, unable to hide my snickers, "But only I can run through that door! I'm off to get Zangetsu! All of you stay and behave like good little kids! Sayonara!"

-An hour later-

I dragged Zangetsu using a rope, his protests muffled by a gag. That was hard...first I had to steal Zangetsu from Ichigo, which was not at all an easy task, then I had to go to the mad scientist...wait, did I say too much? Scratch that, please. "Sorry," I said for the third time, grunting as I pulled him up the steep slope of the hill we were on. My back was sore from bending over and my hands burned from gripping the rope too tightly, but if I let go to the rope now I would have to go fetch him, which would take a good thirty minutes. "I need you for truth or dare," I explained, hauling him over to the side of the large room/small house.

Zangetsu struggled harder against the rope at those words, but it proved futile due to the extremely tough rope. I walked through the invisible wall, dragging Zangetsu like a sack of potatoes, and closed the panel. Once I set the heavy rope down I untied Zangetsu wearily and removed the gag. He started hyperventilating immediately, screaming nonsense to the whole world, flailing his arms and legs desperately. In a matter of seconds his face turned as red as an apple and he unceremoniously fainted, tongue drooping out of his mouth.

Every zanpakuto peered down at him warily, mutters of disdain spreading. I sighed. "He'll wake up soon. Now, shall we start the game?"

The numerous pairs of eyes switched to me furiously, each one raising their swords and calling their shikai to the sky.

_Don't blame me if you die, _the inner voice fumed. _I warned you..._

* * *

So that's it for the first chapter! Stick around for more! :D

Edit 8/3/2010 Oh yes, if you want to submit a dare, here are some guidelines. You will some among the chapters, because I absolutely had no choice. Those were very annoying and boring to write, so please follow these guidelines so that you won't see too much repetition:

1. No dares involving killing others.

2. No dares that involves sex. (Making out is fine.)

3. No dares that include every single zanpakuto (i.e. truths about who likes who)

4. No dares that involve songs or dances.

5. No dares that involve other movies, anime, TV shows, etc.

6. No dares involving acting.

7. No dares that extend for over a chapter (these I will always forget.)

If I think of more I'll put them up. But other than that, enjoy and R&R.


	2. Faces and Flirting

Thanks to these people for reviewing: Hiezen Uchiha, ichigos future wife, honneteimmacule, missing. wings (sorry for the spelling, it won't show if I spelled it correctly)

Alerts: Hiezen Uchiha, ichigos future wife

This chapter's dares submitted by: honneteimmacule

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Faces and Flirting

I sighed, closing my eyes in annoyance, and wiped my hands on my sweatpants. My head throbbed, due to the unfortunately noisy zanpakuto, and I pressed my fingers to my temples and started rubbing. The zanpakuto continued to yell at me, some complaining, others muttering, and the rest swearing and yelling at me. They never knew when to shut up...when the noise in the room started to become louder and louder, a vein pulsed in my forehead. My eyes flew open, vision blurry and unclear due to the sudden brightness, and I yelled angrily, "SHUT THE **HELL **UP!"

"Make us!" Kazeshini retorted, squirming uncomfortably against his companions. "You expect us to not be frantic when we're stuck in a bakudo spell?" He struggled to stand up, but was immediately sent back down due to all the zanpakutos' weight on the ground. I rolled my eyes at him, closed my eyes, and continued to rub my temples. It was extremely early in the morning; it had taken all night to catch those guys in Bakudo Nine: Horin. The most important question: how am I still alive?

Well, let's just say that thanks to advanced technology and a few deceiving tricks, I was able to restrain them from killing me. The only thing I wasn't able to do? Subdue them...in more impolite terms, make them shut their trap. Why hadn't anyone created a binding spell for zipping lips together? WHY? Didn't anyone see how damn useful it could be in situations like these? Well, the easiest way would have been to kill, which I was in the mood for right now, but that would be too brutal and plus, I wouldn't be able to revive them for the game, as I did with all other necessary characters who were deceased. Actually, I didn't do it, the mad scientist whom everyone is familiar with did it.

Oops. Spilled a lot of beans this time.

"Listen, all of you zanpakuto spirits!" I commanded sharply. "I gave you the reason of me bringing all of you here. How come you won't listen to me? You guys are just here to have some fun with each other, no matter how much you guys might love or hate someone. All of you are already making snap judgments about this truth or dare game, and none of you have even played it before. These aren't my words, but I'll say that first impressions are wrong about ninety percent of the time." I narrowed my eyes. "You guys already have first impressions, but no experience, so I'll let you guys see if you are able to change your mind after one day. I'll let you go if you agree to participate for at least today. If you don't like it after today, then leave. You'll miss out on a lot. What's your answer?" I gazed at the zanpakutos with an unfathomable expression, but inside I was triumphant: I had finally subdued the arrogant zanpakutos.

For ten seconds, at least.

Katen Kyokotsu sighed in defeat. "Come on, let's just do this. I'm tired of being bound like this, and I am kind of curious about what will happen." She gazed expectantly at me, her eyes full of pleading, and she smiled a bit as she asked, "May you let me go, Sourpatch, since both sides of us agreed to participating?" Beside her, the younger half of Katen Kyokotsu was nodding slowly, her single visible eye showing no emotion.

I nodded in response, deactivating the kido on both of them. Katen Kyokotsu bowed gratefully and came to stand by my side. After Katen Kyokotsu agreed, questioning murmurs were passed from zanpakuto to zanpakuto. Finally, one by one zanpakutos started nodding and agreeing, and I gladly let them go, the kido rope becoming smaller and smaller. It all went down to the last zanpakuto: quite obviously, Kazeshini. I cocked my head to the side questioningly, silently daring him to join the many zanpakuto that stood in a semicircle behind me. He growled, sweeping a gaze at everyone, and finally muttered, "Fine, I'll participate. But if you ever try and do what I think is a purposely bad intention, I will kill you."

I shrugged, and the kido rope dissipated into thin air. "I think I said yesterday that I was to young to die. So I won't...certainly not by someone who's not necessarily real." I went over to a door, feeling Kazeshini's glare on my back, and turned the knob. Going in, I breathed in the musty smell of the large supply closet, an odor that I was extremely familiar with, and looked around inside: this supply closet had almost everything imaginable, even things that didn't exist yet; whatever you think there is in there, it's there. And I know that everyone has an inner pervert, so go ahead and think perverted stuff if it will satisfy you.

I spotted the object I needed- a computer on a desk with wheels- and dragged it outside. I pushed it against an empty portion of the hard wall, went back to the closet and closed the door, and walked back to the computer and turned it on. Kneeling on the wooden floor so that I was eye-level with it, I typed in the password, and once it had finished loading, I checked my email inbox. The zanpakutos had cautiously circled around the computer and were staring curiously at the bright screen. I raised an eyebrow questioningly as I looked at the crowd of spirits and asked, "What are you guys looking at?"

"We're trying to see if there's a dare," replied Hozukimaru, not taking his eyes off the screen.

I turned back to the bright screen. Jeez, there was a ton of spam...I hadn't checked my email in quite a while. "Delete these, delete that..." I mused, scrolling through the countless unread emails. "What this? A discount on some ugly clothes? No thanks, I hate shopping...delete...delete...delete...oh, a friend sent me an email asking to meet her...that's not possible, as I'm in the Bleach world... should I ask her to come? Nah, skip that...FF Review Alert...YES! There is!" I clicked on the bold unread email, read it through two to three times, and turned around to see the zanpakutos' expressions.

Everyone had flopped to the ground in despair, their eyes wide with horror, mouths gaping, bodies bent in awkward angles. Surprisingly, no one fell on Zangetsu, who was still unconscious from me dragging him here. Most of the zanpakuto were shaking violently like a vibrating cellphone, and others were whispering to themselves to calm down. _Are they really that scared? _I thought grimly, and said loudly, "Calm down, guys. There's only two dares for today, and not all of you have to participate. The dares are from honneteimmacule; just listen." I began to read the review out loud so everyone could hear.

_first thing first,_

_I hate stories in script format._

_so do continue in this format._

"Some encouragement, eh?" muttered Ruriiro Kujaku from the wooden floor, feathered arms covering his eyes. His arms then covered his ears and he continued muttering, "That's pretty much the last thing we need." I shot a glare at him but he took no notice, as his eyes were squeezed tightly shut. I rolled my eyes at the cowardly narcissist peacock zanpakuto, then turned back to the screen and continued to read out loud.

_I like to challenge Wabisuke to look up, show his face, see what his face look like._

_(...maybe that's not a big deal, but I think Wabisuke cannot do it without some heart-struggle, because he is truly emo.)_

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Wabisuke sitting up and turning away from the computer, the giant slab of stone on his back shielding him from my gaze. In my head I agreed with honneteimmacule; I didn't think Wabisuke would do it without a bit of heart struggle, but I didn't think he would do it without some physical struggle from the rest of us, either. I mean, he never really agreed to anything he didn't want to do. To be more accurate, he never wanted to do _anything _at all. For heaven's sake, even Kira was more lenient than he was.

_and also…_

The atmosphere became even tenser along with the zanpakuto; it was almost impossible to walk in and not feel it. You could call it overpowering and that it would easily knock you down like a bowling pin. The zanpakutos never seemed to relax, their bodies twitching slightly, but their muscles never loosened. _Is it really that bad? _I wondered. _I mean, there's only one dare left and everyone is acting like they're going to die. Well, except for Wabisuke, who hates the world, but still..._

_I'd like to challenge Kazeshini to smile sweetly to Haineko and flirt her. he have to be really sweet during the flirt._

_no swearing words, no creepy smile, no angry face._

_._

_please update_

_._

At the last two words of the dare, every zanpakuto relaxed, jumped up, and cheered. Cries of "Yes! I don't have to do anything!" and "Whoo! That was a close one!" mingled together, except three voices were missing, and those three were Haineko, Kazeshini, and Wabisuke. As all the other happy spirits were cheering about their supposed victory, Haineko glanced warily at Kazeshini, and Kazeshini glared at me. "Did you choose these dares?" he growled. "Because I swear..."

"That you're going to kill me? I'm getting bored of that lecture." I told him with a yawn, lazily covering my mouth with my right hand. "First of all, I'm not exactly that great in thinking of dares. Second, my name is not honneteimmacule. Third, honneteimmacule was the only one who submitted dares, so I gladly chose them. If no one had submitted dares, then all of you zanpakutos would still be stuck in that bakudo spell. Would you have liked being stuck in that spell for twenty-four more hours?" I smiled and shut down the computer. "That can still be arranged, you know."

"No," Kazeshini grumbled, and sulked over to the other zanpakuto, all of them sitting in a circle around Wabisuke. Their heads were slightly tilted forward, eyes sparkling with mischief, and they were all smiling sweetly. I chuckled at the sight. They were so eager; they reminded me of little kids doing show and tell. _Well, not little kids, _I decided, _because over half are adults or something of the sort. But adults don't do show and tell; they just brag about some random topic until someone comes to a disagreement and they fight with each other. However, Wabisuke's not going to brag; he's the one who's going to come to a disagreement._

Wabisuke didn't look up; his eyes were hidden by his long dark bangs. He growled moodily, "I'm not in the mood to do anything. Just leave me alone. If you actually force me to show my face..." his tone took on a sharper edge- "the consequences won't be that great. So, if you don't want to die, then don't make me show my face and simply leave me alone."

Wow. Creepy speech for an emo zanpakuto. Never thought he'd _want _to make a speech about not forcing him to show his face. "Just raise your head, Wabisuke," I encouraged, pretending like I never heard his real threats. "It's not like I want to drag Kira here so you can let us see your face." Dragging Kira here was the last thing I wanted to do. Plus, I never knew that he would be so hard to persuade...is it just because I have terribly unpolished persuasive skills?

"No."

"That's the general answer. It was someone else's request, so do it for someone else, not just us. Please?" I begged, clasping my hands together in hope.

"No."

Damn.

"So stubborn…" I grumbled.

-Thirty minutes later-

My patience was wearing thin, thin as corn silk. I thought I had none of it left, but it turns out that I was wrong. "Hurry up already!" I ordered, tapping my foot. I wanted to curse at the emo zanpakuto, but that wasn't exactly the wisest option at the moment. But I had to admit...he was damn frustrating. How did Kira ever deal with his stubborn zanpakuto spirit?

"No."

"Don't say no to me another fifty times!" I yelled impatiently. "You'll get over it! I'm only asking you to show us for at least ten seconds! Five seconds if you can't do that! Seriously, Wabisuke, it shouldn't take much besides sheer procrastination to do a simple action such as raising your head!" And here I thought that _I _was the worst procrastinator the world had ever seen. I guess I thought wrong again...that's just too bad.

"Do you want me to sting him?" suggested Suzumebachi, also evidently frustrated by his seemingly impossible stubbornness.

"No…" A lightbulb suddenly flashed in my mind, and I grinned evilly. "But there is something else you can do." Suzumebachi flew toward me, and I whispered my spur-of-the-moment plan into her ear. I was so sure that this was going to work. "I like the plan, but I'm going to need your help," I told her. "So if you trust me enough, please help me with the plan."

She grinned and responded, "Okay! I'm getting pretty pissed off by Wabisuke too. But open the supply room door for me, please! I don't think I can turn that giant knob."

I nodded silently and got up, motioning with my hands at the zanpakuto who had stopped to stare at me to continue. I walked as quietly as possible to the supply closet door, and Suzumebachi hovered behind me. The rest of the zanpakuto took my role and started pleading to Wabisuke. Almost tripping over the poor unconscious Zangetsu as I walked to the door, I turned the metal knob and Suzumebachi darted inside, her glowing self serving as a small light. She looked around in awe, her eyes widening at the many miscellaneous objects, and she exclaimed giddily, "There's so much here!"

"Keep it down!" I hissed, digging through the closest box and finding nothing. "I need some sturdy string, a hair clip, and a digital camera. Can you look around really quickly? Be careful with the stuff, though!" I dug through another box and still couldn't find anything. Inwardly I groaned, lamenting that I didn't create a catalog of some sort. Suzumebachi flew around speedily, seemingly covering the whole room in less than thirty seconds. After she still hadn't said anything, I whispered, "Did you find anything?"

Suzumebachi turned around from peering inside a box and nodded, holding up a pink hair clip and a coil of string. "I got these two objects. Since my hands are full, you're going to have to get the camera." She motioned with her head at the box she was just looking at. "The camera's in there."

Thanking her with a curt nod of my head, I went to the opposite side of the room and reached up to grab the box, but my hand just barely grasped the cardboard edge of it, and everything toppled down on me. Many hard objects crashed onto my head and nearly gave me a concussion; the cardboard box served as the finishing move, landing neatly on my head like it was a hat. I let out a string of expletives under my breath, holding my sore head with one hand and flinging away the cardboard box with the other. Suzumebachi snickered and teased, "And you tell me to be careful with all this junk."

"Shut up," I grumbled, wiping off dust from my t-shirt. "Get your butt over here and help me find the darned camera." When Suzumebachi's glow reached the pile of items, I saw the faintest outline of a rectangle and snatched it up. Peering at it in the dim light, I saw that I had successfully gotten the camera. "Got it," I whispered, and put it into my pant pocket, the lump quite noticeable and uncomfortable. "Let's go. Tell Hozukimaru the plan."

We went outside, and I closed the door behind me. Suzumebachi flew over to Hozukimaru, whispered to him, and silently handed him one end of the string, which he held on to firmly. She then crept up on Wabisuke, grabbed the top of his bangs and wound the string around as quickly as possible, tying it in a neat knot. Tobiume and Haineko were the first to realize the plan, and continued to sweetly persuade Wabisuke. I placed myself in front of Wabisuke, sitting down with my hand covering the camera. Suzumebachi put on the finishing touch- the pink hair clip that put aside his bangs- and darted away, smirking all the while.

Furious, Wabisuke removed the hair clip with a brush of his hand, but Hozukimaru yanked on the string, pulling his bangs back once more. I whipped out the camera and quickly snapped some shots, the flashes illuminating the room for a split-second. Dashing to the computer, I turned it on, and waited impatiently for it to load. I removed the memory chip from the camera and popped it into the computer, the window finally appearing. Hitting 'save', I clicked on one of the images- I must say that it turned out quite well- and pressed 'print'. Wabisuke gave a roar of outrage, but the zanpakuto hurried to restrain him from reaching the computer.

I went inside the supply room- the printer was still in there- and waited for the picture to come out. The paper soon slid out of the printer, and I looked at it with delight. "Success!" I cried. Then my smile dropped...I looked at it again, this time more carefully: he had a long nose, a slit-like mouth, and his eyes were alive with malice, the pupils being as small as ants. Gulping, I held it in my hands, almost refusing to look away. It was only until I heard a shout from outside that I tore my eyes away from the paper and went back into the large room.

The picture was rather scary, in my opinion.

Once I appeared from the supply room I clapped my hands over my ears: Wabisuke was still yelling his head off, and the zanpakuto were yelling _their _heads off to try and calm him down. Over the din of the room I shouted furiously, "Calm down, everyone! Wabisuke, now that you've completed your dare, you don't need to do anything else!" When they refused to shut. the. hell. up, I yelled even louder than before, "QUIET, YOU BUNCH OF IDIOTS!"

All yelling stopped, and the zanpakuto stared at me. The area became so quiet that the silence was almost deafening. I stammered nervously, "I didn't mean for it to be this quiet…" I folded the picture into a paper airplane and tossed it at the lot. "Here's the picture, if you guys wanna see it. I know that there's no way in hell I'm going to see it again." I stood there, my arms folded, gazing at their faces. I was curious about what their expressions would be.

There was a mad scramble for the flimsy paper airplane. Tenken was the first to grab it, as he was the tallest; he looked at it, and the fire from his mouth seemed to burn greater in fear of the face; he dropped it onto the ground, slightly trembling, his eyes and mouth reflecting his fear. When it fell, everyone made a mad dash toward it, pushing out the flustered Wabisuke, and each glanced at the picture, butting heads to see who would look at Wabisuke's creepy picture first.

Silence fell again, even more silent than after I yelled, when everyone stared at the picture. "You know…" Hozukimaru said slowly, "I don't think we needed to see his face…" He grabbed the paper from Saru's hands and crumpled it up into a ball, tossing it into a nearby garbage can to erase all evidence of the photo. It was a good try, but it didn't really work, as the image still lingered unpleasantly in our minds.

Murmurs of agreement spread throughout, the spirits nodding slowly in agreement. Some shivers went through the crowd. Wabisuke muttered bitterly, "You should have let me rest." He sulked over to a corner and sat down, the stone slab on his shielding him from the rest of the world. Two words said it all:

Emo jerk.

"Someone else wanted it," I told Wabisuke exasperatedly, although it looked like I was talking more to the giant slab of stone. "Now the next dare, please." I turned to Kazeshini, who had an unmistakable look of dread on his face, feet practically glued onto the smooth wooden floor. "Flirt with Haineko. Remember: no swearing, creepy smiles, or angry faces." I said, but in my head I thought: _There's no way in hell that he's gonna make it. Haineko's not exactly willing either..._

"Tsk! As if I'd flirt with him!" scoffed Haineko, bristling with rage yet with anxiousness.

Called it.

"He has to flirt with you, but I don't think you have to reply," I responded unhelpfully. Haineko shrugged and averted her gaze, refusing to meet Kazeshini's eye. Kazeshini also averted his gaze, not daring to look at anyone. All the female zanpakuto went to comfort Haineko, while the males went to console Kazeshini. And Minazuki?

He? she? it? stayed in the middle, not doing anything.

"It won't be too bad," Tobiume said to Haineko, forcing down a smirk with a gulp. Haineko stuck her tongue out at Tobiume, still refusing to look at any of her friends.

"It won't be that bad if you just do it quickly," Senbonzakura told Kazeshini seriously. "Do you want people knowing a ton about you trying to hit on Haineko?"

"No…" Kazeshini gulped, looking nervous despite his arrogant attitude. "I don't know if I can do it…"

"Just get it over with like Wabisuke," Saru snapped. "You might start to like her, actually…"

"Don't make me kill you, chimp," snarled Kazeshini, almost returning to his old self. "I'll do it."

"Good luck," called Gonryomaru, stretching lazily.

Kazeshini walked forward carefully, afraid of making a wrong move, and Haineko glowered venomously at him. Gazing uncomfortably at the two, I pointed at a random door. "Go in there if you don't want to embarrass yourself too much," I told them. "You guys can come back in at least three minutes."

Shifting uncomfortably, Kazeshini stuttered, "Well…ladies first?" and tried to put a smile on his face, but the corners of his mouth barely twitched.

Haineko got up and walked toward the door by herself, not looking at the normally rebellious zanpakuto. Kazeshini followed, and closed the door after them.

Silence ensued. You couldn't even hear a word being said through the door.

"How would we know if Kazeshini did something wrong?" asked Sode no Shirayuki questioningly.

"Haineko will punch him," Tobiume responded confidently, smiling slyly at the closed door and crossing her arms. "And she will also yell; I know her well enough. Let's just say she's very easily...provoked, unfortunately."

True to her word, three minutes later there was a resounding crash inside the room and Haineko's outraged voice: "HOW DARE YOU DO THAT! YOU UNSEXY FREAK!" followed by some very, very loud punches. We winced at the sound; it sounded like a one-man battle in there. Kazeshini screamed like a girl and Haineko screeched, and there were more loud crashes. Soon, Haineko burst out of the door, nearly tearing it off its hinges, stomping her way out, holding a limp Kazeshini by his shoulders. She tossed him aside carelessly and stormed away, hissing angrily under her breath.

"I can tell that that didn't go well," remarked Tobiume with a smirk, although her eyes showed that she was worried about Haineko.

A moan then came from somewhere in the room. "Ugh..."

All heads turned to see Zangetsu, rubbing his baggy eyes wearily, then stretching his arms. "What'd I miss?" he asked groggily, then stared at who would have been his unconscious buddy. "Kazeshini?" Zangetsu asked incredulously. "Is he alright?"

Haineko spoke before any of us could open our mouths. "No, he is not alright. You won't even want to KNOW what he did," she growled, and flicked her tail in disgust. "That UNSEXY freak…"

* * *

Ahaha, a bit of Kazeshini/Haineko for you guys. Probably will appear in future chapters, even though they hate each other in this story. :D R&R please!


	3. Dance, Zangetsu!

Thanks to these people for reviewing: Misutii Hi No De, xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx

Favorites: Misutii Hi No De, xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx, fallendestinyxx

Alerts: hiagyl, Misutii Hi No De, xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx

This chapter's dares submitted by: Misutii Hi No De, xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx

This chapter is exactly what the title describes. R&R please :)

* * *

Dance, Zangetsu!

I sighed. It was already the third day, and we all managed to survive somehow.

And Kazeshini was still unconscious from Haineko's monstrous slugging.

After Haineko's flirting session with Kazeshini, she almost refused to speak all together. She wouldn't speak of what had gone on in there, but her choice of words when she screamed gave us a slight, but not definite, clue. All throughout the morning, she shot glares at Kazeshini's unconscious body, seemingly fearing the minute he would wake up. I would watch with mild interest whenever she did that, because it looked kind of strange: sit down, stare off into space, shoot quick glance at 'unsexy freak', stare off into space, shoot another glare...you get my point. She was glaring daggers at him like it would help kill him...but there was a high possibility that he wouldn't wake up for quite a while.

Munching on a piece of warm toast, I went to the computer and checked the dares we could do today. The first one made me chew my toast thoughtfully; the second made me spit out my toast, choke on the remaining bits, and roll around the floor in an extreme laughing fit. It only lasted about five seconds, though; I got up quickly so that the staring zanpakutos wouldn't question my sanity. I fetched a napkin and wiped the toast and saliva mix off the table, and tossed the napkin into the garbage can. "You guys," I called out, biting my lip to keep from laughing my head off, "We have two dares today."

Almost immediately, the zanpakutos were around the computer, leaning in so close that I could feel warm breath on my neck. Questions like "What are they?" and demands like "Let me see!" went around, and they leaned in closer, almost leaving no room for me to breathe. I finally snapped, "If you guys aren't this close then I might actually tell you with enough breath to keep on talking! I'm not claustrophobic or anything, but that doesn't really mean you guys can pop my personal bubble."

"What bubble? Do you want me to get a bubble blower or something?" Hozukimaru asked, confused. He scratched his head and nodded to the supply room door as if he were offering to go.

I sighed; English sayings and all that jazz were sometimes too complicated for them. "Nah, I didn't mean it literally. What I meant was for you guys to give me some personal space, that's all. Anyways, wanna hear the first dare?" When the majority of them nodded, I continued, "The first person who sent a dare for today is Misutii Hi No De."

_Sweet! i am loving this story! it is hilarious! I wanna see Zangetsu do the chicken dance! that would be epicly hilarious!_

All eyes switched to Zangetsu, who had froze completely. You couldn't even see or hear him breathing. I blinked at him; it was like he was dreading that he had a dare right when he woke up. His expression and posture told all: his eyes were as wide as dinner plates, his jaw had dropped to the floor, his legs apart like he was attempting to start doing the splits, and his hands were clutching his head, threatening to tear off his long hair. "Well, Zangetsu," I said cheerfully, shutting down the computer, "will you dance for us?"

Zangetsu still stood there in that awkward position, dumbstruck, eyes blank. "W-What do I do?" he finally managed stammer, as it is quite hard to speak when your mouth is stretched all the way open. It was a pretty impressive feat for him; his mouth was open that wide and he could still manage to talk.

Sighing again, I turned on the computer for the second time that day, clicked on Internet Explorer, went on YouTube and typed in 'the chicken dance'. I hit enter; clicking on the first video, I told Zangetsu, "Just look at this." He glanced over my shoulder nervously at the rather old video, eyes darting back and forth at the people who began to dance on the screen.

The man on the screen explained with a cheesy smile, "You make the beaks, wings, tail feathers, and do four claps." As he said these dance moves, he performed them, hands first shoulder height, then inside the armpits, then he shook his butt and clapped four times. As we watched the man demonstrate, I remembered the times in school when we had to perform that exact dance. Oh, the agony...wasn't the greatest thing to do in front of all your classmates. I was glad that I wasn't the one who had to do it this time.

I paused the video, a smirk working its way onto my lips, and ordered as non-orderly as possible, "Dance, Zangetsu."

"This is public humiliation!" he argued, shaking a fistful of his unkempt black hair with plain disagreement. "Also, 'dance' is Sode no Shirayuki's command, not mine, so you can't control me like that!" He shook his head and crossed his arms sternly. "There is no way in hell that you are going to make me do that _horrible _dance!"

"Someone else wants you to do it, and this time 'dance' isn't a shikai command! Just do it!" Seeing Zangetsu's look of dismay, I immediately regretted my snappy response. "But, you know," I added hurriedly, putting a more gentle tone to my voice, "That dance is indeed horrible when you have to do it in front of friends. But, we won't laugh, because one day another of us might do it in front of everyone." I shot a glare that was similar to Haineko's at the audience. "Will we?" I prompted.

"No," they chirped innocently, all grinning like some darned idiot that got drunk off thousands of bottles of sake.

I shrugged at Zangetsu. Zangetsu sighed in defeat and obliged grudgingly; his hands rose up and made the beaks, then went in his armpits and flapped for the wings, shook his butt for the tail feathers, and clapped softly four times. During all of this, his face ran through all shades of red, turning from pale ivory skin to bubblegum pink to tomato red. He looked like he had just eaten one of Orihime's terrifyingly spicy and disgusting curries.

"Nice butt," Sode no Shirayuki, who was sitting behind Zangetsu, snickered, not bothering to hide her thoughts. Zangetsu's face started turning even redder to the point where he looked like he had eaten another of Orihime's curries...add another ten to that. He was THAT red; his face was so red that it literally started to glow faintly. I can't describe it any other way; what's redder than an apple? Tree bark? I don't have a clue. I'd like to see YOU try.

Scratch that.

"Repeat," I commanded, noticing that Zangetsu had executed the moves smoothly like a professional. Zangetsu did so again with that expert smoothness despite his embarrassment, his face now running through every color of the rainbow. Even when his face flushed with colors thought unimaginable, it still emitted a faint glow like Suzumebachi's small self did. Meanwhile, his mouth worked through different stages. At times he kept it open like there was a stick holding it open, some other times he puckered up his lips, and other times his tongue drooped out like a dog.

Someone explain to a confused host here.

Once Zangetsu had finished the repeat, seemingly breathless, I clicked the play button on the video. The video resumed, and the man said with that cheesy grin still plastered onto his face, "You can link elbows with someone and spin, lean back and spin, or you can turn in place by yourself." The man linked elbows with his female partner and spun in a counter-clockwise direction. Zangetsu turned in place by himself, this time a shade of purple deciding to tint his cheeks.

"Here we go!" the man said with what sounded like fake cheerfulness, and an accordion started playing in the background. Listening to the beat, I waited until the time was right for Zangetsu to dance, and finally nodded. He performed the beaks, wings, tail feathers, clapped four times, repeated, then spun around in circles after the repeat. He still maintained an expert dancer's skills as he danced the embarrassing dance- which shouldn't really be considered as a dance at all. A lightbulb flashed in my head after he finished turning in place, and I grinned wickedly, pausing the video again. "Zangetsu…may you sing for us?" I requested.

Zangetsu stopped momentarily, jaw dropping and hitting the floor with a thump...again. "T-there's a song to it, too?" he stuttered, eyes wide as...um...the moon?

"Yeah." I waved a piece of paper with writing on it in his face, which contained the lyrics to the song. "Just sing this," I instructed, passing the paper to him. "I wrote it down so I wouldn't have to say it aloud to everyone. You'll do fine." I winked at him, and shoved him into the center of the room. "Just sing for us and that'll be all." I continued the video and motioned for Zangetsu to start with a thumbs-up. Zangetsu cleared his throat, coughing a little, and finally started to sing.

"I don't wanna be a chicken,

"I don't wanna be a duck,

"So I shake my butt!

"I don't wanna be a chicken,

"I don't wanna be a duck,

"So I shake my butt!" During all this, he performed all the dance moves, movements quick and smooth like a snake, singing breathlessly. However, the spirits and I were quiet and respectful during his performance…his voice was deep yet wonderful; it was almost indescribable. When the video ended, we all clapped with shouts of approval, some even giving a standing ovation for the old man. Zangetsu, despite being quite flabbergasted by the reaction, bowed low. When he straightened back up, he murmured humbly, "Thank you all. I am deeply moved."

"That was beautiful, Zangetsu!" Ruriiro Kujaku praised, which was somewhat of a surprise because he typically only praised himself.

"Totally!" Saru and Hebi agreed with a grin.

While everyone congratulated Zangetsu, I went to the computer, checked my email inbox and clicked on second review, the one that had made me spit out my toast. I inhaled sharply: Zangetsu had finally gotten over the embarrassing chicken dance, but was he ready for this one? Even though I had nothing to do with it, I wasn't prepared for this either. "Alright, second review…it's from xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx," I called out, and the spirits' attention returned back to the computer screen.

_OH! OHOHOHOHOH~! I has a dare. :3_

_*smirks*_

_You should make that old man Zangetsu give a strip tease to Gonryomaru\xD Heheheh that would so make my day! xD_

_Imagine what Ichigo would think! He'd be laughing so hard at that old man! xDD_

_*ehem* I mean…_

_Heheh, yea. :3 _

Gonryomaru widened his eyes tremendously, opened his mouth in shock, flailed his arms wildly until they were grey blurs, and screamed to the heavens with all the breath he could muster, "HOLY SHIT, IT IS THE APOCOLYPSE!"

"WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!" I yelled back at him. "ALTHOUGH I KNOW I'M SUCH A DARNED HYPOCRITE! Anyways, Zangetsu…" I anxiously glanced at Zangetsu, who was screaming in horror along with Gonryomaru, both of them hugging each other for dear life. When they refused to stop screaming like little girls, rage boiled inside of me, and I yelled as loud as I could-which wasn't very loud at all- "BOTH OF YOU, SHUT THE **HELL** UP!"

Seriously, Zangetsu looked like he was going to cry.

But after all, he was the target of all the dares today.

I smiled sadly at Zangetsu and told him painfully, "Sorry, but you'll have to do this." I ran to the supply room, searched in a few boxes, and finally fetched five boxes of tissue paper.

Gonryomaru was most definitely going to need it.

"I guess I'll start…" Zangetsu said nervously, and lifted a portion of his cloak.

-THIS PORTION IS CENSORED-

-Two minutes later-

"God dammit, Zangetsu!" Gonryomaru screamed, his eyes squeezed shut like they were glued together, holding a crimson red piece of tissue paper under his nose. "PUT ON SOME FREAKING CLOTHES NOW!"

"I have!" Zangetsu cried desperately, trying to coax Gonryomaru's eyes open. It obviously wasn't working.

"Is it over?" Hisagomaru asked, eyes also shut. I had all the spirits except for Gonryomaru and Zangetsu close their eyes, much to the two's dismay. I closed my eyes as well, and about three seconds later, Gonryomaru started screaming, so I had to shut my eyes and plug my ears with my index fingers. But hell, I never knew that Gonryomaru could scream so damn LOUD. Two minutes later, Gonryomaru had quieted down...by at least half a decibel. I'm probably going to be hearing impaired, thanks to the zanpakuto who has rightfully earned his title as 'loudest zanpakuto'.

"Yes!" Zangetsu cried. "It is!"

Sighs of relief sounded throughout as everyone gratefully opened their eyes, blinking in the sudden brightness. Gonryomaru tossed the tissue paper into the now overflowing trashcan, gasping for precious air. Zangetsu looked down in unhappiness, embarrassment, and the teeniest amount of slyness. I swear I saw a smirk appear on his still scarlet face. Gonryomaru faced Zangetsu, and was trying to say something to him. I leaned closer to him and asked, "What did you say?"

Gonryomaru crawled weakly to his knees and asked in a mere whisper, "Is the apocalypse over?" Then, due to him having to watch the whole censored scene, he fainted.


	4. We Sing, We Dance, We are Immature

Thanks to these people for reviewing: Misutii Hi No De, AnimeLuver4everandevr, xchemx, Trey of the rebellion, chibi-san

Alerts: xchemx

This chapter's dares submitted by: Misutii Hi No De, AnimeLuver4everandevr, xchemx, Trey of the rebellion, chibi-san

I kinda got the chapter title from one of Jason Mraz's albums: _We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things_. Or something like that. :D It's hard naming chapters sometimes, you know...

* * *

We Sing, We Dance, We are Immature

Fourth day: still alive.

Uh...

YAY!

Okay, enough of that crap.

I gathered the zanpakutos around; it was the MOMENT OF TRUTH. Dramatic, right? Nah, not really, I just called them all together for a small discussion about the game. Even if it was only the fourth day and three people had gotten unconscious through the course of the truth or dare, the zanpakutos looked like they were truly enjoying themselves. Ah, classic humor...even though some dares were so perverted that zanpakutos got nosebleeds. Citation: see Gonryomaru in Chapter Three: _Dance, Zangetsu! _

Unfortunately, the zanpakuto you were requesting to see is not available to answer whatever strange questions you have. Please come back later.

Or else nothing will happen.

Scratching my head, I inhaled deeply for my question; it was pretty nerve-wracking to ask questions about what others thought about you or anything relating to you. I knew enough about criticism to take whatever the zanpakutos threw at me. If someone criticizes you and you hear it for the first time, it kind of gives you an odd type of shock. But, you have to deal with it, or else you will never friggin' get it out of your head. Bracing myself for their answer, I asked, "What do you think about this truth or dare game?"

There were a few moments of silence. I waited nervously as they whispered to each other, some beads of sweat on my neck. Finally, Zangetsu opened his mouth to speak. "It's kind of awkward," he said, shrugging. "I mean, with...THOSE...dares. I know it's not your fault that THOSE dares were sent, and you obviously had to make us do THOSE so you wouldn't disappoint the others. But other than that, I find it pretty amusing." He backed away a little, having finished speaking his thoughts.

Saru went second, grinning. "I find it funny that fellow zanpakutos are unconscious in the weirdest ways." When she noticed all our raised eyebrows, she added hurriedly, "I'm not saying that I like it when they're unconscious; all I'm saying is that the cause of their unconsciousness is pretty odd. Zangetsu was unconscious because our host dragged him by a rope and gagged him..." At this, Zangetsu shot a glare toward me- "Kazeshini's unconscious because Haineko gave him a hella good beating, and yesterday Gonryomaru got unconscious thanks to Zangetsu's superior stripping skills." She rolled her eyes and nodded, signaling she was done.

Zangetsu looked down in shame. "Don't remind me," he muttered.

I smiled, remembering yesterday's events. "So, to make this a bit quicker, I'll just do a mini poll. Alright, who likes the game and wants to continue going with it?" Almost all the zanpakutos raised their hands...no, this is not to prove the level of awesomeness, but I'm telling the truth when I say almost. Three of them didn't raise their hand. Kazeshini and Gonryomaru didn't raise their hands for obvious reasons: they were unconscious. The other zanpakuto was Minazuki, who didn't show any signs of agreeing or disagreeing. Grinning at their answer, I pumped my fist into the air. "Whoo! Thanks, guys! We have plenty of dares today, so be prepared." I checked the reviews and called out, "The first person is Misutii Hi No De."

_Oh. My. GOSH! I think x-SeMe-ChAn-x gave a better one than mine but it was HILARIOUS! Thank you! xDD hahaha! I feel kinda bad for Zangetsu now though...but I am laughing more than feeling guilty HAHA!_

_Can we give you another dare? If so I have one for Hyorinmaru! (sorry, but I can't resist even though you're my favorite!) Hyorinmaru has to sing the song Sunshine, Lillipops, and Rainbows by Lesley Gore in a falseto voice! _

_Your story is AWESOME and you do NOT suck at humor xD_

Hyourinmaru stepped forward, hearing his name being called out for the dare. "I guess I'll do it to get over with it, even if I can't sing so high," he said solemnly. "Does she mean 'Sunshine, _Lollipops,_ and Rainbows', though?"

"Yeah," I replied and tossed a folded lyrics sheet into his awaiting hands. "This is the second half of the song, as the first is pretty much the same. I'll put the song on karaoke style so we can hear you sing," I told him as I ran to the supply room to get a CD. "Is that alright with you?"

To my surprise, he nodded, opened the lyrics sheet, and started reading the words he had to sing.

Jeez. He's the first to actually ACCEPT a dare..

As I came out of the supply room with the CD and a boombox, I saw Suzumebachi out of the corner of my eye, trying to sneak past me and into the room. I put a hand out, blocking her path, and asked suspiciously, "What are you doing?"

She didn't reply, just mouthed a "Shh!" and pointed at the dark room. I stared at her questioningly, still refusing to let her go in, moving my hand around whenever she attempted to go past. She clasped her hands and shook them as if begging. Out of pity for the hornet girl, I sighed and set my hand by my side. She blinked gratefully and darted into the dark room; a few minutes later she returned, a deflated pink balloon in her hand and a grin on her face. She started blowing it up, despite her tiny size. I shrugged, not having a care in the world, and inserted the CD into the boombox. Once the music began, Hyourinmaru cleared his throat and started to sing as high as he could, glancing down at the piece of paper.

"Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together.

"Brighter than a lucky penny, when you're near the rain goes disappear dear and I feel so fine! Just to know that you are mine.

"My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, that's how this refrain goes so come on join in, everybody!"

Suzumebachi now had a rather large pink balloon in her hand, and she was now working hard to try and tie a knot onto the end of the balloon. However, nobody noticed; they were too busy clapping to the rhythm of the song. Suzumebachi looked around to make sure that the coast was clear, and grinned wickedly. Her fingers parted and she let it go flying in a non-linear direction; with precise and extraordinary accuracy, it hit Hyourinmaru's mouth as he was about to finish singing the next line. He spat distastefully, sending the balloon to the ground and started to sing again, but it was too late; he had accidentally inhaled some- no, a LOT- of helium from the balloon, and his voice became drastically higher. Nevertheless, he finished the last part of it:

"'Cause you're in love, you're in love, and love is here to stay!" Then, with a final whisper, he added "Peace" in a slightly squeaky tone. Suzumebachi doubled over in laughter, excited that her prank was successful, and started rolling on the floor, pounding the wood gleefully with her fist. Hyourinmaru merely looked at the little zanpakuto spirit, neither angry or embarrassed, and breathed, "Well, now that's over with." However, it sounded as if he were still speaking in a falsetto voice, and Suzumebachi howled with laughter even more.

In an attempt to calm Suzumebachi down, I interrupted Suzumebachi's intense laughing fit. "The second review is from AnimeLuver4everandevr," I said, glaring at the little zanpakuto. She was still laughing, pigtails bouncing in excitement. I rolled my eyes and read AnimeLuver4everandevr's review.

_Haha funny story here! Okay I dare Hyourinmaru and Tobuime to kiss, sorry Haineko... you can have the bi-zanpaktou(Zabimaru)_

_And then I dare Hyourinmaru to striptease for the girls with the song 'Womanizer' playing the background, sung by Tobuime and Haineko of course._

_I also dare Hyourinmaru and Zangetsu to lip kiss._

_Thats all, awesome chapters and story. Its hilarous!_

I turned to Hyourinmaru, who stood there solemnly yet a little surprised at the request. Tobiume was looking down at her toes and blushing deeply, somewhat delighted at the prospect of kissing Hyourinmaru. Meanwhile, Haineko had numerous veins pulsing in her forehead, clearly angry. She was almost as angry as the time when Kazeshini tried to do who-the-hell-knows to Haineko. Last time it was outrage. This time, it was jealousy. "You two may kiss," I told Hyourinmaru and Tobiume, trying to ignore Haineko.

As if on instinct, Hyourinmaru swept Tobiume off her feet and raised his lips to hers in what was considered a truly passionate kiss. Tobiume's eyes widened in shock, then calmed back down and closed her eyes, kissing him back in return. "Aw…" All the zanpakuto spirits sighed at the sight except for Minazuki, Tenken, Ashisogi Jizo, and Haineko. Tenken, Minazuki, and Ashisogi Jizo couldn't speak, which was understandable, but Haineko…my oh my, she was as jealous as heck, but didn't dare interrupt the blissful moment.

After all, Hyourinmaru and Tobiume's ignorance toward Haineko=bliss.

There are times when math isn't hard at all.

Hyourinmaru finally unwillingly let go of Tobiume, and Tobiume looked like Zangetsu when he was dancing the chicken dance…her face was turning red like a ripe apple. "Hyourinmaru-san…" she mumbled, trying not to stare into his eyes without swooning. "You really shouldn't have done that…"

"I was just trying to get it over with, Tobiume," he replied curtly in his now high-pitched voice. Suzumebachi generated a snicker, but Tobiume glared daggers at her as if in defense for her presumed lover, Hyourinmaru.

"Sorry to cut into the blissful moment here, but you have another dare, Hyourinmaru. You have to striptease for the _girls_," I said, putting much emphasis on the last word. "Which means," I added sternly, "that the male zanpakutos must turn around and NOT peek, or else you'll end up like Gonryomaru." I pointed to where his unconscious self lay, his nose still slightly red. I fetched some more tissue boxes from the supply room and growled threateningly, "I'll know when any of you peeked if I see one single red tissue paper. Tobiume, Haineko, please sing for us AND STOP GLARING LIKE YOU TWO ARE GOING TO KILL EACH OTHER. Please continue."

Tobiume and Haineko inhaled deeply and started to sing in harmony, glaring at each other all the while, and Hyourinmaru started the you-know-what…for the girls.

Well, maybe that wasn't entirely true.

-THIS PORTION IS CENSORED-

-Four minutes later-

"Put on some clothes before Gonryomaru wakes up and sees you," I hissed at Hyourinmaru, my eyes shut.

"I did!"

"Alright, alright," I sighed, then looked at how the females fared. Looking at the female zanpakuto spirits, I saw that all of their eyes were literally red hearts- with the exception of Saru, who apparently didn't like Hyourinmaru much- their hands were clasped tightly as if hoping, and that their hearts were threatening to pound out of their chests. Okay, I didn't really see that, but one can imagine with fangirls, right? I then checked on the male zanpakutos...reluctantly looking at the floor, I groaned.

It was littered with red tissue papers.

"EVER HEARD OF USING THE TRASH CAN?" I yelled angrily. What idiots. Were all males that freaking perverted?

"It was full, though," complained Gegetsuburi, pointing at the trash can accusingly.

I glanced at the trash can and found that Gegetsuburi was right- what he hadn't pointed out was that the trash can was overflowing with bloody tissue papers. I marched over to the supply room door and wrenched it open. "There's plenty of trash cans in there! Pick it all up!" I ordered, glaring ferociously at the males and pointing at the supply room.

"There's no need," Hyourinmaru stated, and pointed to the trash with a steady finger. All the tissue papers became incased in one large chunk of ice, and shattered into a million little pieces that disappeared into thin air once Hyourinmaru flicked his finger. "There," he said.

"I'm impressed. You could be our garbageman. Ready for the next dare?"

He shrugged nonchalantly, but his eyes clearly had a look that said, _HELL NO! I AM NOT GAY!_

"Kiss Zangetsu. On the lips."

I could sense him getting anxious for the dare. This, I knew, was not going to turn out well. My skin prickled with the feeling of bad occurrences, and I shivered a bit. It was either because of my thoughts or because Hyourinmaru's reiatsu was fluctuating in anxiety. I watched nervously as they walked toward each other stiffly, fear and dismay apparent in their eyes. Hyourinmaru muttered loud enough so that all of us could hear, "I want to get this over with. You?"

"I do too," Zangetsu muttered back.

"Sorry," Hyourinmaru apologized, grabbed Zangetsu by the shoulders and pressed his own lips against his. Zangetsu replied with a reluctant kiss, leaning in so that their lips would touch. However, due to Hyourinmaru's wavering reiatsu, his and Zangetsu's lips got stuck together with a large block of ice. I shivered again but grinned; it didn't go well after all. After all, Murphy's law stated that "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong."

"Mm! Mmm mm MMM!" Zangetsu yelled furiously, his lips stuck to the ice. (Roughly translated as "Dude! What the FUCK!")

"Mm m!" Hyourinmaru replied, flustered. (Translation: "I'm sorry!")

"Hyourinmaru," I told the tense zanpakuto, "Calm down. Control your reiatsu. I bet we're all freezing right now because of you." Sure enough, some zanpakutos were shivering in the now cold room. Did he break the room's heater with his reiatsu? Hopefully not.

Hyourinmaru finally relaxed his tense muscles and his reiatsu dropped, the ice chunk connecting his and Zangetsu's lips melting, the water dripping onto the floor. Zangetsu staggered away from him, his lips a shade of deep purple. "Never…" he gasped, teeth chattering soundly like a woodpecker, "do…that…again!"

"Next dare!" I said hastily before Hyourinmaru could make a retort. "It's from xchemx."

_Dude! Awesome story. Anyways, I gotta dare for Sode no Shirayuki._

_*cue creepy music*_

_I dare her to dye her hair a bright, Grimmjow-esque blue._

_Anyways, keep up the great work- this story is full of epicness._

Sode no Shirayuki sighed in relief. "That's at least better than…you-know-what." She shot a glance toward Hyourinmaru and Zangetsu, smiling a little. I went to the supply room and grabbed some blue hair dye along with a small mirror. "Here," I said, handing her the items carefully. "Use these."

-Five minutes later-

"Oh my goodness!" Zangetsu exclaimed, staring at Sode no Shirayuki's once white hair. "It's Grimmjow's wife!"

Sode no Shirayuki glowered at Zangetsu venomously, fingering her bright blue hair with caution, as it was still a bit wet. "Shut your trap, Zangetsu," she growled, and turned to me. "How long do I have to have this on?" My, my, she was sure eager to get the dye off.

Pondering for a moment, I replied, "The minimum time period would probably be a day, so you can wash it off tomorrow morning. Going on, it's from Trey of the rebellion."

_i trey dare Hyourimaru to sing im to sexy while stripping and all of the zanpakuto spirits to tell if the like any of the other spirits ranging from a crush to (sound of bed squeaking rapidly)_

"Hell," Hyourinmaru muttered, looking more uncomfortable after his kiss-gone-wrong with Zangetsu. "I agree with Gonryomaru…it _**is**_ the apocalypse."

"Well, at least you're more sexy than that freak," Haineko said brightly, nodding toward the still unconscious Kazeshini.

"Well, here goes…"

"Don't forget to clean up the trash afterwards, too," I added.

-THIS PORTION IS CENSORED-

-Five minutes later-

"I think we've run out of tissue boxes, but I can always get some more," I muttered after witnessing double the amount of bloody tissue papers and Hyourinmaru getting rid of the huge pile with his ice technique. We now sat in a circle, ready for the truth of who liked who. The truth does hurt sometimes, you've gotta admit that.

"Alright…Hyourinmaru, you start."

"Well…"

Haineko and Tobiume leaned in, eager to see who would win.

"I guess I like Tobiume a little more."

Haineko flopped to the ground in disappointment, while Tobiume lit up in a wide smile.

"Tell us why, please," I said.

"She's calmer than Haineko is, and prettier, I guess."

Tobiume smirked at Haineko. "Looks like you HAVE become an old hag."

That pushed Haineko to the limit. "WHY YOU LITTLE FLAT-CHESTED GIRL!" With that, she and Tobiume started cat-fighting, tumbling around the room.

Looking at them with amusement, I commented, "There's no point to ask them who they like. Anyways, how about you, Zangetsu?"

"Sode no Shirayuki," he said immediately. Sode no Shirayuki blushed and nodded in agreement; she liked Zangetsu in return.

"Perfect couple!" Hozukimaru exclaimed.

"I like Suzumebachi!" said Gegetsuburi.

"I'm not going to return the feelings, fatty," Suzumebachi retorted.

"I don't know who I like!" the rest chimed in.

I sighed and said, "I don't think I'm going to get those feelings out of you. Final request is from chibi-san."

_i Dare Zangetsu to be Zabimaru slave for Two Day and Ruriiro Kujaku to slap his master._

Zangetsu looked fearfully at Zabimaru, slowly backing away from the grinning snake-and-monkey duo. "What are you going to make me do?" he cried, and bowed down low. "I will do anything for you as long as you don't do anything that will scar me for life!"

Hebi narrowed his eyes, folding his arms. "Not make you do the you-know-what, that's for sure."

"How long is a day in this story, anyway?" Zangetsu asked.

"At least one chapter. So, in the next chapter you're still Zabimaru's slave."

Zangetsu sighed. "That'll seem shorter than the…uh…you know. What do you want me to do now, Zabimaru?" He gaze still showed traces of fear, and he didn't seem like he enjoyed the prospect of being someone's slave. But then again, who DOES?

"Allow me to sit on your back." Zabimaru ordered. Zangetsu reluctantly crouched down on all fours, and Zabimaru sat on him- more like fell on him- and stretched her legs. "Ah, this feels so much better than standing around all day..." she sighed contentedly and leaned back, causing Zangetsu to yell at her in annoyance.

"DAMN!" Zangetsu yelled. "HOW HEAVY ARE YOU, WOMAN?"

"That's not a nice question," Saru snapped. "If you ask anything like that again, I'll pummel you with my bankai. Won't we, Hebi?" Beside her, Hebi nodded in agreement, his fangs glistening brightly in the light of the rather dim room.

"Okay, okay." In Zangetsu's head: _She is really heavy though…_

"Last dare for today!" I called. "Ruriiro Kujaku, you have to slap your master."

There was silence for a moment. Then, Ruriiro Kujaku said cheerfully, "I don't really mind; he has to pay for calling me 'Fuji Kujaku'." He snorted, then his eyes became quizzical. "How are you going to get him over here, though?"

"Magic," I replied simply, and pointed to the wall. "There's a teleportation device there, although those don't even exist yet. Oh well, looks like I've been ahead in technology." Walking to the wall, I flipped open a panel and typed in 'Yumichika' in the tracking device. Beeping was soon heard, and I said, "Looks like he's having his beauty sleep, as it is night already." I hit the red button labeled 'teleport'. "He'll be here any second," I told them.

Sure enough, Yumichika appeared, eyes closed, snoring gently. However, the noisy chaos in the room caused him to wake up, and his eyes widened enormously. "What the…!" he began to yell in shock, but Ruriiro Kujaku slapped him hard in the face, sending feathers flying everywhere in random directions. I quickly slammed the teleportation button again with my palm and sent him back to the Eleventh Division, where all was quiet.

Yumichika's eyes were round as he returned to the dark and silent division, and yelled the last word he was going to say: "FUDGE!" He then blinked once, twice, thrice until he fell back asleep, muttering, "Thank goodness, it was only a dream...being slapped by my own zanpakuto, how disgraceful!"

What he didn't notice was that there was a purple feather sticking out of his hair.


	5. Wacky, Weird, Whatever

Thanks to these people for reviewing: ichigos future wife, Bunnychan360, Kitty Petro, fanficssuck, Misutii Hi No De, xchemx, ViceCaptainKaien, CottonballLOL, katizo terusei, Hazel Eyes401, chibi-san, ling123, MewTangerine, xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx, DaRkZeRoGaL

Favorites: Bunnychan360, fanficssuck, Hazel Eyes401, Rima-Konan-Miho, DaRkZeRoGaL

Alerts: Aqua Stranger, Bunnychan360, fanficssuck, Hazel Eyes401, Kitty Petro, Rima-Konan-Miho, DaRkZeRoGaL

This chapter's dares submitted by: ichigos future wife, Bunnychan360, Kitty Petro, fanficssuck, Misutii Hi No De

Quite an increase in reviews, favorites, stuff like that. o_O Never expected it, but thanks a bunch! :D

* * *

Wacky, Weird, Whatever

"Wow, this is a record," I commented while checking the traffic from yesterday for the story. I was pretty impressed with how smoothly the truth or dare game was going, and how it had gained quite a lot of attention. I chuckled inside of my head; the zanpakutos sure gained a bunch of attention through pure and utter chaos. I knew in my heart that even I couldn't do that; I wasn't the type for chaos, I was more of a silent type. Sure doesn't sound right now...here I was, in the Bleach universe, yelling at zanpakutos who didn't behave or got on my nerves. And to think I was the host of the unruly spirits, who were presumably decades older than I was.

"What is?" asked the twins Sogyo no Kotowari simultaneously, standing on their tiptoes to see the computer screen.

"From 11:00 am to 9:45 pm, this story has gotten 312 hits altogether, seventy-five hits for the last chapter, reviews from fifteen people, and more wacky dares." I grinned, rubbing my hands together like those evil scientists in movies. To relate it more to Bleach, you could say I kinda acted like Mayuri Kurotsuchi at that moment...just without the black-and-white makeup and crazy-long fingernails. "It's pretty awesome, isn't it?"

"Are we famous?" asked Zangetsu with a grunt, as he was still being sat on by the presumably heavy Zabimaru.

I shrugged. "That's for the readers to say," I replied as-a-matter-of-factly. "Oh yeah, there's a new rule...from now on I'll be taking in five peoples' dares at a time, all in order. So that pretty much means that some people will have to wait a while before I actually get to their dare. That'll be the best for managing a chapter, or a day, so our truth or dare session doesn't fall into complete chaos. It could be fun if it were only chaos, but then we'd have no control over ourselves."

"Why not just five dares instead of five people?" suggested the older half of Katen Kyokotsu, the younger half nodding in agreement.

"It'll be too short, and we'll have nothing to do if it's only five dares per day," I told them. "Let's begin, shall we? Starting with the first person for today, ichigos future wife."

_hahaha! this story is super funny! i luv it!  
I dare Kazeshini to dye his hair hot pink and wear a dress!_

I blinked once, then twice, and snuck a glance at the STILL unconscious Kazeshini. "Someone go wake up Kazeshini, please," I ordered, although I was pretty reluctant about doing so. I mean, he was quite a snappy one, being such a pessimist that even Wabisuke couldn't stand him. He had been unconscious for what...two days? and now he was going to get woken up. You know people that aren't early birds...once you wake them up, you're in instant hell.

"Sure thing!" Saru said cheerfully, standing up abruptly, leaving Zangetsu collapsing to the floor, panting like a dog. Saru strode over to Kazeshini on light footsteps as if she wasn't trying to wake him up, picked up Kazeshini by the shoulders and shook him lightly.

Nothing happened.

"Alright, Plan B," Saru muttered tartly. She turned him until her lips were right by his ear, and with staggering loudness she yelled, "WAKE UP, YOU DUMB FUCK!" The conscious zanpakuto spirits clapped their hands over their ears as Saru's yell shook the room.

No answer.

Hebi snickered at Saru's outraged look. "I don't think he heard that," he said with a smirk when Saru raised a fist, ready to punch the 'dumb fuck'. "I'll do it." He stretched over and, after a moment of aiming, bit Kazeshini's earlobe with all his might, a sly grin plastered on his face. "This should work," he muttered through Kazeshini's ear. Sure enough...

"OW! OWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" Kazeshini yelped, swatting away Hebi desperately. Hebi let go, opening his mouth and grinning. After Hebi glanced at the small bite marks on Kazeshini's earlobe, he apologized not-so-apologetically, "You wouldn't wake up."

"LET'S JUST SEE YOU WAKE UP GONRYOMARU, HUH!" Kazeshini yelled, pointing at the unconscious Gonryomaru, who was lying beside him with his nose still having the faintest trace of red. Kazeshini then looked at Gonryomaru with disbelief, and asked quizzically, "Why the hell is he unconscious, anyway?"

We all looked at each other with a real awkward smirk. "'You don't wanna know," I said, fighting to keep a grin from taking over my mouth. Hey, it's pretty hard not to laugh when others ask about an extremely awkward situation that they don't know about. He seemed so curious about the...dance...that he was almost dying of curiosity. But, unfortunately, he wasn't a cat so he couldn't die of curiosity. How sad. "Anyway, wake up Gonryomaru, too," I said.

Saru sighed and went over to Gonryomaru. She bent down, picking him up by the shoulders, and shook him like a ragdoll. Gonryomaru mumbled a bit of incoherent nonsense, then his eyes flew open in wide circles. "PUT ME DOWN, WOMAN!" he demanded, shaking his fists at Saru.

"Ever heard of being polite to women?" Saru muttered, dropping him carelessly on the floor. He landed on his butt with a loud thump and started to complain, but Saru cut him off by turning to Kazeshini and adding, "That was Plan A to wake you up, except we had to go up to Plan C."

Kazeshini uttered something I couldn't catch; probably something like "Stupid chimp." I then heard a resounding crash behind me, and whirled around to see Suzumebachi laying on top of a hot pink dress and a can of pink hair dye. She lifted her head, did the thumbs up, said happily, "I got everything! However, it was kinda heavy, so I had to drop it…" She pointed down at the dress and the pink hair dye. "We need these now, right?"

I smiled. "Yeah. You'll be the item fetcher from now on, alright?"

She put her arm up in a salute and grinned widely.

Kazeshini glanced at the dress curiously and asked, "Who's that for?"

That doesn't need answering.

-Ten minutes later-

"HOLY SHIT WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Kazeshini screamed at us, his hair now streaked with hot pink and wearing a surprisingly hot pink wedding dress, which was extremely hard to fit him into. I sighed, thinking about what we had to do to get him into the darned dress. First, Hyourinmaru had to freeze him with his ice. Second, Senbonzakura had to chip away the ice with his shikai. After that, when all the ice was chipped away, Kazeshini started running around trying to avoid being fitted into the dress, so I had to go and use Bakudo Nine: Geki. What a pain in the ass.

"Dare," I muttered, annoyed at the startled zanpakuto. "Technically anything that you DON'T want to do is a dare, so take that for granted and please keep quiet. Don't make me send Kukaku Shiba here to blow up your mouth with multiple fireworks. Also, it's only for one day!" Just the one day torture seemed to be enough to kill anyone. The one who was most prone to die by dares was Kazeshini, unfortunately for him. Not really. Kazeshini curled his lip in disgust, but kept quiet.

"Next few dares are from Bunnychan360."

_Great story so far! As fore my dares..._

_1. I dare Kazeshini to be handcuffed to Hisagi-san... for a week *evil smirk* (u may want to bring Kira-kun to keep the violence to a minimum, u dont have to tho)_

_2. I dare Tenken to eat super-spicy curry._

_3. I dare Hisagi-san to tell Komamura-taicho where he bought that brush he gave him (look at truths section for details)_

_Okay now for the Truths:_

_1. Does Kazeshini really hate Hisagi-san?_

_2. (Kazeshini again) What is Hisagi-san's most annoying habit?_

_3. (Haineko) Who can drink more, Rangiku-san or you?_

_4. (Tenken) Did Komamura-taicho really use that dog brush Hisagi san gave him? _

_5. (Tobiume) What's Momo-chan's favorite book?_

_6. (Suzumebachi) What's the wackiest thing you found in the supply closet?_

_There! I hope this isn't too much (or not enough *grins*) I'm looking forward to the next chapter! Ganbatte!_

"I guess we'll start with the truths. Kazeshini, do you hate Hisagi?"

Kazeshini harrumphed, seemingly forgetting for a moment that he was in a pink wedding dress and that his hair was dyed hot pink. "He pretty much hates me because I look like I'm meant to reap lives, so I guess I hate him in return. He's too gullible anyway."

"His most annoying habit?"

"Hmm…that's hard." He looked up at the ceiling, concentrating hard on thinking- an outstanding feat for him. "Let's see..." he began. "Either when he drinks too much and nearly kills himself by using me to lop his head off, or when he drinks too much and acts like a total pervert, or when he drinks too much and…" Kazeshini started to barrage us with everything Hisagi did when he was too drunk, some of which were quite…

You get my point.

"Alright, Haineko, who drinks more, you or Rangiku?"

Haineko scoffed, flicking her tail and rolling her eyes. "She's depressed about being an old hag, so she's turning to sake to wash down her worries. Of course she drinks more," she claimed. "She's just jealous that she doesn't get to be as sexy as me..."

"Tenken, did Komamura-taicho use the dog brush Hisagi gave him?"

Tenken nodded vigorously, then started blowing fire at different strengths. (Roughly translated as "You should have seen what he did with it. Oh, he used it almost every single day, trying to make his fur look as sleek as a seals and as shiny as Ikkaku's head. He worshipped it like it was his world.")

I smirked at the 'shiny as Ikkaku's head' part; no matter how many times Ikkaku denied it, his head would always be as shiny as heck. "Alright then…Tobiume, what's Hinamori's favorite book of all time?" I inquired.

"Probably Aizen's autobiography."

"AIZEN HAS AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY?" everyone exclaimed, jaws dropping. The traitor had an autobiography?

"Well, apparently he had paparazzi chasing after him for who-knows-what-reason, probably his atrocious looks, but anyway…" she coughed a little- "He wrote it so he would keep them away for a little while. He signed Momo's, and implanted a small bomb inside of the rest of the books. I suppose that's what he meant in the summary when it said 'This will blow you away'." She laughed. "But, Momo's didn't contain any, so she was obviously happy with it. She still keeps it, unfortunately."

"Last truth…Suzumebachi, what was the wackiest thing you found in the supply room?"

"Simply things that didn't exist," she replied, grinning.

"Like?"

"Time machines, an aging machine, and a whole lot of others! However, those aren't the wackiest ones I found..." The corners of her mouth twitched, and she pulled out a piece of paper from behind her back. "Look at this picture!" she squealed. We all peered at it, and our jaws hit the floor.

"That's not even possible…" Gegetsuburi stammered.

"I know it was edited, but it sure gave me a laugh!" Suzumebachi said cheerfully.

The picture was of Soifon and Urahara kissing blissfully, pink blush tinting Soifon's cheeks. "If you give that to Soifon," I muttered slowly, still staring at the picture, "She'll kill you for sure, Suzumebachi, and that's not going to be a pretty sight." It was a known fact that Soifon hated Urahara, but Yoruichi almost always paired Soifon with Urahara just for the fun of it.

"Exactly why I'm not going to give it to her!" Suzumebachi responded with that grin of hers. "I'll just keep it myself! But, she really DOES need a boyfriend…"

I laughed at Suzumebachi's comment. "Okay, time for the dares. I'll get Hisagi." I walked over to the teleportation machine, muttering under my breath, "Hisagi…teleport…done!" A flash of bright light, then Hisagi appeared, asleep. "Not an early bird, huh?" I muttered. I dragged him over and handcuffed him to Kazeshini, the handcuffs brought by Suzumebachi. Kazeshini opened his mouth in protest, but I slapped a hand over it and hissed, "Don't wake him up!"

"I can't believe I have to be stuck to him for seven frickin' chapters!" he hissed back.

"That's just too bad," I growled at him. "Anyways, the next dare is for Tenken...Tenken, you have to eat SUPER spicy curry. Since I can't cook very well, I'll teleport the spiciest curry the teleporter can find and send it here." I tapped the letters in and the curry appeared on a plate, sauce gleaming red and brown, steam steadily rising from it. Tenken picked it up cautiously, sniffed it curiously, and shook the curry into his mouth. He swallowed and set down the empty plate.

I could tell that this wasn't going to be good either, judging by the color of the curry sauce and the color of Tenken's face right now.

Indeed, his face started to turn into the color of the sauce, a mixture of red and brown, and he spat out the curry. The fire he blew out of spiciness scorched the room…it licked the walls, the flames crawling up the walls slowly, and the temperature rose drastically. Everyone screamed in fright, and without anyone's notice the sprinklers turned on, the room filling with steam. At this time Hisagi woke up to the screams, only to have the curry Tenken spat out hit his face.

After the sprinklers slowly became a drizzle, I looked around at the room; nothing was damaged, but everyone was sopping wet. Hisagi shifted around to move under the sprinkler, the water washing off the curry on his face. "My feathers…" Ruriiro Kujaku cried in dismay, staring at his soaked purple feathers.

Hisagi licked his lips but spat when he tasted some of the curry, his face burning up. "I…think…I know…who made…this…curry…" he said between gasps, tongue sticking out to catch the water from the sprinkler. "I think Rangiku-san and Orihime were experimenting with food again…" Hisagi muttered between gulps of water. "You never know what they use, what they do with it, and what they created." He sniffed. "Bananas, fish...expired marshmallows? Oh my..."

I groaned. "That timing was pretty bad, yet ironic. Final dare…Hisagi, tell Komamura-taicho where you got that dog brush."

"Alright, but first please tell me why I'm handcuffed to my zanpakuto…" He turned his head to look at Kazeshini, blinked twice, and yelled in bewilderment, "WHAT THE IN THE NAME OF SOUL SOCIETY ARE YOU WEARING, KAZESHINI?"

"WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT LOOK LIKE?" Kazeshini yelled back, struggling against the handcuffs. "IT WAS A FUDGING DARE, OKAY?"

"WHATEVER! ANYWAYS, KOMAMURA-TAICHO, ORIHIME INOUE HELPED ME GET IT FROM A PET STORE! I HOPED IT WORKED FOR YOU!" Hisagi yelled into the telephone I held close to his mouth.

I had dialed Division Seven's number, and once he finished confessing I set the phone back down. "Now he knows, so chill," I said, not having a care in the world, and put the phone away in the supply room. "Third person for today: Kitty Petro."

_Oh boy this is awesome_

_OK first of Because Soi Fon is awesome a few thing for Suzumebachi:_

_Truth: We know that Soi Fon hates Urahara's guts, but how does Suzumebachi feel about Benihime?_

_Because im a huge Yoruichi Soi Fon shipper i dare Suzumebachi to do the next best thing, french kiss Haineko (Sorry Haineko but youre the only cat around here and this has to be done!)_

_OK next up to Minazuki, I dare you to take off the robe, at least so we can see your face, I'm curious to see whats there_

_And lastly to Katen Kyokotsu (the small one) I dare you to take off your mask and to smile (not a creepy smile but a kind smile!)_

_Peace out_

Suzumebachi was silent for a moment, but soon erupted in loud laughter. "Benihime is a female…so, if you're assuming we love each other, that is wrong in SO many ways…" she explained, managing to talk with her raucous laughter, "but, I don't like her as a friend too much." Her laughter then came to an abrupt stop, and she pointed at Haineko with her stinger arm. She asked a little grudgingly, "Should I French kiss her now?"

"Humph. You're so small that you could fit inside my mouth," Haineko grumbled, glaring at the little hornet zanpakuto.

"As long as you don't swallow me I'm fine," Suzumebachi muttered. She flew up to Haineko's mouth, opened her own mouth, and unwillingly stuck out her tongue. Haineko did the same, tongue nearly curling around Suzumebachi, and they touched tongues lightly before entering their tongues into each other's mouth. After a split-second of that, Suzumebachi immediately recoiled in disgust and snapped, "Your tongue tastes like sake!"

"Yours tastes worse!" Haineko growled.

"Tell me then, what is it?"

"Expired sake!"

"That's only because I had to taste your tongue!"

"That's only because of a dare!"

They started bickering, arguing about whose tongue tasted worst. I sighed in exasperation and said, "Alright, Minazuki, just take off your robe while they're at it."

Minazuki slowly lifted the robe, and Suzumebachi and Haineko stopped their argument to watch Minazuki's dare closely. We leaned forward in anticipation, eyes narrowed, bracing ourselves for the outcome…what was under that mysterious robe? Drum roll please! Minazuki finally threw off his? her? its? robe in a flourish. Our eyes then widened, but we hit the floor, creating many oddly shaped holes in the wood.

"ANOTHER ROBE?" we cried.

I crawled out of my hole in disappointment and muttered, "That's really disappointing…I was kind of hoping for more." I mean, it's always a thrill figuring out something you never knew and had always wanted to know...but other obstacles just HAD to get in the way. It's like Kakashi from Naruto, you know? His mouth is always covered by a mask or something else, if the mask were absent. It's quite frustrating trying to figure out stuff like that. "The younger half of Katen Kyokotsu," I continued, "please remove your mask and smile kindly for us. The rest of you, come out as well so you guys can see the dare."

The younger half of Katen Kyokotsu jumped out of her hole and waited patiently for everyone else to come out of their holes shaped like them. Once everyone was present, she removed her mask and tried to smile as sweetly as possible. She was actually very beautiful…all the male spirits had hearts as eyes, which caused Sode no Shirayuki to slap Zangetsu and Haineko and Tobiume to slap Hyourinmaru. Katen Kyokotsu quickly put the mask back on, the hearts in the males' eyes disappearing, and nodded at me to say the next person's dares.

"Next is fanficssuck."

_LOLOLOLOL_

_I like crack…_

_I dare Zangetsu to stick his head up the female Zabimaru's...behind. Yes, I am mentally disturbed. Oh, and then the snake one has to stick his head up Zangetsu._

_Sorry if I just gave you a nightmare XD_

Zangetsu and Zabimaru fell back into their holes in the exact same position. "We're gonna die…" came from one of the holes, so quiet and indistinct that none of us could tell who said it. Poor Zangetsu...he always had the most humiliating dares of all time. And Saru...well, she was going to bear the pain. All Hebi had to do was watch, but I didn't think he'd want to even if he was a pervert along with the rest of the male zanpakuto spirits.

"Might as well come out and get it over with…" I muttered, and shut my eyes.

-THIS PORTION IS OBVIOUSLY CENSORED-

-A minute later-

"WATER!" All three of them cried, gasping for air, and I tossed them three water bottles. They chugged them down with astonishing speed, swallowing at the speed of light, and cried again, "WATER!"

Out of impatience, I chucked a whole box of water bottles at them, the box crashing down on their heads. "THERE'S YOUR WATER, OKAY?" I yelled. Without a word, they started gulping down the water bottles one by one. Was the water really that good? Even I couldn't drink that much water, no matter how thirsty I was. I shook my head at the three traumatized zanpakutos and announced, "The last person for today is Misutii Hi No De."

_I was laughing so hard I nearly fell off my couch for this chapter! HAHAHA! Suzumebachi's prank with the balloon sent me over the edge! xD_

_Okay, I have one more dare. This one is for Suzumebachi:_

_*evil grin* She has to give everyone a kiss, on the lips! (yes, even the girls) *cackles maniacly*_

Suzumebachi, to my surprise, saluted and smiled. "This will be quick, everyone!" she called out and whizzed around the room immediately, stopping momentarily at the spirits' lips to give them a small peck, appearing as a thin yellow streak in the air. I blinked a bit as she grinned and gave me a kiss on the lips. She finally stopped at Hisagi, gave him a kiss, and sat on his head; she was finally finished with her kissing spree. "Nobody felt that, did they?" she asked.

Everyone shook their head; I did too, as I could barely feel her lips on mine. I checked the reviews once more on the computer and called Zangetsu over once I spotted a particular review. "xchemx has some sympathy for you, Zangetsu," I told him, and showed him the review:

_Ahaha! Thanks for using my dare! Great chapter, though I felt awful for Zangetsu. Tell him he has my sympathies and my special homemade virtual cookies._

"Virtual…cookies…?" he questioned, gazing expectantly at the teleporter.

"Apparently so."

"It's at least better than Suzumebachi's expired sake-tasting mouth," Haineko grumbled.

That led to a cat-and-hornet fight.

If those exist.


	6. Love You, Hate You, Dance With Me

Thanks to these people for reviewing: Kitty Petro, ichigos future wife, vampirexgothxgirl, Misutii Hi No De, ling123, xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx, lunarprincess21

Favorites: pinkfire101, vampirexgothxgirl, Rukiadragon

Alerts: Fanfiction Fanatiction, vampirexgothxgirl, blackteaplease

This chapter's dares submitted by: ViceCaptainKaien, CottonballLOL, katizo terusei, Hazel Eyes401, chibi-san

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Love You, Hate You, Dance With Me

I walked back into the room, yawning after just coming back from my spring break vacation. It was pretty fun...the weather was nice and all, but I still liked my hometown better. There was cotton candy, snow, showers, dancing mushrooms...OBVIOUSLY THIS IS ALL FAKE! DID YOU REALLY THINK I'D TELL YOU SOMETHING LIKE THAT? If you looked at the beginning of the second sentence and thought in disbelief, "She's actually going to tell us?" then you are an idiot. If you aren't laughing, so be it, I don't expect you to laugh at such cheesy humor. If you are laughing, shut the hell up so you can actually continue reading. Thank you. Anyways, when I came back, the first thing I saw was all the spirits on the floor, passed out, their cheeks tinted with red. I slapped my head in sudden realization, as I forgot I had kept _everything_ here- including sake.

There was only one thing left to do.

Here goes...

"WAKE UP, YOU LOT OF DUMBASSES!" I hollered, cupping my hands around my mouth.

They all jolted up in an instant, jumping into the air, eyes bulging. The tint of redness wasn't quite gone from their cheeks- the effect of the sake was still working its 'magic'. Great...now I had to play truth or dare with a bunch of drunk zanpakutos. Looks like they didn't behave like mature kids...but then again, it's quite hard to find mature people who weren't adults. Rolling my eyes, I asked in a growl, "Whose idea was it to get sake?"

All spirits furiously pointed toward Hozukimaru, who in return pointed frantically at Suzumebachi. "So? I didn't get it, Suzumebachi did!" he cried, frightened.

"You were the one who had to come up with the stinkin' idea!" Suzumebachi yelled.

"And all of you agreed to it!" I roared, cracking my knuckles with fire crackling threateningly in the background. The zanpakutos stared at me in fear...wait, hold on a mo', I never knew I could scare people like that...surely something's wrong with me. Ignore that for now... "For this," I continued, glaring at each and every one of them, "you will all do humiliating dares, although the reviewers will probably target you sooner or later. I'd prefer sooner, so let's start." I turned on the computer and checked the reviews. "First one's from ViceCaptainKaien."

_Haha hilarious!_

_Okay... Hyourinmaru, Tobuime... question. If you guys love eachother, does that mean Toushiro and Momo love eachother as weel and when you two kiss, is it like an indirect kiss for them?_

_Haineko, I dare you to kiss Omaeda's zanpaktou._

_Suzembachi, I dare you to wear this -hands her a sexy sailor uniform- For 3 days(3 chapters) straight._

_I dare... Zangetsu to dye his hair a bright color! Maybe a bright orange..._

_Thats it, still funny!_

Tobiume looked at Hyourinmaru, blushing shyly. "Yes, we love each other," she confirmed with a small smile. "I don't know if Hitsugaya-Taicho and Momo love each other, though...but since their souls kissed, I guess that is an indirect kiss. They needed a kiss, anyway. What do you think, Hyourinmaru?" Hyourinmaru just nodded in agreement.

I smiled. "Alright, Haineko, kiss Gegetsuburi."

"HELL NO! HE'S NOT THE RIGHT TYPE OF SEXY!" Haineko cried indignantly, backing away from the shirtless obese zanpakuto.

"That's mean!" Gegetsuburi wailed, running toward her on stubby legs. Haineko let out a shriek and ran around the room, Gegetsuburi chasing after her. Haineko finally turned around, making him skid to a halt, and kicked him in the stomach, sending him sprawling on the floor. Gegetsuburi winced and started to complain, but was silenced by Haineko's expression. She stood far away from him, glowering venomously, and he stared back. Epic staring contest begins now.

After a few minutes, neither had blinked. Some female zanpakutos sent hushed whispers to her, chiding her to do the dares, but she continued to stare cold and hard at Gegetsuburi. Suzumebachi's eyes then lit up, and she grinned slyly; she went to Haineko's ear and whispered something. The effect was dramatic: Haineko's eyes became wild with fright and she lunged at Gegetsuburi. Gegetsuburi flinched away but stopped in surprise when Haineko planted her lips onto his. After the quick kiss, Haineko screeched, "IF KOMAMURA-TAICHO'S DOG COMES, HIDE ME!"

We all furrowed our eyebrows in confusion. What? That never happened. I strained to listen for noises outside, but there were none. Then, Suzumebachi smiled guiltily...I spotted her expression and demanded, "What'd you tell her?"

"Well, since she wouldn't agree to do the dare, I told her something so that she would do it." The corners of her mouth twitched slightly, and Suzumebachi continued, "I told her that if she didn't participate in the dare, Komamura-Taicho's dog Goro would come and get her. It worked, though!" she said brightly, ignoring the glares from Haineko. "She really did kiss the fatty! I never thought she'd fall for that!"

Tobiume smirked and mused loud enough so that Haineko could hear, "She's not only an old hag, she's also a dumb old hag…"

A damn angry Haineko twitched her eyebrows, and a gargantuan vein pulsed in her forehead like crazy. "You little FLAT-CHESTED GIRL!" she screamed, launching herself at Tobiume, who simply jumped up and out of reach. They continued squabbling, Haineko missing every time Tobiume jumped, and I sighed- they were still kids, after all. Handing Suzumebachi the sailor uniform that came through the teleporter, I told her, "Change in there." I pointed to a...no, I mean THE...random door. She nodded and headed in. Turning to Zangetsu, I tossed him a can of orange hair dye, courtesy of Suzumebachi bringing it when Haineko did her dare. However, when I put my hands into my pockets, I felt something plastic…when I took out the slightest bit I noticed that it was a package of hair gel.

Thanks, Suzumebachi.

-Five minutes later-

"Hold still," I grumbled to Zangetsu, holding the hair dye in one hand and the hair gel in another. "I'm almost finished."

Suzumebachi grinned and gave me a thumbs up, having already changed into the sailor outfit. It was a little _too _sexy for my taste…the collar was too low, the skirt was really short, and all the things deemed sexy...but oh well. I grabbed the last remaining flat hank of Zangetsu's hair and used the hair gel to stick it straight up, trying to make sure that Zangetsu didn't feel anything I was doing to his hair. "Done!" I announced proudly, smiling at my handiwork of Ichigo's hairstyle...on Zangetsu's hair!

Saru and Hebi grinned at Zangetsu. "Looks like Ichigo as an old man," Hebi observed, reaching over to pet one of the spikes in Zangetsu's hair. "But I really think that the beard should be orange too, or even shaved. That way it'd look a lot more like Ichigo."

"WHAT?" Zangetsu exclaimed, his eyes wide. "SOMEONE GIVE ME A DAMN MIRROR!" Suzumebachi handed him a small mirror, having gone to the supply room before his exclamation, and smiled at him. Zangetsu looked at himself in dismay, raising a hand to his now slick and orange hair. Blinking once, then blinking twice, he started sobbing dramatically, tears pouring out like mini waterfalls. "I liked my old hairstyle better," he sobbed. "This is too...unoriginal!"

"Zangetsu does look like Ichigo, except with facial hair and glasses," Sode no Shirayuki commented, not paying any attention to Zangetsu's complaints.

"Not you too, Sode no Shirayuki!" Zangetsu cried, burying his face into his arms.

I sighed, shaking my head at the old zanpakuto's reaction. "Next person: CottonballLOL."

_Aw! I really wanna see Nejibana! I mean, Kaien is deceased and people still write about him, but no one- and I seriously mean NO ONE- has offered or even tried to include her as a decent role in any fanfiction. Neji is just a beautiful zanpakuto as Sode no Shirayuki, and I for one would like to fume and sulk in my own little corner over this tragic loss. People...you have got to at least give Neji some love! __*sobs*_

Everyone was quiet a moment, acknowledging this fact. "Well, we don't exactly know what Nejibana's materialized form is, so we didn't add her," I explained. "Oh yeah, CottonballLOL has reviewed four times, so I'll just combine them. Continuing on…"

_Whoopee...And, yes, I'm still sulking...OH! OH! I'VE GOTTA DARE! GET ZANGETSU TO HIT ON SODE NO SHIRAYUKI! Though it would be sexier the other way around as well...hehee_

_That was hilarious! Way to go! Yeah...and I'd sorta like to see...Haineko give Hyorinmaru a wedgie!_

_I dare Kazeshini to dance around Haineko, singing " she loves me, she loves me not" while throwing flower petals everywhere from a basket slung over his shoulder. I want Senbonzakura to kick Zangetu's ** and say," she's mine, slobberpuss!" before whisking Sode no Shirayuki away in his arms. Oh...and Senbonzakura has to hold her like that no matter what happens until the day ends. :D bwahaha!_

"So, baby…" Zangetsu immediately recovered from his laments about his hair, and went up to Sode no Shirayuki a little TOO close for comfort. "Wanna talk a bit?" Sode no Shirayuki blushed as Zangetsu backed her into a corner, and they started flirting to their heart's content. Zangetsu had seemed to forget that he looked like Ichigo, as he was leaning comfortably against the wall and having quite a pleasant conversation with Sode no Shirayuki. I turned to Haineko and said, "You know your second dare full well. Do it now."

"That dare's just too sick!" she protested, eyes wide in shock.

"Too bad."

She sighed in defeat and muttered, "Hyourinmaru, come here." Hyourinmaru strode over to her, stoic as ever. Haineko reached out…

And the rest was censored history.

-A minute later-

Hyourinmaru pulled at his garments, red blush slowly but surely creeping into his cheeks. Haineko shifted uneasily, not enjoying the dare at all. I blinked, a smile on my face, and nodded toward Suzumebachi to go to the supply room. She darted inside the room and came back with the basket full of rose petals. Kazeshini grudgingly took the basket, peered inside it suspiciously, and complained, "Do I have to do this after what she did on the first day of the dares?"

"I'm pretty sure I don't have to answer that."

He groaned and slapped his forehead, but eventually gave in and started skipping around the flustered Haineko. "She loves me…she loves me not…she loves me…she loves me not…" he sang, throwing the sweet-smelling rose petals everywhere. Haineko looked awfully embarrassed while everyone else looked on, amused, and when Kazeshini pulled out the last bunch of petals he cried jubilantly, "SHE LOVES ME!"

WHAM. Haineko shook with anger, her arm outstretched, fist clenched. Kazeshini slumped against the wall, eyes spinning like a wild top.

"Great. That's another three days of unconsciousness," I muttered, rolling my eyes at the two zanpakutos. Kazeshini was just as much as a pervert as Hisagi was, and Haineko had her own ways of knocking out people like Rangiku did, even though Rangiku's were more awkward...people would either get struck by her 'melons' or get stuck in them. I've always wondered how the hell that was possible...going on. "Senbonzakura, it's your turn for your first dare," I told the waiting masked zanpakuto.

"Alright; this will be easy." He walked quietly over to Zangetsu, making sure his footsteps were masked by Zangetsu's chatter. When Senbonzakura was at the right distance, he readied his foot for a kick. Glancing at Zangetsu then adjusting his foot for the aim, Senbonzakura kicked Zangetsu hard in the ass. Zangetsu howled in pain, jumping up in shock, and turned around to face Senbonzakura. However, Senbonzakura had already gotten to Sode no Shirayuki, hugging her like he would never let go. "SHE'S MINE, SLOBBERPUSS!" he yelled protectively yet triumphantly.

Zangetsu was about to snatch her back, but I muttered, "Bakudo Four: Hainawa." The yellow rope bound his arms in a flash, sending him staggering back and falling down. He growled and started to retort, but I told him, "Hey, it was a dare, so chill out. Senbonzakura gets to hug her for the rest of the chapter, and you have nothing to do about it. Deal with it, even if she isn't your lover. Anyway, the next person is katizo terusei."

_muhahaha prepare for this i am evil. (get the tissues ready)_

_HYORINMARU AND WABISUKE MUST STRIP DANCE TO BLAH BLAH BLAH BY KE$HA_

_Now Wabisuke has to bitchslap Izuru, KENPACHI!, and Gegetsuburi._

_Tobiume has to do the caramelldansen while Wabisuke does the soulja boy._

_and finally you ALL have to do the cotton eyed joe.  
that is all(for now)_

Suzumebachi sped to the supply room once she heard the dares; she came back a few minutes later, somehow managing to cradle four boxes of tissue papers in her arms. She set them down beside me and gazed expectantly at the zanpakutos, who scrambled to the tissue boxes and drew out a few tissues. Hozukimaru grabbed his handful of tissues and snickered, "Wabisuke is already partially stripped because he doesn't have a shirt…"

WHAM.

"You don't either, dumbass," Wabisuke muttered darkly, having punched Hozukimaru squarely in the stomach. Hozukimaru had doubled over due to the force of the punch and started to yell at Wabisuke, but Wabisuke had turned away and started to strip once the music started.

"Blah blah blah blah..."

-THIS PORTION IS CENSORED-

-Three minutes later-

"Hyourinmaru, can you remove the bloody tissues? Thanks." No need to say what happened.

"Finished. You're welcome." Don't need to say what happened there either.

"Wabisuke, come with Gegetsuburi to the teleporter," I said, typing the destination on the teleporter. They both reluctantly went over, glancing warily at the machine. "Wabisuke, you go first. You'll go to the third division." I tapped a few buttons and he disappeared in a flash. I turned to Gegetsuburi, who looked quite nervous about the prospect of teleporting, and told him, "Your turn." He went forward uneasily, and I hit a few more buttons and pressed the teleportation button.

Nothing happened.

I checked the screen, surprised at what happened. Narrowing my eyes at what the screen showed, I muttered, "Too much body fat…huh. Haven't seen that one before. Only one thing left to do." Looking at Gegetsuburi, who looked back in confusion, I led him to a large black metal circle in the wall. I popped it open and commanded, "Get in." He obediently did so, and I shut the door, the wick swinging into place. "Tenken…if you would please." Tenken nodded and blew, the wick catching on fire, the small flame eating its way toward the door. "Please plug your ears. The cannon will launch Gegetsuburi in five…four…three…two…one…"

BOOOOOOOM.

We all peeked out the window after clapping our hands over our ears and saw Gegetsuburi soaring through the air, a load of flesh that was snatching wildly at nothing. Rolling my eyes at the obese idiot, I told the rest of them, "I'll teleport Wabisuke and Gegetsuburi back after I sense Kenpachi's reiatsu. He's gonna try and kill Wabisuke for reasons too obvious..." Inside my head I thought, _I don't think Kenpachi's going to get hurt by Wabisuke's slap because his skin is pretty damn hard. Nerves of steel, abs of steel, AND cheeks of steel? Holy crud...how some people would die to get all those._

"How are you going to get back that disgraceful mound of flesh?" Ruriiro Kujaku asked in disgust, obviously hoping that Gegetsuburi would never come back.

That's a pretty good question. I was going to make a reply, but I felt Kenpachi's reiatsu rise drastically…we weren't that far from Seireitei, after all. Hurrying to the teleporter, I typed in 'Wabisuke' and hit the teleportation button. Wabisuke stumbled in, dazed but amazingly unhurt. I typed in 'Gegetsuburi' and hit the teleportation button once more, waiting nervously, tapping my foot. Gegetsuburi made it through, gasping for breath…but once he stepped foot in the room, springs popped out of the teleporter and it went up in smoke.

Damn. He broke it.

"You need to cut some weight, Gegetsuburi," I muttered, glaring at the flummoxed Gegetsuburi. "That teleporter took forever to get. Go and borrow some money from Omaeda so you can pay for the damage. Anyway, Tobiume and Wabisuke, dance to the Caramelldansen and the Soulja Boy." I inserted a CD into the boombox that was never put away and pushed 'play' for the Caramelldansen. Then, I went on the computer and went on YouTube to get the Soulja Boy song playing. "To make this faster, I have you guys dancing at the same time," I explained. "Please try and deal with it..."

Tobiume held her hands up to her head to form rabbit ears and swung her hips, while Wabisuke jumped, crossed his legs, and cried, "YOU!" despite his stubbornness. The thought of Wabisuke actually LIKING this dance worked its way into my mind, but I shook it off. That seemed impossible, didn't it...?

But then again, nothing was impossible. Good grief.

-Four minutes later-

After Tobiume had collapsed due to swinging her hips too many times to count and Wabisuke sat on the floor shunning everyone else as usual, I called out, "Alright, so the next dare is apparently dancing to Cotton-Eye Joe." When everyone stood there with a dumb look on their face, backs slouched, and their eyes blank, I chided, "C'mon, just listen and follow me." I switched the CD in the boombox with another and played the music. and the man started singing, "If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe, I'd been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go, where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe?" I started dancing happily, feet moving nimbly. After some strange looks the zanpakuto started to dance too, laughing and trying to sing along.

"If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe,

"I'd been married a long time ago.

"Where did you come from, where did you go?

"Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe?"

-Four minutes later-

We all sat on the floor, exhausted from our round of dancing. Tobiume was laying on the floor, breathing heavily, while Wabisuke showed no signs of tiredness...just the usual emo stuff. I guzzled down some water before announcing, "The next person is Hazel Eyes401."

_This is an awesome story. Zabimaru needs a good dare. Let's see._

_*Thinking posture.*_

_Zabimaru (both of them) have to do the old rhyme "Mrs. Mary Mack" with one another (this includes clapping the hands - I think shoulders, thighs, clap and clap the partner hands in time with the tune.)_

_Another one that would be good: Tobiume and Heineko have to jump rope using Zabimaru's chain as a rope._

_I hope these sound like decent dares._

_I really enjoy your story._

"Go, Saru and Hebi. How about both you do Mrs. Mary Mack while Haineko and Tobiume are trying to jump rope with your chain?" I suggested. "Just try not to get hit by the chain while you guys are doing the claps and stuff."

"Alrighty," Hebi agreed, grinning and facing Saru. Tobiume and Haineko went forward, each grasping an end of the chain, and started to swing the rope and jump. Hebi and Saru started to clap to Mrs. Mary Mack, alternating between verses. Hebi started first.

"Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack," sang Hebi.

"All dressed in black, black, black," sang Saru.

"With silver buttons, buttons, buttons,"

"All down her back, back, back."

"She asked her mother, mother, mother,"

"For fifteen cents, cents, cents."

"To see the elephants, elephants, elephants,"

"Jump over the fence, fence, fence."

"They jumped so high, high, high,"

"They reached the sky, sky, sky."

They never came back, back, back,"

"'Til the fourth of July, ly, ly!"

"YOU LIE!" both of them cried, and smacked each other on the forehead.

Hebi winced, rubbing his now red forehead. "That hurt, Saru!" he complained.

"Don't be complaining to me, smartass, because you hit me on the head too!" Saru angrily yelled at Hebi. While Saru and Hebi had a bicker session in which whose hit to the head was harder, Tobiume and Haineko stopped jumping, tired from swinging the heavy chain. The chain didn't seem to like them much, either...when they sat down and relaxed their arms, the chain swung down and smacked them right in the ass.

"IT'S NOT NICE TO HIT A LADY!" Haineko yelled, turning around to point accusingly at the heavy chain. However, when she turned around, her jaw dropped in disbelief. I smirked at the appalled pink cat, thinking, _Think before you speak, especially if it's with inanimate objects. Never plan conversations with them...if you're crazed in the head, go for it. No one's gonna stop you._

"Last person, chibi-san."

_hey r u happy Ruriiro Kujaku cause your master r so wrong about u. U r so awsome and pretty._

Ruriiro Kujaku beamed immensely. "Thank you, chibi-san! I am very happy!"

_oh i dare suzumbachi to beat the hell out of ur master and urahara._

Suzumebachi grinned. "Yay!" she cheered, jumping up and down in her excitement. "She desperately needs a boyfriend anyway!"

"Come to the extra teleporter," I said, not bothering to hide my scowl aimed at Gegetsuburi. She followed me to it, grinning all the while, shaking in delight at her dare. "Alright, I'll first teleport you to Urahara's shop," I told her, fiddling with the tempting buttons. "Urahara's shop...teleport!" I pressed the red button, but the expected of the unexpected happened.

Nothing happened. YAY!

I peered at the screen, flabbergasted. Suzumebachi got out of the teleporter and hovered over my shoulder, looking at the screen. Her jaw dropped when she read out loud, "Lack of body fat…"

A large sweat drop was on my forehead when I muttered to her, "You need to put on a TON of weight."


	7. Time to Party!

Thanks to these people for reviewing: Misutii Hi No De, fanficssuck, blackteaplease, fanficluva, KuroEqualsBitch, chibi-san, chappy1000, katizo terusei, Esor-Aleakim

Favorites: chappy1000, KuroEqualsBitch, ObssesiveAnimeGirl14, Esor-Aleakim

Alerts: chappy1000, KuroEqualsBitch, Esor-Aleakim

This chapter's dares submitted by: ling123, MewTangerine, xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx, DaRkZeRoGaL, Kitty Petro

Someone tell me how I manage to write these chapters when I'm half-asleep. -.-

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Time to Party!

I yawned widely, stretching my arms and legs. "I'm so tired...it's already the next day..." I murmured, stretching some more. I gazed out the window, blinking at the rays of sunshine that glared into my eyes. The sky was a perfect, cloudless blue- the weather I liked the most. It was undeniably fitting for some fun and games. I observed the fatigued zanpakutos calmly- all of them were up, but they weren't exactly awake, either. "Hey, Zangetsu," I called out. "You can remove your Ichigo-do now." As Zangetsu rushed over to a sink and rubbed the dye and gel off, I called out again, "Senbonzakura, you can stop hugging Sode no Shirayuki, I think she wants some air."

Sure enough, Sode no Shirayuki was gasping for breath, her face slightly purple. Senbonzakura looked down at her face, startled, and immediately let go of her. Sode no Shirayuki stumbled out of Senbonzakura's embrace, putting her hands on her knees to catch her breath. I smirked lightly at the two before yawning again- I looked down at my watch wearily and groaned. It was only six in the morning and we were all awake. Nonetheless, I called the zanpakutos together to start day seven of truth or dare. Opening my mouth in a larger yawn, I announced a little unclearly, "Alright, it's been a week...yawn...and since it's successful, we'll continue...yawn...can't stop yawning...damn it...yawn..." I scowled at myself before continuing, "The first person is...AH CHOO! ling123."

_i luv this story and i would like to dare zangetsu to kiss sode no shirayuki_

"Well, that's no problem," Zangetsu said brightly, his hair damp from washing off the dye. He sped over to the panting Sode no Shirayuki and took her in a bear hug, kissing her passionately. Sode no Shirayuki's eyes shone with immense happiness as he did so, returning the kiss with equal passion. She didn't notice when Senbonzakura _supposedly_ shot a glare at her and Zangetsu- I mean, how are you supposed to tell under that mask of his?- and neither did Zangetsu.

I found myself yawning again...but this time of boredom. After they had finished their long kiss, I coughed to gain the spirits' attention. "Second person, MewTangerine."

_Hi peoples!_

_Can I hug Hisagomaru please?_

_I dare Wabisuke to sing the Happy song! (The one that goes: "I am really special cuz there's only one of me!")_

_I dare Senbonzakura and Kazeshini and Hyorinmaru to do the macarena!_

_Okay, that's all! Byebye!_

I pointed to the second teleporter, as the first still wasn't repaired yet...I'm going to have to remind Gegetsuburi to pay for the damages. "Go in there, Hisagomaru," I instructed him. Hisagomaru quietly shuffled over to the cylinder-shaped machine, and I tinkered with the buttons again. He disappeared in a flash after I had finished with the controls, and I muttered, "I'll know when he's hugged by feeling his unsteady reiatsu."

Sure enough, I felt Hisagomaru's wavering reiatsu, and teleported him back. Hisagomaru appeared in the room, staggering out of the teleporter with strange cross bandages all over him. He blinked his only eye, having noticed our curious stares, and explained nervously, "That girl had a crushing hug! Trust me, it was horrible...I couldn't get out of it! Hide me so that she doesn't have to hug me again!" he cried, darting behind Tenken.

I raised my eyebrows at the timid zanpakuto before transitioning to the next dare. "Alright, next portion of MewTangerine's dares…Wabisuke, please sing for us." I tossed a lyrics sheet at him, newly printed thanks to Suzumebachi, and he caught it without looking up. I shrugged, switching CDs in the boombox again, and turned on the music. Wabisuke started to sing, but his voice wasn't as rich as Zangetsu's- rather, it had a sickly tone to it, like he had a cold for weeks. So he sang the song like he had a nasal congestion:

"I am really special 'cause there's only one of me!

"Look at my smile. I'm so damn happy, other people are jealous of me!"

"Jealous my ass," Hozukimaru muttered, rolling his eyes at the singing emo. Wabisuke shot a death glare at Hozukimaru before continuing to sing.

"When I'm sad and lonely, I like to sing this song. It cheers me up and shows me that I won't be sad for long! Oh oh oh…"

"'Cheers me up' my ass," said you-probably-know-who with a smirk playing on his lips, and he casually put his hands behind his head. Wabisuke glared another death glare, seriously looking like he was going to kill Hozukimaru right then. However, Wabisuke shivered like he was trying to push that action out of his mind. He continued singing...

"I'm so happy I can barely breathe. Puppy dogs, sugar frogs, and kitten's baby teeth.

"Watch out all you mothers! I'm happy it's hardcore. Happy as a coupon for a twenty dollar whore. Oh oh oh…"

"Happy my ass…"

"I'm really happy, I'm sugarcoated me. Happy good, anger bad that's my philosophy!

"I can't do this man, I'm not happy…"

"That's more like it!" Hozukimaru cheered, pumping his fists into the air. Wabisuke abruptly stopped singing, turning so slowly that everyone knew Hozukimaru was in deep trouble. Sure enough, Wabisuke charged forward, his skinny arms wrapping tightly around Hozukimaru's neck.

Everyone wrenched him off the flailing Hozukimaru, and I cried, "Stop it, Wabisuke! You're done for now, okay? Anyways, Hyourinmaru, Senbonzakura, Kazeshini, dance to the Macarena."

They sighed, removing their hands from Wabisuke, and all three of them lined up side-by-side. They stood straight, expressions as stoic as a soldier's until the music started- then their expressions were completely exaggerated. Right hand forward, left hand forward. Right palm up, left palm up…

They were actually pretty good at it.

-Three minutes later-

"Third person, xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx."

_Hehehe. that was awesome. your my hero.  
Thanks for using my dare! xD and making it epic! :3_

_I enjoy teasing these zanpakto's (Cant speel DX)_

_Heheh, so...i want them to ALL do a dare that will make my day. night, and rest of the year. :3_

_EACH zanpakto (DX) Must go over to there holder and they has ta Smack there **. X3 heh, after that, (i LOVE teasing him! xD) Zangetsu must go over to ichigo and a find a way to get his hollow out...heh...then he has ta Kiss him_

_Oh, the irony of it all. FOR HIM! XD_

I groaned. Thanks, xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx. "Everyone, get inside the fudging cannon."

"WHY?" they exclaimed.

"'Cause I said so. GET IN!" I yanked open the door and growled viciously, "If you don't, I'm going to totally OWN your asses with my special roundhouse kick." I smirked; I obviously didn't know how because I couldn't fight, but I was trying to scare them. It apparently worked, as they all scrambled in without taking glances behind their backs. Tenken went in last- yes, the cannon was THAT large- and lit the wick. I jabbed my fingers into my ears just before the giant BOOOOOOOOOOM. Looking out the window, I saw them all flying into the sky, heading for Seireitei.

I smiled and sat down, grabbing a stray book and starting to read. I was alone, but not for long. When I heard the ginormous crash in the distance I knew that they had landed. Rolling my eyes, I went to the supply room and grabbed an oxygen mask for when everyone's reiatsu would skyrocket. I sincerely hoped Tenken landed on all of them and squashed them flat like a pancake.

Ooh, zanpakuto pancakes...

But what was the point, though? I mean, all I would be eating would be a mouthful of metal- that is, if they hadn't reverted to their sword forms_. _

I looked out the window again, grinning at the giant cloud of dust in the distance. _I will predict that they will kick their masters' asses in fifteen seconds._

One…

Two…

Reiatsu spike.

Or maybe two.

Putting the mask on and breathing normally, I went over to the giant vacuum that was installed the other night. Smirking, I turned it on with a simple flick of a switch, and BOY IT BUSTED MY EARDRUMS.

Grimacing at the sound ringing in my ears, I opened the door to the giant vacuum and stepped aside as everyone fell into the room, gasping while laughing their heads off. "How was it?" I asked, shutting the circluar door.

"What do you think?" Suzumebachi asked. "BOY IT WAS AWESOME! SOIFON FREAKED WHEN SHE SAW WHAT I WAS WEARING!"

Inside my head, I pouted. So much for peace and serenity.

_How unfortunate._

"Zangetsu, find a way to get Ichigo's inner Hollow out," I said, referring to the next dare. Striding over to the teleporter, I made sure that the person I was sending over was indeed the Death Strawberry, and pressed the button once I confirmed my action.

Ichigo appeared in a flash of bright light, looking flustered and very red in the face. "Why am I here?" he grumbled, not acknowledging anyone in the room. "I just got my ass kicked by Zangetsu…" It was at this time Ichigo finally spotted Zangetsu. He stared at his zanpakuto in bewilderment and yelled while pointing, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE, ZANGETSU?" Zangetsu didn't answer- he just drew his sword and slashed at Ichigo, but Ichigo blocked it and shouted angrily, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Zangetsu shrugged apologetically at the Death Strawberry, then tossed aside his sword, nearly lopping off Senbonzakura's head. Ichigo cocked his head skeptically, still holding up his sword in defense, but it was no use when Zangetsu murmured, "Ah…" opening his mouth as if in a yawn.

"Ah…" Ichigo unconsciously mimicked, his mouth open, but then widened his eyes in realization as a black blur came rushing toward him. "H-HEY! WHAT THE FUDGE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING NOW, OLD MAN?" Ichigo yelled right before Zangetsu planted his lips on Ichigo's. We could clearly see every little detail: Zangetsu's cheek moving slightly when his tongue moved into Ichigo's mouth, Ichigo's eyes bulging in fright- then there was the faintest flicker of white…Zangetsu quickly stepped away, grimacing, and I pushed Ichigo back into the teleporter. Ichigo was gone for what he probably hoped was the last time.

I'm guessing not.

Zangetsu plopped down, breathing heavily. He seemed to be in denial at his method of getting Ichigo's Hollow out. I patted him on the back and praised, "You did better than expected; nice way of getting Ichigo's Hollow out." He smiled in thanks, but his eyes were still slightly troubled. I ignored this, leaving him to deal with it by himself. "Fourth person, DaRkZeRoGaL."

_Seriously an epic fic! I'm glad I found it. Okay, here are the dares:_

_Senbonzakura has to kiss Zabimaru (I kind of like that pairing ever since watching episode 263)_

_Hyourinmaru got to do seven minutes in heaven with Tobiume. (Won't let ya do any embarassing stuff since you're my fav besides Senbonzakura and Zabimaru._

_Lastly, Senbonzakura gotta take off his mask (Eh, but he have to in order to kiss Zabimaru anyway xD)_

Senbonzakura gulped nervously; so, in order to avoid being caught without his mask, he shunpoed over to Saru, removed his mask, kissed her, shunpoed around the room and put on his mask while doing so. However, that was only a guess at what he did; it happened too fast for any of us to see. I glared at Senbonzakura and scolded, "You cheat. You really thought that you could get away with it? That so did not count!"

"I kissed her!" Senbonzakura protested.

"Oh, whatever. I think there's another dare sent in by another person in which you have to take off your mask."

Senbonzakura gulped again.

I guess that's the general response.

"Hyourinmaru and Tobiume, go into that room." I pointed at the random door used on the official first day of the dares, the one in which Haineko and Kazeshini went into...yes, technically the random door of DOOM. "Do whatever you want, except for inappropriate things." I narrowed my eyes at them as a warning, and they nodded, confirming that I could trust them. I sighed and added, "You guys can make out, if you guys want to." They nodded in understanding and headed into the random room. Almost immediately, sounds of kissing were heard, and I sighed again. "They're so in love. The last person is Kitty Petro."

_Oh this is awesome_

_OK more dares for my enjoyment:_

_Lets see who has not been targeted yet..._

_Senbonsakura in honor of todays episode I dare you to apologize to Zabimaru for your crazy ** behaviour durring your entrapment in the 12__th_

_And again just because i love Soi Fon and want to see a cameo of her, i dare Suzumebachi to show her the picture she found of her and Urahara_

_Now lastly, a thruth i suppoe, for everyone present, in the world there are many people who assosiate themselves with animals, if your owners where animals, what animals do you think it it would be?_

"Apologize, Senbonzakura."

He sighed and shook his head. "Saru, Hebi, I apologize for my crazy ass behavior in the 12th Division on that...day."

Saru smirked. "Never thought you'd say sorry, Senbonny."

"Where'd that nickname come from?" Senbonzakura asked in bewilderment.

I cut off Saru's response by saying, "Now, let me teleport Soifon here so Suzumebachi can show here the picture." I typed in 'Soifon' on the search engine- yes, a search engine. No, it's not Google. It's TINBOG: This Is Not Bing Or Google.

-Commercial break-

Soifon sighed and stared in dismay at all the links on Google. "There's too many links," she muttered. "Oh, how am I going to find a sexy picture of Yoruichi-sama? I'll try Bing, the other search engine in the human world..." Soifon went on Bing, but there were still too many links. Letting out a dramatic wail, she buried her face in her hands and cried, "How am I going to find Yoruichi-sama now?"

A different voice spoke up. "Why, there's Tinbog!"

Soifon's head shot up, and she asked sharply, "Is that you, Urahara?"

"Who else?" Urahara asked, and stepped into the scene. "Anyways, look at this search engine." He typed in 'Yoruichi' and hit enter. There was a flash of light, and a naked Yoruichi appeared in front of Soifon. "See? Just what you want," Urahara told the gaping Soifon. "No links or anything! The object or person you desire will appear in front of you! Bye-bye now, Soifon-chan, and enjoy the new search engine!" He turned away with a smirk and was gone.

And Soifon?

Well, she was left to hug Yoruichi.

-End-

I hate commercials, don't you?

The search engine obviously isn't real, though...

In the human world, at least.

But Urahara did make the search engine.

I waited patiently for Soifon, drumming my fingers absentmindedly on the panel. Suzumebachi held up the picture once there was a flash of bright light, and Soifon appeared. "What's going on?" she demanded, then spotted the picture Suzumebachi held.

Blink. Blink.

Wait for it...

"YORUICHI-SAMA!" she wailed. "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CREATE THAT PICTURE?"

I sent her back, and Suzumebachi fell to the ground, laughing. "My stomach hurts!" she cried, tears pouring out of her eyes.

Laughing a little, I said, "Last request for the day. What animal would your owners be? Starting with Gonryomaru, going down the divisions."

"No idea."

"Name something off the top of your head if you don't know."

"Fine, chameleon, because he's barely noticed."

"Hornet," said Suzumebachi.

"Elephant," Gegetsuburi said.

"Fly," Wabisuke grumbled.

Minazuki said nothing.

"Timid mouse," said Hisagomaru.

"Over-obedient dog," said Tobiume, who had come out with Hyourinmaru.

"Lion," said Senbonzakura.

"MONKEY!" yelled Saru, while Hebi shouted, "SNAKE!"

Tenken had no need to say anything.

"Turtle," said the taller half of Katen Kyokotsu.

"Porcupine," said Kazeshini.

"Dragon," said Hyourinmaru.

"Sake-drinking cat," muttered Haineko.

"Bull," said Hozukimaru.

"Ugly peacock," Ruriiro Kujaku called out.

Ashisogi Jizo didn't say anything either, but we all stared at him curiously. Was Ashisogi Jizo even an _animal?_

"Anything happy!" cried Sogyo no Kotowari.

"Snowy owl," said Sode no Shirayuki.

"A strawberry," said Zangetsu.

We were all silent a moment. "That's not an animal," I said.

"So what? Fine, if he were an animal, he'd be a perverted Hollow."

"…That's not really an animal either."


	8. Invitations

Hey! Sorry for ANOTHER late update!

Thanks to these people for reviewing (including critiquers)(not gonna do favorites/alerts because there's so MANY! You guys are awesome too! :) ): Esor-Aleakim, CottonballLOL, chappy1000, Misutii Hi No De, xxGuardianxx, EmpressSaix, MewTangerine, xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx, KuroEqualsBitch, Sammie BoJammie, and Lord Mist.

Thank you everyone!

* * *

Invitations

I tossed around in my futon mattress, unable to sleep. I faced the ceiling, scowling at the dusty wooden beams, adorned with a few spindly spiderwebs. In fact, I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about the plans for this truth or dare game. It seemed boring if all I did was five people's dares a day. My imagination was running out of ideas to make this game actually have a plot.

I opened the door to the closet I was sleeping in (I had actually made it comfortable enough to live in) and rubbed my eyes groggily. The zanpakuto crowded around me (I was sleeping in the room) with bags under their eyes. Yawning, I muttered, "So you couldn't sleep either?"

"Nope," agreed Gonryomaru, covering his mouth. "We were thinking about how to make this more interesting."

"Maybe we could invite other zanpakutos," I suggested. "You guys could at least make some friends, right?"

"Hopefully," muttered Haineko. "Hope they like sake, too."

I glared at her. "I threw away all the sake in the supply closet," I said. "There's no way you are getting sake in the middle of the night."

"Whatever."

"Any other ideas?"

"We could do it in front of other people besides the people in this room," suggested Senbonzakura, sitting cross-legged.

"You guys already were," I reminded him. They all looked at me, dumbfounded.

"What do you mean by that?" Zabimaru asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"I've been posting everything that's happened here, remember?" They probably couldn't; it was the middle of the night anyway.

To my surprise, they didn't blow up in front of my face. "Oh well," mumbled Tobiume drowsily. "I've had fun."

"Yup," Ruriiro Kujaku agreed.

"With the exception of _those _dares," grumbled Gegetsuburi.

We all sat on the polished wooden floor dumbly. "So, how are we gonna make it interesting?"

"…We could invite some other zanpakutos for sure," Katen Kyokotsu said uneasily. "How are we going to recruit them?"

"Use a flier, I guess," I said, and Suzumebachi went to the supply room and grabbed a pencil and paper. I took it gratefully and started scribbling on the paper:

**Zanpakuto Truth or Dare!**

**Do your zanpakutos want to become part of this awesome and wacky game?!**

**(Probably not.)**

**BUT…!**

**If YOU want to see them do humiliating dares, sign up without them knowing!**

**Just fill out the following information!**

**Your name (penname please, no need for actual names):**

**Zanpakuto name:**

**Gender:**

**Appearance (include hair color, eye color, clothing, etc.):**

**Zanpakuto personality:**

**Is your zanpakuto more of a child or an adult?:**

**Can it speak?:**

**Twin zanpakuto or no?:**

**If I forgot anything else please write here:**

**The first seven zanpakutos will be entered, and you can only submit ONE!!! (If twin zanpakuto, fine.)**

**(…It will take a while before I can actually introduce them.)**

**So, if you are a reviewer, please include ONE random dare after your first three requests…this random dare cannot mention ANY names, including those of shinigami.**

**Ex: I dare one of them to sing _____ in a tenor.**

**Yup.**

**Remember, the first seven win! If you read this, first check to see if you are too late. **

**Sayonara!**

I finished with a flourish, smiling, throwing the pencil to the side. "Will it work?" wondered Sogyo no Kotowari. They both smiled and added, "We'll have more people to play with!"

"True," I admitted. "But I'm horrible at attracting people."

"Humph. You have an average of eight reviews per chapter and you call yourself horrible?" Zangetsu snapped. "That's actually really good for you!"

"I guess…but I AM younger than most people."

"So? That means you need to prepare for when you're as old as them," replied Zangetsu.

"Pff. The kids in my school are more immature than I am. Tell them that."

"There's no need, is there?"

I sighed. "I suppose not. Let's start with the dares. First person: ichigos future wife."

_LOL! this chappy was awesome! Thank you!  
I have some truths and dares 4 u!  
Truth: (to Zangetsu) Did Ichigo ever build that garden he promised you?  
Truth: (To Zangetsu) What do you do in your free time?  
Dare: I dare Senbonzakura to take off his mask!  
Dare: I also dare Tenken to meow!! XD  
Thanks! this story is the best!_

Zangetsu shook his head in disappointment. "Ichigo has never gotten to building that garden," he said sadly, then fire burned in his eyes. "I WILL GET HIM BACK FOR THAT! Anyways, what I do in my free time is…" he looked shyly and slyly at Sode no Shirayuki…

BAM.

"YOU PERV!" Sode no Shirayuki yelled, knuckles ghostly white, fist shaking. "JUST BECAUSE WE LOVE EACH OTHER DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET TO DO _**THAT**_!!!"

Zangetsu flew into the wall, seeing stars. There was the slightest mutter of "I'm sorry…" and he got up, eyes like a puppy dog.

Rolling my eyes, I said, "Senbonzakura, take off your mask."

"B-But…I had to do that last time!" Senbonzakura protested, waving his hands in front of him.

"That was too short. Take. Off. The. Fudging. Mask." Narrowing my eyes, I set my hand to the katana I kept by my side.

Senbonzakura put his hands in the air and cried, "I surrender!" He raised one hand to his mask, and everyone leaned in eagerly. Pulling off the mask, he looked embarrassed; he was almost a double of Byakuya.

"Why…you look quite handsome, Senbonzakura-dono," Sode no Shirayuki said brightly. Senbonzakura said nothing, just bowed politely in her direction with a tint of red on his cheeks.

"Next person: Shiro022097."

_ha ha ha this is an awsome story  
ok i have a dare for zabimaru.  
they have to go up and give zangetsu a lap dance naked.  
i mean both of them not just the girl._

"Oh boy…" Zabimaru grumbled.

-CENSORED-

-Three minutes later-

"I really think we've ran out of tissue boxes," I commented. Zangetsu was literally enveloped in a mountain of crimson tissue papers. "I've ordered like a thousand more tissue boxes."

Hyourinmaru sighed and removed the tissue papers. I continued, "Third, ling123. But before that, Misutii Hi No De has something to say."

_Thank you Thank you Thank you! hahaha! I love this story! Tell Zabimaru and Zangetsu I feel really bad for them having to do fanfissuck's dare, I can see why they say they are mentally disturbed xDD (not that I am any exception) LOL!!_

Zangetsu and Zabimaru looked up. "Huh…how ironic. We were paired for another dare…again…" Zangetsu muttered, holding another tissue paper up.

"Anyways, continuing with the dare."

_hahaha that was so funny and shouldn't ichigo's hollow be there since without zangetsu ichigo's hollow would be the zanpucto and also if he was there i would dare him to kiss zangetsu on the LIPS!_

"AGAIN?!" Zangetsu exclaimed. "I HAD TO DO THAT TO GET ICHIGO'S INNER HOLLOW OUT!!!"

"YES AGAIN!" I yelled, trying to reach his voice level, and teleported Ichigo over. He was still sleeping, as it WAS only the middle of the night.

"Ichigo's Hollow wouldn't be his zanpakuto, though," Zangetsu muttered. "Because he also wields me. Anyways, here goes." He lifted his sword and swung in a descending arc at the peacefully sleeping figure.

"Don't kill Ichigo!" I cried. However, Ichigo had already lifted his sword to block, one eye open. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING NOW, ZANGETSU?!" he yelled, forcing us to clap our hands over our ears.

"Ichigo," Zangetsu whispered overdramatically while pushing against his sword, "ACTIVATE YOUR HOLLOW."

"WHA-WHY?!" Ichigo exclaimed. Suddenly, there was a flash of white, and Ichigo had his Hollow mask on. Zangetsu kissed the mask, and shoved him back, sticking his tongue out. The mask disappeared, and he disappeared back through the teleporter. "T-That…was…DISGUSTING!" Zangetsu muttered, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "Tasted like clay!"

"That's natural, ain't it?" I asked. "Anyways, next person is lunarprincess21."

_wow i feel really sorry for zabimaru, zangetsu and suzumebachi but oh well.  
Anyways i have 3 dares,_

_I dare Chimpette and Senbonzakura to make out for at least 10 seconds (more if you'd like), I dare Hianeko and Hyorinmaru to french kiss (sorry Tobiume bot i think you're a little too young for him) and finally I dare suzumebachi to tell Yoruichi that Soi Fon has been stalking her for the past few months._

_Kepp making these fanfics they're awesome!_

I smirked widely. "Ha, Senbonzakura, you have to take your mask off AGAIN."

He groaned and took off the mask, becoming the Byakuya double, grabbed Zabimaru, and kissed Saru on the lips, forcing her lips apart. Saru gaped a little, and gasped once she felt Senbonzakura's tongue on her own. We all started counting "One…two…three…"

"Thffop et!" Saru cried, meaning "Stop it!"

"Seven…eight…"

"Thffop et!" she cried again.

"TEN!"

Saru clamped her teeth down, finally able to close her mouth, but accidentally chomped Senbonzakura's tongue. He cried out in pain, hands flying toward his mouth, and Zabimaru opened her mouth to yell at him angrily, "YOU KILLED MY EARS!"

Senbonzakura withdrew his tongue immediately and left it sticking out, panting like a dog, the bite marks visible on his tongue. "Sorry!" he exclaimed.

We heard the sound of more French kissing, and turned to see Haineko and Hyourinmaru together, Haineko's expression one of bliss, and Tobiume was glaring at her indignantly. While they did that, I asked Suzumebachi, "Can you do an impression of Soifon?"

"I can try," she responded. "How 'bout like this…" she lowered her voice, but not too much as she was impersonating Soifon's infatuation… "Yoruichi-sama, you're sooo amazing! Did you know that I have been stalking you for the past few months? Oh yes, I have also left a pile of love letters where that lazy ass Urahara can't find them; only you can find them, Yoruichi-sama! Sayonara!"

I set down the phone, laughing. "That was great!" I exclaimed. "Now Yoruichi will definitely get the messages. Last person, Misutii Hi No De again."

_HAHAHAHAHA! I laugh so hard when I read this story! And I think you need to improve your teleporter...or you need to fire the person who made it and get a new one._

_I have another dare!! ^^ I hope you use it!  
I dare Sebonzakura to kiss Byakuya! and Kenpachi! xD MWAhahaha!_

"WHAT?! I HAVE TO TAKE OFF MY MASK AGAIN?!!?!?!" Senbonzakura exclaimed.

"Apparently. Byakuya will be surprised when he gets kissed by his double," I said innocently. Byakuya and Kenpachi soon appeared in the room through the teleporter, and Kenpachi looked around, grinning. "Are there any good opponents here?"

"Probably not," replied Byakuya calmly. "These are all the manifested spirits of our zanpakutos. And also…" he then spotted Senbonzakura without his mask on.

Silence.

Then…

"My, my, that looks hella lot like you," Kenpachi commented, still grinning.

"Be quiet, Zaraki."

Senbonzakura then charged up to Byakuya and grabbed hold of his shoulders, then kissing Byakuya on the lips, much to Byakuya's shock. "Huh. Is your zanpakuto gay or somethin'?" Kenpachi asked nonchalantly.

Senbonzakura let go of Byakuya and went to kiss Kenpachi instead, and Kenpachi's shout was drowned out. When he let go again Kenpachi was silent, then mused, "I was right…your zanpakuto is gay, Kuchiki."

"I told you to be quiet."

As I sent them back, Senbonzakura quickly put his mask on. "Thank goodness that's the last one," he muttered.

I smiled and grabbed the draft flier. Going outside, I tacked it onto the wall.

I wonder if I can actually attract people with this.

I'm a devil, so things should work out…

Right?

* * *

Read and Review, and also...I don't own Bleach but I do own this story. If anyone else steals this idea I'm gonna pwn you with a roundhouse kick that I can't do.

Sayonara.


	9. Fashion, Dance, and a Kiss

This is a short chapter, but you'll see why.

Thanks to these reviewers: KuroEqualsBitch, Kitty Petro, Little White Comet, fanficssuck, govener fink, katizo terusei, ElementistMagicAkua, chibi chan (I want to add a message but I don't know what to say...) Serroco, DaRkZeRoGaL, RainingSun, ichigos future wife, Sammie BoJammie, chappy1000, lunarprincess21

Of course, submit your wacky dares. And all of you guys know you rock \m/(^o^)\m/ :)

* * *

Fashion, Dance, and a Kiss

I fetched the forms from the outside while everyone sat, waiting. "So far, we've got eight people," I announced. "I'll save the last submission form for another event like this. I'll start the invitations later…anyways, congrats to KuroEqualsBitch, Kitty Petro, Little White Comet, katizo terusei, ElementistMagicAkua, DaRkZeRoGaL, and RainingSun for submitting your mostly unsuspecting zanpakuto. Please, may each of you submit _**three random dares**_, not specifically directed at anyone, and go crazy with them! Do not mention names; just write something like listed in the submission form. Anyways, the first person for today is fanficssuck."

_Sourpatch-devil is officially law 0_o_

_I dare Zangetsu and Ruriiro Kujaku to swap clothes, and then do impersonations of each other, While Tenken blasts fire at their feet to make them dance against their will :D_

"Do we have to swap clothes in front of everyone?" Zangetsu asked nervously.

"Well, to make it daring, sure," I replied.

"Great…"

"Wait, so does that mean you're actually doing it?"

"Yes," replied a grinning Ruriiro Kujaku, much to the dismay of Zangetsu, whose jaw had hit the floor.

-CENSORED-

-Three minutes later-

"MY BEAUTIFUL FEATHERS!" Zangetsu cried, although he and Ruriiro Kujaku couldn't swap the feathers. Ruriiro Kujaku started to dance the chicken dance and started to striptease…Zangetsu cried, "HIS DANCING IS AFFECTING MY BEAUTIFUL SELF!" and hid his face in his arms. Tenken started blasting the fire, and Ruriiro Kujaku and Zangetsu started hopping up and down like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. "HOT!" Ruriiro Kujaku cried, and then grabbed Zangetsu and kissed him. Zangetsu cried an audible "WTF?" and tried to shove him away. They eventually jumped out of the 'fire pit', and their clothes caught on fire.

"MY CLOTHES!" they both yelled, staring at each other.

"YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!" I yelled at them. "STOP! DROP! ROLL!"

"NO!"

"Why…" The sprinklers suddenly turned on, cutting off my sentence, and the fire extinguished easily. Ruriiro Kujaku coughed and asked Zangetsu, "Do you want your sopping wet clothes back?"

"Yes, please," he said, and they changed back, while everyone averted their eyes.

-Three minutes later-

"Second person, KuroEqualsBitch."

_Wow funny!_

_I dare Hyourinmaru to get Toushiro and Momo over in the zanpkatou world and have them make-out in front of everyone._

_I also dare Tobuime to make-out with hyourinmaru while their doing that!_

_I dare Zabimaru(both) carmelldansen!  
I dare everyone to dance the soulja boy!  
I dare Wabisuke to not be so depressed!  
I dare Kazeshini to cut HIMSELF  
I dare Yumichika's Zanokatou to kiss Ikkaku's zanpkatou._

_I dare the girl zanpkatous to have a fashion show and whoever wins gets a kiss from Hyourinmaru!_

_(My Sword)Kurai*Dark*: What are you doing?  
Kuro(ME): Doing dare's, duh._

_Kurai: Can i be in it? PLEASE Sourpatch-Devil? I'll be a good little girl and do any dares and truths you want!_

_Me: OKAY THATS ALL! kepp up the awesome work, its funny!_

I laughed. "I got the zanpakuto submission idea from her. It sure spikes up some ideas, doesn't it? Anyways, here come Toshiro and Momo!" A flash of light, and they appeared side by side. Toshiro looked downright pissed. "What's going on?" he demanded.

"Calm down, Shiro-chan!" Momo said happily. "All the zanpakuto are here!"

Tobiume went forward. "Will you two make out?" she asked directly.

Toshiro raised an eyebrow. "What for?" he asked coldly.

"Come on, Shiro-chan, don't be so serious," Momo reprimanded, then kissed him, forcing his jaws apart. Toshiro widened his eyes, then returned the kiss. Tobiume smiled and went up to Hyourinmaru, and they were soon making out as well. Everyone breathed, "Aww…so cute!"

I sent them back, and Tobiume and Hyourinmaru parted, both smiling.

What a perfect couple.

"Zabimaru, do the caramelldansen."

They sighed and put their hands up to their hands, forming ears, and started swinging their hips, exaggerated expressions on their faces.

-Three minutes later-

"Damn. I should've added a tutu to them," I muttered.

"No, you shouldn't have," Zabimaru replied angrily.

"Anyway, we have to do the soulja boy…"

"The soulja boy doesn't need a tutu!" Zabimaru snapped.

"You think I didn't know that?!"

-Four minutes after dancing-

"Alrighty, Wabisuke, DON'T BE DEPRESSED. Got it?"

"No. It's impossible."

"Nothing's impossible."

"That means it's possible for nothing to be possible."

"Don't use logic to worm your way out of this. Can't you just smile?"

"Most likely not."

Suzumebachi had a wicked, wicked smile that she wore on her face.

I wonder…

She snuck up on the unsuspecting Wabisuke, flew up to his armpit, and gently tickled him.

Guess what?

Wabisuke actually LAUGHED.

His laughter echoed around the room, seeming to bound off the walls. We stared, dumbstruck, at something that we thought impossible.

Well, nothing's impossible, I guess.

When Suzumebachi flew away from Wabisuke, his laughter ceased, and the frown replaced his smile. He crept into a corner, back facing us.

Sigh. "Kazeshini, cut yourself."

"But I'm a good zanpakuto!" he cried, pouting like a little kid.

"I'm not as gullible as Hisagi, ok?" I retorted. "Don't make me stuff you into another wedding dress, this time with polka dots."

He gulped, and slowly lifted the blade to his fingers. Sliding the blade across his fingers, the crimson liquid soon appeared, dripping onto Kazeshini's other hand. Surprised, he said, "Ow."

"That's it?" I asked curiously. He nodded.

"Ok then. Ruriiro Kujaku, kiss Hozukimaru."

Ruriiro Kujaku went up to Hozukimaru, while Hozukimaru kneeled down, and they kissed each other on the lips.

Don't ask me why, but every time a kiss dare is mentioned, they always kiss each other on the lips.

After they parted rather dramatically, I smirked. "Time for the fashion show! The contestants are Suzumebachi, Tobiume, Zabimaru…the monkey, both halves of Katen Kyokotsu separately, Haineko, and Sode no Shirayuki. And, whoever wins gets a kiss from Hyourinmaru! Now, I won't be choosing…" I smiled. "It's up to the readers! I'll give three days, although I probably won't get any reviews on the second and third days. Please choose ONE zanpakuto only! Until next time~!"

"You better choose me!" Haineko called out.

"Pff, like an old hag of a cat can win," commented Tobiume.

"You LITTLE-FLAT CHESTED GIRL!!!"


	10. Drama!

That was more like five days :P sorry.

Thanks to these reviewers: KuroEqualsBitch, katizo terusei, Little White Comet, RainingSun, DaRkZeRoGal, Kitty Petro, fanficssuck, Serroco, willyfreak26, xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx, Sammie BoJammie

:) Enjoy, r&r

* * *

Drama!

"Now, for the results of the fashion show…" I announced, while everyone leaned forward eagerly.

"I bet I got more votes than you did," Haineko told Tobiume, smirking.

"Fat chance," Tobiume scoffed.

"Tied in third place are Saru, the taller half of Katen Kyokotsu, and Sode no Shirayuki. In second place is Haineko…"

"Who's ahead of me?" Haineko demanded, while Tobiume looked disappointed.

I sighed. "In first place is the shorter half of Katen Kyokotsu."

Haineko and the shorter half of Katen Kyokotsu widened their eyes. Katen Kyokotsu blinked her visible eye, then slowly took off her mask for the second time. Hyourinmaru walked up, leaned down and kissed her on the lips. Haineko and Tobiume looked on with envy, and Katen Kyokotsu put her mask back on, shyly backing away.

I smiled. "We'll start with the dares for today. First person, chibi-san."

_aww i realy want her to beat them.*pout* all well._

_i dare Hozukimaru to tell his master that he bold and his dance stink._

_your welcome Ruriiro Kujaku glad i made u happy oh u r my number one Zanpakuto. is it true that u r unique._

Ruriiro Kujaku smiled brightly. "Thank you, chibi-san!"

Hozukimaru started to walk toward the teleporter. "Can I try summoning him?" he asked.

"Nah, if you break it it's gonna be bad. I'll do it," I said, and typed in Ikkaku's name. Ikkaku appeared, rather disgruntled. He then looked up in surprise at Hozukimaru and asked, "What are you doing here, Hozukimaru?"

"You're bald, Ikkaku!" he blurted out. A vein pulsed on Ikkaku's shiny forehead.

"I dare you to say that again," he growled murderously.

"Your dance sucks too!" Hozukimaru yelled.

You should have seen Ikkaku. He yelled in annoyance, and charged forward with his sword, yelling, "I AM NOT BALD AND MY DANCE DOES NOT SUCK!" I sent him back before he could destroy the room, and muttered, "How violent. Next person, chappy1000."

_Your story is very funny!_

_I have a dare...laughs...I dare Zangetsu and Sode no Shirayuki to get Ichigo and Rukia and make out right in front of the two!_

Zangetsu and Sode no Shirayuki both smiled evilly. "That's no problem," they said simultaneously. I summoned both of them, and they looked flustered. Ichigo glared at Zangetsu and asked, "Are you going to make me make out with you again, old man?"

"No," he replied calmly. "You're going to make out with the person beside you."

He stared at Rukia incredulously, who stared back at him. They then smiled and said, "That's no problem," then immediately proceeded to do the dare. Sode no Shirayuki and Zangetsu held hands, smiling at the couple. I sent them back as well, and said, "We've had short dares today. We'll see if the next one is too; next person, katizo terusei."

_okay this time wabisuke has to beat haineko with a sake bottle. and he has to put his hair in a pony tail. and he has to spit sunflower seed shells at zangetsu. wabisuke...*fangirl squeal*_

Wabisuke looked up, an eyebrow arched. "Someone likes me?" he asked.

"Apparently so," I replied. Suzumebachi handed him a sake bottle, and he turned it around in his hands, wrinkling his nose at the strong smell. Suddenly, he sprang like a wild animal at Haineko, raising the bottle above his head. Haineko widened her eyes, frightened, and tried to scramble away. However, Wabisuke was faster; he swung his arm and hit Haineko on the tail.

"Child abuse!" Haineko cried, holding her injured tail.

"You call yourself a child?" Tobiume exclaimed.

"Shut up, Tobiume!" Haineko snapped. "Anyways, how long does she have to beat me?"

"Did you just call me a _she_?!" Wabisuke shouted, and continued to beat Haineko with the bottle.

"NO!" she cried, cowering.

"Wabisuke, you can stop," I said calmly. Wabisuke froze, the bottle close to Haineko's head, while Haineko trembled badly. "You can put your hair in a ponytail now."

Suzumebachi, being the speedy one, tossed Wabisuke a rubber band. He sighed, grabbing his long hair and putting on the rubber band.

"Wow. He does look like a girl," Haineko commented.

An eyebrow twitched, but no words followed.

Suzumebachi then handed him a bag of sunflower seeds, and he sighed again, tilting the bag so that they would fall into his mouth. He chewed a moment, then his lips puckered up, the shells firing in rapid succession. Zangetsu put his arms in front of his face as an attempt to protect himself, but the shells clung to Zangetsu like burrs. He yelled, "That's disgusting! Your saliva is now on my precious black coat!"

"Since when have you become as narcissistic as Ruriiro Kujaku?" I asked, mildly interested.

"I am not!"

"Actually, you kind of were," Sode no Shirayuki pointed out.

Wabisuke licked his lips, having finished spitting out the shells. "Those tasted good," he admitted.

We all stared at him.

Wabisuke actually liking something?

That's impossible.

_But nothing is impossible, _a little voice inside my head told me.

I hate it when I hear voices inside my head.

"Anyways, the next-to-last person is Esor-Aleakim."

_I love this! You are really good ^^  
I think that you should have Senbonzakura kiss Byakuya!  
I'd love to see what reaction he'd (Byakuya) have._

Senbonzakura slapped his head. "Again?" he muttered.

"Yup. Here he comes through the teleporter."

We all looked at the flash, and Byakuya appeared in his 'cool' state. He glanced at Senbonzakura and asked, "Am I here to kiss you again?"

"Yes, unfortunately," Senbonzakura responded dully, and took off his mask and kissed Byakuya. Byakuya just stood there, not doing anything, and after Senbonzakura was finished he said to himself, "Zaraki seems to be right. My zanpakuto is gay." He then disappeared through the teleporter.

Never thought he'd admit that.

"Last person, CottonballLOL."

_I dare Sogyo and Kotowari to slap Shunsui while he is sleeping and then hug him. So cute! And I dare Hyorinmaru to run around screaming while slapping everyone in the face and giving Haineko a wedgie. If that is possible. Zangetsu, I dare you to do a melodramatic remake of the scene where Rukia leaves Ichigo to go Soul Society with Sode no Shirayuki. A show which all of the zanpakuto will critique in the end._

Shunsui appeared, snoring gently. Sogyo no Kotowari pouted at first, eyes like a puppy's. "I don't want to!" they wailed.

"You'll hug him at the end," I reassured. "Don't worry."

They brightened up immediately, exclaiming "Yay!" and both slapped Shunsui on the face, leaving a rather red mark. Shunsui opened one eye sleepily, giving a noncommittal grunt. Sogyo no Kotowari then hugged Shunsui, smiling happily. Shunsui smiled back although he had no idea of what was going on, and fell back asleep, going through the teleporter as he did so.

"That wasn't the best reaction," Hisagomaru commented.

"I agree," I said. "Now, Hyourinmaru…"

The said zanpakuto sighed. "I got it." He tensed, preparing to run, and dashed off, slapping everyone in the face, screaming random gibberish. After he had slapped everyone with an impressive speed, he ran up to Haineko, but Haineko jumped away, screaming, "Don't do it, Hyourinmaru-san! It's impossible!"

Hyourinmaru smirked, and ran up to the screaming Haineko. "You did it to me last time, now I get my revenge."

-THIS PORTION IS CENSORED-

Haineko whimpered, sitting in a corner with Tobiume consoling her. Hyourinmaru had his back turned toward her, not saying a word. Rolling my eyes, I said, "Now for the play. Sode no Shirayuki, Zangetsu, get in front and prepare to perform."

Sode no Shirayuki asked, "Should I act out Rukia's thoughts and memories, too?"

"Go 'head," I said. "Lights off, music on."

The music started playing, and the Sode no Shirayuki was in the spotlight, Zangetsu offstage. Sode no Shirayuki pretends to scribble a note, leaving it offstage, and then runs in place. Zangetsu then comes up, smiling, saying, "Give me the sword, shinigami."

Sode no Shirayuki sits down, smiling back, saying, "I'm not 'shinigami.' I'm Rukia Kuchiki." Zangetsu backs off stage and Sode no Shirayuki gets up and continues running.

She stops again, and Zangetsu comes back up while Sode no Shirayuki sits down again and pretends to drink juice. "Rukia," Zangetsu asked in a much higher voice than his regular one, "Do you have the hots for Kurosaki?" She puckered up her lips, pretending to spit out the juice (too bad there wasn't a rainbow) and asked weakly, "What?"

Sode no Shirayuki sighed, getting up again and running in place. She stops again, standing, smiling. Zangetsu comes in again, and Sode no Shirayuki said pleasantly, "My name is Rukia. I will be sitting next to you." Zangetsu pointed at her, exclaiming "You!!!"

Instead of running again, Sode no Shirayuki asked, "Can I have some water?"

"Are you tired already?" I asked, surprised yet slightly annoyed.

"Just give me some water." Suzumebachi tossed her a bottle (how the heck did she carry that?) and Sode no Shirayuki chugged it down. We waited patiently for her to finish, and she chugged all of it down. "Alright, we can continue."

She and Zangetsu then acted the scene of Rukia and the juice box. "How do you drink this?" Sode no Shirayuki asked, eyes narrowed.

"'How?'" Zangetsu said, exasperated, and pretends to work the juice box. "You poke the straw in the box and drink it, obviously."

Sode no Shirayuki runs for a second again, and stops, crossing her arms over her chest and crying, "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Then, they perform the next scene…Zangetsu drops to the floor and Sode no Shirayuki drags him across, muttering, "Oh no! You have to go to the nurse's office!" This generated quite a lot of snickers from the crowd.

You gotta admit, seeing someone drag her lover across a room would be quite odd yet funny.

Next scene: Zangetsu gets up and growls, "Okay, I'll believe…" At this, he jumps up with his fists raised and yells, "THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO BELIEVE THAT, YOU DUMBASS!!!"

That created even more snickers.

Then, the next scene: Zangetsu acts as Orihime (quite a disaster) and he says in a high-pitched voice, "Oh yeah, next time I'll make another sweet-bean dish for you, Rukia. Let's eat it together, okay?"

"He's not that bad," Ruriiro Kujaku whispered to Hozukimaru. "If he had the large cleavage his performance would be SO much better…"

Sode no Shirayuki smirked, having heard the comment, and then smiles and says, "I'll think about it…"

"But Rukia, that's the same answer as last time!" Zangetsu complained, flailing his arms. "'I'll think about it.' That's all you say, Rukia!"

"Oh dear, is that really so?"

Zangetsu steps off stage and Sode no Shirayuki faces the audience. "If I have to eventually leave this place…" she began, "Then all these things would gradually become nothing…" she starts to run again… "Sympathy…friendship…the feeling of closeness…" She then stops again to say, "Kurosaki-kun is only a friend!" in response to the second scene. She then continues to run, telling us, "Such bothersome things; none of these are necessary for a shinigami…you're a mess, Rukia Kuchiki. I've been in this world for too long after all…"

Zabimaru cried, "YES!!!"

We all stared at both of them in confusion. They looked back at us and asked, "Isn't that what Renji says?"

"Yeah, but I think the skit is over," I said.

"Water, please," Sode no Shirayuki said, having sat down and panting. Suzumebachi lugged another water bottle over, and Sode no Shirayuki gulped it all down. Zangetsu said, "Opinions, please."

Ruriiro Kujaku and Hozukimaru smirked. "You did great as Orihime," they said, snickering.

"Yup," said the rest of the male zanpakutos, also snickering.

Zangetsu turned red, looking down at the floor.

"It would have been better…" Ruriiro Kujaku started.

"Don't say a word," Sode no Shirayuki interrupted, glaring at the peacock zanpakuto.

"…I was going to say that it would have been better if you didn't stop and demand for water," Ruriiro Kujaku said hastily.

"She tried not to," Tobiume pointed out.

"I liked Zangetsu's impersonation of Ichigo and the other minor characters," the adult half of Katen Kyokotsu said.

"It was fun!" Sogyo no Kotowari exclaimed.

The rest of the zanpakuto nodded silently.

"Ratings, then?" I asked.

"Fives" and "Fours" came all around.

"Only if we could actually make a mimicking device between zanpakuto and master," I muttered. "Rukia and Ichigo would be performing the past now if it were so."

A lightbulb flashes.

That's it.


	11. Copycats

Thanks to these people for reviewing: fanficssuck, ElementistMagicAkua, darkmachine, Flying-Plum, DaRkZeRoGaL, Spiky hair, katizo terusei, chappy1000, Serroco

This is now the longest chapter, but you'll see why. (I said that on chapter 8, didn't I? Except that was because it was short.)

This is a whopping 9 1/2 pages on microsoft word, times new roman, 12 pt font, single spaced.

Well, I do it for the readers :D Despite the length, this was probably my most favorite chapter to write.

Thanks to Aizen, Gin, and Tosen for unknowingly making a guest appearance in this chapter.

* * *

Copycats

I grinned wickedly, having gone to Seireitei for a little trip the other day. "I have an announcement," I called out, and the zanpakutos surrounded me.

"What is it?" asked Zangetsu.

I scoffed. "Guess."

"The guest zanpakutos are coming today?" guessed Senbonzakura.

"Nope."

"We're free from this room?" hoped Gegetsuburi.

"Nope," I repeated, and sighed. "Fine, I'll tell you. I've contacted Mayuri Kurotsuchi…"

"Say WHAT?!?!?!" everyone exclaimed, while Ashisogi Jizo cocked his head to the side quizzically. "Why would you contact him?" Zabimaru asked.

I smirked. "After the play Zangetsu and Sode no Shirayuki performed, I got an idea. So I asked Kurotsuchi-Taicho to create a device which would make your masters do whatever you do. For instance, if one of you were to do one of those…dances…your master would do the same without intending to. Talking doesn't count unless if it's a dare. Even though they have to say what you guys say for a dare, they also get say what they want."

"So we have a possibility of killing our masters?" asked Gonryomaru hopefully.

"Unless if you want to die as well," I replied smoothly.

He gulped along with everyone else.

The telephone rang, and I reached for it lazily. "Hello?" I asked.

"The device is finished," came Mayuri's voice with the evil intent, and I bet he was smiling with his rather yellow teeth. I blinked, as he didn't bother to add a greeting.

How rude.

Despite this, I said, "Thank you, Kurotsuchi-Taicho."

"It's already activated," he said. "Soul Society does not know about this, rest assured. Goodbye." There was a loud bang, and he hung up.

I blinked once more, and said, "Alright, we'll see what you guys…and your masters…will do. First person for the day is EmpressSaix."

_Hi! I am so loving this fic! First, since there hasn't been much love to Ruriiro Kujaku and Hozukimaru...I dare them to make-out for at least two minutes...in front of everyone!_

_Thats one dare now for a truth... This is for everyone: Do you guys have crushes on another zanpaktuo's master? (everyone must answer!)_

_Now for the second dare: I dare Haineko to give up sake for the rest of the chapter._

_Am I evil or what? :D_

Ruriiro Kujaku and Hozukimaru grinned evilly. "For our masters," they said together, and their lips pressed together.

Meanwhile, at Soul Society…

Ikkaku walked forward, trying to resist the feeling of control. "What's going on?" he growled.

Yumichika walked toward Ikkaku, also struggling. "I don't know," he said, "but it is definitely not beautiful."

Their faces got closer to each other, and they both widened their eyes. "Oh shit…" Ikkaku cursed, and they made out in front of everyone in Seireitei.

-Back at the room-

Ruriiro Kujaku and Hozukimaru parted, still smiling. "You guys aren't gay, right?" Zangetsu asked nervously. "Because I'm pretty sure you guys did a dare similar to that on day nine…"

"We are not gay!" Ruriiro Kujaku snapped, glaring. "That is so unbeautiful!"

"Alright, truth next," I said hurriedly, in order to prevent an argument. "Do you have a crush on another zanpakuto's master?"

"Master?" Tobiume asked, eyebrows furrowing. "Maybe Toshiro or Byakuya. They're pretty cute."

"Don't steal my answers!" Haineko snapped.

-Soul Society-

Momo and Rangiku clap their hands over their mouths. "I don't know why I said that!" Momo cried, giving the shocked Toshiro and Byakuya an apologetic look. "It's as if my zanpakuto made me!"

"Don't talk nonsense, Hinamori!" Rangiku contradicted. "We obviously didn't mean to say that, but I don't think our zanpakuto would make us do that!"

Mayuri, standing at the back of the crowd, sighed in relief. "That was close," he muttered. "They almost figured it out."

-Room-

"Alright, I know Ashisogi Jizo, Minazuki, Tenken and the shorter half of Katen Kyokotsu won't say anything," I said. "Anyone else?"

"This is for Soifon," Suzumebachi said wickedly. "I don't have a crush on anyone, but I'll make Soifon confess. YORUICHI-SAMA!!!" she squealed, dancing around.

-Soul Society-

Everyone looks at Soifon incredulously. "Something the matter, Soifon-Taicho?" Jushiro asked, concerned.

"I don't know how I said that," Soifon admitted. "But still. YORUICHI-SAMA!!!" she squealed, running over to Yoruichi and pulling her into an enormous bear hug.

-Room-

"Still, anyone else?"

"Soifon," said Gegetsuburi.

"None," muttered Wabisuke darkly. "Maybe Rangiku, but I suppose that's my master's thoughts."

"I don't know," Hisagomaru admitted.

"Rukia," said Senbonzakura.

"Rukia as well," called Hebi while Saru called, "Byakuya."

"Shunsui," said the taller half of Katen Kyokotsu, smiling.

"It has to be another zanpakuto's master!" I protested.

"So what?"

"That means everyone in Seireitei thinks that Shunsui is in love with himself."

She shrugged. "This is meant to be embarrassing for them, isn't it?"

"Rangiku," called out Kazeshini.

"Momo," Hyourinmaru said solemnly.

"So you don't love me?" Tobiume asked, hurt.

"Of course I do," he responded. "But we have to answer."

"Probably Rangiku," said Hozukimaru and Ruriiro Kujaku at the same time.

"Everyone!" Sogyo no Kotowari exclaimed happily.

"Ichigo," said Sode no Shirayuki.

"Rukia," said Zangetsu.

"Well well, looks like Rukia and Rangiku are favorites," I commented.

-Seireitei-

Kenpachi narrowed his eyes. "What's with everyone admitting their crushes all of a sudden?" he asked.

"We aren't purposely saying it!" Momo declared furiously.

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. I don't give a shit either."

-Room-

"Hope they didn't figure out the device," I muttered, half to myself. "Anyways, Haineko, you can't have sake because I threw it all away. Let's continue with the dares, shall we? Second person, MewTangerine."

_Hi again!  
-Haha, great! :)  
1. Kazeshini: dance and sing to the song 'Dancing Queen'.  
2. Ruiiro Kujaku- jump off the roof to see if you can fly.  
3. Sogyo no Kotowari: get Wabiskue to play tag with you.  
Hm, that's all I can think of right now. Bye!_

"For Hisagi," Kazeshini said, smiling, "The gullible one." His feet shifted and he started to sing:

"You can dance,

"You can jive,

"Having the time of your life…"

-Seireitei-

Everyone stared at Hisagi, who was singing. Their jaws dropped to the floor, amazed at what they heard. Hisagi looked shocked as well, probably having never heard his singing voice before. He shrugged while dancing, which was uncontrollable.

"Ooo, see that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the dancing queen~!"

-Hueco Mundo-

Aizen sat in his throne, head rested on his palm. Some unnatural occurrences were happening in Seireitei…he didn't like it one bit. It bothered him, not being part of something that possibly included destroying Seireitei. He snapped, summoning Tosen to his side, and muttered, "Tenteikura."

"Yes, sir," Tosen replied, and he drew the markings on his arm, murmuring, "Bakudo no. 77: Tenteikura."

The rectangular frame of kido appeared, and Aizen spoke into it. "Can everyone hear me?"

Faintly he could hear someone singing.

Was it a victory song?

"What do you want, Aizen?!" Toshiro yelled. Aizen covered his ears in disgust, and asked, "What is going on in Seireitei?"

"That's none of your business," the child prodigy said coldly.

"My my, snappy today aren't we?" Gin commented, his grin plastered onto his face.

Then, the singing came again…

"You are the dancing queen..."

Aizen furrowed his eyebrows. That was definitely not a victory song.

"May I ask who is singing?" he asked cautiously.

"I don't need to repeat myself," Toshiro stated flatly.

-Room-

"Great," I groaned. "Aizen's gotten into this. I'll speak. Aizen?"

There was a moment of silence. "Who are you?"

"That's none of your business, stalker."

"Do you know who you are talking to?" Aizen asked calmly, but fury was evident in his tone.

"A gullible traitor who believes that I am an ignorant brat. Yes." I sniggered along with the other zanpakuto. "Anyways, Hitsugaya-Taicho is correct; it is none of your business. So if you would please, stop the Tenteikura now."

-Hueco Mundo-

Aizen sighed, and the Bakudo faded away. He was really curious. Perhaps he should make a visit…

No, that would be too troublesome.

He didn't want to sing anyways.

He was curious, though.

-Room-

"Alright, let's go outside," I said, and we filed out of the room. Ruriiro Kujaku climbed up the wall and stood up on the roof nervously. He was about to jump but I said suddenly, "Stop."

He looked at me, confused. I said, "I already know you can't fly."

"How, exactly?" he growled. "I obviously can fly!"

"No, you would have flown up onto the roof if you could."

"Maybe I was just hiding the fact."

"Fine, jump."

Ruriiro Kujaku inhaled deeply, and jumped while shouting, "I BELIEVE I CAN FLY AND YUMICHIKA CANNOT!"

BAM.

Ruriiro Kujaku landed splat on the ground, eyes spinning. He then started rolling down the hill…

Oh yes, I forgot to mention.

The room is located on a hill, not so far away from Seireitei. It overlooks the land, and the hill was covered with grass. The sides were not very steep, but it was quite high up.

So, Ruriiro Kujaku was now rolling down the hill, getting covered in grass stains that he would surely scream about.

There was one thing I was glad about, though: at least it wasn't Gegetsuburi rolling down the hill.

-Ten minutes later-

I sighed, dragging Ruriiro Kujaku with a rope. Finally reaching the top, where all the zanpakutos were precariously leaning over the edge, I opened the door and tossed him in.

Division Four medics were probably taking Yumichika in too.

After we had got inside and I locked the door, Sogyo no Kotowari tapped Wabisuke on the shoulder, saying, "Play tag with us!"

"No."

Sogyo no Kotowari pouted, almost on the verge to cry. "B-But," they cried, "That's not fair!"

"How so?"

"No one wants to play tag with us!"

"It's a dare too," I added. "Just raise your head again, stand up, run after Sogyo no Kotowari, and don't crash into a pole. ALRIGHT! You guys may start."

Sogyo no Kotowari started to run around the room, laughing. Wabisuke sighed and ran after them.

-Seireitei-

Jushiro ran with a confused expression on his face. "I can't run for too long!" he exclaimed. He turns his head to look behind him, and he cries, "Kira-Fukutaicho! Why are you chasing me?"

"Sumimasen!" Kira replied, eyes wide. "My apologies, Ukitake-Taicho! I don't know! Honest!"

-Room-

Wabisuke was getting tired. He had never run so much in his life. Well, only when Kenpachi tried to kill him again, but still…little kids were so annoying.

Sogyo no Kotowari, on the other hand, was happy as a clam (but, I must point out one thing, how are clams happy?) and was calling out, "Yay!"

This irritated the emo Wabisuke, and he growled, "Little kids…YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS!!!"

Sogyo no Kotowari let out an "Uh oh!" and separated, each running their separate directions. Wabisuke didn't raise his head, and the obvious happened.

He ran into a pole.

-Seireitei-

Since Sogyo no Kotowari was two people and Jushiro was only one, Jushiro ran in a zigzag line, finally swerving off to the left, stopping just before crashing into Yamamoto-Soutaicho. As for Kira…

He wasn't paying attention either.

Instead of running into a pole, he ran into Chojiro Sasakibe.

Kira looked up and apologized, "I didn't see you, Sasakibe-Fukutaicho!"

Well, you know how it goes with Chojiro; he ran off, tears pouring out like waterfalls, crying, "No one ever notices me!!!"

Go figure.

-Room-

"Third person is xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx."

_amazing as always. :3_

_kekek~ Im in a rather mad mood today so i decided-IMA TAKE IT OUT ON THE ZANPAKTUS!:D YAY FOR BEING ME! XD_

_first off…_

_How must i do this. MY FIRST VICTUM! Old man Zangetsu(just cuz your my fav to ** with *smirks*) you must find ichigo and ** slap him twice while yelling-"how dare you you cheap **! I thought we had something!" then run away. :3_

_SECOND VICTUM-ALL THE ZANPAKTU! B) i think you diserve a good laugh my friend, so while you sit back and enjoy the stupidity of all the zanpaktu, all the guys must dance to milkshake and..*thinks* all the girls must dance to hollaback boy(cobra starship xD)_

_thats all for now. ill have LOADS more dares later on. there only gonna get worse...:D_

_FEAR ME~Meow. :3_

Zangetsu sighed. "I'll go through the teleporter. It says for ME to find HIM, anyway."

"Fine, go 'head."

The usual routine began with the teleporter: type, press the tempting red button, flash, wait for the dare to happen.

Then…

"HOW DARE YOU, YOU CHEAP…"

We clapped our hands over our ears, cringing at the mix of Zangetsu and Ichigo's yells. "I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING!!!"

"Oh shit," I muttered. "Ichigo's slapped Zangetsu and yelled the same thing because of the device. Better get Zangetsu back…"

Type, press big red button, flash, wait for Zangetsu to appear.

Sure enough, he appeared with a purple bruise on his cheek. "That was not meant to happen," he spat.

I shrugged and continued on with the next dare, the dance. Putting on both songs at once, it sounded like this:

"Uh-huh, holy shit my milkshake it's about time you brings all got off the boys my dick to the yard…"

WTF?!?!?!?!?

-Three very awkward minutes of dancing later-

-Seireitei-

"Why are we dancing?" asked Soifon, looking very pissed.

"To add on to that, we're dancing to no music," said Shunsui. "But what's the problem with dancing?"

-ROOM, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!!!-

My apologies. I'm getting very annoyed with writing "room" all the time.

Yes, this is part of the story, so bug off!

"Anyways," I continued hurriedly, "Fourth person is Sammie BoJammie."

_omg i absolutly love this story!  
its so freaking funny  
ok so i can only choose three things to torcher these guys with  
hm...  
(a bagillion years later)  
I GOT IT :]_

_i dare Kazeshini to kiss Haineko and she cant beat him up or anything she has to take it lmao_

_ok the other thing is Sode no Shirayuki does orihime or rukia like ichigo just curious :]_

_and last but not least i dare YOU THE AUTHOR to come up with the most funniest dare (or humiliating) you can think of for any of the Zanpakuto :]_

_btw tell Kazeshini im sorry and hes my favorite character and hes amazingly awesome :]_

_Love and Peace  
-Sammie_

I opened my mouth to speak, but Kazeshini was already there, kissing Haineko, who was obviously trying with all her might to not knock him unconscious like she did on the second day. And, at Soul Society, Hisagi was kissing Rangiku, whom I do not have any information on what her feelings were.

Probably the same as Haineko's.

While they kissed 'blissfully', Sode no Shirayuki said, "It's a known fact that both Orihime and Rukia like Ichigo." She smiles. "Although I think Rukia is more fitting with Ichigo than Orihime is. Speaking of Orihime, should we include the Shun Shun Rikka in the game?"

"Maybe," I replied. "Who knows? We can if people ask for it."

"Now you need to think of a dare for any of us," Gonryomaru said.

"Shit," I muttered. "I'm not good with these things."

"Well, it's a dare for you."

"Fine. Gegetsuburi, since I don't think you've really been targeted, I would like you to a fitness test."

"Wait, what do I have to do?" he asked, frightened.

"Run for six minutes, jump rope for three minutes, sit-ups, pushups, and sit-and-reach."

"That's too many!" he cried, backing away.

"Nothing's ever too many except for idiots. C'mon, the room is as large as a gym, and I'm timing. Ready…set…go!"

Gegetsuburi obliged, and when he started running I was sure I was going to fall asleep.

-Six minutes later-

He panted even though he had drank nearly half a box of water bottles. "How'd I do?" he asked.

"Six laps," I said sourly. "The average for a girl is 12 laps. Seriously, is that as fast as you can run?"

"Yes!"

"Uh, I don't think so. Continuing on…" I yawned.

This was going to be a long day.

-Ten minutes later-

"Apparently, your records are…" I peered at the sheet. "95 jumps in jump rope, 25 sit-ups, 4 push-ups, and 4 inches for sit-and-reach." I slammed it on the floor, yelling, "HOW THE FUDGE DID YOU EVER BECOME SO FAT?!"

"MY MASTER IS THE ONE WHO'S FAT!" Gegetsuburi yelled frantically.

-Seireitei-

Soifon glared at Omaeda murderously. "Did…you…just…call…me…fat?" she asked, voice barely a whisper.

Omaeda shook his head furiously, waving his hands in the air. "That wasn't me, Taicho! Since when have I ever called you 'master'…" he backed away and ran for the hills when Soifon took a step forward, throwing off her haori in one fluid movement.

"SHUNKO!!!"

-Room-

"HE'S THE ONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO USE SHUNPO!"

"SO…?" He then stopped midsentence, and admitted, "Good point."

Rolling my eyes, I said, "Last person is Serroco."

_Pretty damn hilarious, I'm definitely gonna stay and see. Here's what I would like to see...  
Truths:_

_Haineko, Kujaku, Zabimaru... is the fur real?  
Senbonzakura... exactly where do you keep THAT many spare masks?_

_Katen Kyokotsu... I noticed you're a little... *too* close to your master than strictly necessary... is there something goin' on between you two?_

_Dares:  
I dare Suzumebachi and Zabimaru to hook Soifon up with Hitsugaya  
I dare everybody to try and snatch off Senbonzakura's mask._

_I dare Haineko and Kazeshini to spend some *quality* time alone in a separate room... and they're not to leave until further notice (You can write about what goes on in there too, if you'd like)._

"OF COURSE THE FUR IS REAL!" Haineko and Zabimaru yelled.

"OF COURSE THE FEATHERS ARE REAL!" Ruriiro Kujaku yelled.

I put my hands up and said, "Whoa, whoa, chill. Anyways, Senbonzakura, where do you keep those masks?"

He stared at me and said slowly, "Look inside the supply room."

I blinked.

…

…

…

"WHAT THE FUDGE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, PUTTING YOUR MASKS INSIDE THE SUPPLY ROOM?!?!"

"Just go and look."

CRAAASSHHH.

"Suzumebachi, you shouldn't have done that," I muttered sourly. Picking myself off from the floor, I peeked inside the supply room.

"HOLY SHIT HOW MANY MASKS DO YOU THINK YOU HID IN HERE?!?!?!"

"I do not know," Senbonzakura replied honestly.

Rolling my eyes again, I started hauling out the masks. "Help me, you guys!" I snapped. "Load them into the cannon."

They obliged, and each of them tried to carry as many masks as they could. I left momentarily to hook the teleporter to the cannon, and typed in my destination.

This time, it wasn't Seireitei.

It was Hueco Mundo.

-Five minutes later-

"Is that all the masks?"

"Yeah, most likely," Zangetsu said.

"Tenken, fire please."

Tenken lit the wick, and I cried, "Three…two…one…FIRE!!!!"

And off the masks blasted off to Aizen's lair.

-Hueco Mundo-

The sound of knocking was heard. Aizen became utterly annoyed, and called out, "Come in!"

The pounding resumed. Aizen snapped, "Tosen, open the door for our guest, please."

"Yes, sir." Tosen opened the door…

Only to be shot flying at Aizen by a barrage of red masks.

Aizen ducked, sending Tosen crashing into the wall, and he shouted, "Bakudo no. 81: Danku!"

The kido wall formed in front of him, and the thunderous crashing of the masks rang unpleasantly in his ears. He sighed in relief…until he noticed the kido barrier was cracking.

Oh shi…

How was that supposed to happen? Danku stopped all Hado up to number 89, yet it couldn't stop a bunch of red masks? Suddenly, he was pummeled in the back by the masks, which had somehow bounced off the wall with astonishing speed. In a matter of seconds, he found his face being squashed against his own kido barrier.

What happened next?

Well, let's just say that he was tossed around in the current hopelessly, and the room soon filled up with Senbonzakura's masks.

End of report from Hueco Mundo.

-Room-

"…Of course there's nothing going on between Shunsui and I," Katen Kyokotsu said, chuckling nervously. "Nothing at all."

"That is a LIE!" I yelled dramatically.

"No, it's not!"

"Don't give me that BS."

"Whatever."

"Umm…" Suzumebachi interrupted, twiddling her fingers. We looked at her and I asked, "What?"

"How are we supposed hook up Soifon and Hitsugaya?"

"You and Hyourinmaru hook up, and Zabimaru helps both of you."

"HELL NO!" Saru yelled.

"Fine, if you don't want to do it in front of us, then go to that empty room. We won't pay attention."

Suzumebachi sighed and tugged on a tuft of Zabimaru's fur. Saru growled and followed Suzumebachi and Hyourinmaru into the room.

I am not going to say what happened in there.

Anyway…

"Now it's time for…SNATCH OFF SENBONZAKURA'S MASK!!!" (Drumroll in the distance) "Senbonzakura, you'd better run for the hills."

"I'm already on one."

"Like I give a crap. Anyways, the rules are: no shunpo, no shikai or bankai releases, no going outside, and no blowing up the room with TNT. As for the rest of you, the rules are the same. BEGGINNN!"

-Seireitei-

Byakuya leaned to the side as Jushiro leapt at him, arm outstretched for his face. "Just what are you trying to grab, Ukitake?"

"You have a silly mind, Byakkun!" Yachiru calls out happily, sitting and watching with amusement.

"Be quiet, Yachiru," Byakuya said sternly, jumping over Rangiku.

Mayuri felt himself jump forward too, and groaned. "Not good."

-Room-

Senbonzakura ducked, Sogyo no Kotowari whizzing above his head, and he grabbed the scabbard of his sword, trying to bat away the zanpakutos. The rest of them followed; they grabbed the scabbard of their swords and tried to hit him, yelling and shouting filling the room. I pointed a finger at Senbonzakura, hand shaking. Finally I yelled, "Bakudo no 9: Geki!"

Shit. I missed.

I got Tenken instead.

The red energy surrounded Tenken, and he bellowed, falling down. Everyone started to scream and scattered, pushing Senbonzakura to the back of the crowd as they did so. When Tenken hit the floor, we shielded our eyes from the dust explosion; when it cleared, we saw that Tenken's hand had caught Senbonzakura's leg. Zabimaru made a mad scramble toward Senbonzakura, and promptly took off his mask. "I win."

-Seireitei-

"Komamura-Taicho, please get off of me," Byakuya said.

"I'm sorry, Kuchiki-Taicho, but I cannot," Komamura replied. "I'm stunned by a kido."

Renji came forward, grinning evilly. He bent down until he was level with Byakuya's face, and reached toward his face. Byakuya glared at the advancing hand of Renji's, and Renji pinched Byakuya's nose.

"I win."

"Win what?" Byakuya asked irritably.

"I don't know," Renji admitted with a grin.

-Room-

Tenken broke free of the kido, and Senbonzakura got up with a groan. "That hurt."

"Well, it's time for the final dare. Haineko…"

"GAH! DO PEOPLE REALLY LIKE PAIRING ME WITH THAT UNSEXY FREAK?!" she screamed.

"Well, just go into the empty room. Suzumebachi, Zabimaru, Hyourinmaru, it's time for you guys to come out! Kazeshini and Haineko, go inside."

No sooner had they gone in, a BAM and a scream was heard: "HOW DARE YOU DO _THAT _AGAIN, YOU UNSEXY FREAK!!!"

Poor Hisagi.

* * *

R&R.

What do you think happened to Aizen?

Also, do you think that the Shun Shun Rikka should be in this fic? Please submit by reviews.


	12. Guests

Another long chapter. The guest zanpakutos are here! I'm sorry if you are disappointed, but I'm not really good at that stuff...anyway, I'm sorry if I picked on the zanpakuto a bit too much.

Thanks to these people who reviewed: KuroEqualsBitch, ichigos future wife, chappy1000, ElementistMagikAqua, darkmachine, maxride4life, Sammie BoJammie, fanficssuck, spiky hair, monkeywinz, Serroco, praeses, Misutii Hi No De, ling123

Some things to clear up:

Ryujin Jakka is not in this fic because it didn't really have a real materialized spirit, and if it were the room would burn down (because the only form it took was a giant flame.) Which leads to the next issue: this is only for zanpakutos which actually have materialized forms, so this discludes the arrancars' resureccions (sp? oh well) and Kyoka Suigetsu, Shinso, and Suzumushi :( I'm sorry for those who have requested, but it can't really be done.

I do not own Bleach, all I own is the room on the hill.

And over hundred reviews! RECORD! haha, never thought this would happen for a really small idea formed at 10:00 at night. Thanks to everyone!

* * *

Guests

I escorted the guest zanpakutos out of the teleporter, checking if everyone was here. Looking at my list I called out, "I'll be checking if everyone is here. Kurai?"

"Here," said the only male, clad in a red shirt and black pants, ruby red eyes gleaming from under his black hair.

"Toratsune?"

"Here," the blue anthro-tiger replied, tail swishing about, tugging on her orange vest.

"Yuki-Hime?"

"Present," she replied, white hair reaching down to her waist, silver eyes shining.

"Loraname?"

"Here!" she chirped happily, sea green hair reaching to her shoulders, her tube top and skinny jeans fitting for her style.

"Nozomiberu?"

"Here as well," she replied with a giggle, bell-like earrings swaying gently along with her knee-length white-gold braid.

"Alright. Aello?"

"Definitely here!" said the harpy-like zanpakuto, her elf-like ears perked up.

"Hisaidoni?"

"Here," she said quietly, sitting against the wall, only eyes and white bangs visible, looking very much like Katen Kyokotsu.

"Lastly, Natsumi?"

"Right here!" she called, green eyes twinkling, modern in her black skinny jeans and tanktop and orange converse.

"Okay, everyone's here." Facing the other zanpakuto, I said, "These are the guest zanpakuto from the submission form thing. So, I advise that you be nice to them, and…"

"Yay! More people to play with!" Sogyo no Kotowari cried happily, and launched themselves at the group, clinging onto Hisaidoni and Nozomiberu. I gently picked them off and said, "Go back, you need to do some dares." As they scurried off, I turned to face the guests again. "Well, this is Zanpakuto Truth or Dare."

"Wait, so…" Loraname said slowly, "This is really THE Zanpakuto Truth or Dare?"

"You got that right. You guys are now guests on this, and you will see how this game functions. So, please take a seat against the wall and enjoy the show."

"Will we do something besides watching them?" Kurai asked.

"Of course. You guys will be doing some dares."

"Ooh, I can't wait for that!" Natsumi said.

"I bet you don't," I muttered. "Going on! We usually use five people's dares a day, and we will now begin while you laugh at other's stupidity. First person is KuroEqualsBitch. Oh yes," I called out, "I've turned off the device for today only for the convenience of the guest zanpakutos' masters."

Although I'm pretty sure you guys would have enjoyed it.

"My master?" Kurai questioned.

"Yep. She only has a few truths, though."

_Haineko, are those your real breasts pr are they implants?  
Also, are you jealous because everyone loves Tobuime more than you? xD_

"Why, of course they're real!" she exclaimed, flicking her tail. "And I am jealous of Tobiume because of her social image, but I'm not jealous of her flat chest…"

Tobiume's eyebrow twitched. "I dare you to repeat that," she whispered menacingly.

"I'm not jealous of you because of your flat chest," Haineko said again, smiling wickedly.

"OLD HAG!" Tobiume screamed, launching herself at the cat zanpakuto, and they started rolling around the room. I sighed…they did that a little too often than necessary. "Next person, ElementistMagicAkua, Nozomiberu's master."

_DARES/TRUTHS:  
I dare Peacock and Hozukimaru to make out (hands are permitted to wander)  
Dare: Suzumebatchi has to ask Haineko if her boobs are real  
Dare: Wabiske has to propose to Kazeshini. then the Zanpakto act out their marriage._

_Wabiske in a suit, Kazeshini in the wedding dress again. one of the twin kids as flower kid, the other as ring kid, Zangetsu as the priest. they must kiss._

_Truth: Hyorinmaru, does Toushiro really dislike the sweets Ukitake gives him? Or does he pretend to hate it?_

_Truth: Peacock, is Yumichinka really a man?  
Truth: Zangetsu, does it hurt standing on the flagpole all the time?_

_Dare: Snakey, Tobiume, the twins and any other child like Zanpakto dressed up in a really frilly dresses/cute outfits, and Senbonzakura(Byakuya twin) has to be Santa. The rest of them as elves or reindeer._

_Bonus points if Hyourinmaru makes it snow._

"Wow. Again?" Hozukimaru asked.

"Looks like so. Well, you guys may proceed."

Shaking their heads, they went up and kissed, their hands wandering to some…inappropriate…places.

"They do pretty well as a gay couple," Kazeshini muttered, who had woken up after Hebi bit his ear once more. Ruriiro Kujaku shot a glare at him from the corner of his eye, but continued making out with Hozukimaru.

"Haineko!" Suzumebachi called out, always one step ahead in truths and dares. "Are your breasts real?"

Haineko stopped rolling around with Tobiume, one hand pinching Tobiume's cheek, another placed on her shoulder. Tobiume had grabbed Haineko's wrist and dug her nails in, while her foot was right under Haineko's…ya know…and they both gazed at Suzumebachi.

"Of course they are! I said that a couple minutes ago!" Haineko replied with a nervous chuckle, and screeched and continued the quarrel with Tobiume.

I smacked my forehead in exasperation. "Now, Wabisuke…"

"No."

That's the general response for him, isn't it…?

Kazeshini stumbled over and shook Wabisuke. "C'mon, Wabisuke, it's not like we actually HAVE to marry. We aren't as gay as Ruriiro Kujaku and Hozukimaru anyways…"

Kazeshini froze once he saw a huge shadow loom over him. There stood Ruriiro Kujaku and Hozukimaru, cracking their knuckles, fire sizzling behind them. A bead of sweat ran down Kazeshini's forehead, and he said weakly, "I was just kidding…"

"I bet he wasn't," Aello whispered to Toratsune, who nodded her head silently.

"You are going to get this, Kazeshini," Ruriiro Kujaku said menacingly. "SPLIT AND DEVIATE!!!"

-Ten minutes later-

"He's still alive, right? He needs to 'marry' Wabisuke."

"No worries, I made sure that he was still alive."

I sighed and said, "You shouldn't have done that. I'll wake him up." Aiming a finger close to the unconscious zanpakuto's ear, I muttered, "Hado no. 1: Sho."

Kazeshini jolted awake with a high-pitched scream, screaming "AAAH! HISAGOMARU AIMED HIS GIANT CANNON AT ME!!!" He then blinked and glanced at the said zanpakuto, who looked quite offended. "Oh," he mumbled. "He didn't activate his cannon…"

"Why are you always the one who has to be unconscious?" I interrupted.

"That's a good question."

"Well, the 'cannon'…otherwise known as my finger…was a wakeup call for your appointed marriage."

He jumped to his feet. "I'M GETTING MARRIED?!" he exclaimed. His eyes gazed toward the ceiling dreamily, and he murmured, "Ah…I'm finally getting married with Haineko and her _wonderful_ melons…"

BAM.

"YOU UNSEXY PERVERTTTT!!!"

End of story.

-Another ten minutes later-

"I'll wake him up again," I muttered, and sighed. Picking up the unconscious zanpakuto, I leaned in close to his ear and yelled as loudly as possible, "HADO NO 63: RAIKOHO!!!"

This led to Kazeshini jumping up, nearly smacking his head on the ceiling, and flying back, crashing into a wall.

Only problem…he didn't get hit by anything.

I stood there, staring at the gullible zanpakuto.

He was sooo much like his master…but that was expected.

"Kazeshini…" I said slowly, "You didn't really get hit by a Raikoho…" Raising up my hand I asked him, "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"OH CRAP I'M LATE FOR MY WEDDING!" he exclaimed, ignoring my question and annoyed expression. He jumped from the damaged wall and rushed over to Haineko, who promptly pushed him into Wabisuke, but Kazeshini didn't seem to care and hugged Wabisuke happily, who simply sighed and accepted it.

Suzumebachi tossed a suit toward Wabisuke and the dress toward Kazeshini, who put it on happily and obliviously; she also gave Sogyo no Kotowari a ring box and a basket full of flower petals. They smiled and cried, "…"

Well, you can guess.

The choices are either "Yay!", "Fun!" or "HOW GAY IS THAT?!"

Anyway, Zangetsu went to one end of the room, Kazeshini tugging the reluctant Wabisuke to the other end, and the rest of us stood, forming a wide aisle for the 'bride and groom'. Sogyo no Kotowari first stepped forward, and one of them started tossing the petals- despite being a boy- and the other stood with his back straight, holding the ring box flat on his palm. Zangetsu smiled at the two twins as they came forward, and thought, _They look so cute…_

Then shaking his head, he thought morosely, _If I get an obsession with kids it is not going to be good for me…_

"Are you okay, oldie-chan?" one of the twins called out.

He looked up to see the twins, staring at him with huge, no I mean HUGE, eyes. Looking down so that his hair would shield his eyes, he mumbled, "I'm fine. May the bride and groom come forth."

Since they had no choice, Wabisuke and Kazeshini walked together, Kazeshini smiling and blowing kisses to the crowd. My thoughts were: _Did someone give him a drop of sake?_

Hopefully not.

Once they had positioned themselves in front of Zangetsu, Zangetsu cleared his throat and mind from- disturbing thoughts- and asked, "Do you, Kazeshini, take Wabisuke as your lawful wedded husband?"

"I do!" he cheered, jumping up and down, nearly tripping over the long train of his dress.

I now think he has a sugar high.

"Do you, Wabisuke, take Kazeshini as your lawful wedded wife?"

"I do…" We all leaned in… "…Not."

"It's not real!" I exclaimed. "Alright, scratch the 'not'. Zangetsu, please continue…"

"I declare you both husband and wife," he stated.

Kazeshini took the ring box from Sogyo no Kotowari and kissed Wabisuke passionately, while Wabisuke sighed and resigned. Pushing himself away from Kazeshini, he took off the suit and yelled, "STOP BEING SO HAPPY, YOU BASTARD!!!"

It got dead silent.

Did he really say that…?

"I only think he's on a sugar high," I said quietly. "No need to get mad at him. Hyourinmaru, does Toshiro like the candy?"

He shuddered lightly, bringing his hands up to his arms as if he were cold. "You should see _him_ on a sugar high…"

"…Is that even possible?" I asked tentatively.

"Yes. He needs the energy for paperwork." He continued shaking, mumbling something about "He should turn to coffee instead…"

"Ruriiro Kujaku, is Yumichika a man?"

"He is if you think he is," he replied simply, with a smirk. "Although I don't think he really is one."

"Zangetsu, does it hurt standing on the flagpole?"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK?!" he snapped, shooting the…teleporter? a glare. "The studio execs always make me stand on the flagpole…DON'T THEY FEEL MY AGONY?!"

"Chill," I said lightly. "Anyways, we have to move on to the next dare. Sogyo no Kotowari, Hebi, Tobiume, Ashisogi Jizo, Hisagomaru, Suzumebachi, you have to dress up into cute outfits." I looked around and muttered, "Speaking of which, where is Suzumebachi…?"

"Here!" the high-pitched voice spoke up, and I saw her pushing a rack of clothes out of the supply room.

…

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU PUSH SOMETHING LIKE THAT WHEN IT'S ANYWHERE FROM A HUNDRED TO TWO HUNDRED TIMES LARGER THAN YOU?!?!?!"

"Ninja skills!" she yelled. "I got it from my 'YORUICHI-SAMA!!!' obsessed master!"

"I don't think I quite believe you," I said. "Now…PUT THE DAMNED CLOTHES ON!"

The chosen zanpakuto sighed and put on the frilly clothes, the ones that weren't called either put on antlers or little hats, and Senbonzakura adjusted the cotton beard that was given to him. I plopped a so-called 'Santa hat' on his head and grinned. "You're pretty skinny for Santa."

"I like being lean and…"

"SEXXY!" called Haineko, fingering her antlers. Senbonzakura looked down in embarrassment and admitted, "That, too."

Turning to the snickering guest zanpakutos, I said, "Now you get what the atmosphere is like in here every day. Oh, you guys don't have to do this dare, so just sit back and relax." Turning to Hyourinmaru, I pointed up at the ceiling. He nodded, and it started snowing, the snow coming down in fluffy quantities, landing soft on the floor like a feather. Senbonzakura stood, the 'elves' lining up behind him, the 'reindeer' lining up in front of him, and he bellowed, "HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!"

Then looking at me he asked, "Are there any presents to pass out?"

I smiled wickedly. "I think there is. Let's check on Aizen and friends, shall we?" Pulling out a screen, I said clearly, "Hueco Mundo, Aizen's lair." The screen flickered to reveal- what else?- a bunch of red masks.

"Do ya want me to activate Bankai?" came Gin's muffled voice somewhere from the mass of masks.

"And lop off our heads and destroy this building? No, Gin," said Aizen firmly.

"Then what do ya want us to do?"

"Destroy the masks with our spiritual pressure. On the count of three. One…two…three…"

The masks started to lift, and were soon blown away by the enormous spiritual pressures. However, they ricocheted off the walls, and soon flew like bullets toward Aizen, Gin, and Tosen. Aizen then lifted a hand and yelled, "Hado no. 63: Raikoho!"

"That was not a smart move," I commented.

What happened next?

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM-

Yeah, I know you get the point.

"Is Aizen dead?" Sode no Shirayuki asked hopefully.

"Can't say for sure," I answered honestly.

"That was a good present!" Sogyo no Kotowari exclaimed.

"But it's April, almost May," Senbonzakura pointed out. "Even if it is a late Christmas present, it was a good one."

Loraname smirked. "Aizen got owned."

"Third person," I said, silently agreeing with the zanpakuto, "Is DaRkZeRoGaL."

_As for the dares. _

_Senbonzakura have to take off his mask, in front of everyone, for the whole chapter without putting them on._

_Hyourinmaru and Tobiume got to strip, facing each other in front of the whole zanpakuto (Dirty minded me)_

_And Zabimaru got to do some tease stripping of her own in front of Senbonzakura._

_Eesh, I'm really a pervert today. Anyway, Zabimaru (Saru) is a girl ;D_

Senbonzakura sighed, grabbing his mask and taking it off. "This is getting so repetitive…"

"Well, Hyourinmaru…"

"Yes, I know."

-DUH, THIS IS CENSORED-

-Two minutes later-

Saru stood poised in front of Senbonzakura, grinning like mad. "You actually have to see this one this time, Byakuya double."

"Wait a minute!" he exclaimed, flailing his arms frantically. "If you said that the fur on you us real, then how are you going to strip?"

She continued grinning. "You'll see," she said simply, and began with the 'ritual'.

-CENSORED-

-Two minutes later-

"Disturbing," Hisaidoni remarked.

"Yep. Fourth person, RainingSun, your master."

_So for dares: I dare Gegetsuburi to go without eating for 2 chapters. [Hmm maybe he'll lose a bit of weight and be able to use the teleporter! lol]_

_I dare Sode no Shirayuki to dye her hair AND clothes black.  
I also dare Tenken to go in a pool. Or a lake. Or an ocean. Or any kind of water._

Gegetsuburi stopped in the middle of munching on some chips, eyes widening at the mentioning of the dare. He whined, "That's not fair!"

"Well, you'll get to use the teleporter then. You'll just live off your own fat for two days, no biggie."

"But I'll be hungry!"

"Even if you're hungry you can't eat anything, so just beat it. Sode no Shirayuki, please receive the can of black dye from Suzumebachi," I added, not needing to look to know.

She nodded and smiled. "I'll look a little more like Zangetsu in terms of looks," she replied.

Zangetsu blushed.

-Two minutes later-

"Wow! It's a gothic Sode no Shirayuki!" Hozukimaru exclaimed. "Last time it was Grimmjow's wife!"

Sode no Shirayuki glared at him with a new style of jet-black hair. "Don't make me use Tsugi no Mai on you," she warned. "You aren't gonna like it."

"I'll just do the luck dance so it won't hurt me," Hozukimaru replied with a smirk. "Although it does suck."

"Thank goodness that Ikkaku didn't hear that again," I cut in. "Now Tenken, I need you to go into a pool, lake, ocean, or any body of water. We should go to that beachside that everyone went to last time after Byakuya destroyed the secret swimming pool. Everyone aboard the cannon."

-Forty-five seconds later-

We were soaring through the air, the beach and the blue waves visible. Of course, it was fun flying through the air…except when we fell. We were all screaming our heads off, sincerely hoping that the ride was over. Then, _plop _we landed, and I was the one who had to land on Tenken's hard back.

Pillows would have been SO much better…

Things only got harder when Tenken started to stand up. Falling with another _plop _on the sand, I muttered, "He's a little oblivious to what's on him…"

Tenken proceeded to walk toward the wild waves, and I fingered the device in my pocket.

He was going to need it.

And thus, when he walked further into the roaring waves of doom, he tripped and was nearly drowning.

I clicked the button on the device, and soon all of us were back inside the room, Tenken laying flat on the ground. "Anyone know CPR?" I asked.

"I'll do it," said Kazeshini, jumping forward.

"I asked if anyone was able to do it," I said, exasperated. "You never said you were actually able. Also, if you don't really know how you'll hurt yourself."

"Tch," he scoffed. "That won't happen." He hopped into Tenken's chest, and put his mouth to Tenken's…

It was then Tenken woke up, frantic about the zanpakuto that was on him, and punched Kazeshini straight up in his fright. Kazeshini hit the ceiling, landed on Tenken again, and rolled off unconscious.

"Why is he always the one that's hurt…?" the taller half of Katen Kyokotsu muttered.

"I dunno," I admitted. "He's usually the one picked on, though. Last person for you guys, lunarprincess21."

_hello again, sorry for my bad spelling earlier._

_I love suzumebachi, she's so cute and badass that i dare her to call soifon and tell her that she shouldn't have killed Ggio Vega because he was the ONLY guy that was feeling her vibe and that all the other men are scared of dating her because they would think that they would die the same way he did,I dare Zangetsu to tell Sode No Shirayuki that she's not pretty, she dosen't deserve to be called the most prettiest zanpaktou and that he prefer to be in a yaoi couple than with her (I'm so getting haters for this)and I dare Haineko, Tobiume and the smaller half of Katen Kyokotsu to dance to Saikyou Pare Parade. Also i'm sorry that you had to suffer with senbonzakura's weird kissing saru... but i had a felling you liked it ^_-. best fic ever_

"Why thank you!" Suzumebachi said, sweeping a bow. "May you teleport Soifon here, please?"

"Sure thing!" I replied, and Soifon stood there, looking pissed once more.

"Soifon?" Suzumebachi went up to Soifon, crossing her arms. "You shouldn't have killed Ggio Vega."

"Why not?" she asked, and stated flatly, "He was our enemy."

"So? He was the only one who actually felt your vibe! Other men are scared of dating you because they think that if they got you angry they would die the same way he did. And also…for a bonus point…" she smirked- "You're going out with Yoruichi anyway, so if someone tried to steal Yoruichi away from you they would surely die…"

Then came Soifon's most famous phrase:

"YORUICHI-SAMA!!! SOMEONE IS TRYING TO STEAL YOU FROM ME!!!"

How repetitive.

Sending Soifon back, I said, "Zangetsu…tell Sode no Shirayuki the words that you would never want to repeat in your life."

Inhaling deeply, he began, "Sode no Shirayuki…you aren't pretty and don't deserve to be called the most beautiful zanpakuto."

"Pardon me?" Sode no Shirayuki asked, enraged.

"I'd prefer to be in a yaoi couple than with you!" he blurted, and grabbed the closest zanpakuto- which was Senbonzakura- and hugged him. Sode no Shirayuki glared at him with killing intent, and took out her sword. "Although I know it's a dare," she growled, "I'm not going to accept it anymore. Mai! Some no Mai, Tsukishiro!"

-One minute later-

Zangetsu sat, his teeth chattering, Tenken warming him with his fire. Sode no Shirayuki sat with her back toward him, refusing to speak. Sighing, I turned on the music, and Haineko, Tobiume, and the smaller half of Katen Kyokotsu started dancing despite the depressing atmosphere.

-Three minutes later-

"Okay, now it's your turn," I announced to the oddly excited zanpakuto. "Each of you will have three dares to perform. I found that there were enough random dares, so this is pretty much why you are here. Dare number one: Kurai, kiss Tobiume for us."

Kurai grinned. "Sure thing," he replied, grabbing Tobiume and pressing his lips to hers. Tobiume glanced apologetically from the corner of her eye at Hyourinmaru, and shrugged.

"Alright, dare two is for Hisaidoni! You have to combine hula dancing and ballet and dance your own creation."

"How am I supposed to do that?" she asked irritably.

"Well, twirl your hips for hula dancing, and spin on your foot for ballet or something. You decide."

Sighing, she hoisted herself up and stood. Beginning to twirl her hips, she tip-toed to one side, then another, then spun while still twirling her hips, her hips twirling clockwise while she turned counterclockwise.

Seriously, it's harder than it looks.

After a few more moves like this, Hisaidoni accidentally tripped. Her eyes were clear with disdain as she spat, "How is someone supposed to do that?"

I shrugged. "Don't ask me. Ask some crazy dance expert. Anyways, Nozomiberu, it's your turn. Your dare is fairly easy…you have to run around your owner's room saying 'I'm a firecracker watch me go BOOM!'"

Nozomiberu giggled. "Oky-doke. Any requirements?"

"No activating your shikai, or bankai if you have it, and now blowing up your owner's room with TNT. Yup." I led the still giggling zanpakuto to the teleporter, and she disappeared in a flash.

Checking my watch after waiting a while, I saw that she had been gone for at least thirty seconds. Then coming back, she looked flustered. "My owner wasn't there," she told me, "But I did the dare anyway."

"Oh, she's going to figure it out soon," I said under my breath.

"Did you say something?" she asked curiously.

"No! Nothing at all!" I said lamely. "Natsumi, here's your dare: You need to dress as a cheerleader and create a chant confessing your crush."

"Here's your outfit!" Suzumebachi called, tossing an outfit. Natsumi took it gratefully, and I directed her to the empty room to change. A minute later she came back out, holding pom-poms, and asked, "May I start?"

"Sure."

"Renji! Kazeshini!"

-Two minutes later-

"You like…me?" Kazeshini asked incredulously.

She blushed. "Yeah."

Kazeshini grinned at Haineko. "I think I like her more than you. She's more modern…I like it! It'll relieve you momentarily, too."

Haineko, in spite of herself, smiled. "Yeah. I guess I'll take Senbonzakura."

"Not me?" asked Kurai.

She scoffed. "I barely know you." Kurai slumped down in disappointment.

"Stop bickering, peoples! Anyway, do you guys know who is going to pole dance for the whole Seireitei?"

There was a sharp intake of breath at that moment from the guest zanpakuto.

"Aello!"

Aello blinked, then grinned. "Well, according to my master I'm a pervert. So, this won't be as bad as expected." Her short purple hair swished as she walked toward the teleporter and said, "Direct me to Seireitei through the teleporter, if you may." She then disappeared through the teleporter.

Soon after, there was a giant THUMP.

I smacked my forehead. "I'm assuming that all the males have fallen to the floor with massive nosebleeds. It's gonna be especially harder for Komamura-Taicho. I'll give Aello a few minutes so she can actually put ON her clothes- well, the dark purple cloth anyways."

A few minutes later, she came back, laughing her head off. "That was great!" she exclaimed. "You should've seen Hisagi's face!"

"Ha, I bet I know what he was thinking," I replied with a smirk. "Anyways, Toratsune, it's your turn…kiss…"

"Is it a girl?" she asked hopefully, eyes twinkling.

I bopped her on the head. Cowering, she growled, "What was that all about?"

"It's only a warning," I replied smoothly. "Well, your master said to bonk you on the head if you tried to hit on girls…but this will serve as a precaution. Anyways, kiss the first zanpakuto you see."

Poor Yuki-Hime.

Toratsune's eyes lit up, seeing that it was *cough* a girl, and immediately scrambled over to Yuki-Hime and kissed her passionately. Yuki-Hime widened her eyes, blue replacing her silver irises, not knowing the fact that Toratsune, the blue anthro-tiger, was lesbian.

"I think that's enough," I said nervously, looking at the happy Toratsune and the disturbed Yuki-Hime. "The next dare is for Loraname…you need to propose to Toratsune, who is the closest to you, on one knee with a ring box."

Toratsune looked up again, lips frozen to Yuki-Hime's. Finally detaching herself from the embarrassed zanpakuto, she asked with delight, "Is my wife going to be a good one?"

No choice but to bop her head.

And so I did.

While she held her head moaning in pain, I nodded to Loraname, who kneeled down and held out the ring box used earlier for Kazeshini and Wabisuke's 'wedding'. "Will you marry me?" she asked in a deep voice.

Toratsune stopped her groaning and jumped up and down. "Of course!" she exclaimed.

A sweat drop formed over my eye.

"It's not real, you know," I told her.

She grinned. "If it were, I'd accept it anyway."

My head dropped low. How literal.

"Next dare is one person playing teacher, and another playing student. Kurai, you're the teacher, and Yuki-Hime, you're the student."

"I have no experience in teaching, though!" Kurai exclaimed.

"It doesn't matter. Yuki-Hime, being the student, has to beat you up."

Kurai gulped, backing away from the smiling Yuki-Hime, who looked eerily like Unohana at that moment.

-Two minutes of punching later-

Kurai had bandages covering his head, one on his arm, and a giant red bruise stuck out from the back of his head. Yuki-Hime still smiled that evil smile, white coat and blue trousers spotless although Kurai held a red tissue paper up to his nose.

That was kinda overdone.

"Here's a disturbing dare. Loraname, you have to touch Hisaidoni's naked body."

…

"WHAT?!" the two females cried in unison.

"Yup. That's the custom around here…you have to do dares or speak truths for the enjoyment of others. I know it's not fun, but it has to be done…"

-CENSORED-

-Two minutes later-

"You two look like you're gonna puke," I commented nonchalantly.

"That's because we're about to!" Hisaidoni spat.

"Please, not on the floor," I said. "Well, hopefully the next dare will put you out of your current misery. Natsumi and Nozomiberu, you two need to kiss."

"What is with people and kissing?" Natsumi asked.

"No idea, it seems that everyone likes to see two people kissing. It's either Ruriiro Kujaku and Hozukimaru or Senbonzakura and Byakuya or some other random couple. Well, kiss."

They sighed, pressing their lips against each other's, and parted after about ten seconds. "That was a really awkward moment," remarked Natsumi. "I've never had to kiss a girl before."

"Yup!" Nozomiberu agreed with a giggle.

"Okay then? The next dare is dangerous…"

"And that is?" Yuki-Hime asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"One of you guys has to run around the Eleventh Division with this banner." Holding it up, I read it aloud: "Eleventh Squad sucks, Fourth Squad rules!"

"Is there a possibility of getting annihilated by the captain?" Hisaidoni asked nervously.

"Yup. And you're the one who has to do it."

Hisaidoni, with shaking legs, walked to the teleporter holding the banner, muttering "I can't believe I have to do this…" before leaving with a flash.

Gonryomaru sighed in relief, sitting against the wall. "We actually have a day of rest today."

Murmurs of agreement rippled through the crowd.

It was at that moment that Kenpachi's reiatsu skyrocketed, and I hurriedly teleported back Hisaidoni, who was shaking even harder. The zanpakuto crowded around her, asking such questions as "How was it?" and "What happened?"

"You should've seen it!" she exclaimed. "There was the captain, the baldy Ikkaku, and the not-so-manly Yumichika waving their swords around, trying to lop off my head!"

"Be glad you survived," I told her. "Wabisuke almost got killed by him too. Aello, you have to do almost the opposite…go to Unohana and tell her that her division is full of sissies."

"No problem! At least she isn't gonna lop of my head!" Aello replied confidently, and disappeared through the teleporter.

"Are you sure about that? She's a master at swordsmanship ya know!" I called after her.

Oh well.

…

There goes Unohana's reiatsu.

Sending Aello back, she was almost as shaken as Hisaidoni, eyes wide in fear. "She tried to lop my head off!" she yelled.

Called it.

"Kurai, you need to sing He Mele no Lilo from Lilo and Stitch. It'll be your last dare." I tossed him a lyrics sheet and yelled, "Quiet! Now presenting: Kurai!"

-Three minutes later-

Kurai swept a bow, grinning. After the clapping had ceased for the zanpakuto, I said, "We're getting to the second to last dare. Toratsune, Yuki-Hime, Loraname, Nozomiberu and Natsumi, dance the Hare Hare Yukai dance from _The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. _Prepare to dance."

-Three minutes later-

"Finally! Last dare! Saru, kiss any girl in the room."

"Hmm. I'll give it to the guest zanpakuto Aello!" she announced, and went over to Aello and kissed her, and Aello blushed.

How odd of Saru. She usually hated kissing…

After Saru had let go, Aello's face was still red, and she was blinking rapidly as if there was dirt in her eye. Finally, all the guest zanpakuto crowded around the teleporter, and Kurai asked nervously, "Do we have to tell our masters what disturbing things happened today?"

I smirked. "No."

Because they'll know anyway.


	13. Guests 2: Shun Shun Rikka, the ARRANCAR?

Thanks to these people who reviewed: xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx, chappy1000, RainingSun, radioisotope, ElementistMagicAkua, maxride4life, fanficssuck, DaRkZeRoGaL, Kitty Petro, Serroco, Sammie BoJammie, Purp1e-Skies74

I advise you readers to be PATIENT! It takes a while to get to some of your dares because it goes kinda slow. But, I appreciate you guys reviewing :)

I DON'T OWN BLEACH! All I own is...well, the room on the hill.

R&R

* * *

Guests 2: Shun Shun Rikka, the ARRANCAR?

"Well, well," I muttered, shaking my head in dismay. The guest zanpakuto were gone, and now all of us were very, very bored.

Right now, boredom was the state of mind.

"Hmm?" Gonryomaru asked lazily, leaning against the wall.

"What's gonna happen today?" asked Sode no Shirayuki.

"I have some good news and bad news."

"Why does everyone say that?" grumbled Kazeshini.

"I dunno. Let's start out with the more happy news: the Shun Shun Rikka are here!"

"Are they?" muttered Zangetsu.

He got a point.

"Well, not now," I admitted, scratching my head apologetically. "But they WILL!" In my head I sheepishly thought, _Thanks for the reminder, Zangetsu. _"Speaking of which, here they come through the teleporter!"

All eyes turned warily to the teleporter, and the six fairy-like spirits appeared through. All were smiling except for Tsubaki, who narrowed his eyes dangerously. "What is this?" he asked quietly.

"Zanpakuto Truth or Dare, 'course," I replied coolly. "You and the rest of Shun Shun Rikka have been invited to this…you could call it a game show…and are to stay and play some…" I coughed a little at this part- "fun…well, you know what you do in Truth or Dare, you speak truths and perform dares. Now, since all of you are new here, please sit against the wall and hope that you don't get squashed."

_That's helpful, _mouthed Tobiume.

_I know, right? _I mouthed back. "We won't exactly go in order for the dares this time, but first one is from darkmachine."

_I have some great ideas for some dare.  
1. Haineko have to go on a date with Grimmjow in his release form._

_2. The older Katen Kyokotsu has to go on a date with Starrk, while the young one has to play a game with Lilynette._

_3. Zangetsu must fight both Grimmjow and Ulquiorra in their release forms. (evil laugh)_

_4. Kazeshini must fight Nnoitra in his rekease form.  
5. Hyorinmaru must take Harribel on a date.  
6. Wabisuke must go on a date with Cirucci Thunderwitch.  
7. Sode no Shirayuki must go on a date with Findor Carias._

_And Finally 8. Suzumebachi must/has to go on a romance date with Ggio Vega.  
So please use my dare or anyone else that use the arrancars.  
_…

"WHAT?!"

I sighed. "Yeah. That's the bad news."

"What if we get killed?" Zangetsu asked fearfully.

"You're not the type to be scared," I told him sternly, putting my hands on my hips. "And I'll make sure you don't get killed."

"How?"

"I see you still don't trust me."

"No, it's not that…"

"Well, if you died, the readers wouldn't like it now would they?" I asked him. "So, don't worry. And also, most of your masters managed to kill an arrancar, so you should manage to defeat them too. The plus side of this dare is that I don't have to send ALL the arrancar…only the ones selected in the dare, which are: Grimmjow, Starrk and Lilynette, Ulquiorra, Nnoitra, Harribel, Cirucci Sanderwicci, Findor Carias, and Ggio Vega. Here they come."

The atmosphere tensed as the room illuminated and the said arrancar appeared, clad in white, a contrast to almost everyone around them. Grimmjow swept a look around the room and yelled, "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

"Be quiet, Grimmjow," Ulquiorra ordered. "None of us know."

Starrk yawned widely, rubbing his eyes. "If we can do something that lets me sleep, I'll be fine."

"I don't think you will," I asserted the sleepy Espada. "Grimmjow, please go into your Resurrección form for us."

"And who the hell are you?" he snarled, a wild look evident in his eyes.

"That doesn't concern you. Just do it for us."

"Why the hell do you expect me to do it for you?"

I rolled my eyes and reached into my pant pocket, finally pulling out something that I had prepared for today: catnip.

Grimmjow widened his eyes tremendously, then lunged at the catnip, hands outstretched. I lifted it up and sidestepped, and he missed it. After a few more moments of keep-away, I told him exasperatingly, "Just go into your Resurrección form and you'll get…"

"Grind, Pantera!"

…

Wow.

What one would do for catnip. A cat, that is.

I tossed it at him before ducking frantically, Grimmjow leaping gracefully over me. I glanced at Haineko, and she was staring at the catnip Grimmjow had, dangling helplessly in his hands. Her fur bristled with jealousy, and she sprang at the rolling Grimmjow and tried to wrestle the catnip from his claws.

I guess that counts as a date.

Katen Kyokotsu stepped up, glowering at Starrk. "I can't believe I have to do this," the older one spat with disdain. "But it's a dare."

Starrk raised an eyebrow curiously, yawning once more. "What is?"

"The fact that I have to go on a date with you."

Starrk was quiet a moment, thoughts running through his mind. Then he finally spoke, "It won't be too bad as long as we don't fight." He offered a gloved hand to Katen Kyokotsu, who cringed away but continued to glare at him.

"Are you sure about that?" Katen Kyokotsu asked warily.

"About what?"

"That you won't fight."

"Yes. Let's just go into a corner, and hopefully we'll know each other better."

As they went off, the younger part of Katen Kyokotsu sat down next to Lilynette, who was the wary one of the two. "So, what are we going to do?" Lilynette asked. Katen Kyokotsu shrugged apologetically.

"Can you speak?" Lilynette demanded. Katen Kyokotsu shrugged again, her visible eye closing.

"Here," I said, tossing a tin can of pick-up sticks. Lilynette's pink eye watched as the can dropped, clanging as it hit the ground. She picked it up gingerly and opened the top, dumping the contents of it onto the ground. She smiled and said, "I'll start first!" and picked up a thin blue stick, the surrounding sticks unmoving.

As they engaged rather happily into the game, I called, "Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, Zangetsu! You three need to fight!"

Grimmjow ignored me, continuing to toss the catnip around while Haineko snatched at it.

"GRIMMJOW!"

No response.

"Fine. HADO NO 63: RAIKOHO!"

Immediately the two scattered, and I grabbed the catnip and shredded it to pieces. Grimmjow looked behind him, where there was…SUPPOSED to be…a hole in the wall.

"That was a dirty trick!" he yelled angrily.

The trick works every time.

Even if it's only been used twice.

"I apologize for the inconveniences. Anyways, you and Ulquiorra have to fight this old man here in your release forms."

"I'm not an old man!" Zangetsu said, enraged.

"I don't give a damn! Ulquiorra, please activate your Resurrección."

He closed his eyes in annoyance, although his face didn't show it. "Enclose, Murciélago." Black wings spread from his back, and his hair grew drastically long.

"Take the battle outside; I don't want you to destroy the room." I walked over to the door and unlocked it, and they ran through. Closing the door again, I turned to Kazeshini and Nnoitra. "Nnoitra!"

"Nani?" he asked, grinning.

"You, too, go into your Resurrección."

"For what?"

"You are going to fight Kazeshini." I pointed to the said zanpakuto, who was grinning back, his mouth curled up like a crescent moon, holding his blades over his shoulder. Nnoitra's grin widened, and he said, "Bring it on, wimp. Pray, Santa Teresa!" Extra arms formed, and he now had four blades instead of two. I opened the door for them, and they managed to exit rather peacefully.

Now…four more dates to go.

"Hyourinmaru, you have to get with Harribel, Wabisuke, you have to go with Cirucci, Sode no Shirayuki, go with Findor Carias, and Suzumebachi, go on a date with Ggio."

"No," came from you-know-who.

Good grief.

"Just each go into your separate corners and at least TRY and get to know each other…" I pushed Wabisuke into Cirucci, and they grudgingly went into a corner.

Now…what do I do?

-Ten minutes later-

BOOM.

Yup, the fights are officially finished.

I opened the door and looked out, and O NOES!

Nah, just kidding.

In a way.

Grimmjow had rolled off the hill, tossing catnip.

…

"ZANGETSU, DID YOU STEAL CATNIP FROM THE SUPPLY ROOM?!"

"NO! IT WAS GROWING ON THE HILLSIDE!"

Shi-

I forgot about that.

Sticking my head out the door, I yelled, "Hurry up, Grimmjow!"

No response.

"HADO NO 63: RAIKOHO!"

No response.

I sighed. Last chance.

"HADO NO 88: HIRYUGEKIZOKUSHINTENRAIHO!!!"

Damn that was a mouthful.

As he scampered away from nothing, I pointed a finger at him and yelled, "Bakudo no. 9: Horin!"

The orange tendril took off toward him and wrapped itself around, and he struggled against it. I could feel myself being pulled outside…I cried, "Tenken! Give me a hand!"

He lumbered over and pulled on the solidified energy rope, and yanked on it hard. Grimmjow flew toward us like a bullet, but he smacked the top of the door frame.

Ouch.

I pulled back the now unconscious panther Espada, and Zangetsu, Ulquiorra, Kazeshini and Nnoitra walked in calmly, all bruised and sore. Shun'o asked, "Should I heal them with Ayame?"

I nodded. "Go ahead."

While they went off and healed the zanpakuto and Espada alike, I turned to the rest of the zanpakuto and the arrancar, some coming back from their date. "The arrancar are allowed to stay here to watch the rest of the show," I announced, and loud complaints rang in my ears endlessly. I smirked while adding, "It's only to torture you guys. Next person, KuroEqualsBitch."

_Lol and I want Kurai... I messed up in the review where Kurai said she would be a good little girl. I wasn't thinking. Kurai's actually a boy._

_I dare Kazeshini to make-out with Wabisuke.  
I dare Zabimaru to make-out with her other half.  
I dare Haineko to tell everyone her breast size.  
The 2nd half of Katen Kyokotsu should win.*the one thats silent*  
And I believe thats It... AWESOME._

Kazeshini looked up, a bruise on his head, and sighed. "I'll make him do it," he grumbled, and grabbed Wabisuke and made out with him. Wabisuke glared at him, hand solidly whacking Kazeshini's bruise. Kazeshini yelped in pain, promptly jumping back, and Wabisuke sat back down and turned his back.

Geez.

Saru and Hebi now stared at each other, glaring evilly. While Saru shook her head and Hebi muttered something, they both reluctantly went forward and made out, eyes squeezed shut in…pain? Happiness? Because something's in their eyes?

I really don't know.

"…Size C," Haineko admitted.

"…Or are you lying?" Tobiume asked tentatively.

"Hah, when would I lie?"

"…Almost every time?"

"Urusai!"

"NEXT PERSON, LITTLE WHITE COMET."

_3 dares? I'm not very good at it but I'll give it ago ^_^  
1.I dare Hyourimaru to give Toushirou the birds and the bees talk.  
Yes I am aware that he is a lot older than he looks XD_

_2.I dare Zangetsu and Senbonzakura to aplogize to each other for their and their masters behaviour towards each other XD_

_3.I dare Haniko to give up drinking for 1 week!_

_Without sneaking any either! I know you've been drinking when Sourpatch's back is turned!_

_-  
Great work! Can't wait for more!_

Toshiro appeared through the teleporter, and Hyourinmaru took him off to the side. The confused white-haired captain asked, "What are you doing, Hyourinmaru?"

"Let's start with the birds and the bees talk…"

"W-wait! I'm NOT A KID!"

While Toshiro cringed in a corner, Harribel snickered. "The ice dragon has to be talked to about this," she muttered. "How embarrassing."

I agreed in my head, and called out, "Senbonzakura, Zangetsu, apologize to each other."

"Senbonzakura…" Zangetsu began. "…I LOVE YOU!"

Senbonzakura just stood there like a dope. "No apologies?" he guessed.

"No, because I LOVE YOU now, and that's my apology," Zangetsu explained.

"That really takes it to the level where you would prefer to be in a yaoi couple than with Sode no Shirayuki. Speaking of which…" Senbonzakura trailed off after seeing Sode no Shirayuki's expression.

"MAI! TSUGI NO MAI, HAKUREN!!!"

-Three minutes later-

Zangetsu was once more sitting by Tenken's fire, chattering his teeth sore, and Sode no Shirayuki turned away from him like Wabisuke would from the rest of the world.

I had hoped that they would get together again, but NOOOO.

"We'll continue with the dares, as I threw away all the sake. Next person, willyfreak26."

_Katen Kyokotsu, the smaller spirit because honestly, her clothes look awesome._

_And for a dare..._

_I dare each zanpakuto to insult (has to sound truthful) or harm the person they like the most. If they don't then they can kiss the person they HATE the most. Their choice. xP_

"Well. Sode no Shirayuki just did that," I commented. "So, what's everyone…"

There was everyone, lining up in front of the arrancar, kissing them.

…Good grief.

While everyone was kissing the arrancar, I called out, "The last person, xXx-SeMe-ChaN-xXx."

_hahah geeze that was amazing!_

_Hmm...well-lemme think of a da-I GOT ONE!_

_Zangetsu has to light his hair on fire and run around naked screaming, "** BALL ON MY TOUNGE" heheh._

_Love ya SourpatchDevil 3_

"Ya gonna strip?" I asked lackadaisically.

He turned red. "Urusai!"

"Just try and impress Sode no Shirayuki with your now purple skin," I continued.

"URUSAI!"

-CENSORED-

"I didn't know arrancar could have nosebleeds too," I remarked.

"That was disgusting!" Cirucci complained. "He doesn't have a sexy body…"

"'Course it's disgusting!"

There was then a moment of brightness, and Zangetsu screamed, "…BALL ON MY TONGUE!"

-RUNNING AROUND CENSORED-

We watched, but didn't go along, as the arrancars went toward the teleporter. Grimmjow turned to us and grinned. "I didn't know all of you hated us."

"It can't be helped," I replied.

"Oh well. At least we have the fangirls," Ggio said.

"…Ya sure you wanna depend on them?"


	14. Guests 3: Hichigo

Thanks to these people for reviewing: fanficssuck, Purp1e-Skies74, chappy1000, blackteaplease, Little White Comet, xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx, ElementistMagicAkua, darkmachine, ling123, ., Sammie BoJammie, Serroco, notsomeoneyouknow, IdentifiedLuna1998, yoWHAZZUP

This chapter's dares submitted by: Flying-Plum, Spiky hair, 11 tailed wolf demon i luv gaa, Serroco, ichigos future wife

Ok, I changed the poll because it would get too tedious to put ALL the chapters. Apparently chapters 11+ are the most popular.

Instead of writing this at night, I wrote it early in the morning, so don't blame me if I get too lazy ^^ I'll change it later.

By some demands, I will activate the device next chapter.

That's all I have to say because anything I wanted to say has been erased from my memory temporarily.

I'll add it later because I'm a true procrastinator. xD Oh yes, the update pattern is probably going to be every weekend, sorry for the waits :P

* * *

Guests 3: Hichigo

"Do you have a zanpakuto, Sourpatch-san?" Hisagomaru asked.

"San? I don't think I deserved to be called that," I said, scratching my head. "Especially since I was the one who locked you guys in here."

"Answer the question already!" demanded Zangetsu.

"I do if you think I do," I replied simply.

"THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER!"

"I DON'T GIVE A CRAP! Speaking of zanpakutos, where's Haineko?"

One word resounded around the room.

"Outside."

I stomped to the door, flinging it open, and yelled, "HAINEKO, GET BACK HERE! YOU DON'T NEED ANY MORE FUDGIN' CATNIP! IF YOU DON'T COME BACK HERE, I WILL UNDOUBTEDLY OWN YOUR ASS!"

Response:

None.

Great answer, right?

Huh…well then…

"HURRY UP! KOMAMURA-TAICHO'S DOG HAS GOTTEN LOOSE AND IS COMING UP THE HILL!" Turning my head away from her, I mimicked a dog bark. Haineko's fur stuck straight up, and she scampered up here, dropping her catnip on the way. After she had shot into the room with super-fast speed I slammed the door, making the whole room shake. Haineko ran behind Tobiume, screaming, "TOBIUME! OH, MY BEST FRIEND, PLEASE LAUNCH FIREBALLS AT THE GOD DAMNED DOG!"

"You admitted that you hated me, Haineko," Tobiume pointed out, shaking her off.

"SO?! SAVE ME!!!"

"First person…"

"GET RID OF THE DOG FIRST!"

"…Flying-Plum."

"I SAID, GET RID OF THE DOG FIRST!!!"

_lol your fic makes my day.  
hm, i guess i wont be too evil..._

_must reveal the weirdest thing him and H-Ichigo has ever found in Ichigo's inner world._

_any five zanpak-to and make perform the hare hare yukai dance_

_3.i request kyoka suigetsu, shinso, and suzumushi to do a dare of your choice and to from now on to be included in your fic._

_thankyou very much!! *hugs*_

"HICHIGOO IS HEREEEE!!!" a new voice boomed, cackling. We all turned, wide-eyed, to see a grinning white replica of Ichigo, leaning on his sword.

I glared at him but asked nevertheless, "How'd you get here?"

"Well, I can't abandon my buddy Zangetsu here," he replied smoothly, reaching over to the bewildered Zangetsu and slinging his arm over his shoulder. "What was the question?"

"First question now: HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE?!"

He scoffed, eyes narrowing. "I told you: I can't abandon Zangetsu. So I've come to stay permanently. Second question?"

Shaking my head in exasperation, I reluctantly told him. "What was the weirdest thing you and Zangetsu have ever found in Ichigo's inner world?"

"Oh, just some images of Rukia…"

"Rukia-sama?!" Sode no Shirayuki exclaimed, mouth gaping.

"Don't interrupt me!" Hichigo snapped fiercely. "Anyways, there were images of Rukia

-CENSORED-

"…Yeah."

"Holy shit," Hozukimaru commented.

Awkward silence dawned on us.

"…Yeah."

"You don't need to repeat yourself, Hichigo," I pointed out.

"I say what I want!" he retorted.

"No, you don't."

"HELL YEAH I DO!"

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up. We already did dare two, so moving on to dare three. Incoming through the teleporter."

However, what happened was totally unexpected.

Maybe not.

Who else would appear other than the bad, the smiling, and the blind?

Their swords?

Well, there was Aizen, Gin and Tosen, clutching the hilt of their swords tightly, spread-eagled on the ground. Aizen looked up, smiling his evil smile, and said politely, "Hello, everyone."

There was NO fudging way that I was gonna keep THEM.

"Care to fire a Getsuga Tensho, Zangetsu and Hichigo?"

"Shat-" Aizen started.

I marched over and swung my foot down on his head. "Now don't you say a word," I whispered harshly into his ear. "Because I have no intention of keeping you or Gin or Tosen here." They disappeared into the teleporter, and I watched with satisfaction as they disappeared into the great blue yonder.

Not really.

"We should have had an all out brawl with them!" Hozukimaru complained.

"Unquestionably no. That's why I stepped on Aizen's head. If he activated his shikai we would have been dead."

"How do you know?"

"I have the amazing ability of common sense. Second person is Spiky hair."

_prety funny story keep it going , as for the dares 1.i dare zangetsu to watch as Sode no Shirayuki gets kissed by hollow ichigo for 3 minutes ,not the mask the actual white guy, and then to be his servant for a day(sorry zangetsu)._

_2. I dare every female zanpakutou to get a kiss from kenpachi and from that crazy scientist of soul society ._

Hichigo grinned, apologizing quickly to Zangetsu, and he shunpoed over to Sode no Shirayuki, sweeping her up, and pressing his lips to hers. Zangetsu stared miserably at the kissing couple, and Sode no Shirayuki stared past Hichigo at something that I couldn't possibly imagine. This went on for three minutes, and I stared at my stopwatch for quite a while, watching as the milliseconds flashed past. Finally, the three appeared…I yelled, "Done!" There was then a flare of light, and Kenpachi and Mayuri stood in the room.

The female spirits lined up in front of Kenpachi and Mayuri unwillingly, and Kenpachi raised an eyebrow. "What's the meaning of this?"

"We have to get a kiss from both of you," replied Tobiume rather squeakily.

"Do we really have to?" grumbled Kenpachi.

"It's only seven girls," I growled. "Hurry up and Mayuri can finish one of his crazy experiments."

"They aren't crazy!"

"I don't care! Hurry up!"

-One minute later-

"Now that they're gone, the third person is 11 tailed wolf demon i luv gaa."

_me: WABISUKE!! *hugs*  
Loraname: *trying not to laugh* the old cat got owned  
k today EVERYONE has do team up and braid wabisuke's hair_

"…"

That's obviously a flat-out no.

Yet, everyone crowded around him and grabbed his hair and started to braid, even if they didn't know how.

-Three minutes later-

Wabisuke looked like he had a bird nest on his head.

Full of knots, some neat braids, and other hunks of his hair left like it was.

Hopefully birds don't come and nest in his hair.

"Next person, Serroco."

_Keeps getting funnier and funnier every chapter. Truths are: What happened between Haineko and kazeshini when he tried to smile at her, what is Katen Kyokotsu's exact relationship with Shunsui, and is the fur on Kujaku, Chimpette and Haineko real? Just one dare, though, Haineko and Kazeshini alone in a room together._

"He…" Haineko snarled ferociously, "Tried to have…"

"We get the point," I said hurriedly. "Katen Kyokotsu?"

"Well, we're his zanpakuto!" the taller half snapped.

…

Yeah, that's an exact relationship, I guess.

Heh.

"THE FUR IS REAL!"

"WHY DO I HAVE TO GO WITH KAZESHINI AGAIN?!?!"

"WHY DO I HAVE TO GO WITH HAINEKO AGAIN?!?!"

-Five minutes later-

"…Why is Haineko the one who's unconscious?"

"…She was the one who made me this time…"

…

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?"

"…Yup."

"…Okay then…last person, ichigos future wife."

_lol! luv the awesome cool new machine! lol! poor aizen! XD  
i have a dare!  
I dare Zangetsu to snort 3 pixie sticks up his nose (the big ones)!  
Thanks!_

"Here's the pixie sticks," Suzumebachi told Zangetsu.

"Thanks," he said, ripping off the tops of the pixie sticks. He tilted his head slowly, so slowly, oh ever so slowly, for what seemed like a millennium, and snorted the candy powder. His eyes widened, corners of his mouth curling up into a grin, and he started bouncing around the room, rebounding off the walls and ricocheting off the ceiling.

Sugar HIGH HIGH HIGH much?

Only if Ichigo were doing that.

I need to activate that device again…


	15. Device Reactivated!

Thanks to these people for reviewing: chappy1000, flamesandblackroses, Purp1e-Skies74, notsomeoneyouknow, yoWHAZZUP, Serroco, i-is-animefreak, Ichiberrylover, Flying-Plum, ling123, Sammie BoJammie, Switmikan74, hm

This chapter's dares submitted by: chappy1000, maxride4life, fanficssuck, monkeywinz, Serroco

Well...the device is reactivated.

Yupness.

* * *

Device Reactivated!

"Thank you, Captain Kurotsuchi," I told the mad scientist over the phone. "You can only hope that Ashisogi Jizo doesn't do anything humiliating. Sayonara." Setting the phone down, I grinned. "Ready for your masters to be humiliated as well?"

"Of course," the voices chimed.

"If so, then we'll begin with the first person: chappy1000."

_Very funny!  
Okay,I have to know some truths!  
Suzumebachi,do you like being small?  
Kazeshini,do you think your insane?  
Dares!  
Haineko,I dare you to date Hozukimaru for a week!_

_Hyourinmaru,since your my favorite male zanpakuto,I'll go easy on you,just kidding! Alright you dare is you have to do the Caramelldansen with all the male zanpakutos,except Zangetsu. And you have to say I'm on crack! Okay?_

"Of course I like being small!" Suzumebachi declared. "It's easier to get around!"

"I AM NOT FUDGING INSANE!" Kazeshini cried.

-Seireitei-

Soifon shook her head hurriedly the words rolled off her tongue. "I hate being small!" she declared. "I hate how taller people have to look down on me!"

"You're one to talk," Toshiro muttered, looking up at her.

"AND OF COURSE I'M NOT INSANE!" Hisagi cried. "This time, the control thing was right!"

"Are you sure?" Kira asked uneasily.

-Room-

"And how am I supposed to date him?" Haineko demanded, pointing at Hozukimaru with accusation. "Why couldn't people pair me with Hyourinmaru?"

"First question: maybe start with flirting. Second question: either they don't like you with Hyourinmaru or that they don't think it's interesting when you ARE with Hyourinmaru."

"How could they be so mean?" Haineko muttered, and sighed with defeat. "C'mon, Hozukimaru, let's go into that empty room." Hozukimaru shrugged and followed Haineko into the empty room.

-Seireitei-

"And how am I supposed to date him?" Rangiku asked, raising a finger shakily. "Why couldn't people pair me with…"

Kurotsuchi sucked in a large amount of air. Hopefully Haineko wouldn't say the name of Hyourinmaru and make Rangiku say it instead…

"…Taicho?"

Sigh of relief. Then, "C'mon…"

Another large intake of breath.

"…Ikkaku, let's go into that empty room." Soon, Ikkaku started following Rangiku…into the 12th Division, where the 'meeting' was taking place.

"DON'T GO THERE!" Kurotsuchi bellowed, chasing after them, trying to bowl them over. However, he missed, landing unceremoniously on the hard ground. Groaning, he heard the door slam shut, and immediately got back up and rushed to the door. Yanking it open, he yelled, "DON'T TOUCH MY EXPERIMENTS!"

Rangiku looked up, one eye closed in disgust. "Calm down!" she ordered. "Ikkaku and I were just getting a little more acquainted!"

Kurotsuchi blinked, still gazing at the two warily. Then, as lazy as she was, Rangiku yawned and said shakily, "I'm tired; I'll lean back, i-if you don't m-mind…"

"NO!" cried Kurosuchi. "THERE'S A WHOLE SHELF OF MY EXPERIEMENTS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!" Then, seeing as he had no choice left, he yelled, "BAKUDO NO 81: DANKU!"

The barrier formed behind Rangiku, and she leaned against it a second later.

Another sigh of relief.

Until he noticed the barrier was cracking.

"BAKUDO NO 81: DANKU!" x 100

-Room-

"Zangetsu, you get a break. Hyourinmaru and the rest of the boys, dance the Caramelldansen. And Hyourinmaru, say it…"

He just looked at me blankly. "Am I supposed to say that chappy1000 is on crack or that I am on crack?" he questioned.

"To be more polite, say that you are on crack."

"I'M ON CRACK!"

"DON'T BUST EVERYONE'S EARDRUMS!"

"HYPOCRITE!"

"JUST FRIGGIN' DANCE ALREADY!"

-Seireitei-

"Who in this beautiful world is chappy1000?" Yumichika asked.

"No idea," Toshiro admitted, then shouted, "I'M ON CRACK! HYPOCRITE!"

Everyone just stared at him, then the males started to dance.

"This isn't beautiful!" Yumichika cried as his hips swung from left to right.

-Room-

"Next person is maxride4life."

_YAYZ another chapter of this wonderful story ^.^_

_Keep up the good work and cake for everyone...yes, even the zanpakuto *hands cake* enjoy!_

_now...time for business  
yes...the Shun Shun Rikka should definatly be in the story :3_

_Ok. I dare Haineko-san and Sode no Shirayuki-san to get Rukia and Ichigo together. I also dare Haineko-san not to have sake for a week...Arn't I evil? :3_

_Time for truths._

_1...[for everyone...even the auther...] If you could be together with any Being -Zanpakuto of otherwise- who would it be?_

_2...[all Zanpakuto] what do you really think of this truth-or-dare?  
Thanks for the wonderful story!  
-maxride4life-_

"Wait…" Tsubaki said quietly. "You mean that people voted on…whether or not we should BE here?"

"Calm down, Tsubaki!" Shun'o told him. "It is pretty amusing! And the cake that came through the teleporter is pretty good!"

"Chocolate!" Sogyo no Kotowari cried happily.

As they nibbled on the cake, I called, "Haineko, come out here."

The door to the empty room opened, and Haineko staggered out with Hozukimaru, Hozukimaru having an arm over Haineko's shoulder. I arched an eyebrow at seeing Haineko's smile, and asked suspiciously, "Did it go well?"

Haineko's smile was plastered onto her face as she replied, "Of course! Although I didn't expect it…what did you want to ask me?"

"Well, you have to help Sode no Shirayuki get Rukia and Ichigo together…"

"That's easy. Zangetsu, hug Sode no Shirayuki and never let go."

"Since have you been smart?" Kazeshini asked, mildly interested.

Sound whack across the head.

-Seireitei-

Kurotsuchi watched with relief as Rangiku and Ikkaku walked out of the room. The Danku barriers started disappearing one by one, and Rangiku smiled happily. "…Ichigo," she was saying, "Hug Rukia and never let go."

"…Why?" Ichigo stammered as he pulled Rukia into his arms.

Rukia smiled. "I don't mind, though," she admitted, relaxing in the warmth of his body. "Although he's squeezing kind of tight."

"Sorry, Rukia," Ichigo apologized. "It's not my doing."

"Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime wailed.

Meanwhile, Hisagi got whacked by Rangiku with an empty sake bottle.

-Room-

"Sake's gone. We've already said who we would be with besides the Shun Shun Rikka, Hichigo, and I. Starting with the Shun Shun Rikka, who would you guys be with?"

"No one!" stated Tsubaki tartly.

"Well, I'd just stay with Orihime," Shun'o said politely, and the rest of them agreed.

"Hichigo, you?"

"Hm…if I absolutely had to choose one person, it would be Rangiku."

"W-" I caught myself before I said it.

There was only one reason, and an obvious one at that.

"For me…hm…" I thought aloud. "I must say that I have to lean toward Toshiro here, but it's not because I'm a fangirl. I really have no idea. Now, what do you guys think of this truth or dare game?"

"It sucks!" Tsubaki confirmed.

"We don't need your opinion," spat Ruriiro Kujaku. "I'll admit it, it was quite unbeautiful at first and still so with those censored dares, but it's quite fun." The rest of the zanpakuto nodded vigorously.

Hichigo grinned. "It's been quite a ride so far," he said. "I like it."

"The rest of us don't agree with Tsubaki," Hinagiku claimed, shooting a dirty glare at Tsubaki. "I've been liking it too."

I smiled. "Good. This will continue on longer, if you guys really like it. Third person, fanficssuck."

_I don't know much about the shun shun rikka, but I lol'd through this entire chapter :P  
I has a dare!_

_I dare every single one of the Zanpakutos to dress up as gangsters, get in a pimped out ride, and do a rap and pretend to drive-by XD Mostly for the fact that their masters will do it :D_

_Oh, and one quick truth for Ashisogi Jizo: CAN YOU ACTUALLY SPEAK?_

Ashisogi Jizo shook his head, the only sound emitting from his throat a burbling sound.

"Now…change into gangster clothes. If you have become courageous enough, then change in front of everyone."

Grins all around.

"Wait…" Saru said, as they started to change into loose clothes and baggy pants. "Then what will our masters wear?"

I grinned. "Since they don't have gangster clothes in Seireitei, they might as well go naked. Since a car is too big to fit through the teleporter, I'll use a super long sled and we'll ride down the hill. Rap whatever you want."

"Then what will our masters ride?" Hebi asked.

"It depends on how you position yourselves."

"…"

"Just start already."

-Seireitei-

-CENSORED-

-Room-

"It seems like the truths or dares are short today. Fourth person is monkeywinz."

_Wow, haha, I laughed at a lot of these dares XD  
So here are some from me:  
(for Tobiume): Wear a bikini.  
(for Kazeshini): Shout "I love you" in everyone's faces  
(for Tenken): Offer your owner a dog treat.  
And to be mean... (for Senbonzakura): Take off your mask._

_Tobiume is my favorite female zanpaktou (and I squee a bit when you and Hyourinmaru kiss..) so yeah, hope to see more dares for you ;D_

_And I feel bad for Senbonzakura for having to take off his mask so many times xD  
Please update :D_

"Well, well, Tobiume, are you willing to strip in front of everyone and wear the bikini?"

Tobiume just smiled. "Why not?"

Everyone's jaw dropped: Tsubaki's bandana covering his mouth almost slid off.

And, of course: Minazuki had absolutely no reaction.

If shifting a little doesn't count.

-Two minutes later-

"Holy…" muttered Hyourinmaru, eyes wide.

"That's real sexy," Hichigo remarked.

Tobiume blushed, looking down at her slim yet short figure. The small pink bikini fit her well, and Tobiume refused to look at any of us. "Hyourinmaru-chan…" she murmured, burying her face in her hands, "I'm sorry…"

Hyourinmaru smiled at her, despite blushing as well, and took her in his arms. "It's fine, Tobiume," he murmured back, stroking her hair, "It's fine."

-Seireitei-

Everyone had their mouths agape.

Did Hinamori…the oh-so-easy-going Hinamori…just do THAT?

She turned to Toshiro, face red. "Shiro-chan…I'm sorry…"

"Don't call me that here!" he whispered harshly, but smiled nevertheless. "It's fine, Hinamori, it's fine."

"You sure?" she asked shyly.

"Yes…"

"I LOVE YOU!" Hisagi shouted in Hinamori's face.

A vein pulsed in Toshiro's forehead, while Hinamori cringed against him.

"…Bankai."

"I LOVE YOU TOO, HITSUGAYA-TAICHO! Wait...Hitsugaya-Taicho! I didn't mean it…"

"…Daiguren Hyourinmaru!"

During all this chaos, Komamura snacked happily on a dog treat, and Byakuya pinched his nose just like that.

No one thought it weird.

-Room-

While Kazeshini sat next to Tenken's fire, shivering nonstop, Senbonzakura yelled, "Why does everyone have to make me take of my mask? I've done it more than five times already!"

"Why are you named Senbonzakura?" I asked calmly. "Now for the last person for today: Serroco."

_Nice. Thanks for pickin' me. Here's a few more truths, how did it go between Zabimaru (Renji), Hyorinmaru (Hitsugaya) and Suzumebachi (Soifon)? What are the zanpakutos' thoughts on Muramasa and how things went down during the Rebellion? What exactly did Kazeshini "do" to Haineko while they were in the room? To top it off, we know what the zanpakuto think of their masters, but what do the zanpakuto think of each other? Everyone participates, and everyone is to give their opinion on everyone._

_And for the dares, Gonryomaru... do whatever it takes to make Sasakibe more 'noticeable'. Suzumebachi (Soifon) will "confess" her love for Gegetsuburi (Omaeda) and Hyorinmaru (Toshiro). Katen Kyokotsu will kiss Shunsui... no objections. A bankai-fight will break down between Senbonzakura and Zabimaru, winner is up to you to decide. Finally, Haineko is to kiss Senbonzakura and hang out with Kazeshini for two chapters, let them get to know one another._

"Well, first Hyourinmaru and I made up, and we were about to you-know-what but Saru couldn't stand it anymore," Suzumebachi said brightly. "Yeah."

"Muramasa? Well, let's just say that we're glad that he's not in this game," Zangetsu stated flatly, and the rest of them nodded. "I'd like to whack him someday…"

"I don't have to answer the third question," Haineko grumbled.

"We already done the fourth question, too," added Hozukimaru.

I nodded. "Alright. Now, Gonryomaru, I have ideas, but are you still too chicken about the stripteases?"

"…Maybe…" Gonryomaru stuttered.

"Too bad. Here it goes for you."

"…W-WAIT!"

"Holy fuck, ever heard of going with the flow?"

-CENSORED-

-Seireitei-

-CENSORED-

"Sasakibe!" Yamamoto scolded, glaring at his lieutenant, holding a tissue paper. "What in the world do you think you are doing?"

"It's not my fault!" Sasakibe stammered. "I don't know what happened!"

"Well, you'll get a beating for it," Yamamoto told him, holding his cane high up in the air.

"I beg for mercy!"

"…I love you…Omaeda, Hitsugaya-Taicho…" Soifon spluttered.

"Really?" asked Omaeda, while Toshiro raised an eyebrow.

"No, you baka! SHUNKO!"

"AGAIN?"

-Room-

"How am I supposed to kiss Shunsui?" asked Katen Kyokotsu.

"So you don't mind?" I asked her, grinning.

"O-of course I do!" she claimed. "He's my master, for heaven's sake!"

"Sure. We'll just teleport some sake here…"

Haineko's head snapped up sharply at that.

"And kinda make it so that it never happened in the first place. Haineko, you don't get any sake…just saying."

Haineko's head drooped back down.

First the sake bottle came through the teleporter, then Shunsui. I grabbed the sake bottle, forced Shunsui's mouth open, and poured the sake in. He choked once, then his cheeks became red.

-Seireitei-

"Where's Shunsui?" asked Ukitake, scratching his head.

-Room-

Katen Kyokotsu smiled and kissed the drunk Shunsui. "Mmm hmm…" she mumbled nonsense as her lips pressed onto her master's. The younger half stared at her with shock, slowly backing away.

Three minutes later, Katen Kyokotsu couldn't force herself apart from him.

I smacked my forehead repeatedly as the minutes passed. Sighing in defeat, I muttered, "Just go on with the dares. Senbonzakura, Zabimaru, bankai fight. Begins now."

"BANKAI!"

-Three minutes later-

"Still not giving up?"

"Nope."

"Have a secret technique?" Senbonzakura asked.

"Yes," Saru replied, grinning.

"Same."

"Then let's do it at the same time to see who is stronger."

"Sure thing."

Then, both voices chorused:

"HADO NO 99: ULTIMATE SEXY STRIPPING!"

The rest of the people present either had a sweat drop on their forehead or fell to the floor in annoyance.

-Seireitei-

-CENSORED-

-Room-

"Some kido spell…" I grumbled. "No one wins. GET THE FUCK UP!"

Senbonzakura scrambled up, and took off his mask reluctantly. "I have to do this for a dare, right?" he asked uneasily.

Haineko kissed him as he asked. "Yes," she whispered. "Now, Kazeshini…" she turned to face the zanpakuto she oh-so-dreaded… "Into the room we go for two chapters."

Happy ending?

No.

The last thing we needed was an unconscious Haineko, but we got it anyway.

-Seireitei-

"MY BEAUTIFUL MELONS!"


	16. Travel: Seaside

Thanks to these people who reviewed: KuroEqualsBitch, fanficssuck, darkmachine, katizo terusei, Purp1e-Skies74, ultima-owner, DaRkZeRoGaL, yoWHAZZUP, notsomeoneyouknow, Serroco, flamesandblackroses, monkeywinz, 0VeR.13, Lina Schiffer, chappy1000, j cloud xD, clamhappy, hm, Switmikan74

Ending quote for last chapter was Rangiku. :)

First off: be thankful for filler episodes, or else this story wouldn't be in existence. :)

Second: I don't own Bleach.

Third: I have said this earlier, but PLEASE BE PATIENT! With an average of over 11 reviews per chapter, it's not likely that I'll get to your dare by the next chapter. I only do five dares per chapter, after all...

Fourth: Enjoy!

* * *

Travel: Seaside

"Pack up," I ordered, fiddling with the controls on the teleporter. "Wait, never mind, you won't have to."

"Thank goodness," remarked Haineko. "I'm too lazy to do anything right now. But why did you say so?"

"Well, I think it's about time we revealed ourselves to your masters. I'll teleport the room to a destination and teleport your masters to the destination as well. It was Purp1e-Skies74's idea. We're going to the beach. Here goes…" I pressed a button on the teleporter…

And pretty much nothing happened.

We all sat stupidly on the floor, waiting for...something.

"Was something supposed to happen?" Tobiume asked nervously.

"Might as well look outside," I replied.

Hisagomaru, who was closest to the window, peered outside. "It's true," he confirmed. "We are at the beach. Our masters are here as well."

"Seriously?" Zangetsu jumped up in surprise. "What do we do?"

"We'll have to get out there before they come inside the house," I decided. "Kyoraku-Taicho and Rangiku might think that it's a beachside bar. C'mon."

They milled out of the room, and I followed silently after them. Their masters obviously spotted them, and as soon as they did, they gaped.

Their zanpakuto gaped too.

"I didn't know that shinigami could be so…SEXY," Haineko murmured, sighing dreamily.

"Aren't they burning in this weather?" Rangiku muttered from across the zanpakuto. "And why are they there in the first place?"

"How are they in beachwear already?" Tobiume wondered.

Sogyo no Kotowari shoved themselves in front of the crowd, running with their little feet. "More people to play with!" they cried happily, and launched themselves onto Ukitake, who widened his eyes slightly before catching onto the two twins. Chuckling, the shinigami started walking toward our group, and we walked toward them with an equal pace. As soon as we faced each other, silence ensued.

…

-Three minutes later-

…

-An hour later-

…

Crickets chirp in the distance…

Are there crickets at the beach?

"I'll speak first," I said boldly, and put myself in front of everyone.

"You are?" Yamamoto asked.

"I don't exactly want to say my first name. I'll go by Sourpatch, or just okashi." Okashi meant candy, and I wasn't sure how to present my nickname.

"Fine. We'll dub you 'Okashi' as of now. Do you care to explain why the zanpakuto spirits are here with you?"

"Ask the twelfth division captain."

Kurotsuchi widened his eyes, then scowled at me, raising a finger in accusation. "You promised that you wouldn't say anything!" he spat.

"I'm not talking about the device."

"I know! But you still promised!"

"What is this all about?" Yamamoto demanded.

"Kurotsuchi-Taicho here preserved some of Muramasa's power in some freakishly crazy way I do not know and the materialized zanpakuto spirits came back," I answered honestly. "And…"

"Don't you dare say more…or else I'll modify you," Kurotsuchi growled threateningly.

"Did you turn off the device?"

"THAT'S IT!"

Shit. Gotta run.

"You know that Seireitei ain't very far from here," I told him, still running away barefooted on the sand with the makeup man chasing after me. "I'll just destroy your experiments, so DON'T MESS WITH ME!"

"Nemu," Kurotsuchi snapped.

Shit. Still gotta run.

"Stop acting like an imbecile," Yamamoto ordered, and I sighed in relief, skidding in the sand. "Explain this device- thing- that Okashi hinted at."

Kurotsuchi glared at me, stopping in his tracks, and I smiled sweetly back at him. He sighed and replied, "The reason why all of you were acting weirdly was because of a mimicking device I made that would link the zanpakuto's actions to their masters."

…

"That explains everything," Sasakibe said. "But, it has been amusing…"

"I didn't like it when we were all confused, though," Hisagi admitted. "And it wasn't fun being owned by Hitsugaya-Taicho's bankai."

"That's why you should watch your mouth, Hisagi," Toshiro said coldly.

"Well, now you won't!" I replied. "Because, well, you guys are going to participate with us! Since I'm assuming that none of you will run away, we'll start the game for today. First let you guys meet each other, get along, and don't kill each other, please. Let them change into suitable weather, too…" I glanced at the madly sweating zanpakuto… "Yeah."

The zanpakuto scrambled into the room and came back after a matter of minutes. Suzumebachi grabbed sunscreen, and they smeared it on their skin. "Can we play a while on the beach? Pwease?" begged Sogyo no Kotowari.

I laughed. "We came here to do business, not to drown ourselves in salt water. Now, Kurotsuchi-Taicho…did you turn off the device or not?"

He sighed. "I did not."

"That works too. So, we shall start the amazing…drum roll please!...ZANPAKUTO TRUTH OR DARE!"

Sweat drops appear on the foreheads.

Ignoring that fact, I announced, "The first person is…"

"Hey! Aren't you going to explain this?" Renji asked.

I grinned sheepishly. "Oops. In this game, we take five peoples' requests a day and perform whatever they tell us too. Anyways, the first person for today is praeses."

_This story is SO funny. I love it._

_Dare: I dare Ruriiro Kujaku, Hozukimaru, Senbonzakura, Wabisuke, and Hyourinmaru to sing the "I Love you, you love me" song from Barney while smiling and holding hands._

_Aizen probably got suffocated by Senbonzakura's masks..._

"Aizen?" Toshiro's head snapped up at the comment. "What did he do?"

"It's not what he did; it's what we did to him," I corrected. "Senbonzakura had a shitload of masks hidden in our supply closet, so we launched them off toward Hueco Mundo. We might check on Aizen later, if you would like."

"As long as he's dead I'm happy," Toshiro growled.

"Hozukimaru, Senbonzakura, Wabisuke, Hyourinmaru! Stop trying to drown Tenken and get your asses over here!" I yelled in the direction of the ocean.

"He's too heavy!" Hozukimaru yelled back, trying to support a giant arm on his shoulder.

"Then it's your fault! Find a way to get him back up! And if necessary, use your shikai! Wabisuke, don't use yours for obvious reasons!"

"I'll do it," Hyourinmaru offered. "Sit upon the frozen heavens!"

In a matter of seconds, Tenken was enveloped in a case of ice.

"Scatter!" Senbonzakura commanded. The petal-like blades surrounded the frozen figure, lifting it up gently and setting it down on the sand. Then, the blades started chipping away the ice. Hyourinmaru told him, "I did a light coating of ice, no worries."

"Light, huh?" Senbonzakura muttered. "Since you're the most powerful ice type zanpakuto, I wonder how much a light coating is…"

"C'mon, you guys, dance to "I love you, you love me" from Barney!" I chided, pulling them over.

…

"Who's Barney?" Ruriiro Kujaku asked absentmindedly.

Another sweat drop.

"Never mind, here's a lyrics sheet…"

"Wait, how can you be sure that no one sees us?" Hozukimaru asked.

"It's in Soul Society, not the real world! C'mon! Sing already!"

The group sighed, walking forward, holding hands, and trying to put a fake smile on. Their masters did as well…Yumichika, Ikkaku, Byakuya, Kira, and Toshiro… and they widened their eyes, FINALLY realizing why they had been acting so…inappropriately…without meaning to.

"I love you,

"You love me,

"We're a happy family,

"With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you,

"Won't you say you love me too?"

Nope.

"I love you,

"You love me,

"We're best friends like friends should be,

"With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you,

"Won't you say you love me too?"

Still nope.

More like…

FUCK x infinity NO!

Yeah, that's better.

"I don't like the feeling of being controlled," Kira complained.

"It reminds me too much of Aizen…" Toshiro grumbled.

"Fine, I'll let you go under one condition."

"That is?" Yumichika asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"You have to perform the dares yourself, even if it's not beautiful."

"Well…" Ikkaku hesitated a moment- "I guess it is better than the feeling of control."

"Alright. Kurotsuchi-Taicho, please deactivate the device…I'll test your loyalty with the next person's dares. Next person, ling123."

_Ok. this is going to be the last time i do a dare so my dares are: 1. I dare all of you and i mean ALL of you to go to Hueco Mundo and go to Aizens throne and vandilize his whole palace! 2. i dare you the author to revive marumasa and make him sing mr. lonely and if he dosen't tie him to a branch and whack him with a stick. Thats all i have and have the shun shun rikka there!_

I grinned. "Follow me into the room, everyone!"

"How're we gonna get to Hueco Mundo?" Ichigo asked.

"Precisely why I said that. Let's go."

We all went into the room, the small house quickly becoming crowded, and I shoved to get into the front of the crowd. Opening the door to the cannon, I ordered, "Get in, everyone."

"Can everyone fit?" Orihime wondered.

"Sure. Just get in while I tweak the teleporter."

I hooked the teleporter with the cannon and typed in our destination as everyone scrambled in. Getting the device that would send us back, I nodded to the now thawed Tenken, and he nodded unsteadily and lit the wick. He got in and I jumped after him, slamming the door, and no sooner had the door clicked shut were we launched into the sky.

-Ten seconds of screaming later-

"So we're really at Aizen's palace thing, huh?" Zangetsu muttered.

"Yup. Speaking of which, there's Aizen, passed out like a drunk, and Gin and Tosen, who look like they have a major concussion. Vandalizing begins now, decorate it any way you want."

Here's some of the designs:

"GIN! HOW COULD YOU? …SAKE!" An ash design of her large...melons...included.

A weighed down column.

Millions of tiny cuts.

A portion of a wall covered in ice.

A portion of the wall billowing with smoke.

"I'M TOO UNNOTICED! :'("

A Homonka, with the words "I LOVE YORUICHI-SAMA!"

$.

Surprisingly, a normal portion of the wall.

Not surprisingly, a chappy bunny.

A hole in the wall.

A strawberry and a pineapple.

A peach.

A drawing of a dog.

69.

"Pretty ladies…"

Gooey acid on a wall.

A happy face.

"KUROSAKI-KUUUNN!"

End.

-Back at the beach-

Muramasa hung by a stick on the rocky cliff, gagged, his arms tied behind his back.

In short, he refused to sing.

How was he revived?

No other than Kurotsuchi magic.

I smirked and tossed a rock at him, striking him on the arm. "It won't be my fault when it's high tide," I said, tossing another rock and picking up a stick. "You'll just have to watch your past followers do dares. I don't think I have enough tissue papers for you…sumimasen." Poking him a few times, I turned back to the crowd. "Third person for today, xXx-SeMe-ChAn-xXx."

_Hahahah lovly~  
I wanna do a dare. I havent reveiwed in..forever xD lol  
I want the old man to dye his hair white and shave xD lol.  
Then Kazeshini has ta wear a bright hot pink frilly dress. ^^_

_The juss' for the hell of hit, make zangetsu run around naked screaming the lyrics to "Im a little tea pot" as liud as he can ^^_

_Love yer story as usual. ^^_

"NOOOOOOOOO-"

"URUSAI!"

"NOOO-"

"HADO NO-"

A sniffle came from Zangetsu.

"Well, you'll look a little bit like me," Sode no Shirayuki encouraged.

"That's not what I'm worrying about…I DON'T WANT TO SHAVE!"

Sode no Shirayuki sighed. "I'll shave it for you if it'll make you happy. I'll also dye your hair."

Zangetsu flushed. "Sure."

-Three minutes later-

"I think I look older than before," Zangetsu remarked. "With my white hair."

A vein pulsed in Sode no Shirayuki's forehead. "Are you calling me old?"

"No! I'm not!"

"Even so…Tsugi no Mai, Hakuren!"

"Getsuga Tensho!"

The wave of ice met with the black energy, and the Getsuga easily shattered the ice. "Ha!" Zangetsu crowed.

"I'm not done yet, baka! Some no Mai, Tsukishiro!"

Zangetsu jumped away from his position on the ground and placed his palms on the cliff. Then a second glance at the position he was just in. "What…was that a feint?" he taunted.

Sode no Shirayuki just smirked as everyone from his peripheral vision scattered. "Wait…" Zangetsu muttered, then looked behind him.

A circle of ice was the last thing he expected.

"SHIMATTA!"

As Zangetsu got frozen once again by the sensitive Sode no Shirayuki, Ichigo scratched his head. "I can't shave," he said.

"Then at least dye your hair white!" Rukia scolded, grabbing a can of white hair dye from seemingly nowhere.

"I don't want to look like my inner Hollow!" Ichigo exclaimed. "That's it!"

Hichigo glowered at Ichigo. "You're so mean!" he whined.

And as Ichigo and Hichigo bickered while Rukia tried to dye Ichigo's hair, Kazeshini pouted like a child. "I don't want to put on a dress again!"

"I don't want to put on a dress either!" Hisagi declared.

"No choice then…" I sighed, and raised my fingers. "Bakudo no 9…Geki…"

-Three minutes later-

"You don't look half bad," I commented sarcastically.

"Urusai! I look like a pink Christmas tree!"

"Same here!"

"I don't give a crap! Zangetsu!"

"…WHAT ARE YOU SENDING HIM FOR? DON'T TELL ME HE'S GONNA FIRE A GETSUGA TENSHOU!"

"He's frozen, idiot." I sighed, and raised a hand at the cylinder of ice. "Hado no 31: Shakkaho."

The ice shattered from contact of the energy sphere, and Zangetsu stumbled out clumsily. "That was mean!" he cried.

Sode no Shirayuki ignored him.

Zangetsu shivered. "Do I have to strip now?" he asked disdainfully. "I'm freezing!"

"No worries, you strip along with Ichigo."

Ichigo looked up, his hair partially white.

"DAMN YOU!"

-CENSORED-

"Now Muramasa has gotten a nosebleed," I said, pointing at the said unconscious zanpakuto. "Fourth person today, RainingSun."

_LMAO~ That was epic. I'm sorry Hisaidoni, for putting you through this. But what can I say, it is truly entertaining. YAY! _

_So, now for the Dares:_

_1. (If the copycat machine is still working, that is) I dare Senbonzakura to dance the Soulja Boy dance, exaggerating everything._

_2. Hisagomaru, I dare you to heal Kazeshini with your sword to charge it (I'm sure he's the one with the most injuries at the moment)and release the Canon-blast-thing on the Zanpaku-to of your choice._

_Truths:_

_1. Wabisuke, why don't you ever put down that boulder-thing you're always carrying? Isn't it hard to fight like that?_

_2. Gonryomaru, why are you and your master always ignored? Also, why in the world do you have a birdhouse on your back?_

_I'm guessing I should put in a few random dares for the guest Zanpaku-tos as well?_

_1. I dare one of them to go to 11th Company and tell them they've been demoted to a healing squad, and that 4th company is now the fighting squad. _

_2. I dare one of them to volunteer to be Orihime's new Taste Tester for all her new recipes._

_That's all, byebyee, have fun! *waves* _

Senbonzakura swiftly grabbed Byakuya. "Dance with me!" he commanded. "Soulja boy tell'em…"

Byakuya merely gazed at Senbonzakura. "That sounded strange," Byakuya commented.

I could faintly hear Kenpachi yell, "I told you your zanpakuto was gay!"

-Three minutes later-

Hisagomaru quietly crept over to Kazeshini and stuck the sword into Kazeshini's ass. Hanataro did the same with Hisagi, and both master and zanpakuto yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?"

"Sumimasen! It was a dare!" Hanataro apologized nervously.

"Zanpakuto of your choice?" I asked.

Hisagomaru aimed randomly, and Hanataro followed suit. Unfortunately, Hisagomaru chose a bad place to aim…

Guess who?

Minazuki along with Unohana. However, Unohana just stepped to the side, easily avoiding the blast.

Unohana smiled that eerie smile, drawing her nodachi out of its sheath. "Hanataro," she said calmly. "Brace yourself."

"Sumimasen, Unohana-Taicho!" he cried, and his legs were a blur as he raced off into who-knows-the-fuck-where. Unohana continued smiling and ran after him with amazing speed.

"I've carried this stone slab for so long that I don't feel it anymore," Wabisuke admitted. "It's not that hard to fight with once you get used to it."

"And that seems to have made him feel no emotion at all," Hozukimaru muttered, leading to Wabisuke trying to strangle him once more.

"It's not a birdhouse!" Gonryomaru cried, tears pouring out. "It's only a pack that I carry! WHY DOESN'T ANYONE NOTICE ME?" He ran to catch up with Hanataro, except for different reasons. Sasakibe just glanced at his zanpakuto, and chuckled.

I rolled my eyes, and thought about the next dares. The guest zanpakuto weren't here anymore, except for…the Shun Shun Rikka and Hichigo. They could do those dares…

"Shun Shun Rikka and Orihime, go to the 11th Division and tell them that they are a healing squad, and that the 4th Division is now the fighting squad."

"…But…we're going to get killed!" Orihime wailed, flailing her arms wildly.

"Nah, men are never supposed to hit women," I reassured. "Just take some candy with you and give it to Yachiru, and make her persuade Kenpachi to let you guys go." I took some hard candies out of my pocket and handed it to her. "You'll be fine."

They left, probably going to get lost along the way, and I turned to Hichigo. "Now, you must serve as a taste tester," I told him.

Hichigo widened his eyes. "Food…?" he pondered.

"Yup," I said, presenting a table full of Orihime's food. "Just think about it! Banana orange fish soba that tastes like shit on the beach! Isn't that a pleasant scene?"

However, in my thoughts, the sweat drop on my forehead was larger than my head.

Ichigo, prepare to puke.

Sure enough, Ichigo's one glance at the food made him turn green in realization, sending him rushing to the sea and vomiting what would have been Orihime's food. (Aka food that tastes like shit.)

Hichigo stared questioningly at Ichigo, then picked up a pair of chopsticks. Picking up the noodles, he slowly lifted them toward his mouth, and slurped them. Blinking, he admitted, "This isn't that bad."

I swear, you could see clouds of sand poofing up were we once were.

Hichigo had a taste for…shit?

Never mind.

But, seriously…

WTF?

"Last person today, j cloud xD."

_I SUPER DUPER LOVE YOUR FIC! can't stop reading it over and over...hahah..._

_can i make a special request? :D  
i would like Tobiume and Hyourinmaru to marry...  
Toshiro will be the priest...:))  
and Haineko to marry Kazeshini also *even just an act..  
*he's not that unsexy, you know..:)_

"So I can't marry Hinamori?" Toshiro inquired, looking a little disappointed.

"I'm afraid not," I replied. "But Rangiku and Hisagi and Haineko and Kazeshini have to marry…so you'll have to be the priest for all three couples."

"But I was married to Wabisuke!" Kazeshini protested.

"Did you like it?"

"Well…no."

"Alright then. So, let's go on, shall we?"

Toshiro cleared his throat. "Do you, Tobiume, Matsumoto, and Haineko, proclaim Hyourinmaru, Hisagi, and Kazeshini as your lawful wedded husband?"

"Yes," came from Tobiume and Rangiku, but there was a noncommittal grunt from Haineko.

"Do you, Hyourinmaru, Hisagi, and Kazeshini, proclaim Tobiume, Matsumoto and Haineko as your lawful wedded wife?"

"Yes," came from Hyourinmaru.

"Sure," came from Hisagi.

"HELL YES!" came from Kazeshini.

"Then you may kiss…"

I interrupted him, glancing worriedly at the ocean; there was a huge, no I mean HUGE, tidal wave coming this way.

"Everyone get into the room!"

We all scrambled into the tiny house, Hichigo pouting a little before leaving the table of food, all managing to squeeze in, and I teleported back Hanataro, Hisagomaru, Gonryomaru, the Shun Shun Rikka, Orihime, Minazuki and Unohana back into the room. The tidal wave was coming closer…I clicked the teleportation device, and the roar of the ocean was soon gone.

"What about Muramasa?" Ichigo asked.

"Bah, who gives a damn?" I scoffed. "Let's get outside…" I opened the door, and surprisingly, it was dark outside.

"Where are we?" Tobiume wondered.

Realization dawned on me.

I forgot to change the destination on the teleporter.

"Well, well, look what you've done to my palace," an unmistakable voice answered.

Dead meat much?

* * *

SUSPENSE! haha, it won't really be like "OMG WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE"...you'll find out what happens in the next chapter :D


	17. Travel 2: The Moon

Thanks to these people for reviewing: Shinigami Of All Deminsions, Nickstar1991, darkmachine, praeses, Purp1e-Skies74, Demon's Wind Melody, notsomeoneyouknow, Lina Schiffer, spiky hair, yoWHAZZUP, Serroco, j cloud xD, flamesandblackroses, hm, clamhappy, cookies are awesome, HITSUHINAADICCT, Luna, waz-up-woMAN

This chapter's dares submitted by: ElementistMagicAkua, maxride4life, DaRkZeRoGaL, Kitty Petro, chappy1000

^I forgot to do this section on the last chapter...o well

Sorry for any mistakes, I was kinda in a rush...but R&R anyway!

* * *

Travel 2: The Moon

Aizen, Gin and Tosen lay on the floor once more, passed out like drunks.

Why?

Because they were drunk.

Apparently, Haineko had hidden shitloads of sake inside the empty room.

Sake shitloads + cannon + Tenken's fire + Blasting onto Aizen, Gin, Tosen + them swallowing with mouths gaping like morons = them passing out like BAM, BABY!

Great math skills, I know.

I gestured toward the still vandalized wall. "He's probably gonna have to use his shikai on himself so he won't have to see it," I remarked. "Let's travel somewhere else…back into the room, everybody."

After the room had become quite claustrophobic, I changed the teleporter's location and smirked when pressing the tempting red button.

In a flash, we all floated to the ceiling.

"W-what?" spluttered Kazeshini.

"We're on the moon," I replied brightly. "That's why we're floating."

"Can we go outside to play?" questioned Sogyo no Kotowari.

"Unless if you want to die. We'll begin the dares in this room; first person is ElementistMagicAkua."

_'I'm a firecracker watch me go BOOM!' sounds like something I'd say.  
...I know how im waking up my sister tomorrow...  
*hugs you tightly for writing out the scenes* sorry if i made your brain hurt writing them._

_I Dare...  
Toratsune to kiss Heibi.  
Senbonny to get laid by Saru (turn the controller back on, TURN IT ON!)  
Ruiojo to put on a Mr. Peanut costume. Monocle, top hat n'all.  
Gyorinmaru(sp?) to confess his eternal love to his master.  
Nozomi to put bells in Kazeshini's hair like Zaraki's._

_then Kazeshini must dress up as said fight happy captain and parade around the 11th division without being killed._

_TELL THE TRUTH!  
Senbonny~ Heibi~ Do you stare at Saru's ass?_

_Hyorinmaru, why hasn't Toushiro gone gay from all the times Matsumoto's half suffocated him in her boobs?_

Two guest zanpakuto then appeared in the room: Toratsune, the lesbian anthro-tiger, and Nozomiberu, the giggly one. Toratsune blinked as she floated upward along with Nozomiberu and asked, "Why am I here?"

"You still remember this place, right?" I asked anxiously.

She smiled. "Yep, but I don't remember the no-gravity part."

"We're on the moon," I told her. "And you've been summoned for a dare, so you may kiss Hebi."

She glanced at the small snake boy. "Too bad it isn't a girl," she grumbled before wading over and kissing him quickly. Hebi blushed in embarrassment, having kissed someone for the first time, and turned away. Toratsune nodded to me and left with a flash of light.

"What about me?" Nozomiberu asked with a giggle.

"A few dares later. Senbonzakura and Saru, go into that empty room and don't drink any sake. Come back within five minutes. If you have the slightest tint of red on your cheeks, you shall be more than dead, no matter if it's from love or from sake."

Saru grinned. "That's not too bad," she commented, grabbing Byakuya, "Because Kuchiki and Renji have to go in with us."

Renji gaped. "NANI?"

"I guess so." I sighed. "Kuchiki-Taicho and Renji indeed have to go with Senbonzakura and Saru."

"Will you be okay, nii-sama?" Rukia asked nervously, her feet dangling.

"I will be fine. Don't worry," Byakuya reassured, and the four disappeared into the room with much shoving and the flailing of arms.

"MY FEATHERS!" was heard after the door swung shut behind them. All turning curiously, we saw two Mr. Peanut costumes, the monocles and top hats neatly set on top, purple feathers suspended around them. Ruriiro Kujaku glanced in disbelief, and glared at Suzumebachi. "WHY'D YOU HAVE TO DUMP THE COSTUME ON YUMICHIKA AND I?" he bellowed, flapping his arms.

Suzumebachi shrugged. "I thought it'd float above your head."

"IT DIDN'T!"

"I can see that."

"AT LEAST APOLOGIZE!"

"Sorry. Happy now?"

"NO! Look at my feathers…" Ruriiro Kujaku let out a muffled sob, Yumichika putting an arm around his shoulder.

"Put on the Mr. Peanut costume and we'll collect your feathers later," I said impatiently. "Do you want to change in front of us?"

"Changing with my beautiful feathers surrounding me with grace…OF COURSE I WILL!" Ruriiro Kujaku declared, while Yumichika had a disgruntled look.

We just had a ginormous sweat drop on our foreheads.

-CENSORED-

"Gonryomaru…" Sasakibe's upper lip trembled. "Do you love me and share the pain of not being noticed?"

Gonryomaru's eyes went wide, pupils dilating, tears forming. "I do!" he cried, managing to bring himself forward in midair and embracing his master. "I shall forever share your pain!"

While they cried hysterically, their teardrops just little spheres of water mingling with the scattered feathers, I gave a thumbs-up at Nozomiberu. She giggled and asked, "What do I have to do?"

"Put bells in Kazeshini's hair," I replied. "Do you have a supply of small bells?"

She smiled happily. "Yup!"

I yanked over the floating Kazeshini. "Now don't complain," I growled in the confuzzled zanpakuto's ear. "You're going to have to avoid Zaraki-Taicho's blade and DON'T DIE! Just a warning."

"A great one at that, too," he muttered back.

"Why thank you. Nozomiberu, you can start."

"Thank you!" she chirped, her fingers working quickly with the now gravity-defying hair. Soon, the bells were finished, and Kazeshini kind of looked like Zaraki…

Except without the shinigami garb and eyepatch.

"Good luck, Kazeshini," I called out as he started to make his way toward the teleporter. He merely shrugged and disappeared. Nozomiberu bowed politely (well, at least tried to) and left through the teleporter as well.

The empty room's door soon opened…

They were 'dead'.

-Three minutes later-

"Alright, what'd you guys do?" I demanded to the four, who were tied up in chairs that were floating.

"Well, we started with some kissing," Renji began, "And some s-"

I raised an eyebrow. "S…what?"

"Silence," he said hastily. "We were embarrassed so we dug around for the sake to wash it away. We drank it, and here we are."

Saru's ears suddenly perked up. "Did you feel and hear that?" she whispered.

"What? You can't hear sex," Renji grumbled.

"THAT'S NOT IT, BAKA!" Saru yelled in Renji's ear, and would have punched him if I didn't tie her up. "I think I heard a scream…"

I swore and clicked the teleportation device thing, and there was Kazeshini, his eyes spinning, his limp body floating upward. "Am I dead?" he mumbled.

"No," I muttered. "Although I do wonder how you can scream so loud and how Saru heard it from the moon. Zaraki's reiatsu was felt from the moon, too…"

…

"So, Senbonzakura, Hebi," I continued. "Do you stare at Saru's ass?"

"I have no choice," Hebi grumbled.

"I do by default," Senbonzakura announced.

…

Holy shit.

"Anyways…Hyourinmaru…"

Toshiro's face slowly became red, and he turned away in embarrassment. "You tell them, Hyourinmaru," he muttered.

"In order to prevent that, he borrows a chunk of ice from me and smashes his face into that instead," Hyourinmaru explained. "That also tells why Matsumoto-fukutaicho always has her…melons…hurting."

Rangiku hugged her 'melons' tightly. "That's so mean, Taicho!" she wailed, flipping around in the room.

"I have no choice, do I?" was his muffled reply.

…

"Next person, maxride4life."

_YAYZ new chapter...*cough cough* being serious now. _

_Dare: I dare Zangetsu to get teleported into the Seireitei and kiss the first shinigami he sees'._

_Dare:[all the Zanpakuto] I dare you do dance, singing the song 'Don't stop moving' by S-club7_

_Truth: {all of the Zanpakuto] How do you really feel about your masters...? And you can't lie or put it off either..._

"No need for the teleporter this time…"

Zangetsu had already kissed Rukia.

A vein pulsed in Ichigo's scalp. "Zangetsu…"

…

…

…

…

"YOU BETTER KNOW THAT SHE'S MINE, DUMBASS!"

…

Then, the two voices chorused,

"GETSUGA TENSHOU!"

BOOM, BABY!

Never mind.

"C'mon, you guys, just dance and sing along with us," I chided. The lyrics projected onto the wall, but when we tried dancing, all our legs did was just sway back and forth.

No breakdancing moves this time…

Shame.

"Don't stop moving to the funky funky beat…"

-Three minutes later-

All shinigami gazed at their zanpakuto, arms crossed (with the exception of Renji and Byakuya). "Well?" Yamamoto questioned.

"I love my master!" Gonryomaru cried, the waterfall of tears still running.

"Too obsessed with Yoruichi," Suzumebachi said with a sigh, which caused Soifon to grab her and wail about her master.

"He better call me Gonryomaru-_san_," Gegetsuburi snarled, glaring at Omaeda.

"Too much sake," Wabisuke grumbled.

Minazuki just stood by her? his? its? master's side obediently.

"Don't be too timid," Hisagomaru told Hanataro.

"Hinamori's the best!" Tobiume cheered.

"He should be a little more active," Senbonzakura suggested.

"STOP BEING A PERVERT!" Saru bellowed into Renji's ear, still tied up.

Tenken shrugged.

"Stay the way you are, Shunsui," Katen Kyokotsu sighed dreamily, the younger half glancing up warily.

"Stop being stuck with me…" Kazeshini grumbled.

"Get taller," Hyourinmaru stated, causing Toshiro to glare at him.

"Stop being a hag!" Haineko ordered.

"You are bald!" Hozukimaru announced.

"You are less beautiful than I am!" Ruriiro Kujaku announced.

Ashisogi Jizo cocked its head to the side quizzically.

"Happy!" Sogyo no Kotowari cried.

"You are amazing, Rukia-sama," Sode no Shirayuki asserted.

"You need to have more aggression!" Tsubaki snapped, but Ayame cut in, "Ignore him…you're great, Orihime!"

"Frankly, you suck," Hichigo spat.

"Plant some trees in your inner world!" Zangetsu commanded.

We fell silent.

"Third person is DaRkZeRoGaL."

_Wow, I'm glad you introduced the guest! Thanks alot of making Saru kiss Aello! I LOVE YA! Aww, they will only be here in one chapter? Well, nevermind, this is still the best chap ever! Heehee, Aello stripping xD_

_Anyways, here are the dares.  
Senbonzakura and Saru have to act fatherly and motherly towards the Sogyo twins~  
Make Zangetsu summon Ichigo and Hyourinmaru has to kiss him. xD  
Lastly, Kazeshini has to dance while singing the cuppycake song._

"How we supposed to do that when we're tied up?" Saru snapped.

I smirked. "Try."

"Come, come now," Senbonzakura and Byakuya said, "Do you want some candy?"

Ukitake looked downfallen. "That's my line!" he exclaimed, but put back a smile and grabbed a giant stocking of candy from out of nowhere. "Want some?" he asked his zanpakuto.

"Yay!" they cheered, and managed to make their way through.

Operation Parenting: FAIL.

"What about you, Hitsugaya-Taicho?"

Toshiro widened his eyes before answering meekly, "No, thank you."

"Hyourinmaru, you have to kiss Ichigo," I said, thinking of the second dare.

"Does that mean I have to kiss Zangetsu?" Toshiro inquired.

"I guess so."

A quick kiss ended the second dare, but not without Hyourinmaru freezing Ichigo's lips first.

Thankfully, Ichigo could not make an outburst, as his lips were sealed shut.

Third dare up next.

"Sing and dance, Kazeshini and Hisagi."

One look at the lyrics projected on the wall was enough to make them gag and somersault in the air. "THAT'S SO CHILDISH!" spluttered Hisagi.

I sighed. "I agree, but can't do anything about it. Just try…"

Deep intake of breath.

Then…

"You're my honey bunch, sugar plum, pumpy-umpy-upmkin,

"You're my sweetie pie,

"You're my cuppy cake, gumdrops, snoogums boogums you're the apple of my eye,

"And I love you so I want you to know,

"That I'll always be right here,

"And I love to sing sweet songs to you because…you…are…so…dear~!"

Murmurs of "Aww!" and "How sweet!" spread around.

I smirked widely at Kazeshini and Hisagi, who were hiding their faces in shame. "It's over now, no worries. The penultimate person, Kitty Petro."

_Me: Hehe that's my Toratsune *ruffling the tigers head* i see you had a great day, a kiss and a marriage proposal, not bad not bad._

_Toratsune: *smiling* Yeah... and oh btw *smacks over the head* That was for telling Sourpatch to hit me over the head, you know i cant control myself when it comes to women_

_Me: Whatever you say, now in case you are going back there, behave... at least try to  
Now then, truths and dares_

_Just because i adore them to pieces i dare Hebi (snake part of Zabimaru) to play tag with Sogyo no kotowari until one of the three pass out of exhaustion_

_Also a truth: Katen Kyokotsu, what is the releationship between the two of you? Mother and daughter? Sisters? Aunt and niece?_

Hebi glared at Saru. "Don't lag," he hissed. "Or else I will definitely kill you."

Saru smirked. "How ya gonna do that when you're tied to a chair?" she asked lackadaisically.

Renji glanced apologetically at Ukitake. "Sumimasen…Ukitake-Taicho…"

Ukitake coughed a little. "I just can't run too much, that's all…"

I cut the ropes, and they rubbed their sore wrists. Sighing, I told them, "You may start running…no, trying to fight no gravity…for your life. Ready…set…GO! NO TNT!"

-Three minutes later-

Ukitake was limp along with Hebi, except both for different reasons.

Ukitake couldn't continue because of his tuberculosis.

Hebi couldn't continue because Saru was too slow.

Hebi cracked his knuckles. "Chimpette…you're dead."

Saru smirked once more, despite herself. "How?"

"BANKAI!"

Saru raised an eyebrow quizzically as…

OMG!

Nothing happened.

"You know you can't do bankai without me," Saru contradicted. "So what's gonna happen now?"

With a shriek, Hebi launched himself onto Saru and bit into her shoulder. Saru cried out and tugged at Hebi. While they did their catfight…more like snake-and-monkey-fight…I asked Katen Kyokotsu with a smirk, "What's the relationship?"

"Confidential," she replied with a smile. "Just like my relationship with Shunsui…"

My smirk grew wider. She widened her eyes and slapped a hand over her mouth, refusing to speak anymore.

"Anyways…last person, chappy1000."

_That was a weird chapter. But,still Lol! I feel bad for Zangetsu and the dare he had to do.  
I have some dares.  
and Tobiume have to flash Hyorinmaru.  
has to go on date with Rangiku._

Rangiku and Haineko looked rather calm for the situation as Hinamori, Tobiume, Hyourinmaru, and Toshiro blushed furiously.

-CENSORED-

And, our travel to the moon ended with an unconscious Hisagi and Kazeshini.


	18. Travel 3: The Mountains

Thanks to these people for reviewing: ultima-owner, Little riding hood, maxride4life, darkmachine, flamesandblackroses, j cloud xD, monkeywinz, Yuki Shihoin, Purp1e-Skies74, Demon's Wind Melody, yoWHAZZUP, notsomeoneyouknow, chappy1000, Switmikan74, Serroco, Lina Schiffer, hm, clamhappy, cookies are awesome

This chapter's dares submitted by: blackteaplease, ElementistMagicAkua, darkmachine, ling123, glad. to. be. alive (I apologize for the spelling of your penname, but it'll cancel out if I spelled it the original way)

200 reviews! I really don't believe this, and I have less than 20 chapters...

Trust me, this was a stupid idea I came up only after watching a week of Bleach. That was it, and I couldn't watch too much...I didn't know this story would be successful. No...I didn't even know I could make people LAUGH. O_O I don't believe that I have that talent...

Oh yes, PLEASE be patient! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorited, alerted, all that! All of you are awesome! :D

* * *

Travel 3: The Mountains

"DAMMIT, IT'S COLD!"

Never thought that would come out of Hyourinmaru's mouth, eh?

Well, if you absoloutely believed that…

You fail. End of story.

The quote actually came from Hichigo.

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE?"

Hichigo again.

No, it was Grimmjow.

If you believed that, you still fail.

It was actually Ichigo.

No, you can choose who said that…

Going on…

"We're on the mountains," I replied. "And we're going outside."

"BUT IT'S FUCKING COLD!"

Guess who said THAT.

Not telling.

"Well, it'll be more fun," I consoled. "If you roll down the mountain, you'll have to get up by yourself."

"What if I roll down?" Gegetsuburi asked nervously.

"You get back up, because if we all try and pull you up we'll fall down the mountain, so it's not fair."

"How high are we?"

"Hm…ten thousand feet? I lost track," I admitted, grinning.

"NANI?"

"No gaping about it. Out, everyone, out!"

Everyone went out, complaining about the wind and coldness. Only Toshiro and Hyourinmaru stood calmly, enjoying the weather. I shivered a little myself, my teeth chattering as I said, "W-we'll start the dares here. S-starting w-with b-blackteaplease."

_everytime i read this i try and think of an awesome dare... but my mind is so dead -_-  
ok here is wat i have for now..._

_1- I dare Sode no Shirayuki to tell Rukia that Ichigo is cheating on her with Byakuya while both Ichigo and Byakuya are there_

_2- I dare Wasisuke, Zangetsu, Zabimaru and Senbonzakura to dress as the teletubbies for 2 days (2chapters) and they must act the part! Tinky Winky (Senbonzakura), Dipsy (Zabimaru), Laa-Laa (Zangetsu) and Po (Wasisuke)_

_LOVE THE STORY! _

_keep picking on Zangetsu, i just love hurting him, keep up the good work Sode no Shirayuki!_

"Rukia-sama," Sode no Shirayuki sobbed, going right into action and inheriting her master's acting skills, "Ichigo has been cheating on you…"

Rukia was already glaring at Ichigo, drawing her blade. "Dance, Sode no Shirayuki!"

When her shikai released, everyone hid behind her with the exception of Byakuya and Ichigo.

"I apologize, nii-sama," Rukia muttered through gritted teeth, "But I cannot forgive both of you BASTARDS! Tsugi no Mai, Hakuren!"

"IT'S ALREADY COLD ENOUGH, RUKIA!" Ichigo shouted desperately, and drew his own blade. "Getsuga Tenshou!"

Byakuya sighed and gripped the hilt of his sword. "If so, Rukia…I will simply defend myself and not attack, if you don't mind, as you are my pride. Scatter, Senbonzakura."

Ichigo smirked as his signature attack collided with the ice. However, after the ice shards flew off, he saw that no one was there anymore.

"What…"

"_Some no Mai, Tsukishiro," _were the menacing words he heard in his ear. Rukia, who was kneeling by him, swung her sword, and the cylindrical column of ice encased him. She looked sorrowfully at Byakuya after she had succeeded in freezing her lover, and cried out, "Gomen-nasai, nii-sama!"

Byakuya's mouth curled up into a SLIGHT smile. "That is alright, Rukia."

As they forgave each other, Senbonzakura, Zabimaru, Zangetsu, Wabisuke, and their masters gaped at the costumes Suzumebachi brought out. Even Ichigo, who was frozen, had his mouth open in shock.

The mountain echoed with one outraged yell:

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?"

"BAKUDO NO 9: GEKI!"

-Three minutes later-

"Damn, Rukia, that ice is thick," I commented.

"Well, you at least got him out."

"True. Now…"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU MAKING US WEAR?"

I turned around with a smirk.

Ever heard of skinny Teletubbies?

Well, they were standing in front of everyone.

Senbonzakura and Byakuya were garbed in purple with a limp triangular antenna atop their heads, Saru and Renji in green with Hebi poking out of the rear, Zangetsu and Ichigo in yellow, and Wabisuke and Kira were in red.

"Now you guys all have to speak in a really high pitched voice," I instructed. "Zangetsu and Ichigo, be more like a girl along with Wabisuke and Kira since you four are portraying girls."

"How you gonna make our voices higher?" Saru asked curiously.

I smiled. "Helium balloons at the ready."

POP.

"My voice!" Kira squeaked.

"I sound worse than you do," Wabisuke grumbled.

"While you guys do just that, we'll go on with the dares from ElementistMagicAkua."

_Ood, im lovin this story even more *hugs you*_

_Hm, I dare...  
1. Hebi and Kazeshini to switch clothes  
2. Sode no Shirayuki to apologize to the OLD MAN for freezing him, then kiss him.  
3. Hyorinmaru to do some figure skating  
4. Haineko to sing the MeowMix song  
5. The cute(r) Katen Kyokotsu  
6. Ruijo and Hozukimaru do half a chapter in heaven ((XD))  
7: Haineko to put on a nun outfit that covers EVERYTHING_

_*For whenever you turn back on the mimiker thing*_

_/Izuru both dance at an SWA meetingth to the 'im to sexy for my shirt song' played at full blast so Seireitei hears it_

_2. Gonryomaru/his wielder to do the "I'm a little teapot" dance in front of Seireitei_

First dare: CENSORED.

Second dare:

Sode no Shirayuki sighed, facing Zangetsu, dressed as Laa-Laa. "Sorry, Zangetsu," she mumbled, then sauntered forward and planted her lips onto his. Once they finished their moment of bliss, Sode no Shirayuki asked Rukia, "Rukia-sama, are you going to apologize to Ichigo?"

"No."

Third dare:

Hyourinmaru twirled on the mountainside, spinning on his clawed foot. Toshiro slid after him, jumping into the air with his midget figure. Then, Hyourinmaru leaned precariously over the edge…

GASP!

And fell into the depths of the mountain below.

Everyone crowded around the edge, peering down. Toshiro cried, "Hyourinmaru!"

It is here that I say to whomever is reading this:

I stole Kyoka Suigetsu for the time being.

So, in reality, everyone is still on the mountain, but Hyourinmaru is alive and well, and everyone is watching their surprisingly great figure skating.

I apologize with a formal bow and cookies.

I have to say one thing, though…

Hyourinmaru and Toshiro's figure skating would have been better with a dress.

Fourth dare:

"Meow meow meow meow…"

On and on and on…

Haineko fell asleep after repeating it so many times…

Fifth dare: ?

Sixth dare:

Their first kiss went a little like this:

MUUUUU…

-One hour later-

UUUU…

-And another-

AAAAA!

Thank god.

Seventh dare:

Good grief. Here Haineko was, in a nun outfit, still sleeping, muttering "Meow meow meow…I bit my tongue…"

Mimic device dares: number one.

"Nanao-chan, you're here too?" Shunsui greeted his fukutaicho, who came out from the room along with others..

"Along with Nemu, Isane, Kiyone and Yachiru." Nanao sighed, shoving her glasses up her nose. "Why are we here, Kyoraku-taicho?"

Wabisuke and Kira sighed and stepped forward in their teletubby outfits, dancing and singing in a high voice, a tint of red slowly spreading across their cheeks.

-Three minutes later-

"You're surely too sexy for that…outfit," Isane mumbled.

"Please don't mind the outfit, Isane-fukutaicho," Kira said hastily. "You may go back."

So they left, and Gonryomaru and Sasakibe started to dance and sing in a deep voice…

WARNING. More like screaming…

"I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT, SHORT AND STOUT!

"HERE IS MY HANDLE, HERE IS MY SPOUT!

"WHEN I GET ALL STEAMED UP, HEAR ME SHOUT!

"TIP ME OVER AND POUR ME OUT!"

Having no choice, I kicked them down the mountain.

No Kyoka Suigetsu this time.

"Third person, darkmachine."

_YEAH That was awesome THANK YOU!  
ok here are some truths_

_Katen Kyokotsu is Kyoraku and Starrk anyway relate to each other because Shunsui is the most lazy captain and Starrk is the most lazy arrancar._

_Zangetsu are you older or younger then Barraggan? :)  
Suzumebachi is it true that Soifon was sad after she killed Ggio Vega?  
Now for some dares.  
Senbonzakura must switch masks with Findor Carias for two Chapter.  
Sode no Shirayuki must teach Wonderweiss how to talk.  
That will be all for now thanks._

Kyoraku shook his head. "We're just lazy."

Zangetsu scoffed. "Barragan's probably older than his mom."

-Hueco Mundo-

Baraggan sneezed, then looked around in confusion. "Was someone talking about me?"

-Mountain-

"I'm not sad," Soifon said coldly. "He was an enemy. I needed to get rid of him."

-Hueco Mundo-

Ggio looked up, hearing Baraggan sneeze. "You have a cold, Baraggan?" he guessed.

"No, I just sneezed."

"You sure?" Ggio looked at Baraggan curiously. "I'm pretty sure…" he stopped midsentence for a large sneeze.

Baraggan smirked. "Do you have a cold, Ggio?"

"N-no. Someone was just talking about me, that's all."

-Urahara Shop-

"That is as cliché as cliché gets."

-Mountain-

OOH! PRETTY LIGHTS!

Aka Teleporter.

Senbonzakura gazed at his reflection on Hyourinmaru's ice. "I think I like my designs better. I look too odd with yellow eyes."

-Hueco Mundo-

Findor Carias stumbled in, and Baraggan and Ggio looked up. They stared for quite a while, then Findor demanded, "What is it?"

"Why's your mask all ornate?" Ggio asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Is it?" he asked nonchalantly.

"You sound like you don't believe me," Ggio said, hurt. "Look in a mirror or something. Maybe look at yourself in King Baraggan's zanpakuto."

Findor scoffed. "Sure, Ggio. I sure have changed a lot…" he sauntered over and gazed at his reflection in the steel.

Blink. Blink.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

-Mountain-

Sode no Shirayuki shook her head. "Wonderweiss was made so that he could not speak much besides his name. It'll be too much of a bother, and plus…he creeps me out."

"True dat," I admitted. "Fourth person is ling123."

_your fanfic is AWSOME and This is just an add on to my last dare: 3. Tsubaki must kiss all the Zanpakuto spirit and if he dosen't tie him up and trap him inside the strongest cage there is. 4. All Zanpakuto must dress up as gangsters and go to Hueco Mundo and kiddnap Aizen and act like ganster to the arrancar and if they attack use Aizen as a shield. 5 YOU the author must open a portal to the naruto world and make everyone kiddnap orochimaru and torture him and kiddnap kyuubi but shrink him and force him to dye his fur blue and black and make him dance!_

"So, Tsubaki, what is it? Kiss every zanpakuto spirit or get stuck in a cage?" I asked him.

Tsubaki spat before answering, "Kiss, I guess." He sped around, kissing each and every one (surprisingly)(how'd he do it without removing his bandanna?) and thus, he didn't receive the cage punishment.

"Alright…" I paused a moment. "GANGSTA TIME! Suzumebachi, if you would please."

"Got it!"' she chirped, pushing a rack of gangster clothes out of the room. They dressed quickly, slouched their backs, and grinned crookedly.

I sighed.

"Kazeshini, pull your pants up."

-Hueco Mundo-

Aizen woke up with a groan, lifting himself up slowly. It was then he had his taste senses come back, and he spat. Sake was the last thing he expected. Seeing Gin and Tousen still passed out, he barked, "Get up! We must hunt down those damned shinigami!"

"A little fierce, eh, Aizen?" Gin asked with a nervous chuckle.

"Quiet, Gin! Now…" he reached toward were his sword normally was, only to grasp air.

…

"Where's Kyoka Suigetsu?"

Suddenly, a black-clothed ribbon with a bell attached swung from behind and wrapped around him, pulling him back into the darkness.

"Great, Tobiume," I muttered, snatching Aizen. "Now…raise your reiatsu, Aizen."

"Why?" he asked in his calm demeanor, but perspiration had formed on his forehead.

I dropped him in disgust, him landing with a thump on the hard floor. "WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU TOOK A BATH?" I yelled.

"I don't know…but Soul Society does have some nice baths…"

"Why the hell is he telling me this?" I murmured to Suzumebachi, who shrugged.

"Why am I telling you this? Anyway, where's Kyoka Suigetsu?"

"Suzumebachi, sake, please."

"H-HEY! What do you think…"

I slapped a hand over his mouth. "No complaining now, and I don't give a damn if some gets into your nostrils." I grabbed the bottle with my other hand, removed my hand from Aizen's mouth, and poured it in, despite Aizen's protests. Soon, he was passed out like a drunk once more.

Here is his file, if ever created:

Name: Sosuke Aizen.

Gender: Unspecified at the moment. Kyoka Suigetsu makes it so.

(I mean, who knows? He might be a girl for all we know, if he uses his zanpakuto.)

Zanpakuto: Kyoka Suigetsu.

Zanpakuto status: Stolen.

Personal status: Drunk and unconscious.

History: A bad person to begin with.

Appearance: Look at the answer to 'gender'.

Strong points: Kido, swordsmanship, hand-to-hand combat, being atrociously ugly. Others to come that are similar to the last one.

Weak points: Alcohol and understanding things when it comes to this game.

Partner(s): I never knew he was a player…O_O

Age: I don't think anyone wants to know.

"Guys…get out there and act like gangsters," I whispered. "The Espada and their Fraccion are here."

First cry from our wonderful Ichigo here:

"SUP, HOMIES?"

Good grief.

Reiatsu burst, then the calling of Resurreccións came forth.

So…provoked.

I myself went into the light and handed Zangetsu the drunken Aizen. "Here's your shield," I whispered to him. "I'm going to get Kyuubi and Orochimaru." Crawling back to the room, I shuddered as Orochimaru appeared first, then Kyuubi.

Thank lord for Kyuubi.

Kyuubi, once spotting the bastardly pedophile, growled, and its fur bristled. With a giant blast from its mouth, Orochimaru was a burnt snake, his eyes spinning comically.

….Although that doesn't sound very appetizing.

I hauled Orochimaru out and threw him into the fray. He got blasted back and forth by all the Resurreccións, and that made his torture complete.

I do wish the arrancar could continue to butcher him, but they simply stopped and stared at the tiny blue and black Kyuubi, dancing wildly on its small paws.

Immediately I knew who had done this: I glared at Suzumebachi, who smiled nervously. "Was I not supposed to do that or something?" she asked.

"You heard the dare, but I didn't think you would send the poor little thing out here!"

"C'mon! Everyone has stopped to stare at the cute little fox!"

"Not anymore…"

Kyuubi had become aware of his unwanted attention, fur sticking straight up, then glared at the arrancar first, opening its mouth for another devastating attack.

"…Shit. RUN, IDIOTS, RUN!" I yelled at the arrancar, except they didn't seem to care.

They probably compared the attack to their Ceros.

"We better run, too," I muttered, and we went back into the room, I tossing Aizen right when the attack fired at the arrancar. We crowded into the room and teleported back to our camp in the mountains.

"But that fox thing was cute!" Tobiume said with a pout.

"As cute as it may be, it's a dangerous thing. Finally, last person, glad. to. be. alive."

_Where is hollow ichigo? He is a part of zangetsu,so it makes sence to have someone that funny and bad ass there to get everyones temper going! If you can't do that, then my dare is for zangetsu to write a romantic poem for his love and he has to say it to her while the shinigami women'e assosiation is watching. I love your fanfic._

"I'm right here," Hichigo said, rather pissed.

"We know, Obvious-taicho."

"That ain't my name!"

"I didn't know that!"

"Ya serious?"

"Since when? Zangetsu, go to the Seireitei with Sode no Shirayuki, write a poem, and please make up with her. Sode no Shirayuki, please don't freeze him."

"Got it," they said, and went away.

-Three minutes later-

I checked my watch. "I didn't think that it would take this long…"

Finally, Sode no Shirayuki appeared, breathing heavily. "Gomen," she apologized. "I couldn't bring back a column of ice…"

…

"What now?"

"Um…think about what Kazeshini and Haineko try to do with each other."

…

"Let's get outta here, shall we?" I suggested.

"Yep," the rest agreed, and we gratefully entered the room.

However, there was a faint yell from the gloomy depths of the mountain:

"ARE WE REALLY THIS UNNOTICED?" -sob-

* * *

What's your favorite chapter?

Poll's still up, but what two chapters do you like the best? Answer along with the questions and dares :)


	19. Last Travel: Through Time?

Thanks to these people for reviewing: Rinka Tokmiya, blackteaplease, ultima-owner, darkmachine, IdentifiedLuna1998, Kitty Petro, flamesandblackroses, j cloud xD, Switmikan74, chappy1000, cookies are awesome, yoWHAZZUP, notsomeoneyouknow, Demon's Wind Melody, clamhappy, Purp1e-Skies74, hm, Lina Schiffer, bleach4evr, Serroco, ElementistMagicAkua

This chapter's dares submitted by: notsomeoneyouknow, IdentifiedLuna1998, yoWHAZZUP, chappy1000, flamesandblackroses

* * *

Last Travel: Through Time?

"Sorry," I apologized to Gonryomaru and Sasakibe with a foolish grin. "But you really should've yelled louder…"

"How do you expect us to do that?"' Gonryomaru demanded.

"Well…your voice should have echoed throughout the mountain."

…

"But our voices were hoarse!"

"Then you should've climbed back up when you got kicked down."

"But you were the one…"

"Forget it. You deserved it." I turned toward the teleporter and changed the location to Seireitei. "We're going back to Seireitei in three…two…one…"

BOOM.

The teleporter went up in a blast of smoke, forcing all of us back. When the smoke cleared, I saw the locations spinning and finally stopping at a few words: "You destroyed me."

"No 'prepare to die'?" I questioned.

The words started spinning again, and stopped: "No space." Then more blurs, then: "Sad."

"Can you tell us where we are?" I asked, gazing out at the oddly colored sky.

Actually, I wasn't even sure if it _was_ a sky…

"Why are you talking to an inanimate object?" Zangetsu asked, confused.

The teleporter seemingly got offended, as the words showed: "Meanie!"

"It can 'talk'," I explained with a sigh, and turned back to the teleporter. "Answer my question."

"Nowhere," the words read. "Stuck in time."

We all froze as if we were stuck in ice. "W-what?" Renji gasped.

"Yup," the machine responded in its electronic words. "Right now in present. Later might change. Who knows?"

The prospect of being stuck in time absolutely scared us.

To lighten the mood, I suggested, "Let's just start the dares before we get to the past or future. First person…"

"But what will happen to us when the time changes?" Haineko wailed.

"I don't know, but we _will _continue the dares," I said firmly. "First person is notsomeoneyouknow."

_i dare wabisuke to whack gegetsuburi with the huge stone on his back_

Gegetsuburi hid in a corner, cowering, while Wabisuke grumbled, "The stone on my back is too heavy."

"Too bad, I guess."

He sighed and slowly lifted it with his frail arms. Taking small steps, he managed to make his way over to the cowardly Gegetsuburi, but his arms started trembling and he instead dropped it on Gegetsuburi's head.

Wabisuke scoffed at Gegetsuburi's comedic cries of pain. "You deserve it, fatso. The weight off my back is gone and I feel…"

We all leaned forward in anticipation.

"HYPER!" he cried, running around, jumping around, hugging everybody…

Wait…that last one just CAN'T be true.

But, it happened anyway.

As Wabisuke resumed his happiness burst I called out, "Second person, IdentifiedLuna1998."

_The dares_

_Sogyo no Kotowari: you two must drink 20 cofee 10 for each with a lot of sugar and race each other_

_Senbonzakura: you must talk like a gangster for whole chapter  
All males: all of you try to breack dance and the jugde will be the girls  
Haineko and Tobiume: cat fight_

"Just a minute!" Ukitake said anxiously. "Does this mean I have to drink 20 coffees?"

I sighed. "Yes, unfortunately, Ukitake-Taicho. Suzumebachi?"

"All set!" assured the little hornet girl, proudly presenting a table of 40 coffees. "Sugar's already in them."

"Thank you. Sogyo no Kotowari, Ukitake, please drink the coffees."

However, before they could reach the table, a flash of light illuminated the room, and we looked expectantly toward the teleporter.

No one was there.

I then looked back, widened my eyes until they were the size of dinner plates, and nearly gagged.

Trust me, you would too if you saw oh-so-familiar people turn…old…right in front of your eyes.

They all became drastically short, Toshiro becoming _even _shorter, wrinkles forming on their faces, beards for the males, buns in the hair for females, and canes for all.

Minazuki and Yamamoto-soutaicho were the only ones who didn't change.

"Um…something wrong?" Saru asked.

"What? Of course there is!" I snapped.

"Then what is it?" Hebi asked.

I dropped my jaw. "You really haven't noticed?" I drew a mirror and thrust it at them. "Look at this!" I demanded.

Two words:

"HOLY SHIT!"

I sighed again. "Yeah."

"Well, at least we don't sound like old people," Hichigo commented with a grin.

"I feel like one, though," Rangiku complained.

"Makes sense…you were originally an old hag," Haineko sneered.

At this comment, Rangiku turned slowly toward Haineko. "Were you talking to me?" she questioned with a smile. "Because I'm pretty sure you were muttering to yourself…"

Haineko looked up at Rangiku's now old face. "Urusai, hag."

"Same with you."

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" Haineko screeched, shoving Rangiku down and throwing herself onto her master.

From specific angles, it looked awkward.

"Ukitake, Sogyo no Kotowari, just ignore them and drink the coffees."

Sogyo no Kotowari smiled happily while Ukitake groaned. They began chugging down the coffees, waited patiently for Ukitake to finish, then they tensed. "C'mon, play with us!" they cried brightly.

"I'm the same age as you now and you STILL want to play." Ukitake sighed. "Fine."

"Three…" I began, but Sogyo no Kotowari cried, "One!"

I sighed as they sped off, Ukitake following with difficulty, but when I counted, I counted four people.

…

"WABISUKE!"

-Three minutes later-

I didn't know that zanpakuto, when old, could run so fast.

For Wabisuke, I thought it proved a challenge.

But, he managed to beat Ukitake.

Holy crap, right?

"Senbonzakura?"

"Yes, I think I got it. SUP, MAH HOMIES?" he asked with a lopsided grin.

Ever imagined an aged samurai warrior speaking gangster?

I sure haven't.

"Waz up?" he asked, then another blast of light.

"WORD!" he cried, forming the peace sign.

Only…

He was a little kid, a toddler.

As was everyone else. Except for Minazuki.

Everyone burst into laughter at the sight of Senbonzakura's kiddy form, speaking gangster. His voice had gone slightly higher, suitable for a toddler. He then pouted and asked, "Why you laughin' at me, foo'?" His eyes then widened and he burst into laughter at everyone else. "You foos are kiddies? Shiz, man!"

…

…

"NO NOT AGAIN!"

-A minute later-

"Calm down, peoples!" I demanded. "Guys, break dance, girls, please judge. Kid shinigami and zanpakuto break dancing begins now!"

Toddlers break dancing…so cute.

-Three minutes later-

"ICHIGO WINSS!" the girls roared, dashing over to him and hugging him.

Would girls really do that at that age?

Never mind.

Haineko then jumped off of Rangiku and onto Tobiume, which made it look even weirder. Then, they rolled around, and the awkwardness went up to max.

"Third person, yoWHAZZUP."

_i dare you to summon Aizen and make Gegetsuburi sit on him!  
That would be funny :)  
UPDATE!_

We were all silent a minute.

"How are you supposed to summon Aizen when we're stuck in time?" Shunsui inquired.

I shrugged. "Let's give it a try." A flash of light, then…

HOLY SHIT A CHIBI AIZEN?

The mini toddler Aizen looked at the group, smirking. "Well, well, looks like my enemies have turned into little kids," he remarked. He then spotted Hinamori and smiled politely. "Why hello, Hinamori."

Toshiro stood in front of Hinamori protectively, but Hinamori put herself in front of him. "I have something to say to him, Shiro-chan," she told him.

"Not here, Hinamori!" Toshiro hissed, but Hinamori cut him off, saying, "Aizen-taicho…to tell the truth…"

Aizen stepped forward, still smiling. "What is it, Momo-chan?"

Hinamori didn't budge, just stared into his eyes. "As a toddler, you look atrocious," she finally said.

Aizen froze, looking down at his teeny hands. "Explain, Momo-chan," he said.

But, before Aizen could say anything, Toshiro stepped forward and cried, "BANKAI!" holding his sword, which was more than twice his height. He sprouted mini ice wings, and then yelled, "Ryusenka!"

The unsuspecting Aizen got frozen, but broke free. "Is that really all you can do, Hitsugaya-taicho?" he asked in that calm way, and was going to ask something else, but Wabisuke's giant rock was thrown on top of him.

"That hurt!" the toddler Gegetsuburi cried, rubbing his back. He then stared at the rock he had threw, and asked, "What's under that?"

"Aizen," I replied sullenly.

"Alright, was I supposed to sit on him?"

"Go 'head, I don't give a damn about what happens to him."

"Prepare to be a pancake, Aizen!" Gegetsuburi roared, and leapt onto the rock. He jumped a couple times on it, took off the rock, and gazed at the flat Aizen. "He's as fat as I am!" Gegetsuburi commented cheerfully.

…

We sent the teeny flat Aizen back to Hueco Mundo.

-Hueco Mundo-

"Lookie here, what happened to Aizen-taicho?" Gin asked with a smirk.

"He's flat, Gin," Tousen pointed out. "What else would have happened besides him getting flattened?"

Gin continued smirking. "How do you know that he's flat?"

Tousen flushed.

-Seireitei-

"Fourth person, chappy1000."

_That was so funny! Really,what if Ichigo was doing that?  
I have some truths.  
1. Zangetsu,would you ever make Sode no Shirayuki your wife?  
And a dare._

_I dare Tobiume,Haineko,and Rangiku to have a drinking match,and whoever wins has to kiss the losers._

"Of course I would!" Zangetsu declared. Sode no Shirayuki looked surprised and pleased until he said, "But it would be better if she didn't freeze me."

Sode no Shirayuki sighed. "That's why you must watch your mouth."

"Sake ready!" Suzumebachi called, having pulled out a table of sake with the help of a toddler Soifon. Rangiku was about to dash toward the table, but I barred her way. "You can't have sake," I reprimanded her. "You're way too underage."

She pouted. "But it's only our appearance that changed!"

"You're still…"

She had already gone to the table and started gulping down sake. Haineko and Tobiume hurried to the table and started to drink the sake as well. A growl emitted from my throat and I yelled, "BAKUDO NO 4: HAINAWA!"

The yellow rope ensnared the three and whipped them away from the table, letting them land with a thump onto the ground. "What was that all about?" Tobiume demanded.

"All of you are underage!" I snarled at them. "But since Rangiku wins the drinking contest, she has to kiss both of you!"

Rangiku sighed and whined, "C'mon!" before kissing Haineko and Tobiume.

I didn't know toddlers could be lesbian, either…

Scary.

"Last person, flamesandblackroses."

_hahahahaha, I love ur story! I've always wondered what would happen if u stuck Toshiro and Rangiku in a room alone with their zanpaktou and see if the female or male zanpaktous or better musicians._

Toshiro, Rangiku, Haineko, and Hyourinmaru sighed and went into the empty room. Soon, 'toddler music' sounded from the room, and it was pissing me off.

I hate it when toddlers think they can sing when they can't.

"HADO NO 63: RAIKOHO!"

Silence. The door then opened and they sheepishly exited out. "Were we that bad?" questioned Hyourinmaru.

"Yup."

"That's mean!" Haineko whined.

"I'm a very blunt person. Now, how are we going to get back?"

...

I stomped over to the teleporter and gazed at it. "I think that the teleporter's playing tricks on us," I said, and sighed. "The first one was broken by Gegetsuburi. This is the second…I'm gonna have to get a third." I pointed at the screen and said, "Hado no 1: Sho."

The teleporter broke, crackling wires flying everywhere, and we soon landed on the room on the hill again, everyone back to their original age. I found the screen by the floor, which read: "You are mean!"

I grinned. "I know."

"But it was your fault," it read after changing the words.

I widened my eyes, aware of the shinigami and zanpakuto behind me. "No, it's not!" I insisted.

"It is!" the screen countered, then showed what I had indeed typed in: "Through time."

I turned around to face very, VERY angry people. Waving my hands frantically, I stuttered, "I'm sorry for the inconvenience…"

The chorus of shinigami and zanpakuto calling forth their shikai alarmed me, and I finally clicked the button on one of my other devices in case of emergency.

Immediately, everyone fell asleep on the floor.

I sighed and opened the door, walking out.

They wouldn't remember this.

Hopefully.

I then froze, thinking of an idea, and dashed back in. I scribbled a note, tacking it on the door, and went back out. Smirking along the way, I wanted to see how the next day would turn out.

Why?

They'd have to manage a day without me.

And regret that they ever rebelled against me.


	20. Self Management

Thanks to these people for reviewing: Serroco, Purp1e-Skies74, Demon's Wind Melody, bleach4evr, yoWHAZZUP, clamhappy, notsomeoneyouknow, hm, Lina Schiffer, Last Hope, ultima-owner, chappy1000, Theoracle-san, WildTiger777

This chapter's dares submitted by: Purp1e-Skies74, yoWHAZZUP, Serroco, Ichiberrylover, ling123

I honestly though my last chapter sucked. So, here's (hopefully) a better chapter.

* * *

Self-Management

I walked back into the room, puckering my lips up for whistling- something that I had never mastered but attempted many times. Grinning, I made a small salute and asked in a mocking tone, "How was the day without me?"

"You!" the zanpakuto gasped, while the shinigami had their hands to their swords.

"Yes, it's me," I replied irritably. "Answer the fudging question already."

"Well…" Ichigo began, then hesitated.

"One word answers work too."

"Chaos. How 'bout that?" Renji suggested.

I arched an eyebrow. "You telling the truth?" I asked warily.

"Yes!" confirmed Suzumebachi.

I sighed and walked to the other end of the room, reaching out toward a small circle of glass. Poking it out, I fumbled around for an object, and withdrew my hand carefully.

'Tis was a camera.

Ignoring the shocked looks, I connected it to the computer, which was connected to a projector which displayed on a screen. Clicking on the thumbnail for that last day, I sat back in my chair comfortably with my hands behind my head. "This will either prove or disprove your words," I told them, and flicked the lights off. "It's starting."

3…

2…

1…

-Video starts-

A groan came from everyone present, and many disgruntled figures sat up and stretched. "What happened?" Hanataro asked nervously.

"Don't ask that question!" Saru snapped. "None of us know!"

"Maybe Sourpatch can tell us," Senbonzakura suggested.

Eyes wandered around the room, and the answer was clear.

"She's not here," Zangetsu said with disdain.

"Then…" began Hyourinmaru, then his eyes settled onto the note on the door. "Look at this!"

Hichigo, who was the closest to the door, snatched the paper, and everyone crowded around him. "'Dear everyone," he read. "As you can see, I am not here.'"

"Great answer," snorted Rukia.

"'However, I had my reasons to leave. First: all of you tried to kill me on our last travel.'"

"That's true," admitted Sode no Shirayuki.

"'Second, you guys pissed me off by that, and that's not the wisest move. Third: I'd like to see how you guys do without me. See if you guys can manage yourselves for a day. Sincerely, Sourpatch.'" Hichigo then looked up at Ikkaku. "There's a message for you."

Ikkaku looked surprised, then asked, "What does it say?"

"'P.S: Ikkaku, the simpler term for your head is bald.'"

"I'm not bald!" Ikkaku cried, enraged.

That was the start of an everlasting silence.

Which only lasted about three seconds.

"What do we do now?" was the first question in three seconds.

"Start the dares?" offered Yumichika.

A murmur of assent at this. Kazeshini went over to the computer, wiggled the mouse, then groaned. "Anyone know the password to her computer?"

"Are there any clues?" asked Shun'o.

"It only says "Type your password here," Kazeshini replied with a frown, staring perplexedly at the computer screen.

"There's another message," Hichigo announced, peering at the piece of paper. "'P.P.S: I'm a very literal person.'"

"That doesn't mean anything at all!" complained Haineko, her tail flicking in frustration.

"Actually, it does," Toshiro said slowly, also staring at the screen. "It says 'Type your password here.'"

"We know that!" Kazeshini snapped.

"But, her password is probably hidden in that. Those words just might mean to type 'your password here'. That's literal enough."

"You're smart, kid!" Kazeshini grinned and slapped Toshiro on the back.

Toshiro closed his eyes, a vein bulging on his forehead. "I'm not a kid," he stated indignantly. "I'm a Captain!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Kazeshini sighed, and typed the supposed password into the bar and pressed enter, drumming his fingers on the desk. "Hey, it worked!"

"Really?" Katen Kyokotsu perked up in interest.

"Yeah! Oh wait…hold on, on the desktop there's a webpage that says 'Click here before starting'. Let's see…ah, ok, there's a document on the desktop telling us that that's where the five dares for today are." He closed the window and clicked on the document, gazing at it for a long while. "Alright, so the first person is apparently Purp1e-Skies74."

_yeah, you did kinda get lazy a little, but it was still good ^^  
I dare Gonryomaru to activate his shikai underwater._

"That'll kill me for sure!" Gonryomaru protested.

Suzumebachi set down a bowl of water next to Sasakibe and Gonryomaru. "You don't know until you try," she scolded. "If you don't die, then be happy that you were saved. If you do die, then no one will notice."

"That's mean, Suzumebachi-chan!" Gonryomaru wailed.

Suzumebachi scoffed, flitting away. "I'm only speaking the truth."

Gulping, Gonryomaru and Sasakibe dipped their swords into the large bowl. Swallowing nervously, they yelled simultaneously, "BITE!"

Their shikai activated in the water, the electricity crackling, and the obvious happened.

They screamed like wimpy girls, the electricity got both of them and you could see their skeletons, and they got electrocuted, falling to the ground unceremoniously and unconsciously.

"Burnt hair in the room doesn't smell exactly great," Rangiku commented, then sniffed the air cautiously. "Ooh! Minty shampoo!" She started advancing toward the unconscious duo.

"Rangiku-san…" Kira began nervously. "If you sniff his hair too much, you might get high…"

"Oh…does that mean I get to eat it?" she asked hopefully, smiling.

"Absolutely not!" Toshiro declared with one of his famous glares. "You still haven't finished the paperwork from last week!"

"But Taicho, I couldn't!" she argued with a mock pout.

"Why not?" Toshiro demanded, folding his arms.

"Because we landed into this game!"

"It's only been four days," Toshiro pointed out, and went to the supply room.

-Ten minutes later-

"Taicho?" Rangiku called out anxiously.

"Matsumoto…" Toshiro growled from somewhere in the supply room. He finally poked his head out, two hands inside the room. With a little grunt, he pulled out a table with uncountable columns of paperwork. "Here's your paperwork."

"How'd you hide the paperwork here, Taicho?" Rangiku asked with shock, backing away, sweating profusely.

"A little something called kido," Toshiro grumbled, his hair matching the stacks of paper. "Now, Matsumoto…"

Rangiku was already the door, fumbling with the knob. "It's locked!" she cried, shaking the knob even though it did no good. She swiveled around, knocking her VERY angry captain down with her…melons.

…

"MATSUMOTOOOOO!"

"Taichoo! You made my melons hurt! Did you put another piece of ice between them?"

…

"DO THE PAPERWORK ALREADY!"

Hyourinmaru stepped in between the two, his eyes closed in annoyance. "Don't fight," he reproached them. "Anyways, I checked the second set of dares, and they're from yoWHAZZUP."

_hmm...speaking of sugar highs, I dare Minazuki to eat a lot, and I mean A LOT of candy (if that's possible...LOL)_

_UPDATE PLZ!_

"That's only one dare, Hyourinmaru," Soifon pointed out.

"It doesn't matter," he replied solemnly.

Suzumebachi slowly inched toward Minazuki, eyeing she? he? it? carefully, holding a bowl of candies in her arms. "You want the candies?"

Minazuki shuffled over, stood stock still, and did nothing.

Suzumebachi quirked an eyebrow, cocking her head to the right. "Well?"

Unohana smiled her eerie smile and stepped forward. "I think my zanpakuto wants you to put the candy inside its hood."

Suzumebachi gulped. "What's under the robe?"

"Minazuki has already informed me that you already know. What did you figure out?"

"…Another robe was under the robe?"

"Correct. My zanpakuto is quite self-conscious about its appearance. So, just put the candy inside the hood so that Minazuki can do so peacefully."

Suzumebachi looked doubtful, but dumped the candy inside the hood anyway and darted away as quickly as possible.

It was then the camera only saw black.

-Room, present time-

I paused the video momentarily, gazing at the wide-eyed people present. "What happened there?" I inquired. "The screen's all black."

"I think I backed into the wall where the camera was," Omaeda admitted. "I turned around so I wouldn't see more of the…the…dare."

I pressed play, and soon enough, Omaeda's face was squashed against the glass quite grotesquely. Pausing it again, I asked, "What did Minazuki do?"

No one said a word.

"Huh, alrighty then," I replied with a smirk, and continued the video.

-Video-

Everyone stared at Minazuki, panting, while Minazuki stood there like nothing happened.

"That is the scariest thing since Sode no Shirayuki tried to kill me," Zangetsu muttered, refusing to take his eyes off of Minazuki.

"Let's just continue the dares so we can forget all of this," Tobiume proposed with a nervous chuckle, and everyone nodded silently. She floated over toward the computer, squinting at it, and announced, "The third person is Serroco."

_Short, but good. Surprise, surprise, looks Haineko's actually ENJOYING her time with Kazeshini. Nice work, Kazeshini *grin*. Warning, I may have gone a little overboard this time, but bare with me._

_Truths:_

_To Sourpatch: If Muramasa was supposedly the only one that could materialize zanpakuto, how the hell were you able to that without his help... unless you ARE Muramasa..._

_Katen Kyokotsu and Sogyo no Kotowari: What kind of person is Minazuki, since I guess you know her more than anyone else._

_Suzumebachi: You know Soifon better than anyone, was she sad when she killed Ggio?_

_To all Zanpakuto: We know what the zanpakuto think of their masters, but what do the zanpakuto think of each other?_

_Dares:  
Suzumebachi: Embarrass Soifon in anyway you can, anything goes._

_Finally, I dare a drenched Haineko to wear a school girl uniform while kissing a half-naked Senbonzakura._

"Well, we know the answer to the first question." Mayuri sighed. "It was my experiment."

Katen Kyokotsu and Sogyo no Kotowari glanced warily at Minazuki. "We aren't sure, either," the older Katen Kyokotsu responded. "Describe the last dare."

"We can't," Sogyo no Kotowari said with a pout.

"Precisely. That's why we don't know."

They were quiet a moment. Suzumebachi's mouth twitched slightly, curling upward into a grin. Soifon stared a moment as Suzumebachi opened her mouth, then realized in dread of what her zanpakuto was going to say. She shunpoed over to the other side of the room and slapped a hand over Suzumebachi's mouth, but it only took one word for Suzumebachi.

"Yes!"

Soifon growled and swatted at the hornet girl, but she simply dodged and rested atop Soifon's head. Patting it lightly, she teased, "You were too late. Why don't you just admit it?"

"Tell us the truth, Soifon," Yamamoto said. "Were you actually sad about killing an enemy?"

Soifon kneeled, her head bowed in shame. "Yamamoto-soutaicho…I was, but not for the reason many of you are thinking about." She narrowed her eyes dangerously at the snickering group, then continued, "He was a formidable opponent, able to match my speed easily. I actually quite enjoyed it, and wish more could have happened. That is all."

"That's a lie," Suzumebachi whispered into Soifon's ear, loud enough so that everyone could hear.

"No, it's not. Forgive me, Yamamoto-soutaicho. My zanpakuto is still very childish and insolent."

"Hey!" Suzumebachi spat. "I am not!"

"Stand up, Soifon. We understand." Yamamoto faced the group, glaring at every single one of them. "Don't we, shinigami and zanpakuto?"

"Hai, soutaicho," everyone chorused innocently, but the effect produced wasn't as innocent as it should've been.

"Well now, zanpakuto, what do you feel about each other?" Yamamoto asked. "I have a feeling that this will be very amusing."

Zangetsu cleared his throat. "I'll go first, I guess. Sode no Shirayuki, I love you with all my heart, but wish that you didn't freeze me all the time. Hichigo, you annoy the hell outta me. Hyourinmaru, the next time we kiss, control your reiatsu. That's all I have."

Gonryomaru, being unconscious, didn't say anything.

Suzumebachi smiled. "Gegetsuburi, you're too fat. Wabisuke, you're too grumpy; you should be more optimistic like me! Sogyo no Kotowari, you twins are too cute for your own good!"

"Suzumebachi, you're too small. Everyone, stop teasing me because I can barely run six laps in six minutes," demanded Gegetsuburi, his spiked ball under a shoulder.

"I hate you all."

That zanpakuto is pretty obvious.

Minazuki just shifted slightly.

Hisagomaru shrugged.

Tobiume gazed dreamily at Hyourinmaru. "Hyourinmaru, you are handsome. Haineko…" she glared at her 'friend'- "I still hate you. Ashisogi Jizo, you're weird."

Ashisogi Jizo looked shocked and offended at her comment, arguing with some burbling.

Senbonzakura sighed. "Saru and Hebi…you two need to calm down. Drastically. Sode no Shirayuki, I will be there for you if Zangetsu is ever unfaithful to you."

Sode no Shirayuki beamed. "Thank you, Senbonzakura-san."

"I will never be unfaithful to her!" Zangetsu declared with a scowl toward the masked zanpakuto.

"I will know if you are unfaithful to her if you are frozen," Senbonzakura pointed out, a hint of triumph in his voice.

"Che. Good try," Zangetsu retorted.

Saru emitted a growl, gaining both zanpakutos' attention. "Well, Senbonzakura, it is still your fault that you had to face off with Ashisogi Jizo in the 12th Division. I won't forgive you! Plus, your stripping skills are no match for me!"

Senbonzakura's mask seemingly turned a darker shade of red with embarrassment.

Tenken shrugged as well.

Katen Kyokotsu looked around with her single eye. "Everyone, stop claiming that I have a relationship with Shunsui."

"But you do!" Hinagiku protested.

"I do not!"

Kazeshini coughed and spoke. "Stop arguing, guys. Anyway, Haineko, you're hot. Wabisuke, brush your teeth. Yup."

"Tobiume, you are lovely; Haineko, you need to be more composed; but both of you need to stop bothering me when I am resting," Hyourinmaru said, eyes closed.

"Oh…sorry, Hyourinmaru-san," Haineko apologized, then faced the group with a twinkle in her eye. "Hyourinmaru and Senbonzakura, you two are both SEXY to the MAX! Tobiume, I hate you too. Kazeshini…don't act inappropriately."

Hozukimaru grinned at Haineko's comment. "Well, as for me…Ruriiro Kujaku, you are indeed beautiful."

Ruriiro Kujaku brightened immensely, flapping his arms in excitement. "Thank you, Hozukimaru! As for the rest of you, none of you will ever beat the beautifulness of MOI!"

"Moi?" Hozukimaru questioned. "What's that?"

"It's French for 'me'," Ruriiro Kujaku explained. "It sounds fancier."

Ashisogi Jizo shook its head in disagreement, then burbled a little more.

"What are you saying, Ashisogi Jizo?" Sogyo no Kotowari asked, then smiled. "Since we don't know, then we'll say ours! We love everyone! Happy!"

Sode no Shirayuki smiled at the twins, then looked back up at everyone. "Zangetsu, I love you too, but you must watch your mouth."

Tsubaki narrowed his eyes. "You all su-" he began, but was shoved aside by Baigon. "Everyone has been nice," he said. "That's all we have to say, right, Tsubaki?" Baigon nudged Tsubaki hard in the side.

Tsubaki winced a little, then muttered, "Yes, yes, whatever."

…

"The truth session's over," Suzumebachi said brightly, and tapped on the teleporter.

Soifon stared at her zanpakuto. "What are you doing?"

Suzumebachi smirked. "You'll see."

There stood Ggio Vega.

Soifon's jaw dropped to the floor. "No…way…" she whispered, slowly inching forward.

Ggio smiled. "Why hello, my adversary."

"Soifon, I thought you killed this arrancar," Yamamoto said with disdain.

"I did…but…"

Ggio swept forward and held Soifon tightly. "I still remember that fun fight," he murmured. "That was the most fun I'd had in a while."

A fake sunset literally made its way onto the camera, palm trees and all. Even a plastic seagull.

Soifon pushed Ggio away, flushing with embarrassment. "Don't hug me here!" she hissed. "Don't you know that shinigami and zanpakuto spirits are watching you?"

He grabbed her shoulders, still smiling. "I don't care."

Suzumebachi tapped the teleporter, and Ggio disappeared. Soifon was trembling, her legs shaking, and she finally collapsed onto the ground. "Why…?" she muttered to herself, pounding the floor. "Why?"

"I was right! The tiger arrancar dude does like you!" Suzumebachi cried with triumph.

"Urusai, Suzumebachi!" Soifon ordered, getting back up. "I apologize once again, Yamamoto-soutaicho…I'm just shocked."

As Soifon apologized to Yamamoto, a sopping wet schoolgirl Haineko (courtesy of the speedy Suzumebachi) kissed a maskless and pantless Senbonzakura.

Senbonzakura's choice of 'half-naked' couldn't have been better.

-Fast-forward two minutes-

The zanpakuto crowded around the computer again. Sogyo no Kotowari sat atop Ukitake's head and cried, "The fourth person is Ichiberrylover."

_kya! i really love ur fanfiction! XD poor zangetsu seems to be one of the most popular in along with poor shode no shirayuki! keep up the great work! OHHH! and i really think that it would make a really great dare to have hollow ichigo drink like 4 monster energy drinks! XD i want to see how hyper he can get! (not that hes not already hyper!) :D_

"Great…another person has to get a sugar high…and this time it's me," Hichigo grumbled, taking an energy drink can and chugging it down.

The usual happened: bounce, bounce, bounce, burp, jump really high, smack head on ceiling, start ricocheting off people and walls and the ceiling.

That was only ONE can of the stuff.

-Fast-forward three minutes-

Rukia sighed. "It's the last person for the day."

"Yeah," Orihime agreed. "It's kind of sad."

"I guess I'll read it," Rukia offered. "The last person is ling123."

_Ok this will be my very last one ok since Hichigo is here and you're going to activate the device I dare everyone to kiss the ones they love even Hichigo but if he refuses get Sode No Shirayuki and Zangetsu to attack him but Senbonzakura and Haineko must kiss each other and without the mask. I also dare you the author to get your zanpakuto and show everyone and let your zanpakuto to wreck havec in Hueco Mundo. If you wonder why i know you have a zanpakuto it's because i heard a little voice in your head say 'But nothing is impossible'_

Sounds of kissing filled the air. Senbonzakura with Haineko, Sode no Shirayuki with Zangetsu, Rukia and Orihime with Ichigo, Tobiume with Hyourinmaru, Hinamori with Toshiro, and the rest of the males kissed Rangiku.

Probably because they were seduced by her melons.

Poor Komamura-taicho never got a kiss.

After the kissing session finished, silence dominated the room.

"We can't do the last part," Byakuya muttered.

"If she comes back we can ask," Hisagi pointed out.

-End of video-

The screen turned black, and I pointed toward the unconscious Gonryomaru and Sasakibe. "So that's what happened, huh?"

"Yup," Kira grumbled. "So are you going to show us your zanpakuto?"

I smiled. "Sure."

…

Due to technical difficulties, this scene was not shown.


	21. Cloudy With a Chance of Zanpakuto

Thanks to these people for reviewing: yoWHAZZUP, darkmachine, ultima-owner, IdentifiedLuna1998, Lina Schiffer, rinka tokmiya, Purp1e-Skies74, WildTiger777, AxelCifer55, Yuki Shihoin, Serroco, Switmikan74, Erik Howlett, Demon's Wind Melody, hm, notsomeoneyouknow, clamhappy, bleach4evr, cookies are awesome

I posted the last one early because I was on vacation. Didn't post on Saturday cuz I was too tired -.-

* * *

Cloudy with a Chance of Zanpakuto

Story: Zanpakuto Truth or Dare

Author: Sourpatch-Devil

Settings:

-Randomness: check

-Swearing: check

-Awkwardness: check

-Any mentions, appearances, thoughts, or touching of author's zanpakuto: disabled

"Your zanpakuto tastes and smells weird!" Kazeshini yelled from somewhere in the room.

Growling, I dashed over and smacked Kazeshini across the head. The hit was loud enough to resonate throughout the room; Kazeshini yelped and held his head in pain. I picked him up by his long hair and yelled in his ear, "You were smelling and tasting my zanpakuto?"

"I couldn't help it!" Kazeshini cried, flailing his arms like a little kid.

"Are you really _that _much of a freaking pervert?" My voice sounded cross, and more pissed off than I had ever heard myself speak like that.

"I guess," Kazeshini admitted with a lopsided grin. I rolled my eyes at the perverted zanpakuto and let go of his hair, causing him to fall on his bottom with a light _thump_, dust floating out from underneath him. He winced and started complaining, but I ignored him.

-Any smells or tastes of author's zanpakuto: disabled.

-This is where the chapter really starts-

Wispy clouds floated past the window slowly, casting thin shadows on the ground. Occasional rays of sunlight would stream in through the clouds, but the clouds would block the sun more than the sun would illuminate the room. The light inside the room would often shift from grey to light, but it was grey about eighty percent of the time. All of us gazed out the window in sheer boredom, but we managed to stay pretty peaceful.

Until Hisagomaru peered further out the window.

To be exact, _down _thewindow.

"…Sourpatch-san?" he asked anxiously, backing away from the window. However, he betrayed his fear of whatever was out there by going forward and peering out the rather grimy window. Once he got a good look, he shivered and scooted back again.

"I told you not to call me that," I told him tartly, stretching my arms and yawning widely. "What is it? Oh yes, stop going back and forth from the window, you look ridiculous."

Hisagomaru stopped in embarrassment, looking down sheepishly. "Sorry. But, how come the ground looks really far away from where we're standing?"

"We're on a hill. Have you forgotten that?" I snapped, refusing to leave my comfortable spot on the ground. Hisagomaru was getting antsy like Hanataro, but that was natural, I guess.

"Not anymore," Hisagomaru replied, a little defiant. "I can see the hill that's right next to Seireitei, and nothing's on it besides grass and tiny sprouts of catnip." At Hisagomaru's last word, Haineko's head immediately snapped up, eyes wide with greediness, mouth slightly gaping, drool slowly oozing out the corners of her mouth.

Tobiume sighed and gave Haineko a good whack on the head with one of her overlarge bells. "Quit it, Haineko, you can't get any if we're not on the hill." She shot a warning glare towards Haineko. Haineko simply whimpered and leaned back against the wall again.

I reluctantly stood up, stretched once more, and staggered to Hisagomaru's side. Looking out the window at what was below us, I saw that he was right; we weren't on the hill anymore.

Then that meant…

"We're in the sky?" I cried.

At this, everyone's heads shot up in apprehension, eyes narrowing…at me.

"Alright, what'd you do with the teleporter this time?" Ichigo demanded, reaching slowly for Zangetsu.

"Hey, hey, don't make snap judgments!" I contradicted. "I'll admit that I fixed the teleporter when you guys were asleep, because we needed it for dares. But I seriously have no clue in hell about why we're hanging in the troposphere with the clouds." I looked down at the ground again, but the clouds had already obscured our vision of it. I then sat back down in a huff, thinking.

_Any of us could have done it_, I mused. _But why would he or she choose the clouds as a destination? I mean, I'm pretty sure that none of us want to drop to the earth below…only someone that truly hates us would make us fall to our death. Aizen? Gin? Tousen? Nah, I bet Aizen would think that's too boring…speaking of which, is he still drunk?_

I snickered at that, and continued my long train of thought.

_The arrancar, maybe? That's possible, but none of them have illusionary powers. Thank god for that, more Aizens would be a shitload of trouble, but only if they're not oversensitive to alcohol. Who else hates us…?_

Just then, a lightbulb flashed above my head. The verdict was clear.

I stood back up, wiping dust off my shirt and pants, and marched over to the teleporter. Shaking a finger at it accusingly, I implored with a hint of anger, "Why'd you teleport us into the clouds?"

"Why are you talking to an inanimate object?" Rangiku asked absentmindedly, staring at me with interest.

"I told you before! It's not inanimate!" I stated. "It has a mind of its own!" I turned back to the teleporter, trying to glare daggers at it. "Answer me already, you one dumbass of a machine!" I shook it threateningly, hoping to break a spring or two.

The screen finally flashed in response. "Stop shaking me, you imbecile!" it read, then changed again: "I am NOT a dumbass!"

I stopped shaking it, but I didn't do it for the teleporter; the vibrations were numbing my hands. I then crouched down to look for fallen coils or something of the sort, but disappointingly there were none. "Damn," I muttered. "I really wanted to shake some sense into that machine."

"I have enough sense!" the teleporter retorted, smoke billowing out of it in anger, the buttons flashing wildly.

"Well, you don't seem to have enough sense to answer my question," I retorted back, folding my arms. Geez, I never knew a machine could be so snappy.

"…What was the question again?"

"WHAT? And you say you have enough sense…" I grumbled, rolling my eyes. "The question is: why are we in the sky?"

"Revenge, of course!" it responded in an instant. "You destroyed me and you insult me!"

I rolled my eyes again. "Don't think that you deserve special treatment; I insult everyone. Only ninety-nine percent of the time I actually mean it."

"Stop being so sarcastic!" the teleporter ordered, the smoke becoming greater.

I rubbed my stinging eyes and glared at the teleporter. "I think you should know that my two main languages are English and sarcasm. The reason why I am rather poor at _English_ grammar is because I learned sarcasm first."

"There you go again!" it exclaimed, shaking violently. It would have stomped the ground like a little child if it had feet.

"I apologize if I'm too fluent in my first language. Now, I will ignore you until we have to teleport someone here, if that will please you. Let's see…" I racked my brains for the first set of dares for the day. "The first person is Sammie BoJammie."

_a great chapter like always :)  
Natsumi: yes it was great! and oh kazeshini, hes soo cute!  
Me: WOULD YOU SHUT THE HELl UP ALREADY ABOUT KAZESHINI!  
Natsumi: But why?  
Me: *frustrated sigh* nevermind  
she has been like this ever since she met him... and its freaking annoying!  
im only doing one dare and truth today, a little annoyed to do anymore  
1) i dare Hichigo and zangetsu to fist fight no weapons, im curious to who will win  
2) and for a truth, haineko do you secretly like kazeshini?  
Natsumi: she better not!  
Me: *slaps Natsumi on the head* SHUT UP!_

Hichigo and Zangetsu stood up wearily, stretched, and circled each other cautiously. One would often jump toward the other, and the other would respond with a high jump, their hair barely touching the ceiling. Finally, Zangetsu charged forward, his head hung low with his eyes aiming at Hichigo, and his knee swung up.

Zangetsu hit, but his _aim _was a bit…

Yeah.

Hichigo howled in pain, flipping back. He growled, glaring at Zangetsu with loathing. "What the hell was that all about?" he yelled. "Were you really aiming for _that_?"

Zangetsu had a smug smirk on his face, his black robe swishing slightly. "Maybe."

Hichigo growled again. "You'll pay, Zangetsu," he spat furiously, and fingered his long sleeve. His arm slithered out of the sleeve and into the shihakusho, and Hichigo grinned evilly. "I don't want to do this," he admitted. "But hey, it's pretty effective against guys." His other arm slid inside the shihakusho.

Zangetsu's eyes widened in horror, and he backed away quickly. "No…you can't be doing that…" he whispered. "Must…look…away…" However, his head refused to move an inch.

"Hell yeah, look away from my awesome powers of seducing," Hichigo said, still grinning. "But it's not gonna work for you, because I have an awesome new technique! Hado no 99: ULTIMATE SEXY STRIPPING!"

Saru and Hebi's jaws dropped to the floor in disbelief while Senbonzakura's mask slipped off from shock, landing with a clatter on the wooden floorboards. They soon recovered from their shock and yelled defiantly at Hichigo, "THAT'S OUR TECHNIQUE!"

Hichigo shrugged nonchalantly, putting his shirt and pants back on. "So? I still won…"

"HEEYAH!"

Zangetsu, in his unconscious state, had somehow managed to crawl over to Hichigo and knee him in the exact same spot. Hichigo howled in pain again, glared at Zangetsu one last time, and fainted.

"No one wins, I guess…" I murmured. "Well, Haineko?"

"I change my opinion about him a lot," she admitted, but added, "I really don't know why though…" She shot a glare at Kazeshini, who was slowly inching toward her with a smirk.

I shrugged. "Alright, next is Switmikan74."

_Hey Devil! I been reading this fic and it's hillarious! But i kinda didn't like hitsuhina pairing that much! Okay, can i dare Hyourinmaru to run around like he is being chase by mad gay/woman and say "da world gonna! Da worlds gonna! Matsumoto stop drinking and start doing work! Oh no! Zenbonsakura is gay! A gay for heaven's sake!". And haineko I really like u! 4 heaven sake u r way sexier dan ur rival! bye_

Haineko beamed before giving Kazeshini an upside whack on the head.

Hyourinmaru raised an eyebrow before beginning the dare. He threw his arms up into air, waving them wildly until they were blurs, and yelled desperately, "DA WORLD'S GONNA! DA WORLD'S GONNA! MATSUMOTO, STOP DRINKING AND START DOING WORK! OH NOES, SENBONZAKURA IS GAY! A GAY, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!"

Senbonzakura, who hadn't bothered to pick his mask up, yelled at the crazed Hyourinmaru, "I am NOT gay! It wasn't my fault that people decided to make me kiss Kenpachi and have him declare that!"

Byakuya sighed in exasperation. "I have to admit, Senbonzakura, you kind of are gay."

Senbonzakura turned on his master furiously. "Not you too!"

"Whoa, whoa, break it up," I ordered. "We have to go on to the next person, which is KuroEqualsBitch."

_whoops i haven't reviewed in a while! Anyway...  
I dare all the male zanpakutou to play strip poker and Hyourinmaru has to loose. _

_I dare Haineko to be locked in a cage while watching other people drinking sake and Hyourinmaru and Tobuime having sex, yet Tobuime was the one who enforces it._

_I dare Suzembachi to say she loves Senbonzakura and they have to kiss._

_I dare all the woman zanpakutou to dress as sexy belly dancers and do the carmelldansen and theeeen the males have to come in with no shirts and in leather jeans and dance with their woman (suzembachi with Senbonzakura, Hyourin with Tobuime, Zan with Shirayuki)_

_Um...  
Kazeshini, are you gay?  
Wabisuke, are you a homosexual who does the 69 with Kazeshini every night?  
Zabimaru girl, do you ever have dreams of having sex with Hyourinmaru?  
Haineko, are you lesbian by any chance? You grabbed Tobuimes breasts in an episode._

_Plus Haineko, your a big breasted bimbo which short is BBB which PROBABLY your breast size! ^_^_

_That is all, bye bye!_

Hyourinmaru raised the other eyebrow, but sighed and circled with his fellow male zanpakuto for the game. Each round was short and quick; after the first round, he was completely shirtless, which made the females sigh in admiration. The rounds that followed…

Censored.

-Three minutes later-

"GET ME OUT OF THIS STINKING CAGE!"

We all glanced warily toward Haineko, who was pounding the bars of her cage angrily. Hyourinmaru and Tobiume glanced oddly at Haineko before advancing toward each other slowly. Haineko, who could stand the scene, yelled, "DON'T!"

Tobiume glared at Haineko. "What do you want, Haineko?"

Haineko fell to her knees, clasping her hands together in pleading. "Please, Tobiume," she begged, "don't do it. None of us will be able to stand it. I'd much rather you two to make out for as long as you want than for you two to have…" she gulped at this- "sex."

"I agree," Hinamori said firmly, stepping forward and facing the two zanpakuto. "Tobiume, I don't want you doing anything too inappropriate. You might harm me, too, by doing that. Have you ever thought about that fact?"

Tobiume widened her eyes, then hung her head in shame. "No. I apologize, Hinamori-san. Can we make out for as long as we want, then?"

Hinamori sighed, but smiled. "To make you happy, sure."

Tobiume smiled sadly, then made out with Hyourinmaru without wrenching them both apart. Haineko sighed in relief, then her eyes widened once more. Her ears twitched, swiveling to where Suzumebachi and Senbonzakura were, her body following her ears. "HEY! THOSE SEXY ABS ARE MINE, SUZUMEBACHI!"

Suzumebachi shrugged, sitting on Senbonzakura's head cross-legged. "You can have him. I don't really care for guys. What I do care is that Soifon should get a boyfriend, pronto. Maybe the tiger arrancar dude would work…" An obvious smirk worked its way to her lips.

Blush tinted Soifon's cheeks, despite her cold nature. "I don't need a boyfriend, Suzumebachi."

"Sure you do," Suzumebachi replied. "If you don't get one it'll be boring, and you'll have that cold nature forever." Before Soifon could retort, she sped into the supply room and brought out a rack of clothes. "Dress up, girls; remove your shirts, guys." She grinned before changing into specially made mini clothes.

-Three minutes later-

"My my, everyone looks quite hot today," Suzumebachi remarked, grinning. "Even the skinny Wabisuke."

Wabisuke glared, dusting off his newly acquired leather jeans. "Don't make me squash you, hornet," he warned.

"You're too slow!" she teased before flitting toward Senbonzakura. Zangetsu sauntered toward Sode no Shirayuki, Hyourinmaru offered a hand toward Tobiume, and the rest just danced happily.

Well, except for Haineko, who sulked in a dark and gloomy cage.

-Three minutes later-

"I AM NOT GAY!" Kazeshini declared. "I HAVE COMPLETELY FALLEN FOR HAINEKO'S SEDUCING MELONS!"

"GROWL!"

Haineko's shikai surrounded Kazeshini, and with a flick of her wrist she cut Kazeshini with the ash. Only screams were heard.

Wabisuke growled and replied sharply, "I hate everyone, and that's a fact."

Saru rolled her eyes. "I don't like the arrogant ice dragon, so why should I?"

"I'm not lesbian!" cried Haineko from the cage, continuing the swing the hilt of her sword. "I was just ridiculing Tobiume about her small breasts!"

"Uh…" I said nervously, "I think Kazeshini's had enough. Anyways, the fourth person is darkmachine."

_OK first some truths,  
Suzumebachi is it true that Soifon was sad after killing Ggio Vega?_

_To all the female zanpakutos if you were an arrancar, which arrancar would you fall in love with?_

_To all the zanpakutos what is your favorite movie? (ALL zanpakutos must answer, if they can't talk write down your answer on paper, also ever one must have a different answers.)_

_Now so dares._

_Senbonzakura must dress himself like Kakuzu for Naruto with out his akatsuki clock on and act like him for 2 chapters._

_Sode no Shirayuki you must dye your hair purple, paint purple teardrop on each of your cheek, and must dress your self like Cirucci THunderwitch arrancar uniform and ask Zangetsu how you look._

_You can THANK me later Zangetsu. ;)_

"Really, is everyone asking that question?" Soifon snapped.

"But the answer is yes!" Suzumebachi cheered. Soifon snatched Suzumebachi and held her tightly, her knuckles white with anger. Suzumebachi only sighed and resigned, looking bored in Soifon's grasp. She yawned, then said, "If I were an arrancar, I would probably like Ggio Vega for the sake of Soifon." She grinned slyly.

Tobiume pondered a moment before answering. "Maybe Shawlong Kufang."

Saru snorted. "I don't like any of 'em. If I had to chose one, then…Nnoitra."

Katen Kyokotsu immediately said, "Starrk."

"Grimmjow," Haineko replied with equal speed as Katen Kyokotsu.

…

"Movies?" Ruriiro Kujaku questioned.

"Do you know any?" I asked exasperatedly.

"Only the Bleach movies," Hozukimaru admitted sheepishly.

"Great…"

-Three minutes later-

"Who's Kakuzu?" inquired Senbonzakura, already in costume.

"An obsessed money person with four hearts. Yeah."' I smirked at Senbonzakura, who hurriedly ran toward a mirror.

…

"HOLY CRAP IS THAT WHAT KAKUZU-WHAT'S-HIS-FACE LOOKS LIKE?"

"Yeah. Just act serious yet obsessed with money."

"Hurry, we need to get the dares done, or else we won't get our pay for the day," Senbonzakura mimicked, then looked at me. "Does that sound about correct?"

I grinned. "Yup."

-Three minutes later-

Sode no Shirayuki blushed, her hair purple, purple tear drops lining her face, dressed like Cirucci Sanderwicci. She twiddled her fingers shyly, not quite facing Zangetsu, and asked, "How do I look?"

Zangetsu had widened his eyes at this. He backed away, knowing full well about the consequences if he insulted her…yet, due to his temptation, he insulted her anyway. "You look horrible," he said, and ran away from her.

Surprisingly, Sode no Shirayuki didn't move an inch. She just stared at him, long and hard. Zangetsu scratched his head, wondering why she didn't move an inch, until he felt a chilling pain in his feet. He looked down at the circle of ice…

And that was the end of it.

Sode no Shirayuki scoffed. "Can't he ever watch his mouth? I had prepared that early on in case he ever insulted me." She then smiled brightly. "Well, now I have a Zangetsu popsicle."

I rolled my eyes. "Last person is katizo terusei."

_first i'd like to apologize 1. for not reviewing earlier, and 2. for the bairding wabisuke's hair thing  
__dares: someone has to slap everyone, someone has to twrow Hineko out a window and yell 'get out you stupid cat!', and then Wabisuke has to fight Hozukimaru and Kazeshini at the same time!_

Suzumebachi immediately acted as the slapper, Hyourinmaru picked up the cage containing Haineko and tossed it out the window, and Wabisuke fought Hozukimaru only, as Kazeshini was cut nearly to death by Haineko's ash.

-Three minutes later-

"That's all over," Rangiku remarked.

"Yeah," I sighed. "Finally."

"No, not yet," an electronic voice spoke.

We all stared at the teleporter, which had miraculously spoke. "I thought you couldn't speak, you dumbass of a machine," I snapped.

"I'm not a dumbass! I've just been hiding this ability for quite a while!"

"I don't give a damn, what you mean it's not over?"

It gave a robotic laugh. "Ha. Ha. Ha."

"Very funny," I grumbled.

"It will be in a moment," the damned teleporter replied, and the next thing we knew, we were falling to earth.

-Karakura Town-

Isshin Kurosaki walked down the street, whistling happily to himself. A crash of thunder was heard, and he looked at the sky worriedly. "It's going to rain," he muttered. "Masaki will surely be mad at me if I don't return dry." He looked back to the street and started running, but a very familiar orange-haired boy had crashed onto the sidewalk in front of him. Isshin let out an abrupt scream before jumping back and getting into his 'fighting stance'.

"Who are you?" he demanded of the orange-haired boy.

Ichigo got up slowly, cursing at his dimwit of a dad. "Dad! Don't you recognize me?"

Isshin dropped his hands down in shock. "Could it really be my son?"

Ichigo whacked his father on the head. "Obviously! Now you have to run, because there's more people coming our way."

Isshin looked up at the sky once more, and let out another abrupt scream as approximately sixty people fell from the sky, screaming their heads off. He dropped to his knees and cried to the heavens,

"Oh, Masaki, the death gods are falling from the sky! ICHIGO! WHAT WAS THE WEATHER FORECAST?"

Ichigo sighed and rubbed his head. "Cloudy with a chance of rain."

"HOW COULD THEY BE WRONG?"

Ichigo sighed again. "This time, it's cloudy with a chance of zanpakuto. And it actually came true."

* * *

I have a few questions for you readers:

One: How did you find this story?

Two: Why do you like this story? Please don't reply with 'Because it's funny'. Why is it so funny?

Yeah, just wanna know because I have no idea of how people find and favorite this story five days after updating.


	22. Tour: Karakura Town

Thanks to these people for reviewing: ultima-owner, animeluver721, darkmachine, RainingSun, AxelCifer55, Serroco, Lina Schiffer, ElementistMagicAkua, cookies are awesome, notsomeoneyouknow, yoWHAZZUP, Purp1e-Skies74, JadeKurosaki, WildTiger777, bleach4evr, hm, clamhappy, Demon's Wind Melody

This chapter's dares submitted by: ultima-owner, DaRkZeRoGaL, monkeywinz, chappy1000, Lina Schiffer

Thanks for the answers everyone!

* * *

Tour: Karakura Town

I woke up in a daze, groaning and rubbing my eyes. My back ached, my vision was blurry, and my arms and legs were stiff. Damn that teleporter. The only thing I remembered was falling to earth along with everyone else. I growled when I felt the back of my head and rubbed soft white cloth. So the teleporter had given me a head injury, too. I then looked down at myself; I was in a white hospital gown. Sighing, I sat up, but pain shot through my spine and I grimaced. The pain felt unreal.

Well, so was this story.

I blinked in the bright light of the plain room. It had the look of the Fourth Division's rooms, but it was different somehow. I then noticed Tobiume, Kira, and Kazeshini were stuck in the same room with me, all garbed in white gowns and lying down on white beds. Their eyes were closed as if sleeping, and they were indeed sleeping; this was confirmed by Kazeshini. He rolled onto his right side, his mouth gaping slightly with drool coming out, and murmured, "Oh, I wish Haineko was here with her _sexy_ melons…"

I shook my head in disappointment at the perverted zanpakuto, and proceeded to head out the room. Tiptoeing lightly on the smooth floor, I slowly but surely made my way toward the door. Opening it quietly, I looked both ways down the white halls, and walked in my socks down the long hallway. However, when I turned a sharp corner, I bumped into Ichigo. Surprised, he greeted, "Yo."

"Hey. You're up?"

"Nah, I crashed in front of my dad when he was walking down the street. I guess I inherited my dad's crazy 'immortal' skills." He scratched his head. "He once jumped from the top of our clinic and crashed into the sidewalk. Surprisingly, he got no injuries. I mean, how the hell is that supposed to happen?"

I stared at him. "Wait, you crashed in front of your DAD?"

He stared back, this time in confusion. "Yeah?"

"So we're in Karakura town?"

"That took you a while to figure out," he teased with a smirk. "This is our clinic. Everyone else is still recovering from the fall. Oh, and don't worry," he added, noticing the worried look on my face, "Not everyone noticed the shower of shinigami and zanpakuto."

"_Not everyone_?" I questioned, emphasizing his words. "That means at least some people spotted it, and I don't think that's a good thing. Who saw us?"

Ichigo shrugged. "Uryuu, Chad, Tatsuki and Keigo came and asked about it. Karin ignored it, and Yuzu couldn't see much of it at all. It's fine…"

"It is not!" I exclaimed, bristling angrily. "How are they going to react when most of the Gotei 13 and their zanpakutos are here?"

"Calm down!" he ordered, narrowing his eyes. "Can't you just wipe their memory?"

I was silent a moment, then admitted grudgingly, "Yes. Well, since your dad took us into the clinic and helped us heal, can we do a round of Truth or Dare in your house?" A smile worked its way onto my lips; I liked the idea of it. It might be even better than inside the room with the rebellious teleporter. I dashed off into the nearest room, calling over my shoulder to the stupefied Ichigo, "Invite your friends too!"

-Thirty minutes later-

The Kurosaki's living room was extremely crowded and divided into two groups: the shinigami, zanpakuto, and I on one side, Ichigo's sisters, friends, and dad on the other side. There was a thin line in between us that almost no one dared to cross. Our group managed to find seats on couches, furniture, each other…all because there was limited space for a bunch of peop-

Ahem, my bad. There was limited space for _shinigami_ and _zanpakuto._

Silence ensued, wary glances thrown across the 'border', uncomfortable shifting, and mutters. Finally, Yuzu broke the silence by asking nervously, "What are we supposed to be looking at?"

I slapped my head; I had forgotten that she wasn't very spiritually aware. So were some others. Muttering under my breath and inside my head, I reached inside my pocket for devices.

To be more specific, accessories.

I passed out the glasses to the human group, who took them cautiously and put them on. Once I reached Isshin, I whispered, "You can see them fine because you're a shinigami, right?"

Isshin just nodded silently, but took the glasses anyway to prevent suspicion. I finished passing out the glasses, and could faintly hear Keigo exclaim, "How come the strangers are so much clearer?"

Karin scoffed in response, rolling her eyes. "So what?" she then looked at the group, and her eyes widened; who else had spiky white hair and turquoise eyes and was a killer in soccer? She stuttered, "T-Toshiro?"

Toshiro, who hadn't previously spotted Karin, gazed at her evenly. "What?"

"Why are you here?" Karin spluttered, looking more surprised than anyone else.

He ignored the question, as Hinamori asked him, "Who's she?"

"Kurosaki's sister," he replied calmly, then looked at me. "So we're going to start the game?"

"Yeah. Alright, you guys, so the reason why we're here is to entertain all of you with the classic game of Truth or Dare. These guys behind me…" I nodded to the group and pointed at them- "will perform various dares, perverted or not, and also speak truths to many questions. So if you absolutely need to leave, you cannot." I winked. "Starting with the first person: ultima-owner."

_Hi! I dare everyone, that mean the ather to, to torcere me any  
way you want. Keep me alive mind you. This is for the whole  
chapter.  
Sake drinking cat: I dare you to get drunk with me.  
Both will happen in the house.  
~The Great Sage_

"How are we going to get him here?" Tobiume wondered.

I sighed and raised the device I had luckily saved. All eyes went to the other teleporting device…the one that wasn't actually EVIL. "I brought the device just in case," I said, and clicked the single button with my thumb. "It's useful to have. Speaking of which, here comes ultima-owner."

Gazes switched to the flare of light as ultima-owner appeared. Haineko glanced warily at him, who was currently hidden in a black robe with a hood covering his face. "How am I supposed to get drunk with him if I can't even see his mouth? He kinda looks like Minazuki right now. Your name is…?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "The Great Sage."

"Alright…what's under the robe?" Haineko inquired. She gazed at him with an unfathomable expression, and flicked her tail uneasily. "I mean, we don't know what's under Minazuki's robes and we get pretty pissed by that, so...can you tell us?"

"I'm anything you want me to be," The Great Sage replied simply.

"The hell's that supposed to mean?" Haineko snapped impatiently.

"I'm a shape-shifter."

Haineko's tail stopped swishing, and her eyes widened slightly. It was as if time stopped in between the two of them; they were both quiet while unsettled mutters rippled across the border. Yuzu was then the first to speak up, her eyes shining with excitement. "Can you transform into Bostov?"

The Great Sage hesitated, then a muffled chuckle came from the hood. "That wouldn't be the most comfortable for me right now. I'll just transform into my favorite form. A swish of his robe, then he had changed dramatically. His height rose to six feet, his hair black and white, his slit eyes black and gold yet one inverted, and a strange lump was on his back.

He still wore the robe, though.

Haineko's eyes stretched till tears began to spill out, and she spluttered, "Can you really turn into something that complicated?"

"Complicated?" I raised an eyebrow. What was with Haineko? Couldn't she stand it?

"Well, you see me," The Great Sage pointed out, then dragged Haineko out of the claustrophobic living room. "We're going to get drunk," he explained, and they both disappeared out of sight.

"The sake's on the kitchen counter!" I called out, noticing Isshin's look of extreme crazy-dad shock.

"How can you put sake where there are underage children?" Isshin cried, flailing his arms in fright. "Oh, Masaki, don't tell me that our young children are drinking already!"

I moved slightly, ready to kick the lunatic in the face, but Karin made it first, her sock-covered foot connecting nicely with her father's face. Isshin fell unceremoniously, letting out a dramatic plea of mercy. "You idiot of a dad," she muttered, squashing her father's face even more. "Sake tastes horrible; you think we'd really want to try it?"

Rangiku, Hisagi, and Kira both looked up sharply at Karin's comment about sake. Oh, their beloved sake was being insulted! Their skin prickled at the simple thought of sake being rejected. "Sake is not horrible!" Rangiku yelled. "It is my life!"

"You don't know what sake can do for you!" Kira added in defense of sake. The thought of sake lingered in his mind, and he cherished it as much as he possibly could.

"Oh, shut your mouths!" I snapped, and raised a finger toward their mouths. "Bakudo no 4: Hainawa!" The yellow rope shot toward their heads and wrapped itself around their lips, sending them all flying toward each other and being binded…by the head.

"Now that's over," I growled, then put on an innocent face for the human audience. "The next person is DaRkZeRoGaL."

_haha, I see. Well, I'll submit some of my own then ;D_

_1) Senbonzakura and Saru have to act motherly towards Sogyo no K. (Submitted before though...)_

_2) Hyourinmaru has to french kiss Saru._

_3) Zangetsu has to call Sode no Shirayuki the most ugliest zanpakuto and call Ru'iro the most beautiful one._

_Just a little minor dare to annoy Senbonzakura but he has to take off his mask AGAIN~!_

I smiled at the mention of the first dare. "I don't care much, we can do it again. Senbonzakura, Saru, act like parents toward Sogyo no Kotowari. Last time it failed because of Ukitake…"

"I'm sorry!" Ukitake exclaimed, then somehow grabbed a ginormous box of candy from out of nowhere and held it out invitingly. "Want some candy so I can make up for it?"

Normally, I would've taken it, but I refused politely. "I'm afraid you can't give me the candy," I said to the confused Ukitake. "You'll need it to bribe your temporary parents, who are Byakuya and Renji."

Byakuya narrowed his eyes and Renji simply gaped. "So our child is someone who is older than both of us?" Renji stammered.

I grimaced. "Yeah."

Sogyo no Kotowari started to cry, both twins sitting on the ground and pounding the floor with their small fists. "I don't like them as parents!" one twin cried, obviously referring to Senbonzakura and Saru. Sighs emitted from every throat; watching little kids cry was much too annoying.

"Sogyo no Kotowari," Ukitake reassured, "I have respect for Kuchiki-taicho and Abarai-fukutaicho, but not as my temporary parents. I apologize, Kuchiki-taicho, but this is simply too strange."

"I know," Byakuya said solemnly. "It is too strange. I would do anything to get out of this mess."

Ukitake held out the box of candy pleadingly. "Here, Kuchiki-Taicho, I'll give you this candy if you can stop being my temporary father." He lifted it up until it was eye-level with Byakuya, and hope shimmered in his brown eyes.

Byakuya scoffed and pushed the box away. "I will not take the box. It is harmful for your teeth to eat candy."

"Tch. The pride of being a noble has gotten to him," Renji muttered, receiving a very stern glare from his captain.

Ukitake sighed then turned to his zanpakuto, both sitting on the floor having a large temper tantrum. Saru and Senbonzakura were trying to console the young twins, but obviously without much luck. A glimmer was visible in Ukitake's eyes as he smiled a smile that was eerily similar to Unohana's. "Sogyo no Kotowari," he called to his zanpakuto, and they looked up tearfully. Ukitake held out the candy box again, and asked kindly, "Do you want some candy?"

Sogyo no Kotowari's tears seemed to evaporate into thin air as they heard those five tempting words. They dashed toward the candy box, hands shooting out for the sweet delicacy, and cried happily, "Thank you!"

Saru, Senbonzakura, Byakuya, and Renji sighed.

Operation Parenting, Take Two: FAIL.

After Sogyo no Kotowari stuffed themselves with candy, Saru glared venomously at Hyourinmaru. "Why must I kiss the arrogant ice dragon?" she demanded, pointing at Hyourinmaru. "I think I've pointed out that I don't like him much."

Hyourinmaru sighed and shook his head. "I'm not the one who is arrogant," he said pointedly, "it's you, Saru."

"It's because of Abarai," Toshiro grumbled.

"Urusai!" Renji growled, then turned toward me. "Since you made Kuchiki-taicho and I Ukitake's 'parents', does this mean the mimic trend is on again?" When he said 'mimic', he had gone into a cold sweat. He, along with his fellow shinigami, was not looking forward to mimicking his zanpakuto.

"Well, all of you have to do something," I pointed out. "So you have to kiss Hitsugaya-taicho here. Rather, French kiss."

Toshiro arched one eyebrow, and Karin gaped. "Wait!" she sputtered. "So we actually have to watch dares of this sort?"

"Yes," Toshiro replied, sighing and looking up at Renji. "Abarai, can you please squat down so I can actually reach your mouth?"

"I don't get why you want to," Renji muttered, but squatted down anyway and gazed into Toshiro's turquoise eyes.

"To get it over with, idiot!" he snapped, and his mouth opened. I had to admit, Toshiro looked like an idiot with his eyes gazing expectantly into Renji's, his mouth slightly open as if surprised.

Renji rolled his eyes at the small captain, but resigned and opened his mouth. They inched closer, tongues touching, and the audience flinched at the sight. Toshiro sent a glare their way before backing away from Renji.

"Toshiro…I didn't know you were gay…" Karin said in shock, her eyes refusing to take in the awkward scene.

"I'm not!" Toshiro snapped furiously. "It's a dare!"

Karin opened her mouth to argue but was cut off by Zangetsu and Ichigo. "Sode no Shirayuki," Zangetsu began.

"Rukia," Ichigo acknowledged.

"I just want you to know that…" they said simultaneously.

"You are the ugliest zanpakuto and Ruriiro Kujaku is the prettiest."

"You are the ugliest shinigami and Yumichika is the prettiest."

"Well, obviously!" Ruriiro Kujaku and Yumichika declared, beaming.

Sode no Shirayuki glanced at Rukia, and Rukia smiled grimly back at her zanpakuto. They faced Ichigo and Zangetsu, blades drawn. Rukia stuck her sword into the wooden floorboards, never losing her gaze on Ichigo and Zangetsu. Silence followed, as nothing seemed to happen. Sode no Shirayuki finally moved her sword, and yelled, "Some no Mai, Tsukishiro!"

Zangetsu tensed, bending his knees, but when he went back up he wasn't able to jump. Looking down in horror, he gawked at the trail of ice that led to Rukia's stuck sword. Rukia smiled evilly and said, "Juhaku." The ice column shot up then, and Zangetsu and Ichigo were frozen with stupid expressions stuck on their faces.

"Ichigo!" Keigo cried, staring at Ichigo with a frightened expression.

"Bah, don't worry about those two, it happens all the time," I told them. "Senbonzakura, take off your mask."

"Again?" Senbonzakura sighed.

"Are you deaf, boy?"

"Who are you calling 'boy'? I'm older than you are!"

"I'm damn aware of that. Take off your fudging mask already."

"What would I do, if I am supposed to be mimicking him?" Byakuya queried, his expression unreadable. If fangirls saw him now, they would faint from obsession. I'm serious…but that sounds like a lie, doesn't it? I'm never serious unless I'm seriously PISSED.

But I do get real pissed at fangirls, so I guess I am serious.

"Either pinch your nose or take of a face mask if you have one," I told him irritably. As Senbonzakura took of his mask exasperatedly and Byakuya pinched his nose solemnly, I recalled the third person. "The next person is monkeywinz."

_Hey, thanks for using my dare ^^ I really appreciate it.  
Anyways, I'm gunna take it easy and just give one dare:_

_1. (To All Zanpaktous) Pair up and draw a portrait of how you see your partner as. (Pairs are up to the author)_

"Guys, just pair up with who you want to be paired up with," I decided, passing out paper for drawing. "However, masters have to go along with their zanpakuto's choice. I'll give you guys ten minutes. Ready, set, GO!"

-Ten minutes later-

"Alright, who wants to go first?"

"I will!" Suzumebachi cried, and pointed at her drawing. "I drew Gegetsuburi…actually, I just drew what I thought about him." We all stared curiously at the paper: all it had were two thick black arrows in the middle that were pointing away from each other. She smiled widely. "He's too fat, so I drew the arrows to explain that he had to go beyond the width of the paper in order to draw him."

"Suzumebachi-chaan!" Gegetsuburi whined. "That's mean!" A vein on his forehead pulsed, then he announced, "Then if that's what you drew me as, then here's yours!" He shoved the paper in her face then in ours, and we peered at it. There was a tiny dot. "That's you, Suzumebachi! A teeny zanpakuto!"

Suzumebachi waved her stinger threateningly at Gegetsuburi. "Watch your mouth, fatty, or else you die."

"Well, Soifon, what about you and Omaeda?" I cut in hurriedly.

Soifon narrowed her eyes and held up her paper: a foot squashing a head. "I absolutely despise him, but I'm pretty sure everyone knows that, so I drew my foot squashing him." She shot a glare toward Omaeda as she spoke.

Omaeda's eyes seemed to glimmer with dramatic tears before he cleared his throat and said, "I drew a lot of figures on my paper."

"Let's see it, then."

He held it up; there were a bunch of stick figures on the paper. "Soifon-taicho is so fast that she can create clones of herself," he explained, but froze at Soifon's murderous glare. "What is it, taicho?"

"Do you really depict me as that, Omaeda?" she whispered quietly. "As _stick figures_?"

"Oh, shit," I hissed to the audience. "You guys better brace yourselves."

"…I can't draw good people!" Omaeda was explaining frantically to the advancing Soifon. "That's why I drew stick figures!"

"You can draw better than that, you disgusting bastard," Soifon said, her reiatsu rising so much that some people in the audience started to choke. "And you know much, much better than to piss off your own captain." She tossed her haori into the air. "SHUNKO!"

There was a scream as Soifon and Omaeda both disappeared from the living room, then the shattering of glass. "Aw, our sake's spilled!" Haineko complained, her tone implying that she was heavily drunk.

"No worries, there's some more in the cupboards!" The Great Sage said, also drunk, and creaks and kinking of sake bottles were heard as they fetched the sake. Rangiku, Kira, and Hisagi's heads shot up again at the mention of sake, and they shunpoed into the kitchen.

I sighed. "Who wants to present next?"

"I will," Hyourinmaru offered, holding up his drawing. He drew the exact meaning of Tobiume: a flying plum. In other words, he had a well-drawn plum with angel wings. He added some shading, making it look life-like.

Tobiume blushed and held hers up. She had drawn Hyourinmaru's shikai, the giant ice dragon, and drew hearts all around. It was apparent that she had inherited her master's drawing skills; the drawing was very neat.

Toshiro and Hinamori both held theirs up: Toshiro's was simply a peach, and Hinamori had drawn a watermelon.

Fruity.

Since I'm such a damn procrastinator, I will sum up the pairs and the drawings:

Senbonzakura and Sode no Shirayuki: snowflakes; cherry petals.

Rukia and Byakuya: a poorly drawn paintbrush, and a picture of Hisana.

Yamamoto and Sasakibe: nothing, fire.

Wabisuke and Kazeshini: Kazeshini and Haineko, the world with a giant X through it.

Kira and Hisagi: no pictures available.

-Four minutes later-

"They're still out drinking, aren't they?" I sighed.

"Yeah," Tatsuki replied, wrinkling her nose at the smell that wafted into the living room.

"Oh well…the fourth person is chappy1000."

_LMAO! I can't believe I sent those dares! btw Sorry Haineko! I just had to! I have nothing against you. I'm not on crack Hyourinmaru, I just had to have someone say it. I have some dares._

_1. All of the Zanpakutos have to play seven minutes in heaven with who ever they want to._

_2. Zangetsu, Marry Sode no Shirayuki.  
3. Kazeshini play matchmaker.  
Truths  
no Shirayuki, would you live with Zangetsu?  
2. This for all of the Zanpakutos, who would you marry?_

All the paired up people for the drawing dare stayed, with the exception of Yamamoto, Sasakibe, Wabisuke, and Kazeshini. Kazeshini dashed into the kitchen, presumably to get Haineko. However, after a bunch of crashes in the kitchen, he was tossed out unconscious.

Whoot…

-Seven minutes later-

"Shakkaho!"

Zangetsu stumbled out of the ice column, teeth chattering. "I heard the dare," he said, shivering violently. "Sode no Shirayuki…please forgive me and marry me…"

Sode no Shirayuki didn't need to hear all of it: she rushed up to him and kissed him on the lips. Everyone sighed blissfully at the two. Sode no Shirayuki finally backed up and said, "Sure, but only pretend. Also, please, please, PLEASE watch your mouth next time."

Zangetsu grinned. "Alright."

Kazeshini was unconscious, so he couldn't do anything.

Saru sighed. "Should I yell that he's a dumb fuck in his ear again?"

"That didn't work last time," Hebi reminded her with a smirk.

"We already know most of the pairings here, though," I pointed out. "Sode no Shirayuki?"

"Yes, I would live with him."

"Everyone, who would you marry?"

"No one," Suzumebachi claimed.

"Suzumebachi," Gegetsuburi decided, receiving a "Heck no!" from Suzumebachi.

"No one," Wabisuke agreed with Suzumebachi.

Minazuki shifted again: the general response.

"Robots don't marry," Hisagomaru pointed out.

"Hyourinmaru," Tobiume said immediately.

"Hmm…maybe Sode no Shirayuki," Senbonzakura said.

"EACH OTHER!" Saru and Hebi cried with crooked grins.

Tenken shrugged: HIS general response.

Katen Kyokotsu sighed. "I would have Shunsui if I could…I'm not taking any other zanpakuto."

"HAINEKO, HELL YEAH!"

That's too obvious.

"Tobiume."

Still too obvious.

Haineko was in the kitchen, so she didn't say anything except for a gulp.

Ashisogi Jizo shook its head.

"We're happy being single!" Sogyo no Kotowari cried.

"Zangetsu," Sode no Shirayuki said.

"Sode no Shirayuki," Zangetsu said.

…

"Last person is Lina Schiffer."

_omg this is hilarious!  
ok i have some dares!_

_Since I love hichigo i dare him to let me hug him for the rest of the chapter and the one after that! Without him doing anything to me!_

_I also dare the entire male population of the zanpakutos go for a whole chapter on rollerblades/rollerskates-without taking them off!_

_last of all, i dare the zanpakutos to act in the play cinderella! i dont mind which character acts as who in the story, but i do want wabisuke to be one of the ugly step sisters, senbonzakura to be another, and kazeshini to be the evil step mother! as much of the zanpakuto have to be involved as possible! COSTUMES MUST BE WORN AS WELL!_

_hope that's enough!  
Lina Schiffer_

Hichigo opened his mouth to make a complaint, but I sent him away with the click of a button. Chad noticed the white form of Ichigo and asked Ichigo, "Why did he look so much like you?"

Ichigo widened his eyes, but the look of surprise was replaced by the look of disdain. "Tell you later," he muttered.

I clicked the button again, and rollerblades appeared on the males' feet. Immediately, all of them fell from the sudden rolling. Another crash sounded from the kitchen, and Rangiku cried with the infamous drunk tone, "Kira! You ran over my foot!"

"Can't help it!" Kira replied, his voice slurred.

Rolling my eyes, I clicked the button for the last time, and costumes appeared on everyone. Uryuu stared at them in shock, and exclaimed, "Those are the costumes I made!"

"You made dresses? For whom?" I asked, shocked.

He blushed. "Orihime." Orihime blushed as well.

I raised an eyebrow, then sat back and watched as the zanpakuto performed.

Cast, as chosen by device:

Cinderella: Sode no Shirayuki

Prince: Zangetsu

Fairy godmother: Gonryomaru…weird, right?

Cinderella's father: Hisagomaru…no comment.

Ugly stepsisters: Wabisuke, Senbonzakura

Evil stepmother: Kazeshini

Horses: Sogyo no Kotowari…twin mini horses…

Footmen: Katen Kyokotsu

Coachman: Hyourinmaru

People at the ball: everyone else

-Ten minutes later-

"Did I miss something?"

All eyes turned warily toward Rangiku, then her melons. Someone was stuck in them.

Unfortunately, it was the Great Sage. He squirmed, but Rangiku held him tightly.

"…Is that common?" Yuzu asked nervously, averting her gaze.

"…It's not common…it's always that way."

* * *

Lol, sorry ultima-owner...you did say that I could torture you any way I wanted, so I did light torture xD

Also, guys, sorry if I've lost humor in the chapters, it's because I'm kind of losing interest...so, for the sake of this story, I'm going to take a break and see if I can spark it up a bit. Don't know how long the wait will be...but trust me, this is for the story and I'm going to see if I can get better ideas.

Thanks to all you awesome readers and reviewers, and I appreciate your patience.

THIS WILL NOT BE DISCONTINUED! Just on a hiatus. I'm probably just going to rewrite some chapters to make it a lot better! :D Be sure to check back on the first couple chapters!

Thanks again everyone!

Until next time,

Sourpatch-Devil


	23. Tour 2: Urahara Shop

Thanks to these people for reviewing: Serroco, WildTiger777, ultima-owner, AxelHarribel, Giver of Geass, DaRkZeRoGal, silver'Ashes. butterfly, Lina Schiffer, bleach4evr, notsomeoneyouknow, clamhappy, hm, Purp1e-Skies74, blackteaplease, yoWHAZZUP, cookies are awesome, Demon's Wind Melody, Thunder Claw03, switmikan74

Favorites: Thunder Claw03

This chapter's dares submitted by: Shinigami of all Deminsions, Nickstar1991, praeses, spiky hair, Serroco

Well...I lied. xD

Not on purpose, of course, but because I couldn't think ahead. What I've been doing in the past week was simply rewriting earlier chapters. Not done with that, 'course.

Like my six day hiatus? :)

Okay, the only reason why I decided to take a 'break' was because...well, I get extremely tired writing these chapters. Why? On Saturdays I wake up about 6:30 to 7:00 to write these things. I force myself out of bed to write these. To start and finish a chapter on the same day...it takes about three to five hours. No joke. You try it in the hours of the morning, trying not to wake anyone up with the tapping of they keyboard. So...I'm sorry if it's extremely sloppy.

...

Yeah, I know that a chapter really should be spread out by days, working on a bit each day. Well...I'm a weird person. I don't do that stuff. I write whatever comes to mind. I don't plan beforehand for stories. I think of ideas, sure, but I almost never have rough drafts.

Teachers will tell you that this is not a good technique, but hey, this is Sourpatch-Devil writing for ya. :)

Enjoy, I guess.

* * *

Tour 2: Urahara Shop

We walked- mostly lumbered- to Kisuke Urahara's shop. After a good night of sleep inside the Kurosaki's clinic, we were ready to go and play truth or dare. Not really. But anyway, I chose our destination as Urahara shop, because they probably hadn't had much fun in ages. It wasn't that bad of an idea, was it? It only was if Tessai decided to feed us some expired medicine for the mentally insane. Pretty fitting for our group composed of insanity, drama, and no brains at all. I rolled my eyes at this thought, then spotted the small shop in the distance. My walk sped up and I nearly tripped over my shoelaces, but who really gives a crap? Finally, when I was about five meters away I yelled, "Urahara!"

Sandal-hat, as Ichigo liked to call him, appeared through the doorway with a fan in hand. He smiled widely once seeing us, his bucket hat hiding our vision of his eyes, and waved happily at our group as if he was expecting us. He was, actually…I had contacted him last night and told him that we would be coming over. So, there he was, smiling and waving. Once we had advanced a bit further toward him, he called out, "Why, Sourpatch-san! You came a bit early today, didn't you? Well, come in, come in! Want some tea?"

"No, but thanks," I told him. "We're not going to come in because we can't do our session in a cramped room…it'd be much easier here. It's pretty nice out, anyway." I didn't bother adding my other reason in fear of Tessai coming out- if Tessai prepared the tea there was no way in hell that I would take the probably normal-looking tea. Just taking precautions.

Urahara shrugged, still smiling. "Alright, but don't start this instant…the others don't know about this yet. I'll tell them that there are visitors for us." He winked at us before taking a deep breath and calling out merrily, "Ururu, Jinta, Tessai, Yoruichi-san, Ririn, Kurodo, Noba! We've got visitors!" Turning to us, he said cheerfully, "No worries, they won't try and provoke any of you, unless you really make them mad. Oh, here they come!"

Yoruichi came out first in her black cat form, yawning widely. Soifon's eyes widened when she saw Yoruichi, and the obsessive fangirl mode kicked in- blush sneaked its way onto her cheeks, her mouth was gaping at the sight of her AMAZING Yoruichi-sama, and her eyes slowly became large red hearts. However, despite Soifon's incredible obsession toward Yoruichi, Yoruichi simply nodded her direction and said, "Hello, Soifon," and looked back toward Urahara. Ignoring Soifon's look of shock and dismay, Yoruichi asked Urahara, "So, what's happening today?"

"These shinigami and zanpakuto are going to perform their version of truth or dare for us," Urahara responded, pulling up a couple chairs. "Just sit down and relax, Yoruichi." As Yoruichi jumped gracefully onto the nearest folding chair, Urahara helped the three Modified Souls- in their plush bodies- onto another.

Tessai then came out with Ururu and Jinta, each of them balancing a tray on their heads and carrying one in their arms. "Hello, visitors!" Tessai greeted, trying to balance so that the tray of tea wouldn't fall. "Do you want some tea? I made it and we've brought enough for everyone to drink. Come, have a sip if you would please."

Yup, there was now no way in hell that I was going to take that tea.

"No thanks," I apologized, grimly aware of what would happen if I did take the tea. "It's too hot outside for tea…we'd burn ourselves if we accidentally spilled it or something." Indeed, the sun was now shining brightly, heavily beating down on us like…like…a shower of rocks? Or like a shower of cat and dogs? Hell, I'm not good with similes because I don't experience much in life. Okay, that's a lie, but life is pretty dull for me. End of story. I looked at Urahara. "May I start the truth or dare?"

Urahara nodded silently, smiling that sly smile of his. I took deep breath, trying to calm myself down, and faced the audience. "Hello everyone! I'm Sourpatch-Devil, the host of the somewhat-game-show Zanpakuto Truth or Dare. It functions exactly as the name implies- it's a truth or dare game, after all- and these guys behind me are going to do some dares in front of all you today." I nodded at the zanpakutos and shinigami behind me. "People send in requests for us, and each day we take in five peoples' requests. That's pretty much it, but be warned…there are some dares that are not suitable for young children." I rolled my eyes. "Alright, so we'll start with the first person: Shinigami Of All Deminsions."

_I dare you the author to open a portal from the Naruto deminsion and summon all the tail beast and there masters to help you defeat Aizen and I wonder what did happen to minato (from Naruto Deminsion) after the incident where he sealed the Kyuubi away...well see ya! ^.^_

"We first need to see if Aizen's still conscious," I muttered, and all the zanpakutos nodded, all thinking about the sake incidents. I clicked the teleportation device, and this time a screen appeared in front of us. We all stared at it…Aizen was still unconscious? Holy shit, what did we feed him? Then, a list of everything that we forced inside his mouth popped up, and it read: hot sake, chilled sake, small sake, big sake…the list then skimmed through those, and it read: rubbing alcohol.

Wait…

YOU CAN'T EAT THAT!

I turned on the zanpakutos, a tad bit angry. Sure, I wanted Aizen to be dead, but not before we got to torture him more. We all knew that Aizen was sensitive to alcohol, something that we figured out on accident. Maybe someone wanted him to be a little more unconscious, so they spiked the sake with rubbing alcohol. I didn't have rubbing alcohol anywhere except for the supply closet.

Then, the suspect was obvious.

It was Suzumebachi, of course. She was so used to wandering around the supply room that she knew where everything was and could fetch a particular item in seconds. Once my gaze locked on her, I knew that I had guessed correctly- she shifted her feet nervously, eyes gazing downward, hands behind her back. "Well, Suzumebachi," I said calmly. "Tell us why you did it."

"I just thought that since Aizen was allergic to alcohol, I would add in some more alcohol so he could be unconscious longer!" she blurted out guiltily. "Since the alcohol affect didn't last long the first time we did it, when we came back Aizen was ready to kill us! And then the next time we went to Aizen's palace, I searched the supply room and found something that contained a lot of alcohol, so I put it in a sake bottle before I gave it to you! I'm sorry!"

I smiled. "Nah, I'm not blaming you, I'm just wondering why rubbing alcohol was found in his sake. Rubbing alcohol isn't for eating, you know, it's an antiseptic. But, he's not dead yet…we can still do the dare." I clicked the device once more, and all nine tailed beasts appeared. I pointed at the screen, at the unconscious Aizen, and told them, "I'm going to teleport you guys there, BUT DON'T DO ANYTHING until any of them gets up. If one of them gets up, one of you swallow him then spit him back out. Okay? Off with you!"

Once they were sent off, I continued with the next person. "Next person is Nickstar1991."

_ahahah great ending_

_if i suggested oen id reli liek zangestu to sdrew ichigo over with the help of hichigo by him confessing his feelings for rukia and ichigo doing the same!_

"That's easy," Ichigo remarked. "No need for you to help, Zangetsu." He strode over to Rukia, whose eyes were shining like diamonds, and inhaled deeply. "Rukia," Ichigo began. "Ever since that fateful day, I have loved you with all my heart. I was planning something for you when you were in the human world…but then you left for Soul Society." He scowled at Byakuya. "I was planning to ask you out, but Byakuya never let me."

"Oh, Ichigo, I love you too, but…NII-SAMA!" Rukia wailed, turning on Byakuya and beginning to complain, but Ichigo stopped her, and she turned back to Ichigo.

"Rukia…I have to tell you one thing…" By the emotional tone of Ichigo's voice, Rukia was immediately absorbed, and Ichigo continued, "Truthfully, your drawings…"

A piece of duct tape was slapped over his mouth by a mysterious hand. Ichigo turned in shock to stare at Zangetsu, who shook his head at him disapprovingly. Rukia widened her eyes, a vein _just starting _to pulse in her forehead, and she growled, "What was that, Ichigo Kurosaki?"

"Mmmph!" Ichigo cried through the tape, supposedly meaning 'nothing!'

Rukia started to retort back to the Death Strawberry, but I cut in, muttering, "Both of you have already confessed, so quit it. The third person is praeses."

_OMFG! Hilarious! Thank you for using my dare! Aizen, Gin, and Tosen... LOL. Passed out like a drunk and concussions... HAHAHA! I have dares! MWAHAHAHAHA!_

_Dare: Sode no Shirayuki sings "Barbie Girl" with Zangetsu doing the Ken parts. (Make Ichigo and Rukia do it too if they're still there!)_

_Dare: Wabisuke... Sing "The Happy Song" by Liam Lynch. Relax it's only like two minutes long... Just be happy that I didn't have you sing another song like the one Senbonzakura is going to singing._

_Dare: Senbonzakura *evil laughter is heard* sing, no, scream off tune "Who Let the Dogs Out" by the Baha Men while running around (in any pattern of your choosing) like an idiot with Byakuya-taicho. My upmost apologies but I just can't resist._

_Dare: Haineko sings "Hey Mickey" with the male Zanpakto's dancing to it in the background._

_Well the next one isn't so much a dare... Hyourinmaru- Freeze Aizen while Toshiro watches. Then unfreeze him, then refreeze him. Keep unfreezing and freezing him until Toshiro says stop which will probably be never._

_Yes I am clinically insane! However as a small consolation for your suffering I offer you... Cookies. Here they're chocolate chip. However, no cookies for Aizen! He's evil... And will probably still at the mercy of Toshiro. Gin and Tosen can have cookies though._

_JA NE! -praeses (Such a long review...)_

Zangetsu, hearing the first dare, ripped the tape off of Ichigo's mouth, who howled in pain. He held hands with Sode no Shirayuki, and glared at Ichigo to tell him to do the same with Rukia. Music sounded from somewhere in the background- it was actually whistling- and I found Tessai whistling the tune to "Barbie Girl".

Wait, WHAT?

"Hi, Barbie!" Zangetsu and Ichigo then cried out.

"Hi, Ken!" Rukia and Sode no Shirayuki replied happily.

"You wanna go for a ride?"

"Sure, Ken!"

"Jump in!"

Rukia and Sode no Shirayuki then began to sing the chorus:

"I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world!

"Life in plastic, it's fantastic!

"You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere!"

At this, Ichigo and Zangetsu widened their eyes and slowly inched toward Rukia and Sode no Shirayuki, both of them not noticing. Or so it seemed.

"Imagination, life is your creation!" Sode no Shirayuki sang.

Getting closer…

"TSUGI NO MAI, HAKUREN!" Without warning, Rukia fired the massive wave of ice at the two perverts, and froze them in their tracks. "You perverts!" she yelled at the ice. "What were you thinking, taking those song lyrics literally?"

"Ooh, you've gotten a bit fierce, Rukia-chan," Urahara commented with a grin. Rukia simply ignored him and continued singing.

-Three minutes later-

Wabisuke sighed. "I've sang that song before. Last time I had to strangle Hozukimaru because of it."

"Well, Kira has to sing it with you," I pointed out. "So it shouldn't be too bad."

-Two minutes later-

The obvious happened: Hozukimaru and Ikkaku got strangled by Wabisuke and Kira, respectively. God damn it, can't anything else happen besides the usual? It's so stupid how nearly everything in life is repetitive. Take school- wake up, survive, go back to sleep. That's pretty much the basics, right? Then, take tests- study, survive, go back to sleep. Sode no Shirayuki and Zangetsu- Zangetsu offends, Sode no Shirayuki gets damn mad, Zangetsu gets his ass frozen off.

GAH!

"WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!" Senbonzakura screamed.

Komamura-taicho howled along with him.

Did I mention how obvious things in life could be? But I think you all know, so what's the whole freaking point?

-Three minutes later-

Haineko pouted. "I'm not a mouse!" she exclaimed. "So why do I have to sing that song out of anything else? I mean, I could've sung something that relates to cats instead."

I shrugged. "Cats chase mice, though. Males, go dance and break a leg, although that's not really used for dancing."

Frankly, I kinda hoped that it really would happen.

-Three minutes later-

The screen still hung in the air, and Hyourinmaru and Toshiro nodded at each other, ALMOST smiling. Rather, it was a smirk that contained all of Hyourinmaru and Toshiro's hopes, no matter how evil. They disappeared from the front of the shop and to onto the screen. Hyourinmaru muttered, "Sit upon the frozen heavens," and started freezing the bodies of Gin, Tousen, and Aizen. Notice how I didn't say _corpses_…I wanted to, though. Freeze on, freeze off…it reminded me of lights: "Clap on! Clap off!"

Uh…

Never mind.

-Ten minutes later-

Still at it.

-Half an hour later-

Still at it.

-Three hours later-

DAMN IT, HITSUGAYA, COME BACK ALREADY!

-Thirty minutes after that-

Still hadn't come back yet.

"Fourth person is spiky hair."

_now i oficialy hate the end of the year school exams :(  
anyway i almost fell of my chair with all absurd things that happened :) _

_poor ichigo i feel sorry for him now he knows what his hollow will eat if it ever takes over its body ._

_As for the dares , i dare everyone to eat orihime's special cooking (if you can please include aizen as well) but with hichigo ading what he think will suit the food best , and to make things worse if you are able i d like you to eat pizza while everyone has a second filling of the "special" food ._

_anyway keep up this awesome story :)_

"Food's here!" Orihime cried out happily. The zanpakutos all whirled around to see a white table with dishes of all sorts, and they fell to the ground in disbelief.

Except for Hichigo, of course. He stood by Orihime, chatting with her about what they should add to the food. "Maybe we could add orange juice to the fried fish," he suggested to Orihime, pointing the dish out. "And some sauerkraut to the shrimp cake…oh, how about some mussels to the green been smoothie…great idea!" After lot of deciding and adding of ingredients, he finally dug into one of the dishes ravenously. Aka food that tastes like SHIT.

I pulled the zanpakutos up one by one and headed over to the food, taking five dishes to give to Hyourinmaru, Toshiro, Gin, Aizen, and Tousen. I teleported the food to Aizen's palace and explained to Hyourinmaru and Toshiro, "Eat this. It'll give you energy, and it's also a dare. The other three dishes are for Aizen, Gin, and Tousen, so leave them there." After I finished talking to them, I chewed quietly on my piece of pizza. Only a few minutes later, zanpakutos and shinigami were dashing to the bathrooms inside Urahara Shop.

Toshiro then appeared with Hyourinmaru, both of them looking extremely green. They started to dash into the shop, but Urahara stopped them with a simple call of "Wait." They turned around, and Toshiro growled, "What, Urahara?"

"The bathrooms are full," Urahara said with a smirk. "You can't go in."

Toshiro, Hyourinmaru, and the rest of the waiting shinigami and zanpakutos groaned.

-Half an hour later-

Unohana and Minazuki were busily treating patients, them wisely deciding not to take any food. I sighed at the zanpakutos…what idiots. They actually took second servings at the risk of screwing up their digestive system. Orihime's food was so bad, it was good. Cheesy, I know, but that's pretty much the only way to describe it.

"Finally, last person, Serroco."

_Well, nice! Here's what's next from me:  
Truths:  
What's everyone's opinion of Muramasa? _

_Katen Kyokotsu, what's the relationship between the two of you, aunt and niece, mother and daughter, sisters?_

_Hollow Ichigo/Ogihci/Shirosaki, if you could date any of the Shinigami or Zanpakuto girls, which ones would they be and why?_

_Haineko, who would you rather hook up with, Narunosuke, Hyorinmaru, Senbonzakura, or Kazeshini and why?_

_Zabimaru, if zanpakuto are basically a manifestation of their shinigami's repressed feelings, the hell are you supposed to represent from Renji?_

_Dares:  
Somebody piss off Minazuki.  
Suzumebachi, once again, embarrass Soifon in any way you can think of.  
Haineko, wear lingerie while flirting with and teasing Senbonzakura and Hyorinmaru.  
Ichigo, kiss every shinigami and zanpakuto girl, anything goes._

_Again with Muramasa, take control of the zanpakuto and have them do..."stuff"... to the object of their desire._

"Muramasa is probably drifting out at sea somewhere," Tobiume guessed, recalling the beach trip.

"Not like that!" I snapped. "Serroco is asking for your feelings about him."

"Fine. He's an idiot for refusing the dare given to him and his stupidity landed him somewhere in the ocean."

I had a sweat drop on my forehead as Tobiume said that. "I guess that works too…Katen Kyokotsu, what's the relationship between the two of you?"

Katen Kyokotsu shrugged. "Somewhat like sisters, but I guess we're not blood relatives either."

"If it were a zanpakuto, then it'd be Haineko. If it were a shinigami, then Rangiku," Hichigo said, and the two stared questioningly at him. "Well…it's because…"

Too damn obvious.

-This portion is cut out of the story-

After Haineko had given Hichigo a good solid whack on the head, she squealed and launched herself at Senbonzakura, who stared questioningly at her. "Senbonzakura, of course!" she gushed, hugging him so tightly that even his mask started to turn purple. "These sexy abs are definitely mine!"

"They aren't if you hug him to death," I pointed out rather plainly. "Anyways, Saru, Hebi, shoot for it."

"He's typically a cheerful person…but he's as arrogant as us. Does that help?"

"…No."

"You're more arrogant!" Renji argued, glaring at Saru. "And I'm much cheerful than you and Hebi!"

"Cheerful my ass," Hebi scoffed. "Explain the drinking, then."

Renji opened his mouth, then shut it in dismay. Saru smirked. "We win!"

"Alright, since you win, go piss off Minazuki," I growled.

…

"OH HELL NO!"

They managed to piss off Minazuki anyway.

-This scene is not available-

Suzumebachi shook herself once before heading off to do her dare. Soifon narrowed her eyes when Suzumebachi whispered in Yoruichi's black furry ear; Suzumebachi then came over and whispered in my ear. "Use the teleporter," she finished, grinning slyly. "I am going to love Soifon's reaction. She has no idea."

I nodded, and she merrily flitted away. Yoruichi leapt down from her comfortable chair and padded up to Soifon. "Soifon, sorry for ignoring you earlier," Yoruichi apologized, yellow eyes glowing with pretend sorrow.

Soifon blushed. "It's fine, Yoruichi-sama!" she cried, and almost stooped down to hug the black cat, but Yoruichi stopped her with a flick of her tail.

"So, I'm going to make it up by doing this." 'This' was transforming into her human form. Everyone stared in astonishment when the cat slowly became taller, the fur disappearing, and arms and legs becoming longer. Naturally, everyone averted their eyes except for Soifon and Ichigo, who left a tiny gap between his fingers. The rest of the people who were used to Yoruichi's transformation were unfazed. Once Yoruichi finished- she was obviously naked- she grinned at the now extremely red Soifon and said, "Now, now, Soifon, this will make up for it, won't it?"

As Soifon gaped at Yoruichi- rather, in her thoughts, Yoruichi's SEXY body- I pressed the teleportation device, and Ggio Vega appeared. Soifon, having noticed the split-second illumination, turned her head. And boy, her jaw would have dug a hole that led all the way to the core of the earth. Ggio Vega smiled calmly and greeted, "Why hello, Soifon-chan. Nice to meet you again. And who is this sexy lady right next to you?"

Yoruichi's grin didn't falter as she gazed at the arrancar- she knew that for once, arrancar and shinigami were allied. "Yoruichi Shihoin," she introduced. "But let's not talk about me. Soifon has to make the decision of who she loves the most."

Ggio raised an eyebrow in a perfect arch. "You mean to tell me that this young and speedy lady is lesbian?"

Yoruichi shrugged and replied, "Possibly so," much to the chagrin of Soifon. They continued to chat- Soifon was torn between her former mentor and her adversary…what was she going to do? Either pick one to love, or pick both to hate. If she chose Yoruichi, she would have to remind both of them that she was not lesbian. If she chose Ggio, she would have to go and become one of Aizen's evil minions. Great wording, I know. Her palms were sweating profusely, she was shaking from head to toe, and her eyes were bulging out at least five centimeters out of their sockets.

Then, Yoruichi and Ggio parted abruptly and stopped talking. Ggio went back to Hueco Mundo, but not before waving cheerfully toward Soifon. Yoruichi went into her cat form again and acted like nothing happened at all. Soifon gaped at both of them and gasped, "Yoruichi-sama?"

"What?" Yoruichi asked in a bored tone, leaping onto her chair.

"Why did you just do that? And why was Ggio here?"

Yoruichi gazed at her evenly. "What are you talking about?" she asked.

Comical tears streamed down Soifon's cheeks. "YORUICHI-SAMA!"

As Soifon sat down, burying her face in her hands, Haineko unwillingly let go of the suffocating Senbonzakura to strip the outer layer of her clothes, revealing her undergarments. Once Haineko stripped, Tobiume widened her eyes in shock. "Haineko!" she cried, pointing at the said zanpakuto's breasts, "How come you're flat-chested too? Were you using lots of tissue paper to make your breasts seem larger?"

Whoo boy. Tobiume definitely hit a nerve.

"You never should have said that, you DAMN FLAT-CHESTED GIRL! Sorry, Senbonzakura, Hyourinmaru, I'll flirt with you guys later! I first have to deal with this damned little girl!" And so, Haineko went chasing after Tobiume, dressed only in her undergarments. In public. When the sun was beating down on us like…

Cats and dogs?

-Three awkward minutes later-

"GAH! LET ME GO!" Haineko shrieked, struggling against the kido rope. What do you have to do when a partially naked cat person thingamajig is chasing a poor little girl? You have to bind her with a magic rope, of course! If you want a handbook on _What to do When a Partially Naked Cat Person Thingamajig is Chasing a Poor Little Girl, _call this number on the screen:

THERE IS NO DAMNED NUMBER!

So, please don't mind if you call this number and get a bunch of expletives blasted at you. Questions or comments? Leave your comment in the back of your head so we don't ever have to hear it. Have a great day!

Ahem.

That was somewhat of a commercial break; please pardon annoying commercials that interrupt our fabulous -cough- time. They don't have anything to do with the story.

Somewhat.

Anyway, Haineko was bound on one of the extra chairs that Jinta brought out, and was yelling her head off. Well, not necessarily OFF, but enough so that her head was rid of its logical reasoning- if it ever had any, that is. "LET ME GET 'ER!" Haineko screamed, obviously referring to Tobiume, who stared at the deranged cat zanpakuto.

"Nuh-uh. You aren't chasing anyone when you're partially naked. Just chat with so-called 'sexy abs' and Hyourinmaru on the chair." I turned to the audience; Urahara and Tessai simply looked amused, Ururu and Jinta stared in surprise, Ririn was blushing, Kurodo hid his eyes with his ears, and Noba had hid into his shell. "Sorry for all that," I apologized. "She's just a little…touched in the head, that's all. And no, Haineko," I added, glaring at her, "you are not going to deny that fact. Ichigo, just kiss all the girls. Kiss Haineko first so you can shut her up."

Ichigo nodded, disappearing out of sight with shunpo, and planted a firm kiss on Haineko. Haineko widened her eyes and gaped at Ichigo, who refused to part until she had uttered a complaint. He then shunpoed around again and ended at Rukia, whom he hugged and kissed happily.

-Ten minutes later-

Still at it.

-Thirty minutes later-

Still at it.

-Three hours later-

DAMN IT, ICHIGO, FUCKING LET GO OF RUKIA ALREADY!

-Half an hour after that-

Finally let go.

VICTORY IS OURS! (My ass.)

"So, how are we gonna get Muramasa?" Kazeshini asked.

…

That was a damn good question.

* * *

I apologize if I've lost it completely. ._.


	24. Tour 3: Las Noches

Thanks to these people for reviewing: ultima-owner, Thunder Claw03, IdentifiedLuna1998, switmikan4, WildTiger777, bleach4evr, j cloud xD, flamesandblackroses, silver'ashes. butterfly, notsomeoneyouknow, yoWHAZZUP, OMTy, clamhappy, cookies are awesome, Purp1e-Skies74, hm, Demon's Wind Melody

Favorites: naruto-fan0302, lunarprincess21

This chapter's dares submitted by: j cloud xD, HITSUHINAADDICT, Luna, waz-up-woMAN, ultima-owner

I FINALLY UPDATED! MIRACLE! HAPPINESS! :D

That's officially my hiatus. Twenty-five days. Almost a month. I'm sorry...the summer makes me do NOTHING at all.

Oh yes, thanks to all you guys for the 10,000+ hits on this story!

* * *

Tour 3: Las Noches

"GET OFF ME, YOU DAMNED FOX!"

Good grief, Grimmjow.

We stood outside the large room, waiting for the right time to enter. By the sounds of it, the tailed beasts were still there, which meant…

Aizen was still unconscious.

"Holy crap," I whispered to Suzumebachi. "I think you really killed Aizen."

"I'm sorry!" she hissed back. "But at least he won't be around to kill us all anymore!"

"Be quiet, Grimmjow," Ulquiorra ordered, and I could imagine the glare he sent the sexta Espada. "We need to figure out how to wake up Aizen-sama."

"I could care less," Grimmjow scoffed. "The bastard is drunk, by the looks of it."

"Have you ever seen his cheeks so red? It's either the fact that he got drunk off of loads of sake or he peered up Tia's skirt."

Okay…Grimmjow's definitely gone to the extreme.

"That doesn't let us know how we're supposed to wake him up," Nnoitra said stubbornly.

At this time I nodded, and we walked into the room, our footsteps pattering against the hard floor. "Is he alive?" I asked, blinking in the surprisingly bright room.

"Yes, we checked his pulse," Szayel Aporro Granz said impatiently, then stared at us once realizing who he was speaking to. "Who are you simpletons?"

"Someone you don't know, but we're here to help…somewhat. Saru, execute the waking up plan."

Saru grinned, walking over to the unconscious Aizen. The Arrancars snarled and hissed at the snake-monkey duo, but kept away as she walked over to their leader. Saru scoffed then, picking up the traitor by his collar, and did the Kazeshini wake-up process.

First step: shake.

Nope.

Second step: "WAKE THE HELL UP, DUMB FUCK!"

Nada.

Szayel looked disdainfully at Saru. "Do you really think that's going to wake him up, you stupid chimp?" he spat. However, Saru ignored him and motioned to Hebi. Hebi quietly crawled up to Aizen's ear and chomped down on it.

Zero.

Hebi sighed and let go, gazing sadly at the bite marks on Aizen's ear. "What's the opposite of alcohol?" he muttered. "Rather, how are we going to get the alcohol out of his system?"

"He needs to pee it out, smartass!" Saru snapped.

*Crickets chirp in the distance*

So that's Renji's suppressed feelings, eh?

"He can't do that if he's unconscious," Kazeshini pointed out.

"Unless he wets his bed."

*More crickets*

"I'll do my technique," Senbonzakura offered, and leaned in close to Aizen. Taking in a deep breath, he yelled, "HADO NO NINETY-NINE: ULTIMATE SEXY STRIPPING!"

A trickle of blood flowed out of Aizen's nose. Not the effect we were hoping for.

I sighed. "We'll start. All Arrancars, we're going to perform truth or dare for all of you. Try not to kill us, no matter how large the urge is. Prepare to be knocked unconscious like Aizen due to random dares. That is all I can think of," I said in a bored voice. Was I bored? Somewhat. But I only put on the tone because it didn't make much difference if I spoke to them WITH PASSION!

Eh, it didn't make much difference if I told them the whole process either.

"I can't do dares with them around," Kira, Hisagi, and Soifon muttered, pointing to Gin, Tousen, and Ggio respectively.

"That's too bad, I guess. So, the first person is j cloud xD."

_haha..lol thanks for considering my dare...  
__And i have another two sick dares I hope you could mull over for the next :D :D :D_

_1. I dare Tobiume to cut Aizen's stupid curl *the hanging evil curl* using her sword, next, wait for Aizen's reaction. *just to be sure..he can't touch anyone...Then it's either1. I dare Tobiume to cut Aizen's stupid curl *the hanging evil curl* using her sword, next, wait for Aizen's reaction. *just to be sure..he can't touch anyone...Then it's either_

_ a. Tobiume will shikai all his sorry hair._

_b. or have Hyourinmaru freeze it then someone whack and shatter his sorry hair._

_ 2. I dare Senbonzakura, Kazeshini *haha, Hyourinmaru, and Wabisuke *LOL, to stip off their upper clothes then Hisagi-senpai will put on tatoo on their chest *the design will be their zanpakuto crushes on bikini.. :D :D :D I'm such a perv. :D **You can't erase it for the whole chapter. :D_

_That's about it. Super thanks. And lastly, to Hyou, I love you so much! :D :D :D But I don't want to have a burning hole in my stomach...LOVE YA! PEACE! :D_

_ -jcloud xD_

Tobiume glanced at Aizen warily. His curl rested temptingly between his eyes, not having a care in the world because after all, it was only hair. "Here goes," Tobiume muttered with a sigh, floating over to Aizen. A tad bit scared at the prospect of doing it to AIZEN, she reached over with a shaking hand yet picked it up with the ultimate care and ease. Tobiume brandished her sword, the metal glinting in the light, and swung down.

Aizen's eyelids flew open, pupils dilated in terror. Tobiume let out an abrupt scream and her sword stopped merely centimeters from Aizen's nose. To be more precise, she stopped merely centimeters from Aizen's nose, cutting through half of Aizen's curl of DOOM. Her hand shook, causing the sword to shake, and Aizen's eyes bulged as she cut the rest of his curl off.

"WHAT THE HELL, LADY?"

That's not Aizen's real personality, I know. Maybe the rubbing alcohol had some effect to his out-of-whack personality. But even if he were acting normal, he still would've been furious at his so-called beautiful hair.

Tobiume shrunk back in fear, withdrawing her sword and holding the cut off portion of hair in her other hand. She held the hair out, now refusing to stare at Aizen. "Hyourinmaru…" she said shakily, "Freeze it. Now." Hinamori, who was beside her, nodded and also refused to look at her former captain.

Hyourinmaru nodded in return and stepped forward. He was about to call out his shikai when Toshiro demanded, "Why do you get to freeze his hair? I should get to do that, too, since I am your master."

Hyourinmaru shrugged. "Get Hinamori-chan to cut off another hunk of hair for you," he suggested, and held up his hand. "Sit upon the frozen heavens."

Almost immediately, the hair was encased in ice. Aizen yelled, stood up, and started running to his precious ice-covered hair, but Tobiume hissed, "I can still see his hair. I never want to see that dreadful and unclean lock of hair again!" She swung her sword up right as Aizen snatched the block of ice from her hand, and she cried, "Snap!"

And that is how Aizen became toasted by the gargantuan fireball.

New special for today! Roasted traitor, anyone?

If no one wants it, it'll go into Toshiro's special freezer.

Which it did.

Ggio snorted at the sight of Aizen's comical expression in the ice. "Serves him right. Can't you do the same with Gin and Tousen?"

"EXACTA!" Findor cried.

"They'll get a different torture. I've already ordered these tailed beasts here to swallow and spit them back out if they ever wake up. That'll be sure to put a frown on Gin's face." I rolled my eyes. "Senbonzakura and Hyourinmaru, reveal…"

"YOUR SEXY ABS!" Haineko shouted gleefully.

"…Yes, that. Hisagi, here's the tattoo machine. You probably know all the crushes and stuff, so…yeah. Shoot for it."

-Some hours later-

Hyourinmaru, Senbonzakura, and Kazeshini were wincing, holding their stomachs. And obviously, Wabisuke had no reaction. On Hyourinmaru's chest was Tobiume in her bikini that she wore as a dare once, Haineko was on Senbonzakura's and Kazeshini's chest, and Wabisuke simply had a bikini on his bony chest.

Kira stared at what was on his zanpakuto's chest and pointed at it. "Why is there only a bikini on his chest?" he asked, while Wabisuke merely looked down at his bony chest.

"Because he likes nothing," Hisagi explained, seemingly proud of his work. "So I put nothing in a bikini."

"I don't like anything," Wabisuke muttered.

"Yes, so you should like nothing."

"I don't like anything," Wabisuke repeated with a glare. "It doesn't mean I like nothing."

My brain and everyone else's swirled at Wabisuke's logic. So if he didn't like anything and nothing, then what? "So, what do you like besides anything or nothing?" I asked, and smiled triumphantly; he had to choose one of them.

"Nonexistence."

"That's still something."

"No, because it doesn't exist."

Great, I'm gonna have to stop this before my brain explodes.

"Whatever, then; next up is a HitsuHina fan…" Toshiro and Hinamori blushed at this comment- "it's HITSUHINAADDICT."

_HAHAHAHA! I love your story so much! Not a stalker or anything but I've been watching this story for a long time. Please please please do my dares!_

_As you can see, I'm a hitsuhina addict and hater of hitsumatsu, hitsukarin, and Aizen, so my truths and dares are Hitsugaya/Hyourinmaru and Hinamori/Tobiume centric!_

_TRUTHS:_

_For all zanpakuto and shinigami: Tell your most deepest darkest shinigami. All should answer._

_DARES: (rather than dares, I think they're more like fullfillment of wishes for Toshiro and Hyourinmaru)_

_1. I want Hitsugaya and Hyourinmaru to marry Hinamori and Tobiume_

_ I want Hinamori and Tobiume to strip tease Hitsugaya and Hyourinmaru! (Yes I am a little pereverted) Please let it not be censored!(Preare the tissues)_

_3. Finally, I want Hitsugaya, Hyourinmaru, and Tobiume to torture Aizen, preferably, chop his dick off. ( Yes I am also a sadist as well as a pervert)_

_Love your story! Keep up the good work! :3_

_I want to correct something please. In the Truth, that's "secret" not "shinigami".  
and that's "prepare the tissues".  
Arigatou! (*^_^*)_

"Gonryomaru, you first."

"Hmm…I used to be pretty well-known…" Gonryomaru said, pretending to be in deep thought.

"That's a lie and exaggeration," I scoffed.

"Fine!" Gonryomaru broke into tears, the salty tears sliding down his cheeks. "I was always shunned!"

"That's understandable."

"That's mean!"

"We all know," Suzumebachi said with a sigh. "For me, it was the fact that Soifon used to be just like me, childish and playful, but she shunned me to look more mature in front of Yoruichi, which hasn't worked out very well."

"Why, don't tease my girlfriend," Ggio said with a smirk, putting a hand comfortingly on Soifon's shoulder.

"Since when have I been your girlfriend?" Soifon spluttered, eyes wide.

"Since the moment you came into this room," Ggio responded with something like a purr.

Gegetsuburi interrupted. "I LOVE SUZUMEBACHI!"

"So does Omaeda love Soifon as well?" I inquired, watching Soifon out of the corner of my eye. Her eyes narrowed until they were mere slits, and she glowered at her lieutenant.

"Yeah!"

"THAT'S IT!" Soifon screeched, flinging off her haori with such speed and fury that it whapped Ggio in the face. "I'm tired of you, Omaeda, for always sticking your ugly face into my business! You never listen to your own captain! And now you like me! You hell of an idiot!"

Omaeda backed up, holding his hands up, and chuckled nervously. "I apologize, Soifon-taicho! But what are you going to do now? Use shunko on me?" Like the coward he was, he started to run, his legs a blur.

Soifon hissed her next moves under her breath. "Sting all enemies to death, Suzumebachi." She then darted forward, eyes narrowed, and yelled a battle cry as she stabbed Omaeda in the ass.

Seriously, couldn't she have done it somewhere else?

…For you perverts, not THERE.

"Alright, Wabisuke?"

Wabisuke said nothing, just reached back with his skinny arms to carry the slab of stone off of his back. After he set it down on the floor with a _thump_, he reached back again and brought out…a piece of toast? Without a word, Wabisuke started munching on it.

Deepest, darkest secret for Wabisuke: hides stash of toast in between back and stone and eats when others are not looking.

And of course we all know Minazuki's: he? she? it? is not something that exists on _this _galaxy.

"Tobiume, what about you?"

"I also wet the bed," she admitted, and shot a glare at Hinamori. "Because of my master."

"Hey, I don't do it anymore!" Hinamori protested, waving her arms wildly.

"So be it, then. Senbonzakura?"

He sighed, and pointed to a wall. Our gazes followed his finger curiously, and I finally asked, "What is it?"

"Knock on that wall."

Realization dawned on me, and my eyes narrowed. "Kazeshini, you do it," I ordered. What I really wanted to do was to escape impending doom.

Not surprisingly, Kazeshini sauntered over to the wall, falling for the ploy. He knocked once, then twice, then thrice. Looking up at the wall and muttering a string of expletives under his breath, he smashed his head onto the wall.

_Ruuumbble._

Kazeshini looked up in horror at the shaking wall. A giant red tidal wave of ANOTHER shitload of masks tumbled out of a hole on the top of the wall. Aizen, awake albeit smoking from Tobiume's shikai, stared up at the massive amount of the masks and mouthed the words, "The apocalypse has returned…"

December 21, 2012 forecast for Hueco Mundo: MASKS SHALL RULE THE WORLD!

December 21, 2012 forecast for Soul Society and the human world: TBA.

"Sit upon the frozen heavens!"

Toshiro and Hyourinmaru to the rescue. So much for Hueco Mundo being ruled by masks.

Once the ice was shattered, Zabimaru stepped up. "Renji, you are officially broke!" Saru announced proudly with an evil glint in her eyes.

"Why?" Renji demanded, gaping.

"Well…" Saru began sheepishly, "I used all your money to pay the evil scientist dude to change mygendersothatyoursoulwouldn'tbebothmaleANDfemale."

…

"Say that again?"

"I. Used. The. Money. To. Pay. That. Evil. Scientist. Dude. Tochangemygender."

…

"WHAT THE HELL?"

"Yup. It didn't work, though, so I was stuck as a capuchin monkey for a while."

"WHEN WAS THIS?" Renji roared, eyes blazing, knuckles cracking. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? DID YOU WANT TO DAMAGE MY SOUL?"

Saru scoffed. "As for the time, I forgot. As for your soul, I wanted to make sure that your soul wasn't boy and girl at the same time. No damage there, Renji!"

"SARU!"

"Sorry, sorry! Good grief."

"YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA GET AWAY WITH THAT?"

"Ah, Renji, please shut up," I growled. "Tenken, I'm not going to ask anything of you…Katen Kyokotsu?"

She sighed and sat down wearily onto the hard floor. "Fine. I am in a relationship with Shunsui. Only when he's drunk, though, so he'll actually admit his feelings for me."

"BINGO!" every shinigami and zanpakuto yelled, while the Arrancars and Aizen stared questioningly at them.

"That lazy guy who's just like me?" Starrk questioned.

"Yes."

"No surprise there," I commented. "Kazeshini?"

"Haineko loves me!" he cried gleefully. "I know she does, and it's my darkest secret because she's always dark around me!"

"I do not, bastard!"

"Of course you do! I had to knock you unconscious a few times because you were too sexy for me! You do love me!"

"I DO NOT!"

"Do too!"

"**DO NOT!**"

"Do…"

*Smash* *crash* *moan*

Hisagi rolled his eyes and stuck a piece of paper on Kazeshini's back. It read: 'Never piss off Haineko by claiming that you love her or that she loves you.'

As if he didn't know.

"Hyourinmaru?"

He was quiet a moment, his solemn face barely showing any traces of thought. "Well…I get as depressed as Wabisuke sometimes. It's because I always wonder why I look and feel so much older than my master." He sighed, glaring meaningfully at Toshiro. "I wish I were still a kid. I would be if my master were less mature…"

"HYOURINMARU!" Toshiro bellowed, eyes blazing.

"I am speaking the truth, master."

"Haineko, what about you?" I asked.

"I'm also depressed. I don't get why Rangiku has to have larger breasts than I do. It's not fair! But it doesn't really matter, as she's an old hag…" At Haineko's comment, the male Arrancars widened their eyes and blushed furiously, their faces a bright red. Haineko then swept a look at the female Arrancars and pointed to Harribel. "Even that shark lady has larger breasts than I do! Why?"

Apache, Sun-Sun, and Mila Rose's eyes bulged in their way of saying, "You insulted Harribel-sama! You will suffer consequences by that and it's not going to look pretty!"

A vein pulsed on Rangiku's forehead, and Tia shut her eyes as if in an attempt to calm herself down. After a moment of silence, they both said the same thing- Rangiku yelling and Tia saying in her calm yet furious tone- "How dare you, you little bitch!"

Haineko started to run, chased by Rangiku and Harribel. "Hozukimaru?" I asked, sighing.

"I adore Ruriiro Kujaku!" he declared.

Not a big surprise. Citation: they have kissed several times before in the whole truth or dare game.

"I adore Hozukimaru in return!" Ruriiro Kujaku announced proudly.

Appropriate response: shiver.

"Can't ask anything of Ashisogi Jizo. Sogyo no Kotowari?"

For once, they frowned, eyes wide and pleading. The two pointed to Wabisuke, who was still busy munching toast. "We don't like him!" they cried, mouths open wide in complaint. "He won't play tag with us because he's so mean!"

"It's because I'm too hungry," Wabisuke grumbled, wiping crumbs off his mouth. "I would much rather eat toast than chase kids who don't like temporary parents."

"That's mean!" Sogyo no Kotowari cried.

"Sode no Shirayuki?"

"Frankly, I'm disappointed that Zangetsu hasn't died from any of my rage attacks." Sode no Shirayuki shot a glare at her lover.

"If you killed me, then you wouldn't be able to do it again," Zangetsu pointed out with a mock pout. "Plus, the ice feels nice because I know you love me. It also feels nice because I sometimes stand too close to Tenken." Tenken looked at Zangetsu and angrily blew a stream of fire at the zanpakuto, who sprang away and landed neatly next to Sode no Shirayuki. "Well, there you go," he said. "I like Sode no Shirayuki's rage attacks a lot."

"Hichigo?"

He snorted. "Mine's pretty obvious. I love Rangiku."

Ichigo groaned. "Only if you knew what she has done to me."

"Last…finally…Shun Shun Rikka?"

"Tsubaki has been enjoying it so far," Shun'o said before Tsubaki could do anything. "That's pretty much a shock for all of us."

I shrugged. "On to the dares. Hyourinmaru, Toshiro, Tobiume, and Hinamori, please step forward." The four stepped up, looking quite anxious, holding hands. Once they paired up with their lovers, I continued, "Do you, Hyourinmaru and Toshiro Hitsugaya, take Tobiume and Momo Hinamori as your lawful wedded wife?"

"I do," Hyourinmaru and Toshiro agreed, and Tobiume and Hinamori lit up in a bright smile.

"Do you, Tobiume and Momo Hinamori, take Hyourinmaru and Toshiro Hitsugaya as your lawful wedded husband?"

"I do."

"Then I proclaim both couples husband and wife."

The shinigami and zanpakutos cheered, the Arrancars and Aizen stared curiously, and Wabisuke munched on another piece of toast. Price for supposedly free food: unknown. Try for yourself.

"Second dare: Hinamori, Tobiume, striptease Toshiro and Hyourinmaru. No censors…" I then muttered under my breath. I wasn't delighted at the prospect; yet, I summoned a load of tissue paper boxes. "You Arrancars can get some too," I called. "You guys are probably going to need a lot of it." I took a few myself, and after watching all of the Arrancars, shinigami, and zanpakuto grab them, I nodded at Hinamori and Tobiume to start.

They nodded back, the pink on their cheeks revealing their embarrassment, and walked over to Hyourinmaru and Toshiro. Toshiro looked down, refusing to meet Hinamori's eyes, and Hyourinmaru simply remained in his serious and solemn personality. Hinamori and Tobiume looked at each other, seemingly exchanging thoughts, and Hinamori first took Toshiro's sword strap off, then the haori. "Does it matter what order I do it?" she asked as she undid his obi.

Gives off an odd impression, doesn't it? I shrugged and replied, "I guess not."

Hinamori smiled slightly, beginning to take off Toshiro's kosode*, then the white shitagi**. Tobiume removed Hyourinmaru's obi, then his robe, then his undershirt. By then, Toshiro and Hyourinmaru's chests were bare, and Toshiro's face was now extremely red. Then, Toshiro's sandals and socks were removed. At last, taking a deep breath, Hinamori took off his hakama and Tobiume took off Hyourinmaru's loose pants, and finally…

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

-CENSORED-

Toshiro gazed at Aizen, whose eyes were rolled all the way in the back of his head, a tissue paper to his nose, his mouth wide open. "I guess that's torture," he said, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes. "Well…should we chop off his…"

"No," Hinamori interrupted. "It's too revolting."

"But if you do cut it off, will he still be a boy?" Sogyo no Kotowari asked curiously.

Everyone stared at the twins, including the Arrancars, eyes bulging out of their sockets. Now, where did those pretty little boys hear something like _that_? Sogyo no Kotowari stared back at us and asked, "Will he?"

"Now, now, children, don't talk about things like that," Ukitake said, waving his hands. "It's not polite."

"But we want to know!" Sogyo no Kotowari wailed.

I'm pretty sure you don't.

"Good grief…alright, so the third person is the anonymous reviewer Luna."

_hi that device was hilarious! I want it to still on!__  
__dares:__  
__sogyo no kotowari: i dare you to sugar rush__  
__Wabisuke and Kazeshini: sing the emo song__  
__Hyorinmaru: throw a pie to Aizen__  
__Senbonzakura: be a gangster and talk to your double__  
__Author: i dare you to swear on Aizen in 1 hrs__  
__Enjoy the torture -kill Aizen-_

Sogyo no Kotowari stopped wailing about the awkward situation and looked up after hearing their dare. "Sugar?" they questioned, then smiled happily. Without warning, they launched themselves onto Ukitake, who collapsed- with a warning. Ukitake panted, then whipped out a box of candy. "Here!" he cried. "Just please get off of me!"

Sogyo no Kotowari promptly jumped off of Ukitake and scrambled toward the candy. Once reaching it, they stuffed handfuls of it into their mouths, plastic and all. Their eyes widened, grins widened, cheeks widened from all the candy…they then turned to Wabisuke, who had sat down and resumed his emo pose. Their grins stretched from ear to ear, and they dashed over to Wabisuke. "Play with us!" they cried, and pounced.

Wabisuke turned, and for once, showed signs of definite terror. He got up with surprising speed and began to hurry away. Sogyo no Kotowari chased after him, holding their arms out in an embrace. Talk about turning the tables- this time, Wabisuke was the one who had to run away.

And talk about unexpected reactions.

"Wabisuke, sing the emo song while you're running, because I can't seem to wake up Kazeshini," I called, shaking the perverted zanpakuto. His eyelids didn't flutter, so I dropped him with a sigh.

"I can't!" he called, his first actual sentence in days. More like an exclamation.

"Try!"

"Damn," he muttered, and ducked so that Sogyo no Kotowari bounded over his head.

-Three minutes later-

Aizen's face was a mess to those who were loyal to him, but a true masterpiece to those who absolutely despised him. His hair was drizzled with blueberry, cherry, and apple filling, looking like a brown canvas on which was painted on by a two-year-old. His face was even worse: crumbs all over, whipped cream making a perfect Mario mustache under his nose. Toshiro smiled at his handiwork while Hyourinmaru simply smirked. They sure had fun throwing pies.

The best part was the fact that Aizen never knew about what was on his head.

"Wassup, homie?" Senbonzakura called out to Byakuya.

Byakuya scoffed and turned away. We all shrugged yet smirked; inside, Byakuya was like _this_?

"And I can't do the last dare because, well, Aizen's pretty much unconscious. The next person only has one dare, and that is was-up-woMAN."

_LOLZ! That was f-in funny! XD Hm... I dare Zangetsu to dress up in one of those frilly, pink dress and make his hair curly and add ribbons to his hair. He can become the "daughter" of Kazeshini and Haineko! :D_

"Oh my," Rangiku remarked with a snicker, back from chasing Haineko. Haineko shot her a glare but didn't say anything.

"He's finished!" piped up Suzumebachi, and we all looked at Zangetsu.

Indeed, his attire was a frilly pink dress, the cloak of his barely peeping out from under it, multi-colored ribbons adorning his now curly hair. As for Ichigo, he was the same, except for the fact that his hair was pretty much impossible to curl. I stared at the grinning Suzumebachi and asked incredulously, "How did you do it so fast?"

"Ninja skills, 'course! Nah, just kidding…I saw this dare when we still had the computer and the room," she confessed. "So, when it came up, I did it as fast as I could."

"But I didn't teleport any items here."

She grinned widely. "I found some in the giant wall space where Senbonzakura hid his masks. Apparently the Arrancars keep a supply closet too!"

"That doesn't explain why they have a frilly dress, a hair curler, and a bunch of ribbons."

"I use the curler," Starrk said, stepping up.

"That's apparent, but oh well. We can wake Kazeshini later to see his 'daughter'. Finally, last person, ultima-owner."

_I dare one you to do the firecracker walk up call on the one who will overreact the most vilently._

I spotted Suzumebachi out of the corner of my eye. She was sneaking up on- who else?- Minazuki. She set down the fire cracker, took out a mini lighter, and lit the wick. 3…2…1…

-This portion is not available-

* * *

*Kosode: the black top

**Shitagi: the white undershirt

So...I'm thinking about compiling the best moments in this story. It's going to be kinda hard, because a lot has happened. I'm going to start with Zangetsu, so if you want your favorite scene with him to be submitted, just tell me in the review!


	25. Revenge and Teleportation

Thanks to these people for reviewing: ultima-owner, yoWHAZZUP, Thunder Claw03, darkmachine, WildTiger777, switmikan74, Serroco, Demon's Wind Melody, Purp1e-Skies74, juan paulo rodriguez, HYOTOBI ADDICT, nemean123, hyourinmaruxtobiume ADDICT

Favorites: nemean123123

I'm in a rush, will add comments later.

* * *

Revenge and Teleportation

"Cheers for more than five months of recording, 148 pages worth of writing, and a simple idea that took us this far," I said, holding up a glass filled with soda.

"Cheers," the rest agreed, and we clinked our glasses and chugged our drinks down. We were at the beach due to the absence of the small house because of the damned teleporter, but we were rather having fun because we were somewhat having a beach party. No, not a perverted/sexy kind, just having fun activities like building sandcastles and eating whatever edibles the teleporter sent, but that didn't exactly happen yet.

"So, has anyone plotted revenge on the teleporter yet?" I asked. "We still haven't gotten rid of the darned machine."

"We all have," Kazeshini grumbled. "Teleport him here and we'll pummel him with shikai and bankai."

I shrugged and clicked the teleportation device. "Fine, but there's an easier way. We could just throw him into the water and that'll be the end of it." The old teleporter appeared, and it yelled in its mechanical voice, "Why the hell did you send me here onto this pretty beach?"

"Can't we just mess him up first?" Tobiume begged on her hands and knees. "It'll be so much fun! It's the perfect beach activity and it's not gory at all!"

"Go 'head, I could care less. But I get dibs on throwing him into the ocean. So please, try not to knock him into the ocean."

"W-wha….OI! You really aren't planning to…" Before the teleporter could finish its sentence, it was blasted by two large fireballs created by Hinamori and Tobiume. Ashisogi Jizo breathed out its deadly poison, and Kurotsuchi encased a large portion with a barrier and set it over the teleporter's head. The teleporter coughed and cried, "Stop rusting my beautiful body! It's not nice, you know!"

"We don't give a damn, you know." Toshiro and Hyourinmaru jumped up into the air, raising their swords high in the air. "Sit upon the frozen heavens!" they cried simultaneously, and the machine _magically _turned into an ice cube. They were about to shatter the ice, but two stoic voices stopped them.

"Scatter." Millions of tiny blades surrounded the block of ice. The teleporter's eyes- also known as the eyes on the screen- widened comically inside the ice as the blades rushed toward it and chipped the ice in record time. After the petals scattered away, the teleporter was trembling violently, but it didn't even have time to do that as Tenken's huge fist blasted him ten meters away. It shook its head to clear its mind, but was stung by Suzumebachi in the eye and forcefully kicked in the head by Soifon.

As it soared back to its original place, Haineko and Rangiku stepped up. They glared at each other, pushing each other to the side, but activated their shikai anyway. "Growl!" they yelled, thrusting their palm forward. The cutting ash created a large tornado, and Haineko and Rangiku swung their hilts. A comical scream emitted from somewhere inside the whirling ash.

"Oi, Shirayuki!" I hissed, pointing at the tornado. "That teleporter was trying to act like Zangetsu! He doesn't like you!"

Sode no Shirayuki smirked. "I don't like him either, so it doesn't really matter. Some no Mai, Tsukishiro!" Rukia followed suit, and a column of ice double the regular size was in the tornado's place. Inside, the teleporter was praying that its passing away would come faster.

"Bloom!"

"Grow!"

"Howl!"

"Crush!"

Ruriiro Kujaku, Hozukimaru, Zabimaru, and Gegetsuburi charged forward along with their masters. Saru and Renji wrapped the whip around the top of the column of ice and easily tore it off. Ruriiro Kujaku, Hozukimaru, and Gegetsuburi attacked the bottom half, chipping the ice off. They scrambled away as Ichigo and Zangetsu jumped up, shouting, "Getsuga Tensho!"

All of the ice finally shattered, and Hanataro and Hisagomaru stumbled clumsily toward the totally messed up bastard. They plunged their sword onto the metal, and it slowly started repairing itself. The gauge on their sword slowly started to fill up with red, and at long last the gauge became full. The teleporter sat up with a groan and started to complain, but was flattened by two large and powerful crimson blasts.

"Bite!" Gonryomaru and Sasakibe cried, charging forward and leaving Hanataro and Hisagomaru to hastily scurry away. "It's about time we had some action! Why are we always ignored when we are just as powerful?" With that, they swung their swords in a descending arc, and purple lightning came from the heavens and struck the teleporter. It let out a strangled shriek, tossing itself around and screaming bloody murder.

"Oh, shut the hell up," Katen Kyokotsu muttered disdainfully, activating her shikai.

Kazeshini smirked. "You read my mind. Reap!" The two deadly scythes appeared in his dark-skinned hands, and he gripped them tightly. He flung one of them, and the chain wrapped around the metal machine, and Hisagi did the same; they went on opposite sides of the teleporter and tugged with all their might. Katen Kyokotsu charged forward, the smaller one dashing forward and delivering a diagonal strike, the taller one nearly severing its 'head'. Kyoraku simply thrust his sword through it and then dragged it left, leaving the teleporter connected by just a sliver of iron.

Sogyo no Kotowari ran forward as any little kids would, holding each other's hands and wielding their small fans. "It's an evil guy!" they chirped, drawing their fans back. "He must be gone!" The fans started spinning like a drill, and they soared over to the appliance and subsequently chopped the sliver, causing it to fall apart into two. Wabisuke and Kira struck one piece per person, and one glare from Minazuki was enough to shut it down.

I rolled my eyes as I tossed the pieces into the ocean. "Serves him right, that damned idiot." Then, floorboards replaced the sand, and the ocean was no longer visible as we appeared in the room for once in a long, long time. "Finally…home. Alright, then, we'll start the dares. The first person has a ton of dares- seventeen to be exact- and that is Little Night-Star Hood."

_haha, i love this story . i have 17dares , pick the best._

_1. I dare tobiume to burn aizen's biography and all of momo's books.(toushirou and rangiku strains momo)_

_2. all the guys and zanpaktous to sing ' nobody'by wonder girls including the costumes.__  
__3. Kazesini and hisagi travel to jupiters moon europha and freeze for 21 days.__  
__4. rukia and sode no shirayuki dress ichigo and zangetsu as a barbie doll._

_5. i hate hitsu so- i dare him to beat rangiku and haineko at a drinking contest (if you lose you have to dance like and idiot with byakuya kuchiki)_

_6. Tenten burn byakuya's house.__  
__7. Tobiume , throw haineko in ice cold water (rangiku join the fun)_

_ 8. Byakuya , sing ' you give me hell' to renji by all american rejects show how much you hate him.__  
__ 9. zabimaru , attack renji with bankai unless he doesn't do the next dare._

_ 10. Renji in one of my stories , if you and ichigo+rukia must find a healer or you have to do the nut craker christmas dance. Wearing a pink shiny, fluffy tutu. (Includes ichigo , no rukia is safe(i like her , hate the two idiots) )__  
__ burn chappy ( i wanna see what happens)__  
__ go to the human world and be chased by CHIZURU!_

_ 13. Momo, sing 'i need you' by LeAnn Rimes to Hisagi with emotions for aizen( toushirou don't kill hisagi)_

_14. Hisagi, run from toushirou cause he's angry._

_15. Yumichika's zanpaktou ( forgot your name) slap yumichika like mad while insulting him.(enjoy)_

_16. Byakuya you and your zanpaktou must steal all of the candy ukitake has and the candy he given to toushirou and feed it to a very hyper yachiru.__  
__17. best one of all- Yamamoto break dance and rap about your life and all the anoyying people to you.(everybody in the gotei 13 *)_

I let out a deep breath. "Geez, that's a lot. I'll choose five…I'll choose the first, fourth, seventh, eleventh, and fifteenth. Alright, Hinamori, do you have the autobiography?"

Hinamori looked rather frightened. "Um…yes…" With that, she took out the book from her sleeve with a shaky hand and handed it to Tobiume. "But I guess it's alright, as Aizen-taicho is no longer with us. He probably wouldn't mind much."

"He better not, that drunk bastard," Tobiume hissed contemptuously, reactivating her shikai. "Don't care if he's still unconscious, he and everything he did must fade out of existence." She tossed the book into the air, and the pages of the book flipped back and forth; the fireball conjured up from the sword flew neatly toward the book and exploded, scorching the paper and making the temperature in the room rise intensely. All that remained of the book were raining ashes. Hinamori sighed sorrowfully and turned away, not daring to look at the aftermath of Tobiume vs. The Book.

Rukia and Sode no Shirayuki dragged Ichigo into the random room, and occasional complaints from Ichigo were heard. Tobiume smirked at the noisy room and got a hold on Haineko's arm, while Rangiku grabbed Haineko's tail. Haineko opened her mouth in a shriek, but Rangiku slapped a hand aggressively over her mouth. Hyourinmaru simply waved a hand, and ice slowly formed to create a large bowl that could easily fit a certain cat zanpakuto. Next, he created a fistful of ice and easily crunched it; water seeped through his hands and managed to fill the whole tub-like container.

One simple shove created a multitude of screams, but those subsided as Haineko's head was dunked into the extra icy water. Her thrashing about splashed her two capturers, making them shiver violently before pushing Haineko harder. After a minute of yelling from the two enjoying it and much more flailing, Tobiume reached out and pulled Haineko's head out of the basin. Her maroon hair clung to the sides of her now purple cheeks, her pink fur was flattened, and water dripped from every portion of her body.

(Yes, perverts, even _there_.)

"BASTARD!" she screamed. "YOU DAMNED BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU, YOU…"

"Bitch?" Tobiume guessed, cupping her ears with her hands. "We guessed, you predictable cat. And you shouldn't be yelling at us. Hyourinmaru was the one who created the water."

"SO WHAT?"

"What's with all the yelling? I was thinking that we had enough yelling over here," Rukia's voice called, and all heads turned. Rukia and Sode no Shirayuki stepped out from the room, dragging a protesting Ichigo. Tobiume and Haineko stopped their argument and looked, only to have their eyes bulge out of their sockets and nearly fall to the floor. Mouths dropped open, and everyone seemed to be frozen in time.

"Rukia, I still don't get why you and your zanpakuto had to add these," Ichigo muttered, looking down at his chest, and the other dozens of eyes followed his gaze. Attached to his chest were two very large…melons…that were comparable to Rangiku's own rack, a loose-fit forest green tank top covering them. On his head was a very messily fixed orange ponytail, a Chappy bunny hair clip connecting it to his head. And the finishing touch: the shortest of shorts, only covered by the long tank top, so it appeared that he wasn't wearing any pants at all.

Rangiku walked forward and stooped down to observe them, her periwinkle eyes wide in interest. "Wow! Even if they're fake they're as sexy as my own, and I have never found anyone like that!"

"Old hag! They're more comparable to mine!" Haineko retorted, crossing her arms angrily and flicking her tail. "As a younger woman, I am the sexiest one!"

"Shut up! Whose melons get stared at by everyone? Mine, not yours! So there!"

"You don't materialize me as often, so it's not fair!"

"I think I prefer the ice-covered Ichigo better," Senbonzakura interrupted, turning his head as to avoid the absolutely awkward sight.

"I'm thinking the same," Ichigo muttered, and dashed into the room. After a few minutes, he came back out, fully clothed in his shinigami garb. He reached up and yanked the still-attached ponytail off his orange hair, biting his lip and squeezing his eyes shut as he did so. The Chappy clip managed to pull off a few tufts, and once Ichigo spotted it, he nearly yelled in dismay. "I'm partially bald now!"

Zangetsu placed himself next to Ichigo and patted his shoulder comfortingly. "It's alright," he reassured. "You're getting old, like me, so it is common when you start losing some of your hair." A comical tear slid down his cheek. "I'm too old now," he cried, wiping his eyes dramatically. "My hair is slowly falling out, too, and my mind is slowly becoming insane! I have been cursed with oldness!"

"You've been insane and cursed ever since I met you," Ichigo hissed in his ear, delivering a solid whack to his zanpakuto's forehead. Zangetsu fell onto the floor with a grunt, and stars spun around his head. Ichigo scoffed at the old man and turned to Rukia. "Now that I've done my dare, you perverted little midget, you have to burn your Chappy. With the permission of no one, I will choose what Chappy you will burn, and that is the giant Chappy doll that Ukitake-taicho gave you."

Ukitake put on a look of surprise. "That Chappy doll? Do you know how much that cost, Kurosaki-san?"

"Don't know, don't care," Ichigo growled. I tossed him the teleportation device, and he caught it with one hand. "Rukia, prepare the matches and your mind for your biggest nightmare."

"My biggest nightmare is if you ever become taller than Komamura-taicho," Rukia protested.

"Whatever." There was the usual flash of light, but no one was expecting the results: the only object that lay on the floor was a tiny Chappy doll that was only recognized as the one Renji had bought for Rukia.

Renji gaped at it. "T-that's my present!"

Ichigo had the same expression as Renji. He scratched his head in bewilderment, and his forehead crinkled in confusion. His amber eyes darted from Chappy, to Rukia, and back to Chappy again. "What…" His gaze then snapped up to the snickering violet-eyed shinigami. "Alright, Rukia, what the hell did you do?"

"Nothing with the teleporter. That's up to Kurotsuchi-taicho. But what I did do was store the Chappy doll into my inner world in case of desperate measures. And look what happened here!"

"How the hell do you do that?"

"Confidential." Rukia held out three matches and held them out in front of Tenken. The giant zanpakuto nodded slightly, kneeled down, and blew out a thin stream of fire. Rukia nodded back in thanks, and tossed the burning matches onto the small doll, and it promptly caught on fire. "Sorry, Renji," Rukia apologized to her still gaping childhood friend, "but I had to do it. I have more Chappy dolls, anyway."

Renji opened his mouth to deliver a very emotional and hurt response, but a resounding SLAP interfered. A large red bruise ran across Yumichika's left cheek, then another on his other cheek as Ruriiro Kujaku slapped him with a feathered arm. "You ugly, atrocious, grotesque, awful, horrendous, ugly, monstrous, disgusting, unlovely, scandalous, ugly, revolting, unpleasant, unsightly, ugly, stupid, nasty, appalling, childish, ugly…"

Etc., etc., etc. It only stopped when Yumichika's face was red from embarrassment and from slaps. Feathers stuck out of his mouth, and he continuously spat them out.

"Yumichika serves as a great dummy," I remarked. "Alright, second person is maxride4life."

_Oh god...i'm laughing so hard I'm crying...that was AWESOME!__  
__ ok ok I'm serious now.__  
__ ok__  
__ Dare: I dare Sode no Shirayuki to choose one person to go into the empty room with for 10 minutes...__  
__ truth: Senbonzakura...why the HELL do you have so many masks?__  
__ Request: a singing competition...the winner gets a key to the cake vault..._

Sode no Shirayuki immediately snatched Zangetsu and disappeared with him.

I shrugged. "So, Senbonzakura…why do you have all the masks? And how the hell did you hide them in Las Noches?"

"Why, they're useful for hiding identities, defending, attacking, and all the awkward situations…"

"That wasn't something we needed to know."

"It would be something you would think of, correct?"

"True. Alright, so a singing competition…I'm not going to choose the songs, as there are many I don't know. I guess the winner is the one with the most seductive voice. I'll hold one for females and another for males. Zanpakuto Idol is starting now! But no one will see it." I laughed a bit. "So, you can vote one girl, and one boy, although I'm assuming that the boys will choose the girls and the girls will choose the boys. Unless the voter is gay or lesbian. Anyhoosles…the third person is monkeywinz."

_Haha, great chapter (as always)! Now then..._

_Dare: (to any Shinigami with their Zanpaktou if author chooses) Pick to stay in either a room with Aizen and his army; Zaraki ready to kill someone (you maybe), Mayuri with his experiments (for you), or Orihime with about 1,000 new recipes for you to try, of course (YOU HAVE TO EAT THEM ALL). Also, the room will be locked and you cannot get out until the end of the chapter. (So evil~)_

_Truth: (to all) Who do you think is the most retarded out of everyone there?__  
__ Bye for now and please update soon ^^_

My eyebrows raised at the first dare. "Alright…who should I send to whom…okay, who wants to send who?"

Almost every hand pointed to Mayuri and Ashisogi Jizo. Mayuri growled, his yellow teeth bared, and hissed, "Why so, simpletons? Is it because I am too smart for you?"

No response, but all were thinking the same. _Just 'cause._

"I'll take them!" Orihime chirped, and she and the Shun Shun Rikka pushed Mayuri and Ashisogi Jizo into the empty room."You could do experiments on my food to make it tastier!" With the slam of the door, they were gone.

I locked the door and turned around. "So…who's the most retarded zanpakuto?"

Hozukimaru smirked. "There's a reason as to why we sent Ashisogi Jizo into the room."

"That's harsh for a 'baby'."

"It's true, though."

"Then who's the most retarded Shinigami or human?"

"If it were a human, then it'd be my dad," Ichigo muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"But, you know," Zangetsu said slowly, "I think Orihime went into the room for a reason."

"Ouch. Didn't know you guys were so rude."

"Everyone is a tad bit rude, right?"

"Guess so. Going on to the fourth person…it's the same as Little Night-Star Hood, but the penname changed…it's Little riding hood."

_Okay , my dares were in the next chapter review but put this together. Truth questions?__  
__ 1. Hisagi do you like momo?__  
__ 2. Renji , back in the academy who was more aggressive? momo or kira?__  
__ 3. byakuya , do you like yourichi?_

_(this is a request)* my friend rinka tokmiya hates toushirou more than me so send him to rinka's dad's office to but destroyed by her bazuka. ( her dad is in the army)._

_4. toushirou , do you hate renji,kira and hisagi alot?__  
__ 5. rukia , do you think uryuu has more style than ichigo?_

"Here goes." Hisagi took in a deep breath. "I do as a friend, because if I truly loved her, Hitsugaya-taicho would obliterate me."

Hinamori smiled. "Thank you, Hisagi-san."

"Renji, you?"

"That's rather easy. You know how you can't judge a book by its cover? It's that way with Hinamori-kun…if we insulted Aizen-taicho…oh boy, that was an extra decade of pain…"

"Was it?" Hinamori asked absentmindedly. "Did I really do that?"

I'm seeing some similarities to Unohana…

"Why should I like Yoruichi?" Byakuya calmly asked. "She was such a pest, always annoying me and getting into my business."

"Don't insult Yoruichi-sama!" Soifon snapped.

Now I'm seeing similarities to Hinamori.

"Abarai, Kira, and Hisagi are just imbeciles who drink too often," Toshiro stated. "I dislike them, but I don't hate them."

"Thank you, Hitsugaya-taicho!" Kira exclaimed, bowing to him. "Now I'm doubting if I want to send you someplace to be shot by a…whatchamacallit."

"Bazooka," I corrected.

"…Bazka. Yeah, I'm starting to have doubts."

"I only hate you when all three of you are fully drunk and start making out with each other."

"My doubts of sending him are gone," Renji muttered, and he pretended to send him away by swinging his arms toward the white-haired captain, his palms facing him. Then, just like that, Toshiro Hitsugaya disappeared into who-knows-where. We all stared at Renji's hands, and he stared at them as well. "Whoa. What the hell just happened?"

"You teleported Toshiro Hitsugaya to a place that might not be the one in the dare," I informed him. "Try teleporting something here."

"Alright…er…CAKE!" He swung his arms again, and a chocolate cake appeared right in front of him. He picked it up cautiously and took a large bite. After chewing once or twice, he shoved the rest in his mouth. "This is great!" he mumbled through the cake. "It's real, too!"

My mouth dropped open an inch. "Alright…um…Tobiume, summon something. Say something random if you wish, just pretend you can summon."

Tobiume looked at me curiously, but picked up one of her bells and shook them. "Bibbidi bobbidi boo!" She flung it a distance, and there appeared a bikini, out of everything else. Red tinted her cheeks, and she murmured, "Oh, no, no, no!" She yanked the bell to her right, and it disappeared.

"I see," I muttered. "Due to the exposure of the teleporter, we can all teleport items or send things away. NO TRYING IT," I warned the grinning zanpakuto and shinigami. "We might all teleport each other to hell or something by accident. Anyway, last truth…Rukia, who has more style?"

"Ichigo, of course! He's not four-eyed!"

"…Great. Last person, Yuki Shihoin."

_OMG! I love it! I just read the whole thing from beginning to the most current chapter and I cannot tell you how many times I have broken into fits of laughter..._

_Anyway, for my first dare, I dare Wabisuke, Tobiume, and Kazeshini to sing and dance to Catharsis of Eternity form Rock Musical BLEACH. If you don't know what I'm talking about, look it up on youtube.__  
__I want Haineko to slap Kazeshini for being a perv...__  
__ Zangetsu and Sode no Shiraiyuki have to make out__  
__ as do Hyorinmaru and Tobiume, and Wabisuke and Kazeshini.__  
__ and, Omaeda and Gegetsubri have to have an eating contest, eating Orihime's food...__  
__ Thats all for now! PEACE!_

"Bleach has a musical?" Tobiume wondered. "A show like ours? Really?"

"Guess so. Are you going to sing or not?"

"Um…we'll pass."

SLAP.

Kazeshini served as a nice dummy, too.

Right after, Hyourinmaru and Tobiume made out, and who-knows-what-happened in the random room with Sode no Shirayuki and Zangetsu. Wabisuke eyed the red-cheeked Kazeshini warily. "Again?" he muttered, partially to himself.

"Oh, shut up," Kazeshini muttered back, and literally leaped onto the emo zanpakuto and forced his mouth open. From my angle…you don't wanna know.

And right then, Omaeda and Gegetsuburi fainted from the deadly food.

Goodness, they wanted to get the day over quickly.

* * *

Vote for the best zanpakuto voice!


	26. Experiments

Thanks to these people for reviewing: ultima-owner, Serroco, IdentifiedLuna1998, yoWHAZZUP, Yuki Shihoin, notsomeoneyouknow, Purp1e-Skies74, nemean123123

* * *

Experiments

"Where the hell is Hitsugaya?" That was the question that was on our minds as we stood in Rinka Tokmiya's empty and scattered office. Well, we weren't really standing in her office—or who knows what would happen to us—but just a life-sized image of it, and a materialized one, too. We dug through books, looked under the desk, even lifted stacks of paperwork to make sure that the white-haired child captain wasn't wedged in there. Kazeshini resorted to his perverted ideas, which included looking under everyone's garments, earning him a rightful box in the ears by Haineko.

Blissful, no?

Hyourinmaru pressed his fingers to his temples and closed his eyes in concentration. We waited anxiously as he murmured a few words, then looked back up. "Well…since we're still in Soul Society…we've been oblivious to the whopping amounts of reiatsu he's been releasing. He's very frantic right now, but I don't quite understand why. I understand that he has probably been shot by the…gun…and is still alive, but what else would make him so frantic.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Renji smile guiltily. Yes, he was the one who teleported Hitsugaya into the office—or other dimension. I fully turned toward Renji, scowling at his sheepish face, and ordered, "Since you were the one who teleported Hitsugaya into his personal hell, you will be the one who teleports him back with your newfound powers." Yep, newfound powers due to the exposure of the evil and screwed-up teleporter. Although the one bastard of a machine may have sent it to us as a curse, every other person saw it as a gift. I pointed toward the door. "We'll teleport him onto the hill. Out, everyone, out!"

So, we stumbled out the door and crowded into the steep hill, Komamura having to restrain Gegetsuburi to prevent him from rolling down the hill. Renji stepped forward nervously, inhaled sharply, and thrust his palms out. "Teleport!" he yelled, and there was a bright flash of light. Then, in the circle we had created, was a small, white, short—rabbit.

"Is this a joke?" Tobiume snapped at the Sixth Division lieutenant.

"No, I'm pretty sure it's not. Here, I'll prove it to you…teleport Toshiro Hitsugaya!" he yelled, and…oh my goddamned goodness!...nothing happened.

We all blinked at the snowy rabbit, who gazed at us with…teal eyes? Was Renji serious? Then, the rabbit opened its mouth and spoke in a stern yet unmistakable voice, "Renji's serious, alright. This is Toshiro Hitsugaya speaking, not a traitor Chappy bunny. Tenth Division Captain, childhood friend of Momo Hinamori. Will that make you believe me?"

More blinks. Mouths opened, not to speak in shock, but to create raucous laughter. The whole hill shook with laughter, causing Komamura to jerk back the about-to-fall Gegetsuburi. Byakuya only smiled a little—as expected. Senbonzakura's mask hid his expression, but his whole body was trembling and he was clutching his sides. Tenken's stream of fire sizzled the soft fur of Hitsugaya's bunny form, and he leaped back with a shocked yelp. Ashisogi Jizo merely shrugged, and Minazuki shifted slightly from mysterious foot to mysterious foot. But other than that, everyone on the hill was enjoying the talking rabbit, who raised a foot in protest and yelled, "It's not funny! The girls forced this medicine-like drink down my throat and I turned into a rabbit!"

"Even though the little captain is in the body of rabbit, he still has his icy reiatsu…interesting," Kurotsuchi murmured, tapping his long fingernails against each other and grinning a yellow-toothed grin. "So, little captain, may I do an experiment on you? All I have to do is to dissect you to see what you digested…"

"NO WAY IN HELL!"

Kurotsuchi sighed disdainfully. "Fine. Maybe later. But I promise you, I will figure out what you ate."

"…Let's just start with the dares," I suggested. "But first, the results of the contest for the zanpakuto with the best voice. The zanpakutos who got voted are: Kazeshini, Haineko, Hyourinmaru, and Tobiume. The winner got two votes, while the rest of them got one. The winner is…" Drum roll please! I opened a little envelope and announced, "The winner is Kazeshini!"

…

"Is that right?" Kazeshini asked in disbelief.

"I have the same question as he does," Haineko added, shooting a glare at the dark-skinned demon.

"Yeah, it's right. But, Kazeshini, I'm not guaranteeing you a lifetime relationship with Haineko's sexy self." As Kazeshini's ears drooped like a dog's, I recalled the first dares for today. "Alright, the first person is…" No drum rolls, please! "…Switmikan74."

_Diz story is getting more and more funny! And if u don't mind, i'll hav question to ask!__  
__ 1. hyourinmaru! Are u disappointed dat tobiume is flat?__  
__ 2. haineko! If ur da proclaimed sexy zanpakuto, ar u proud dat ur master is sexy also?__  
__ 3. saru! Do you like senbonzakura and vice versa? Just curious!_

"That's just rude!" Tobiume exclaimed furiously, while Hinamori blushed and turned away, although trying to suppress a giggle.

"I'm not disappointed at all," Hyourinmaru told the kimono-garbed girl, "because I'm not as perverted as some other zanpakutos." He shot a quick glance at Kazeshini, who was all depressed because he couldn't get Haineko's large melons. He then took Tobiume by the shoulders and told her, "It would be nice if you didn't argue with Haineko all the time, though. Other than that, you are still beautiful."

Hitsugaya's whiskers twitched as he managed to smirk. I had to admit that it looked strange—I mean, have any of you seen a rabbit make facial expressions? "You better thank me for not being so perverted, Hyourinmaru," he told the ice dragon. "If I were, you would have never accepted Tobiume in the first place."

"Hey! Don't make me burn your fur off, you little midget of a rabbit!" Tobiume yelled, waving her zanpakuto in his face, the tip merely centimeters in front of his rather calm eyes.

"Midget?" Hitsugaya echoed, veins pulsing all over his forehead. "I'm no midget! I just haven't gotten my growth spurt yet! I obviously can't get a growth spurt in this body, too!"

Ichigo raised his eyebrows at that comment.

"Why should I be proud that my master is a slut?" Haineko demanded, sitting down and hugging her breasts. "Sure, I'm proud of _my_ melons and my ultimate sexiness, but hers? No way! She is not sexy and never will be! She…"

Rangiku yanked hard on her zanpakuto's tail, leading her to screech like a howler monkey, and swung her around like a lasso. "You little bitch!" Rangiku hollered, her eyebrows knitted together in rage, and her arm swung faster and faster until she looked like she was holding a pink fan. Fur floated to the grass, resembling many pink scratches on the lush green ground. Rangiku finally let go, making Haineko sail straight through the wall, creating a Haineko-shaped hole in the wood. Then, a resounding crash…Rangiku poked her head inside the hole and stuck her tongue out at Haineko's furry bottom.

"You could've just teleported her somewhere else," I said, scratching my head with a sheepish smirk.

"That's not as fun as torture…" She then considered a moment, jutting her lower lip out and gazing at the perfect sky. "Hmm…that's actually a really good idea!"

"H-hey…Rangiku, you know that I was kidding, right…?"

"Well, I'm not," she replied, grinning, and thrust her hands out. "Teleport Haineko!"

The room illuminated for a moment, then dimmed again as the teleportation was complete. Rangiku looked through the hole and indeed, her zanpakuto wasn't there. She smiled to herself and said, "At least the little bastard won't insult me again."

"Maybe not. Hey, Saru! Do you like Senbonzakura?" I called out to the monkey, who was busy chatting with Hebi a few meters away.

"If she did, does that mean I would like Kuchiki-taicho?" Renji asked fearfully. "That's just disgusting!"

"I don't, Renji, so save your breath!" Saru yelled back.

"It's the same vice versa!" Senbonzakura called.

"Okay. Let's go back inside. Anyways, the second person is Rinka Tokmiya herself."

_haha , i luv this story . PLEASE DO LITTLE RIDING HOOD'S DARE . i read through it its hilarious. btw just one dare._

_1. i dare hisagi to go and tell chizuru about soul scociety and make her chase rangiku down. PS- you cannot erase her memory and if she doesn't belive you , just keep trying till you do :D or else you have to tell ryo or michiro. :)_

I nodded toward the Ninth Division lieutenant. "You summon her, Hisagi, so she can believe immediately."

"But who is Chizuru? A lesbian of some sort?" he asked, looking somewhat horrified.

"Nice guess. You got it right. Anyways, Rangiku, you better be running as soon as the redhead lays eyes on you." It was more like Haineko's unintended revenge for Rangiku sending her to some dimension. Maybe a ninja dimension, perhaps? Or Pokémon? Or the fourth dimension? Who knows, it was still Haineko's accidental revenge in whatever way you look at it. Hisagi clapped his hands once, albeit reluctantly, and the optimistic maroon-haired teenager appeared out of nowhere.

Chizuru Honsho blinked behind her triangular red-rimmed glasses. "Who are you people?" she asked. "And…HOLY CRAP!...who is this beautiful person with the melons larger than Hime's?" She was obviously referring to Rangiku, who did as she was told and started running for her life down the almost vertical slope. Chizuru swept a glance at the other females and remarked, "All of you are so flat-chested! Why is that pretty strawberry-blonde woman the only one with huge breasts?" With that, she sped down the hill and chased Rangiku, leaving all the shinigami and zanpakuto females with their cheeks tinted red.

Chizuru, I must tell you two things:

One: no matter how many times people say it, crap is not holy.

Two: if Haineko saw you, she would tell you that her master is a slut. She might even add a comment that you are a slut too.

"Third person is blackteaplease."

_*fingers crossed that this review will work*_

_loved the chapter :) im sorry i dont get to review much but fanfiction some times doesnt let me review :S__  
__ okay dares - ichigo must sit all the zanpakutos down and give them the birds and the bees talk_

_- hollow ichigo and zangetsu to challenge kenpachi to a fight_

_truths for all zanpakutos- whats does everyone like to do in their spare time?_

_- what are your masters deepest secrets?_

"Oh come on!" Suzumebachi complained. "We probably all know the birds and the bees."

…

"I'm pretty sure Minazuki doesn't," Gegetsuburi commented.

I'm pretty sure that Gegetsuburi knew that if anyone insulted Minazuki, even vaguely, it was death on a platter. Go on, Gegetsuburi. We won't miss your large ass.

And so, as Minazuki advanced toward Gegetsuburi, he ran out the door at about snail speed. Due to his lack of common sense, he tripped with a yelp on the slippery grass, and promptly started rolling down the hill. Minazuki stopped as he? she? it? reached the doorway, then shuffled back to stand beside its master. Hichigo and Zangetsu disappeared to battle Kenpachi then, and who knows what will happen to them in the next thirty seconds.

"Let me guess the first truth," I interrupted the zanpakutos, who were about to reply. "You guys simply make out with whoever you like, right? Or you just think about someone you can never get, or any perverted stuff possible. Even though it sounds rather stereotyped, it seems like it is the truth, right?" After there was no response, I snorted and said, "I'll take that as a yes. We've already done the second truth, so we'll go on. The fourth person is ultima-owner."

_Haineko: extreme sky diving without a parachute landing in the center of the camp._

_Sode no Shirayuki: save Haineko just before she hit the ground by freezing her with Some no Mai, Tsukishiro._

_Senbonzakura, Sode no Shirayuki, and Hyourinmaru: make a giant ice stataue of Byakuya_

_Anyone: hang Aizen by his toes aboove the mouth of a volcano that could erupt at any moment, well his drunk_

"About time that Haineko comes back," I muttered, snapping my fingers thrice. And there was Haineko, sopping wet and grass and leaves clinging to her skin like burrs. She gasped , spitting out greenish water, and exclaimed, "You will not believe what happened to me! I somehow managed to land in this world of ninjas because of my slutty master!"*

…

Rangiku jumped into the air and hid behind a triangular rooftop, panting hard. "Good grief, she's persistent," she muttered to herself, eyeing the lesbian as she sped past her hiding place. Sighing in relief, she shunpoed away toward the steep hill in the distance. As she neared the base of the hill, she heard the words "Because of my slutty master!"

Her ears twitched a moment, and she wasn't sure that she heard correctly. But, she went with her instincts, and that caused her to go into a fit of rage. She ran on air—much easier than running up the slope—and barged through the door and swept her bewildered zanpakuto off her feet. She then dragged her bisexual partner out of the door and tossed her down the slope, ignoring the screams of terror.

…

I gazed at Rangiku and smirked slightly. "So did you know the dare?" I asked, scratching my head for the second time that day. She was either psychic, angry, both, or a slut. Great. Psychic slut skills to the rescue.

She looked at me with her natural innocent expression stuck onto her face. "What was the dare?"

"Never mind. Sode no Shirayuki, go save Haineko's ass."

"Rodger." She strode toward the door and peeked down the hill, where she spotted a tumbling screechy pink cat. Sighing, she called out, "Dance!" The white ribbon extended from the hilt, and the blade turned snow white. She swung the sword toward Haineko and yelled, "Some no Mai, Tsukishiro!" With that, the column of ice engulfed Haineko, and that was the end of it. Haineko needed to find another revenge for _that _dare.

Sode no Shirayuki then created another column of ice in the room, and Senbonzakura started chipping at it with his little petal blades while Hyourinmaru and Sode no Shirayuki slashed at it with their swords. After many ice shavings and many painstaking moments of putting on the details, they were finished with a larger-than-life sculpture of Byakuya. Senbonzakura turned to his master, obviously proud of his work, but Byakuya simply nodded and remarked, "Very nice."

All three zanpakuto's heads drooped in disappointment.

I snapped three times again and summoned Aizen, who was…what the hell?...still drunk? Scowling at the bastard, I grabbed some rope from Suzumebachi and wound it tightly around his smelly feet, wrinkling my nose at the scent. I then wrapped the other end of the rope around a pole, and sent him away toward any random volcano that wasn't dead yet.

"Alright, now that's done, the last person is IdentifiedLuna1998."

_Zangetsu: i dare you to admin you're an old man and don't be mad_

_Wabizuke: dress as ichigo from tokyo mew mew ( why? because ichigo from tokyo mew mew wear pink)__  
__Kazesini: i want you to jump of a cliff__  
__ Hichigo: since you're here i dare you to dye your hair pink with blue highlights__  
__ Gegetsuburi: go diet__  
__ the author: swear on Aizen badly__  
__ Everyone: try to snatch Senbonzakura's mask and Byakuya's kenseikan__  
__ Enjoy the torture bitches_

Zangetsu and Hichigo then appeared in the room, breathing heavily from their match with Kenpachi. Surprisingly, they were unhurt… "We ran away," Zangetsu admitted. "As soon as that guy had his crazy grin on his face. And fine, I'll admit I'm an old man as long as you give me some water to drink."

"Ditto," Hichigo echoed, only to have Suzumebachi dump a casket full of water onto his head. He furiously whipped out a hand toward the little fairy zanpakuto, but she was too speedy for him; the little yellow glow darted toward the supply room and fetched a very revealing pink outfit—as if Wabisuke's weren't revealing enough. She fitted it onto him with her surprising strength and not-so-surprising speed, and then rushed away to sit on a ceiling beam as to avoid the snappy Wabisuke and Hichigo.

Kazeshini marched out the door and jumped out the door just to be with his frozen lover.

Suzumebachi sighed and flew off the beam, fetching a can of hair dye, and started dying Hichigo's white hair with a bright pink.

The fifth and sixth dares are impossible as of the moment.

And lastly, Senbonzakura and Byakuya, who was holding his giant ice sculpture, dashed out the door to join Kazeshini and Haineko because a rowdy mob of people were currently chasing the two of them. Byakuya had to hold the sculpture horizontally in order to get it through the door.

Seems like he cares about the sculpture, no?

* * *

*Based on a plot point in Serroco's story, Shroud Unveiled. The plot point was where Haineko, out of boredom, goes through a Senkaimon and lands into the Naruto universe. In this, it's because Rangiku was angry enough to warp her to that dimension. Go check the story out! (You can thank me later, Serroco. xD)


End file.
